


Things Get Better

by feminabeata



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, M/M, Slight Angst?, age gap, still fluffy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-11 16:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 113,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feminabeata/pseuds/feminabeata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woohyun has a lot of questions, and Sunggyu has all of the answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things Might Get a Bit Harder

**Author's Note:**

> fanart by augyust.tumblr.com (http://augyust.tumblr.com/post/99558708761/augyust-1000x1166-so-this-happened-because)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I began writing this before "Suitors"...
> 
> ...I get distracted very easily.

"So you're just going to throw me out?"

Woohyun was sitting at a table across from a middle-aged man, arms crossed over his chest. He knew that this day would come, so it didn't take him entirely by surprise. But that still didn't mean he wanted this to happen. This place, as much as he hated and despised it at times, it was his home.

"Woohyunnie," Woohyun cringed at the middle-aged man's use of the nickname. He was a little used to it. Then man did call him that since he was five, but he was 20 now. He was a man. He'd outgrown the nickname like he did with this place. "Don't say that. You know that I always saw you as my son," the older man continued. Funny, because Woohyun never saw him as anything more than shelter and warm food. At times, maybe like the weird uncle who forces you to play checkers for some 'quality bonding' and who you constantly swear you can't be related to. But never a father. "I'm trying to set you up the best that I can. My sister owns this apartment in Seoul and is willing to rent it out to you for cheap. She also pulled some strings to get you a job."

Woohyun rolled his eyes. "At a convenience store."

"It's a foot in the door. Go to Seoul and find what you really want to do. Go and discover yourself," Woohyun scoffed at his comment. Discover himself? What was he, a motivational speaker? "If things don't work out, you can always come back here and help out," the man suggested.

"No," Woohyun quickly answered. The man frowned for a second, but it morphed back into his usual small smile. But it still made Woohyun feel guilty. Even though he didn't see the man as a father, he was still grateful for everything the man did for him. And Woohyun knew that he didn't make it easy for the other to do so either. "I'm sure that this would be fine," he spoke with a strained voice.

"I know that you're nervous," the man said. "But I'm sure you'll do fine."

Fine? Woohyun was moving from a dead-end place to a dead-end job, in a place that was filled with opportunities, but only if you knew the right people. And Woohyun knew nobody outside of this building. _Fine, my ass._

But later that week, Woohyun found himself with all of his worldly possessions packed up into one modest duffle bag. After he hugged the man who raised him goodbye, and a few kids that he lived with as well, Woohyun turned away from the orphanage and made his way down the path to the bus-stop. And while he waited at the bus-stop, he felt something that he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt hope. Maybe this will be the turning point in his life that he'd been waiting for.

* * *

However turning points don't happen when you live in a cramped studio apartment without a private bathroom or kitchen and when you work at a place where people grudgingly interact with you. Despite (what he thought was) his charming smile, he was normally greeted with frowns and avoidant gazes. People just wanted to buy their things and leave and didn't want to talk to the cashier about how his day was. His day sucked, if you wanted to know. It always did.

And then it got worse. "That'll be 10,000 won. Oh M-myungsoo, is that you?" Woohyun asked blinking in disbelief. The boy in front of him was from the same orphanage as him, but unlike Woohyun, he was adopted pretty quickly after entering the facility and by a wealthy family too. _That damn handsome face of his_.

Myungsoo stared at the cashier curiously. "I'm sorry. How do I know you?" the tone of his voice was cool and slick. He had changed from the shy, stuttering boy Woohyun had once known. And judging from the black credit card he had handed to Woohyun to purchase his paltry items, his fortune had changed as well. _Lucky bastard_ , Woohyun thought as he ran the card through the machine.

"Nam Woohyun. We met at Jungyeop's place," Woohyun answered vaguely and in a hushed voice.

Myungsoo frowned in thought and cocked his head. He blinked a few times at the other. "Jungyeop?" he repeated, his voice suddenly sounding higher and unsure. Then recognition flashed across his face, his jaw dropped, and his eyes sparkled with curiosity. In that look, Woohyun caught a glimpse of the boy he once was. "Ah! Ahjussi! Woohyun-hyung, I remember you now! Did you ever..."

"No," Woohyun cut him off. "In fact, I just left there last week." He put the items into the bag.

"Oh," Myungsoo looked at a loss as to what to say. "I'm sorry."

"Not all of us are so lucky," Woohyun mumbled as he handed the black card back to Myungsoo, who accepted it with a guilt-ridden face. Woohyun tried to wash away that frown with one of his smiles. "Have a nice day, Myungsoo," his voice chipper and bright.

Myungsoo looked even more confused with the changing mood. While taking his bag, he replied, "Yea, you too." And he walked out of the store.

After seeing the door swing shut, Woohyun slumped over the counter listlessly. He didn't mean to be rude, but jealousy had seeped in under his skin and controlled his actions and curt words. When he was younger, Woohyun had tried so hard to get adopted. At first he tried to be sweet and cute, the prospective parents had liked him then, but things always held them back. "Well, Woohyun-goon is nice, but we'd prefer to have a daughter." "He's a little too old. We wanted a baby." "Is he always that energetic?" Then after seeing Myungsoo getting quickly adopted (and he was just coloring by himself in the corner of the room), Woohyun had tried to act like a recluse too. "What's wrong with that child? Is he always that moody? Does he have a social phobia?" After being a hermit had failed, he tried being a rebellious kid, hoping that someone would come in and believe that they could 'save' him. But that was perhaps his worst idea. "That child is out of control!" When he became 12, he stopped even showing himself whenever the prospective parents showed up, and Jungyeop, who had seen Woohyun through all of his phases, had taken him in as his own foster child. Only to be tossed to the curb the minute he turned 20, or at least that's what it felt like to Woohyun.

He felt like he had never been wanted, never been needed, never been loved. And now living in a studio apartment, working a graveyard shift alone at a forgotten convenience store, he's never felt more alone. He'd give anything now to be back with those kids at the orphanage, back to Jungyeop-ahjussi and his boring stories.

But after a week, Woohyun fell into a routine of sleeping most of the day, and working most of the night. And during the few waking hours before his shift, he would go to an internet cafe and search for jobs. Jobs that he was either unqualified for or didn't want or was actually worse than his current job. "There's nothing. There's absolutely nothing!" he lamented, pulling his hair at the roots. He had been searching for an hour, and the best job he had seen was janitorial work, once again at night. Frustrated, he was frustrated and felt like banging his head on the desk over and over and over again, until maybe he lost enough brain cells and actually liked his job. But right as he was about to smack his forehead against the hard plywood desk, something caught his eye, a bright pink flyer that read: "Want free advice? Go to the Answer King." A web address was written below. Woohyun looked at it curiously, blinking in thought. Then he tore it down and put it in his pocket. He had nothing to lose but time anyway.

**nwh91: Do things get better? Because I'm starting to think they don't.**

Woohyun entered the chatroom and asked the question.

 **answerking12: They do**.

"What is he, a clairvoyant?" Woohyun scoffed at the answer. It was so short and curt. Even the Answer King wasn't giving him the time of day. So he did what he did best, he challenged him.

**nwh91: How do you know?**

_Take that Answer King. Now you have to admit that you're full of crap_. Woohyun smirked, smiling at the computer screen. It had been a minute or two, and the Answer King still hadn't replied. Woohyun was about to declare a victory, pack up, and leave for his shift. But then the computer dinged, heralding a message.

**answerking12: Because they have to.**

Woohyun stared at the computer screen with a blank expression, and a foreign feeling was creeping into his chest, making the hairs on his arms and neck stand up. He rubbed his arms to eradicate the goosebumps as he reached over to exit out of the chatroom. That answer, it didn't warrant this eerie feeling. But it's been so long since Woohyun had ever believed in something so blindly. He had learned to be skeptical of everything, because nothing in life was ever free or came easy (or came to him at all). He was jaded.

_But maybe just for now, it wouldn't be so bad to hope._

* * *

The hope helped. Viewing the job as temporary instead of the end of the road, actually made Woohyun better at his job. He actually tried because after all he needed good references to move on to a better job. His smile was now genuine instead of forced. And now that he was more attentive to the customers, he began to quickly recognize the regulars. What they looked like, what their names were, even what they got.

"Oh, you're changing milk flavors, Jimin-ah? Why?" Woohyun asked the bobbed high school girl in front of him as he rang up her items.

Jimin frowned. "You're out of the one I usually get," she answered, handing bills over to him

Woohyun chuckled. "I'm not surprised, You practically drank them all. If you don't slow down, you'll get a calcium deposit right here," he teased poking his finger at her forehead. She blushed and smoothed her ruffled bangs. "But we'll be getting a shipment tomorrow. But this time slow down on the milk, okay?" Jimin slowly nodded as she took the milk, poked a straw through it, and began sucking on it. "Why do you drink so much anyway? Do you want to be taller?" he asked handing back her change. He noticed how she flinched a little when his fingers skimmed her palm.

"It's because I want to see you, oppa," she hurriedly confessed and scurried out the door with her short hair just barely hiding her red face.

Woohyun smiled. Maybe this wasn't a bad job after all. He was already becoming the handsome cashier oppa. Jimin was just one of the girls that came in to gawk at him. It did wonders for his self-esteem. And he milked it just a little, winking at the girls, telling them to "have a pleasant evening" and that they can't go to any other store or else he'd be really sad. Slowly, more people started rolling into his store during the twilight hours. And slowly, he was starting to feel less lonely.

In addition to the girls, there were also some regular male customers as well. Sungjong, Jungyeop's nephew and the son of his landlord, would often come in for a late night, study snack. They didn't talk much. In fact, he didn't think Sungjong liked him that much because the boy often caught Woohyun providing special 'service' for the high school girls, and Sungjong would roll his eyes so hard that Woohyun swore that they were going to roll right out of his skull one day. Then there was a strange man who never spoke to him, only nodded. And he would buy the same thing almost everyday: one beer with a cup of ramyun. He always provided exact change, and sometimes left without ever making eye contact with Woohyun. It didn't mean the man never looked at his face, just never his eyes. He creeped Woohyun out.

But then the inevitable happened, Myungsoo came back into his store. And all of those positive thoughts Woohyun had stored for the past few weeks threatened to flitter away again, giving way to jealousy. Was it possible that he looked even more handsome today? Was that eye-liner on his eyes? And his hair...Woohyun realized he was staring when Myungsoo coughed, calling his attention. "Hyung?" he greeted like a question, probably afraid to provoke the other again.

Woohyun forced a smile on his face. "Oh, Myungsoo-ah! Good to see you again. Is this all?" he asked ringing up a boxed lunch and a vitamin drink for the other.

Myungsoo's face warmed up. "Eung," he answered with a smile. He handed a card over to Woohyun. It wasn't black.

"So what's up with the," Woohyun gestured around his own eyes. "Is that in fashion here?"

Myungsoo thought for a few seconds before realizing what Woohyun had meant. "Oh the make-up?" he asked pointing to his face. Woohyun nodded. And up close, he noticed the smokey eye shadow as well. "I...I just came back from a photo-shoot."

A look of pure shock overtook Woohyun's face. He knew the other was attractive, but imagining that shy boy who preferred crayons over humans now performing in front of a large crowd of people, being forced to mingle for business. "Y-you're a model?" Woohyun stuttered. "How come we never heard about it?"

"It's because I don't go by my birth name," Myungsoo admitted with an embarrassed chuckled.

"Then what do they call you?"

"L," he replied, voice strained. He looked down as he took his card back from the cashier. "I know it's stupid."

Woohyun smiled. "No, no it's not. It's cool. Like a code-name. Well, L-ssi, have a nice day," he bid him farewell. And this time, Myungsoo left the store more slowly and happier. But Woohyun on the other hand, was falling into another bout with the green-eyed monster. Myungsoo, no L, was a model, which Woohyun had thought about trying because it didn't require a college education, but he was too short. But L wasn't that tall either; his face, however, probably made up for where he was lacking. And L appeared on t.v. shows, MC-ed a couple of award shows, and was even rumored to be dating Woohyun's favorite female idol, a sensational solo singer (Woohyun had searched on the internet him later). It was the life he had often dreamed about when he was younger, when he still allowed for himself to dream wildly for things like that. And Myungsoo, a boy from the same place as himself, was living it.

* * *

**nwh91: Why don't I ever get what I want?**

Woohyun was back at the internet cafe and back in the chatroom that he visited a couple days ago. The hope thing had worked out for the most part. Maybe this advice would be just as useful.

**answerking12: Probably because you don't try.**

Woohyun was wrong. This advice sucked. How was he supposed to try when he was never given the chance, and judging by the I.D., it was the same butthead from the other day. Weren't advice help-lines supposed to be uplifting? Or at least not so blunt and judging. Woohyun was about to exit out of the chatroom with an angry click of the mouse, but he heard that ominous ding again.

**answerking12: Be grateful for what you have.**

Woohyun clicked out of the chatroom after reading the message. He literally had nothing outside of his small duffle bag, a small fridge, and the hot plate he bought to make food in his own room (and thereby shunning the ever crowded shared kitchen). What could he be grateful for when he had so little?

* * *

Early the next morning, Woohyun was dragging his feet across the hall leading up to his apartment. He was completely drained from his night shift. More high school girls than ever had infiltrated the store, and they left a few broken bottles in their wake (Woohyun wagered it was part of their grand scheme to admire his rear end as he mopped up the mess). His shoes were probably scuffing the floor, but he didn't care. No one else was up at this hour except for the old residents, and their were losing their hearing.

"Woohyun-ah!" someone gently called out behind him. Woohyun turned around and saw the landlady approaching him with a soft step.

"Oh, ahjumma? Sorry if I woke you up. I'll try to be quiet from now on," Woohyun apologized with a few bows. As he was about to turn around, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He faced the woman apprehensively. He had heard from the whispers of the other residents that she could be quite shrewd, especially when it came it rent. Did he forget to pay this month? No, he remembered slipping the money under the door before heading off to work.

"No you didn't wake me. In fact, I was looking for you," she replied with a smile across her pale face. She handed the bag that she was holding to Woohyun. And when he took it, his knees slightly buckled under the surprising weight. "Oppa told me to look after you, and I haven't been doing such a good job. Your cheeks have sunken in," she sadly spoke, holding Woohyun's cheeks in her hands. They began to burn at the sudden skinship.

"Ahjussi did?" Woohyun asked, his eyes darting all over her face.

She nodded. "Yes, now I packed enough food in there for some meals, but I insist that you start eating dinner with us, okay? You don't have to work then, right?" Woohyun shook his head, which was a bit awkward because her hands were still on his cheeks. "Good, so you'll eat with us?" Woohyun nodded. She gave his cheeks a few pats before letting him go. "Now go sleep. You look like you're about to fall over."

"Yea, ahjumma," Woohyun responded obediently and shuffled off into his room after giving her a shallow bow. Closing the door to his apartment, he slumped down the wall with the heavy bag in his lap. There was hardly enough room in his minuscule fridge to store all of this, even if he packed it in; he would have to store some of it in the large communal fridge in the kitchen. Woohyun winced at the thought of running into the other residents in there, not in the mood for small talk. Be grateful for what you have, a foreign voice chimed in his head. Without knowing it, Woohyun had attributed a voice to his new online adviser. The voice was deep and echoed like an omnipresent divinity in movies. It was powerful and haunting.

As he was putting the food away, Woohyun began to realize how much there actually was. How much extra effort his landlady must have gone through to make him this food in addition to the food that she made for her own family. These weren't leftovers. They were fresh; Woohyun could tell when he tasted a dish or two (and they were delicious as well). I _guess I'm grateful for this. Even though I didn't ask for it...but I guess that I should feel more grateful because of that. Damn Woohyun, you're such a jerk. You didn't even say thank you._ And after the space in his own fridge was quickly filled and he moved to the communal one, he ran into a boy who looked around his own age and looked just as exhausted as himself (which wasn't surprising at this early hour). He just nodded towards Woohyun rather sleepily as he poured himself some coffee and then walked out of the room with his mug full. _I'm grateful that kid didn't start talking to me. Not in the mood._ Then as he collapsed onto his futon on the floor after putting the food away, Woohyun's mind was still operating on the task. _I'm grateful that I have curtains so the damn sun won't keep me up, that the weather is nice today, although I won't be awake to enjoy it, but it won't make me sweaty or cold. I'm grateful for this bed. Yes, especially this bed. Nice soft. His eyes started to flutter close. I'm grateful for Jungyeop-ahjussi for still looking out for me._

That night, Woohyun had the best sleep that he had since he moved out, and maybe for a while before then too.

* * *

**nwh91: What's the purpose of living?**

The next day, Woohyun found himself typing this question after entering the chatroom. He was in a weird mood that had started as soon as he woke-up. His head was clearer, and it felt as if a weight that he didn't know he had was lifted from him. And a few moments later, his landlady was at his door and dragging him to their early family dinner. She was taking her brother's words to heart, which was especially evident as she started piling up pieces of fish onto his rice bowl (which looked like twice the serving of her husband and her two sons). The dinner was awkward and silent. The only thing that could be heard was the movement of spoons and chopsticks, and the younger son's chewing. The son Woohyun was familiar with, Sungjong, was staring at him with his analytical eyes like he would when he saw Woohyun at the store. It was as if Woohyun was an alien suddenly appearing at the dinner table. Woohyun avoided his gaze and focused on the food. Sungjong later excused himself under the pretense of homework. But Woohyun couldn't help but to think that it was his obtrusive presence.

This time when he left, he thanked the landlady for the meal. And she responded with a threat that he better show up the next day or else she would toss him out. That led to an uneasy smile on Woohyun's face. He felt welcomed there but also unwelcomed at the same time.

Then, he continued his regular schedule and went to the internet cafe. He found no new job postings. So there he was, with hours to waste. But he had no idea how to fill in the empty space of time, and with the internet at his fingertips, he could do anything. Well, not anything, anything that was decent to look at in public. He rested his chin on the desk. He could do anything, yet he was restricted at the same time. That could summarize his whole life now. And he had no idea what he was allowed/qualified to do or what he wasn't. He was in a swirling state of aporia, and he just needed some direction.

Which led him to enter the question (albeit perhaps not the most well-worded) in the chatroom. And he waited patiently for the answer, any answer. Just for a little light to show him the way.

Woohyun was surprised to receive the longest message he had from the other, who apparently had abandoned his usual economical answers.

**answerking12: Everyone lives for different reasons: wealth, fame, music, art, love, friends, for someone else, etc. Whatever your reason, living is worth it. It always is. Because no matter how low you might feel right now, you will feel twice as high later on. Things taste sweeter after eating only bitter things. Things get better.**

Woohyun hadn't even finished reading the message (wondering if this was the same person) when another rolled in onto the screen.

**answerking12: Please don't do anything rash. You'd be my third this year.**

Woohyun scrunched his face in confusion and quickly typed back.

**nwh91: Third what?**

**answerking12: To attempt suicide.**

Woohyun broke into a low bout of laughter. That thought had never crossed his mind. He was just feeling strangely philosophical when he wrote the question. Then he immediately frowned.  _Is..is this how he sees me? Am...am I depressed?_   Woohyun tried to physically shake those thoughts out of his head as soon as they appeared. Dwelling on such dark thoughts was not good for him. Not good at all.

His fingers returned to the keyboard.

**nwh91: I wasn't going to. I was just asking.**

The other almost immediately responded back. Woohyun could read the relief in his words.

**answerking12: Ask less scary questions.**

**answerking12: Gave me a heart attack.**

Woohyun laughed at that, imagining the deep, echo-y voice in his head saying those words. He had also suspected that this person may have been a robot with automated responses to certain questions because of the void of personality and emotion in his words. It was amazing yet sad at the same time that technology had reached that point. Nothing could replace human interaction fully, but technology was trying.  _But robots don't have a hear_ t, that thought brought comfort to Woohyun, knowing full well now that he was talking to someone real, someone he could touch...if they ever met. He smiled as he typed out his response.

**nwh91: Then how is this for a less scary question:**

**nwh91: How are you?**

Woohyun nervously tapped on the desk as he waited for the answer. Were these kinds of questions okay? It was taking the other longer to respond than the ones he had asked earlier. Had he crossed a line? But then three dings rang through his ears to chase away those fears. He was beginning to like that sound.

**answerking12: I'm fine. A little tired.**

**answerking12: Thank you for asking.**

**answerking12: People never ask.**

A small smile spread across his face. Thank you, it was a phrase that he heard several times a night, but none sounded (or read) as satisfying this one did, mostly because the person on the other side of this screen didn't have to say it out of social protocol. He/she/it genuinely meant it. But Woohyun smiled for another reason as well. "People never ask," he muttered as he typed in his response.

**nwh91: They never ask me either.**

Sympathy, a shared feeling between two beings, and for Woohyun, it was hard to come by. People were empathetic. They could imagine how he felt. But could some truly and accurately imagine what it's like to grow up without a family, knowing that potential parents bypass you for a better model of a child. All of Woohyun's friends had families, and even the children at the orphanage didn't remain there for long. They couldn't understand. This person probably didn't fully understand those feelings either, but he/she/it did know what it was like to be taken for granted. To interact with a sea of people, yet none ever ask how you were.

_It must be even worse for them because they are asked every other question in the world except this one._

But then the Answer King had a question for him. 

**answerking12: How are you?**

Woohyun's smile grew wider. Sure, he prompted the other to ask him that, but it still felt nice.

**nwh91: Better now.**

**answerking12: Because of me, right?**

Woohyun snorted. This person had a large ego, large enough to call oneself a king. Woohyun became even more certain that this person wasn't a machine. Even if the program was encoded with snarkiness, this comment was too much. But the king had a point.

 **nwh91: Eung. This is the most I talked to someone all day**.

 **answerking12: You** _ **have**_ **to have more people to talk to than just me**.

Woohyun gnawed on his lower lip as he nervously looked about himself, at the gamers playing Starcraft and the girls reading celebrity gossip and web comics. All of them were separated by such a thin plastic wall,  but it was enough to create a barrier, defining a boundary and shutting everyone into their own little world. There was no one to talk to here. 

Back at his apartment, Woohyun supposed that he could talk to his landlady and maybe her family, but he didn't feel like he could  _talk_  to them, unload his worries and innermost feelings. And he definitely couldn't do that to the people that he met at work. But who could he talk to?  _Jungyeop-ahjussi?_  Woohyun's throat tightened. It had been too long since the last time he called that old man, and he felt the need to make something of himself first before calling Jungyeop. Or he'd at least call when there was good news to share. But good news never came.

No, no one to talk to, except for the anonymous king hiding in front of a computer screen.

**nwh91: Not really.**

Woohyun typed out his confession, and he almost immediately regretted sending the message. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned back in his chair.  _First he thought that I was suicidal, and now I'm a loner?_   Woohyun chuckled sadly to himself. He  _did_  have friends back home, but most of them went to college; the remaining few stayed to work trade jobs in his hometown, friends that he had left to pursue a life in the big city. But all of that didn't change the facts. Regardless of how popular he was back home, he was friendless here, a loner.

The ding heralding a new message pulled him out of his reverie.

**answerking12: Tomorrow make a new friend.**

_He makes it sound so easy_ ,  Woohyun thought while scoffing. He stuck his tongue in his cheek. Most people that he ran into daily were either high-school students or reclusive night owls just there to grab what they needed and go. It wasn't like school where you could bond over similar interests and experiences, the relationship being fostered because you see each other everyday for weeks on end. It was hard to make friends as you grew older.

**nwh91: How do I do that?**

Now Woohyun felt incredibly naive asking that, but he didn't have an answer himself. Luckily, someone else did.

**answerking12: Talk. Be nice. Be yourself.**

**answerking12: You seem like a good kid. So it shouldn't be a problem.**

Woohyun smiled again, and his heart felt as if tension had been relieved from its strings. Someone had confidence in him, albeit groundless, but all the same. If someone who hardly knew Woohyun could believe in him, why couldn't Woohyun believe in himself? After all, Woohyun knew that he was pretty awesome.

**nwh91: Thanks.**

**answerking12: Now go to bed. It's late.**

A chuckle erupted.  For Woohyun, his day had just started, the night was still young. And apparently this person saw Woohyun as being young as well.  "Yes, mom," hespoke but typed out something different.

**nwh91: You too then. Good night.**

**answerking12: Night.**

After reading that message, Woohyun got up from his seat and prepared to leave. And although they didn't say it in word, he was pretty sure that he'd already made one friend that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm breaking this up into smaller chapters in hopes of finishing it more quickly, but we'll see. Thank you so much for your patience. I hope that you enjoy it!


	2. Thoughts that change just after a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess what guys…things get better in this chapter!!  
> (I'm sorry for saying that)

Making friends, it’s something infinitely easier said than done, especially when you’re only awake during hours that ghosts haunt. Woohyun surveyed the store in front of him, completely empty with only the products to keep him company. His eyes flittered over towards the clock. He had only just started his shift, but after the conversation that he just had with his new friend, loneliness set in his heart earlier than usual. And he was actually looking forward to the creepy ahjussi who only bought ramyun and a beer every night without a word.

“He’s late,” Woohyun mumbled as he rapped his fingers against the check-out counter. Maybe every night was going to turn into, every other night, and then seldomly, then never. “I’m going to miss creepy ahjussi.” He never thought he would say those words, but they had slipped out regardless.

Woohyun sighed and adjusted the mask on his face as he coughed. His odd hours and cold apartment (Woohyun had barely turned on the heat to save money) finally took a toll on his body. His immune system was weak, and now he caught a cold. The mask was only adding to the overall stuffiness that he felt. So with the loneliness and the cold, this shift seemed like it would be a long one.

Then the bell rang throughout the store, ushering in a customer. Woohyun automatically stood up straight and then bow stiffly. "Welcome," he called out in a cheerful voice. He pulled himself up straight and saw who it was. "Oh! Ahjussi it's you! I was starting to think that you wouldn't come in tonight!"

The older man just looked at Woohyun, slightly bewildered and bowed back. A small but bright smile formed on the old man's face, making him appear younger and warmer. Even the clothes that he was wearing made him seemed more approachable, a golden hoodie which was a stark contrast from his dark uniform of black or grey sweaters with jeans. _Maybe, just maybe creepy ahjussi is just a shy ahjussi_ , Woohyun thought as he watched the man shuffle to the back of the shop were the beers were. Shyness would surely account for the lack of eye contact and words shared. Woohyun nodded to himself. There would be perks to becoming friends with someone like the old man. Woohyun saw him everyday anyway, and it looked like the man had money. _Maybe he could buy me things_. Woohyun chuckled to himself, imagining Woohyun coercing the man with cunning and aegyo to buy him food, clothes, toys…then the chuckle turned into a raspy cough. He closed his eyes tightly as the cough racked through his body. He braced his hand on the counter as he wheezed. _Maybe the first thing I should have him buy me is cold medicine_.

In the midst of his fit, he felt something brush against his hand on the counter. The ahjussi had pushed his ramyun against Woohyun's hand to get his attention. Woohyun opened his eyes and looked at the man across from him. "Sorry," he apologized. "I caught a cold." Woohyun then began to ring up the items as the ahjussi dug through his pockets for the appropriate change. "Wah! Ramyun and beer again?" Woohyun teased the other. "Don't you ever think about getting something else? Oh! I guess you changed your outfit. I like the hoodie. It looks good on you. You look younger," Woohyun attempted to make idle conversation with the other, but as he looked up at the other, he saw the ahjussi with his eyes glued on the mask. The old man was growing visibly flustered as spots of red covered his cheeks.

Then the man just gathered his items and walked out of the store after shortly bowing goodbye to Woohyun. Never saying a single word in response. When he was out of sight, Woohyun slackened and frowned underneath the mask.He had just scared off the creepy ahjussi with his forwardness. But apparently the ahjussi wanted to maintain their strictly professional and wordless relationship. Woohyun was rejected.

He shook his head. He was trying to make friends in the wrong place, he supposed. No one would want to be friends with their cashier. Maybe to them he was nothing more than just a machine (and fantasy to those high school girls that still plague his shop). To them he wasn't a real person.

* * *

**nwh91: Why do people ignore me?**

**answerking12: I don't.**

* * *

In fact, there were several people who didn't ignore Woohyun, once he stepped outside the shop. His landlady still insisted that she should eat dinner with her and and her family. 

The meals with her family were starting to become less and less awkward. The landlady and her husband had developed a rapport with Woohyun. First always asking how his shift went, secondly his health, and thirdly he’d talk with the husband about soccer. The younger brother would regularly chime into the conversation. There was an admiring twinkle in his eye as he talked with Woohyun. He’d always ask what it was like to live alone, to not have to go to school anymore. It had been years since someone younger than him would look at him like that. In his final years at the orphanage, he became more and more detached from the children there, opting to spend more time with his friends than them. And now looking at Sungmin, Woohyun was beginning to regret not doing so. He had forgotten how good it felt to be looked up to. And as the dinner progressed, Woohyun found himself wondering if this was what it felt like to be a part of a family.

Perhaps not, because not everyone at the table was so welcoming. The icy glare from Sungjong hadn’t thawed yet. If it was possible, as Woohyun became closer with his parents, Sungjong’s gaze grew even more chilling. This evening, Sungjong excused himself earlier than usual, leaving behind a half-eaten bowl of rice. His mother sighed as she gathered up the dishes.

“I don’t know what has gotten into him lately,” she admitted. “It’s not because of you, Woohyun-goon. I think there’s something going on at school. Can you talk to him? He might tell you because you just went through it all. Please?”

Woohyun nervously glanced down the hallway where Sungjong had just left. “I don’t think so,” he responded. “I don’t think he even likes me.”

“Don’t be silly! He’s always liked you!” the landlady fought back. She then put up a finger, begging, “Just this once, please? For me?”

Woohyun groaned. This ahjumma really did know how to pull at his heartstrings. And the look on her face reminded him so much of Jungyeop at that moment. _I at least owe them this_. “Okay,” he yielded and got up from the table. “I’ll try.”

“Thank you! Oh and bring him this,” she thrust a vitamin packet into his hand. “He’s really not eating much lately. I’m worried. Make sure he eats this too.”

Woohyun nodded, staring at the packet in his hand. The task now seemed insurmountable. He doubted that he’d get Sungjong to open up the door for him, and now he had to force feed the teenager bitter vitamins. Woohyun groaned again when he reached the door. He could at least slip the packet underneath the door. He knelt down, about to do so, but then the door swung wide open causing Woohyun to fall down onto his behind.

“What are you doing here?” Sungjong asked, glaring down at him. “Move. I need to use the bathroom.”

The teenager tried to brush past Woohyun, but before he was out of reach, Woohyun managed to grab one of Sungjong’s ankles, causing him to topple onto the floor next to him. Sungjong looked back at the other, mouth open and ready to deliver a barrage of slurs, but Woohyun beat him to it. “Is this how you treat your elders? Tsk tsk,” Woohyun chided in mocking tone. “I’m your hyung! I deserve a bit more respect.”

“You’re not my hyung. You already gave up that right,” Sungjong spoke to the other informally to prove his point. He wrested his foot from Woohyun’s tight grip and got up.

“What? When?” Woohyun argued, also standing up.

Sungjong scoffed. “You really don’t remember me?” he asked. “Hul!” he exclaimed at Woohyun’s confused expression. “And to think that my parents almost adopted you.” Sungjong then left Woohyun alone in the hallway as he escaped into the bathroom.

“W-what?” Woohyun mumbled under his breath. “What adoption?”  Woohyun stood there racking through his brain. _He’s always liked you! …You don’t remember me?_ Woohyun lifted his gaze up from the floor, and he gasped. He had never been in this part of the house. How could’ve he seen it before? But right in front of him was a picture of himself, little 8 year-old Woohyun with his arms around a brightly smiling boy, who looked awfully a lot like…”Sungjong?” Woohyun walked up closer to get a better look at the photograph. He touched the glass as he inspected it. In the background, Jungyeop was standing, looking fondly at the two boys with his sister standing right next to him.

“It’s not going to well, is it?” the sudden voice, no matter how calm it was, made Woohyun jump out of his skin. He placed his hand over his heart as his landlady approached. She sighed and joined Woohyun. “You two used to be so close. We used to come up every summer to visit, and you two used to play together from sun-up to sun-down. And when we were considering having a second child, I don’t know if you remember this, but we had considered adopting you.” Woohyun whipped his head around to look at her, dumbfounded. She smiled and parted the long hair from his eyes. “I know it sounds silly. Normally you’d adopt a younger sibling for your child instead of an older, but you two used to be inseparable. But…”

“Then I became a jerk,” Woohyun winced, remembering his rebellious years. He had terrorized the place, stealing and breaking toys, hurting the other children, becoming a loner. Sungjong, he probably was one of his many victims. And Woohyun had pushed him away…he had pushed his potential family away.

“Oppa thought it would be better for you to stay there with him,” the woman said with a resigned voice. “He was the only one that you would listen to. He really cares for you, you know.” Woohyun nodded. He was becoming increasingly aware of the old man’s affection. “And we still do too. I would like you to think of us as some sort of extended family.”

“Family?” Woohyun perked up his head.

The landlady took Woohyun’s shock to be hesitation. “You don’t have to,” she insisted, waving her hands. “I was just offering…” she mumbled.

“No, I want to,” Woohyun responded with a wide smile. “I’d really like that.” Then he heard the toilet flush from within the bathroom. He frantically waved to the lady to leave. He was filled with a new resolve to break Sungjong down. “He’s going to come out. Go. Go! I think I can get him to talk to me.”

The woman, his aunt now he guessed, gave Woohyun a thumbs up before departing down the hallway. “Good luck!” she whispered as she scurried away.

Right as his mother was out of sight, Sungjong swung the bathroom door opened and grimaced at the sight of Woohyun waiting for him. “You haven’t left yet?” he said as he walked past the elder, heading for his bedroom.

“No, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” Woohyun teased. Sungjong groaned in response and tried to shut the door on the other, but somehow Woohyun had managed to squeeze into the bedroom. “Wah!” he exclaimed as he looked around. “You’re really neat.” The room looked more like an adult’s room than a teenager’s. There were no posters in sight and save for a small ratty teddy bear on his bed, there were no toys either. Only books and movies could be seen. “Ah! You like horror movies?” Woohyun asked as he went through the other’s shelves. “I can’t watch them. Too scary.”

“Don’t touch my stuff,” Sungjong reprimanded, taking a movie back from Woohyun’s grasp and placing it back on his shelf. “What makes you think you can act so familiar with me?”

"Your mother just welcomed me into the family,” Woohyun remarked with a smile. “So I guess, that makes us brothers. Now come on. Call me hyung.”

Sungjong shoot a inquisitive glare at the other. “No offense. But I don’t see you as a hyung, _hyung_ ,” he spoke the last word with contempt.

Woohyun didn’t notice or care. He just flopped onto the other’s bed. “You called me hyung!” he teased. And Sungjong rolled his eyes. But before the younger could reprimand him for messing up the bed, Woohyun sat up. “I know in the past that I wasn’t nice to you.”

“You see Paddington?” Sungjong asked, nodding towards the bear at the head of his bed. “He’s missing an ear because you bit it off.”

“Did I?” Woohyun asked with an embarrassed chuckle, patting the bear’s head, which Sungjong immediately took from the other. His eyes were wide with fearing, wondering what the other would do to it now. Woohyun chuckle stopped in his throat. He must have left a bad impression on the other. He chewed on his lower lip before speaking. “I know….I was a jerk,” he confessed while rubbing the back of his neck. “And I wasn’t a good hyung to you back then, but how about I start being a good hyung to you now.”

“Now?” Sungjong repeated, patting the top of his bear’s head and then tucking it under his chin. All of the sudden, Sungjong looked younger than his years. He was still very much a child. But then a sly crooked smile appeared on his face. “Well, you couldn’t be any worse.”

Woohyun chuckled as the other sat down next to him. “Right!” he agreed, ruffling the younger’s hair, which lead to a couple of slaps and shoves from Sungjong.

But the wide smile on Woohyun’s face remained. He still hadn’t made any friends, but that day, he gained a family.

* * *

Work that night was much noisier than usual. First of all, Sungjong walked with him to the store to pick-up a study snack. Then he made Woohyun pay for it since he was now his “hyung.” And even though Woohyun felt slightly played by the younger, he could see Sungjong slowly warming up to him again. So it was a small price to pay in the long run.

Then it was flooded by several other students also getting late night snacks. Exams were coming up, and they were stressing out and needed a break. Which was good for business and good for Woohyun too. The loneliness in his heart was fading away with each face that came through the door…one in particular.

It wasn’t a kind face, necessarily. His thick eyebrows furrowed as he squinted, examining the shop. His teeth gritted in a grimace. “Aish! I need to wear my glasses,” he swore to himself. “I’m getting old.” And if Woohyun had to guess, the man was getting old. The squinting deepened the crows feet around his eyes and the lines on his forehead, aging him even more. It wasn’t a young, fresh face. It looked like a face that would snap at you if you did something wrong, but…it was a face that made another’s change.

“Hyung,” the man called out gesturing oddly behind him. “Where is the beer?”

Woohyun couldn’t see who the man had been calling because he had been busy sweeping around the entrance, but all of the sudden he saw shoes next to his broom, he looked up to see legs, a torso, and then a smiling face, looking as young as ever. “Creepy ahjussi has friends?” Woohyun immediately covered his mouth, not meaning to say those words out loud. But the ‘creepy’ ahjussi didn’t seem to notice. He kept smiling at his friend and pointed to the back of the store.

“Oh in the back?” his friend asked. Woohyun watched the two disappear behind the shelves. He was curious. He had the old man pegged as a loner, an incredibly shy and socially awkward man who had nothing better to do than the buy ramyun and beer every night, like it was the only time that he ever crawled out of his hovel (Woohyun had a vivid imagination, and often created backstories for his regulars). But it seemed like quite the opposite. The creepy ahjussi was busy chatting with his friend. Or Woohyun supposed so. He could only really hear his friend’s booming voice.

“What kind of beer? …Ah no, not that one. That makes me sick. Remember, hyung? …Yes, that was the night with Sujeongie…No, I’m pretty sure that they’re still together…Bwahaha! I know, right? I would have never guessed in a million years…No, but he does look about a million years old. I wonder what she sees in that guy…I know she likes doenjang, but I don’t think she is one…What? A dog?...Oh, I didn’t see that correctly…I know. I know. I need my glasses. I’m an old man. I better get a walker too while I’m at it.”

Woohyun’s eyes were fixed on the corner of the two were the two men were standing. He had supposed that his creepy ahjussi just had a small voice, which fell in line with the shy image that Woohyun had built up for him. But as the pair turned around, Woohyun’s jaw fell and it all became more clear. Ahjussi is…

“Yah! You’re older than me, hyung. Soon I’ll be pushing you around in a wheelchair,” the friend signed to the other as he spoke. “You already lost your hearing. Your legs will give out next.”

Well, the next sign that the creepy ahjussi gave to his friend, Woohyun was familiar with. But he was still in shock when the duo reached the check-out counter. _Creepy ahjussi is…deaf? So the whole time…No wonder why he doesn’t talk. He can’t! And all those times when he couldn’t look me in the eye…he was reading my lips._ Woohyun’s fingers pressed against his lips. He winced. The ahjussi wasn’t creepy; he was disabled. And Woohyun had been too caught up in his own problems to notice the problems of others. _I guess he’s just ahjussi now._

“Um,” the ahjussi’s friend cleared his throat. “I’m buying because this dummy forgot his wallet, intentionally I’m sure.” The ahjussi hit the other in the shoulder and moved his hands quickly in the air. The other looked away after awhile and nodded reluctantly. “Yes, I know. You bought me all of those things, but that’s what you get for being older.”

“I’ve never seen ahjussi so excited before,” Woohyun blurted out as he rang up and bagged the items. The ahjussi stared at him curiously, but the friend chuckled.

“Really? Hyung, did you miss me?” the man joked turning towards his friend. “I know America is far away, but you could have called me whenever.” The ahjussi signed something in response, and judging by the look on his friend’s face, it wasn’t anything pleasant. Then man put his hand to his chest. “Hyung!” he lamented. He then turned towards Woohyun. “You know sign language?”

“No sir,” Woohyun responded sadly.

“Good, so hyung’s not corrupting the minds of the youth. Ow!” the man yelped. The ahjussi hit him again. The ahjussi then turned towards Woohyun and began waving his hands in the air, his eyes wide in panic. He began wagging a finger at his friend. “Fine, I was just messing with you” his friend admitted. “I know that you didn’t say anything bad.” He then gathered up the bags filled with snacks and beer. “Well, we better be going. Thank you.”

“Thank you for visiting. Have a nice evening,” Woohyun said mechanically, still in a daze. He wasn’t used to seeing the ahjussi smile so much, joke around, or even friendly waving him goodbye like he is now.

 _I guess...people aren’t always what they seem_. Some deserve a second look.

* * *

After such an exciting and busy shift, Woohyun came home from work, raiding the communal fridge for the meals that his new aunt had made for him. He was still in his uniform, and couldn’t care less. All he wanted to do was fill his stomach before passing out onto his futon. He pulled out one of the tupperwares and saw that someone had eaten out of it. Woohyun wrinkled his nose as he peeled the lid off. Someone had eaten a lot of it.

“Ah, that was good. You should definitely try some of that.” Woohyun turned towards the source of the sound and saw the young, lanky coffee drinker, the only other person usually up as early as this. Woohyun and him became like two ships passing in the night (or scarily early in the morning in this case). Occasionally they would grunt out greetings to each other, but nothing more.

“You’ve been eating my food?” Woohyun asked, squaring up to the other.

“Ah,” the coffee drinker fumbled with his mug (thankfully empty). “You mean it’s not for everyone?” he asked, wide-eyed, more awake than Woohyun had ever seen him. Woohyun shook his head. “But I saw the landlady put it in there! I thought she made it for all of us!” he defended himself, and a bit too loudly for so early in the morning.

“No, it’s for me. She’s…she’s my aunt,” he called her that for the first time aloud. It felt strange on his tongue, but he also felt like he could get used to it.

“Oh! So that’s why you always go to her place at night! I was starting to think that you two were having an affair,” the man admitted while shaking his head.

“An affair? What? No!” Woohyun denied. “Is that really what you thought? Is that really what people think?”

The coffee drinker shrugged as he fiddled with the coffee machine. “Probably not. They probably didn’t even notice, but I have a sharp eye,” he said as he narrowed his eyes on Woohyun to emphasize his point. Then he turned his attention back towards his coffee. “I want to be a detective, but I’m stuck being a rookie cop, dealing with drunkards and hooligan teens. But it must be the same for you, working the graveyard shift at a convenience store.” He nodded towards Woohyun’s vest and nametag.

“Pretty much,” Woohyun agreed. “Although the teenage girls I can deal with. They call me the Flowerboy of the convenience store.”

“Ah!” the other lamented leaning against the counter with a full mug of coffee in his hands. “I’m jealous. All I get to see is teens fighting and harassing people for cigarettes.”

“Not all of us can have a job as glorious as mine,” Woohyun joked.

“Ain’t that the truth,” Woohyun couldn’t tell if the other was joking or being serious. “Well, Nam Woohyun,” he said, reading off the name tag. “I’m Lee Sungyeol. It’s nice to finally talk to you…actually it’s just nice to talk to anyone this early in the morning.”

“Yea, it really is,” Woohyun admitted. Because even though he was tired and exhausted and Sungyeol had eaten a good portion of his food (accidentally), there was nothing like the promise of a new friendship to end (or start) your day.

* * *

 Woohyun woke up the next evening to soft pattering against his window. He got up from his futon and pulled back his curtains. It was raining. Woohyun rested his chin against the windowsill and sighed. The gloom from outside was overwhelming, leaving Woohyun with an ominous feeling. A feeling that only grew more dark and dreary when he was at the dinner table. There was an empty chair.

"Sungjong said that he was studying tonight with some friends," his uncle explained after Woohyun asked about the other's whereabouts. "I didn't think he'd be out this late though."

"He'll be back soon," his aunt chimed in. "Watch, he'll be back before the end of dinner."

But he didn't. The chair remained empty, and there was a premonition creeping from the bottom of Woohyun's stomach. Something wasn't right. Maybe he was already missing his dongsaeng's presence, or he felt responsible for Sungjong skipping dinner because he acted too friendly the previous day. Either way, Woohyun didn't like it, and he couldn't shake it off. It was just growing stronger like the pounding rain outside.

* * *

**nwh91: Why do I get sad when it rains?**

Woohyun typed in the chatroom window. He hoped that his 'friend' was still there, even though he didn't go to the internet cafe the day before. He really didn't need his mood to worsen.

**answerking12: Because you're a dramatic teenage girl.**

Well, his 'friend' was there, but Woohyun's mood didn't get any better.

**nwh91: I'm not a girl! I'm a 20 year-old man.**

Woohyun typed angrily in response with a frown etched on his face. He crossed his arms over his chest after he sent the message.

**answerking12: Being 20 doesn't make you a man.**

His 'friend' was mocking him now, or at least it felt that way. "Exactly how old are you?" he asked under his breath. He quickly adapted the image of his 'friend' to a elderly sage man, behind the computer with a beard so long that it hit the floor. Woohyun chuckled to himself and shook his head. No, he wouldn't call his friend particularly wise, just no-nonsense. The image then morphed to a slightly overweight fifty year-old man, who laughed heartily at his own jokes: a stereotypical dad. Yes, that seemed more correct.

But instead of asking about the other's age to see if his guess was correct, Woohyun had another question for him:

**nwh91: What does?**

**answerking12: Hardship.**

The answer came a little too quickly for Woohyun's liking, as if he had anticipated it. Woohyun scrunched his nose as he wrote a reply.

**nwh91: I've had plenty of those.**

In his mind, no one had suffered hardships as consistently as he did. Somedays he felt as if the world kept pushing him down, down with his cheek pressing into the earth, unable to stand back up no matter how hard he tried. The gravity, the burden was too heavy for him. In his mind, there was never a hand offering him help at those times.

**answerking12: How you deal with hardship. Don't complain. Accept it. Overcome it.**

Yep, his 'friend' was a dad. 100%.

* * *

Woohyun didn't finish his shift that evening. He had all intention of doing so, but almost an hour into his shift, the store's phone rang. "You want to be my hyung? Fine," Sungjong's voice crackled on the other end. "You can start right now." And Woohyun snapped right into action, calling for an emergency replacement to cover his shift. And within a half an hour, he was sitting in the police station right next to Sungjong, beaten and battered and not meeting Woohyun's eyes. Two other boys, clutching their ribs were sitting closer to the police officer who was shuffling through the paperwork bitterly, Lee Sungyeol.

"Assault with a weapon," Sungyeol clicked his tongue. He was about to write something down on the paper, but he lifted his gaze and looked at Sungjong. "An unconventional one. I have to give you credit for that. This is the first time I've booked someone for assault with an umbrella." He then shifted his eyes over to Woohyun, whose throat suddenly felt dry. He wagered that the other's opinion of him was quickly falling. "Cousin, right? You said that the landlady was your aunt."

"Yes, officer," Woohyun replied, wiping his sweaty palms against his knees. His eyes glanced quickly over at Sungjong, seeing the bruises deepening in color, his eyes swollen from the blows…or tears. "But there has to be something more to it. Sungjongie would never…"

"But he did," Sungyeol curtly cut him off. "I've got two kids with bruised ribs and an eye-witness that says your little cousin hit them." He never lifted his eyes from the paperwork.

Woohyun sighed and dared to look at Sungjong for longer. And that's when he noticed it. Sungjong shifting awkwardly in his seat, favoring one side of his body, the sharp inhale. Woohyun quickly reached over and lifted up the younger's shirt. And disregarding Sungjong's protests, Woohyun pointed to the purple blotches decorating Sungjong's sides. "And do you suppose that he did this to himself, officer?" Woohyun asked defiantly to Sungyeol.

Sungyeol lifted his head slowly and finally put down his pen. "Yah," he began. "Anyone can see that these two clearly started the fight," he remarked pointing to the boys beside him. "And that your cousin got the worst of it. I also bet that those two are faking their injuries." He craned his neck, now facing the two boys whose expressions now were painted with guilt. "Yah! Lift up your shirts!" The two boys glanced at each other before slowly lifting up their shirts to reveal their sides, which looked unharmed. Sungyeol clicked his tongue again. "Just like I thought. I should really charge you two for false testimony." Then the officer looked back at Sungjong. "And you still did hit them with an umbrella, but because I am a generous soul," he spoke, putting a hand over his chest. "I'm letting you all go. I don't have time to deal with this shit. Don't let me catch you here again, okay? I won't be so lenient next time." Sungyeol warned, narrowing his eyes on all parties.

"Yes, officer!" the two boys said in unison and scurried out of the station.

"Thank you, Officer Lee, for your kindness," Woohyun said as he got up and helped Sungjong from his seat.

"Eh, you can just call me Sungyeol. We're friends, right?" Sungyeol said with a smile. But then he glared at Sungjong. "But you can't." He then turned his attention back to Woohyun. "What did I tell you? Nothing but drunks and hooligans," he lamented as he gathered his papers. Curious, Woohyun looked down at the report that Sungyeol had been writing earlier. He chuckled. It wasn't a police report at all, just a drawing of large dinosaur biting the heads off of two students. "Yah, let's change jobs just for one night. I'd much rather be worshipped by teenage girls than this crap."

Woohyun laughed. "Not a chance," he retorted. "But after your shift ends, let's eat together."

"The landlady's food?" Woohyun nodded. "Call," Sungyeol agreed excitedly. But then there was a call coming in from his walkie talkie. "Damn it," he cursed. "Not another one. I got to go, but I'll see you later, Woohyun. And you," he fixed his eyes on Sungyeol, but his glare softened and he ruffled the teenager's hair. "Next time, try something heavier than an umbrella. Maybe a bat." 

As Sungjong and Woohyun left the station, Sungjong spoke to Woohyun, "You won't tell Mom about this, will you?"

"I won't, but it'll be hard to hide these," Woohyun retorted, brushing his knuckle against the bruised cheek. Sungjong inhaled sharply in pain. Woohyun then carefully placed an arm around Sungjong's shoulders. "Come on, let's get you fixed up."

And that's how they ended up back at the convenience store. Woohyun was inside, buying medicine and snacks to lift up Sungjong's spirits. And Sungjong was outside, sitting on the plastic furniture and looking up at the night sky. Sungjong whipped his head around when he heard the doorbells ring, and he saw Woohyun walk outside with his arms laden with bags. Woohyun dumped the goods onto the table and sat in the chair next to Sungjong. "Now we have two options," he announced to the teen. "You can put the medicine on yourself, _or_ we could be like a cheesy drama and I can do it for you." He pulled out a cream and wiggled his eyebrows.

Sungjong quickly mumbled, "Thanks," and took the medicine from Woohyun's hands.

Woohyun smiled at the other and then dug something else from the bag. He took the can and popped the tab. "Yosh!" he said as the beverage began to foam from the opening. He placed it next to Sungjong on the table. "Drink this two."

Sungjong stopped applying the cream on his bruises and looked at the beer can and back to Woohyun with wide-eyes. "But, hyung, I'm underage!" he argued.

"I just picked you up from jail," Woohyun said with a chuckle. "How about we do one more illegal thing tonight?" Truth be told, he really needed to take the edge off, and he hated drinking alone. He didn't want to be a bad influence on the other, but Sungjong looked like he needed to relax too. Sungjong smiled to himself and picked up the can. "Don't tell your mom." 

"I won't," Sungjong quickly replied and took a great swig from the can, which he almost immediately spat back out. He began choking and wiping his mouth. Woohyun chuckled at the scene and patted the other on the back.

"Is this your first?" he asked. Sungjong nodded, putting the can back onto the table with a frown. "You," Woohyun began and patted the younger's back more softly. "You're a really good kid. How did a good kid like you get caught up in a fight?"

"I'm really not," Sungjong muttered under his breath. He then groaned and looked down at his feet. "I can't control my temper. I can't control my mouth." He kicked at a pebble at his foot. "I heard them talk about my friend. They were talking about her as if she was a piece of meat, hyung. I couldn't…I couldn't let them get away and I should have. She told me to ignore them, but I didn't. I snapped. I swore. And then they…And I…They just wouldn't shut up. I just wanted them to stop talking," Sungjong closed his eyes and shook his head. He buried his face into his coat. "Now...I don't think she'll be my friend anymore."

Woohyun stared at the other, soaking it all in. A grin cracked along his face and he then ruffled the kid's hair. "You're a _really really_ good kid, Sungjong-ah," he praised. Sungjong slapped the hand away from his head and fixed his eyes on the other. But it wasn't the pointed glare that Woohyun was accustomed to receiving from the other. The teen looked worried. Tears were gathering in the corners. "Look," Woohyun tried to comfort the other. "You were trying to defend her. If she stops being your friend, then she doesn't know what she's missing out on. She doesn't appreciate your loyalty."

"Loyalty," Sungjong said with a slight laugh. "Hyung, this isn't the military. It's high school." He kept laughing, and the tears finally fell, streaming down his cheeks. He wiped them as he calmed back down. "Hyung," he asked. Woohyun perked up. "Can you get me some milk?"

Woohyun chuckled and couldn't resist ruffling the hair of the cute teen. "You're a really really _really_ good kid," he praised.

"Stop saying that!"

* * *

**nwh91: What should I eat?**

Woohyun had been searching for new jobs once again, but as usual, the search was fruitless. He didn't mind much though. He was scanning through the classifieds half-heartedly, so if any job did actually suit him, he might have missed it. After a while, he gave up and searched for sign language tutorials. Maybe he could start communicating more with his regular ahjussi customer. The old man seemed friendly once you got him to talk, and Woohyun was curious about him. Besides, learning sign language would add a skill to his resume, maybe giving him an edge (or so Woohyun thought). But Woohyun underestimated how difficult the new language was, and was disappointed when he realized that maybe he couldn't learn it within an hour, not when he kept forgetting what letter was what. So he exited the tutorial only after learning a few phrases and how to sign his name.

Then at a loss as for what to do next, he opened up the chatroom window out of habit, only to realize that he really had nothing to say. Life, it was actually going pretty well for once, and the only thing he really had to complain about was the slight emptiness in his stomach (the perpetual symptom of being a boy that was still growing). And so he asked the lamest and only question to come to mind.

**answerking12: Food.**

**answerking12: Seriously, you're asking me these questions now.**

Woohyun couldn't fault him. He felt silly after sending the question in. He was about to ask another question to distract the other, but the man kept sending messages in rapid-fire succession.

**answerking12: Don't you have anyone else to talk to?**

**answerking12: Didn't I tell you to make friends?**

Woohyun pouted. Of course he had. He wasn't a loner or a recluse without any social finesse. The image that the other had of him must have been pitiful. _He thought I was a girl_ , Woohyun reminded himself. Well, it was time to remedy the man's poor opinion.

**nwh91: I did. Sungjong and Sungyeol.**

**nwh91: But they're studying and working right now.**

**nwh91: And I work the graveyard shift.**

_There_ , Woohyun thought pulling away from the keyboard. He not only gave the names of his friends, but he also offered a reason for why he’s always (theoretically) alone. But…maybe he was a bit too defensive. He looked at the names that he had just entered. They both shared a character. It could’ve just made them up. Crap! It looks like he made them up. Woohyun quickly returned his fingers to the keyboard and turned the question back on the other.

**nwh91: Why do you always answer my questions anyway?**

**answerking12: Why do you always ask questions during my shift?**

Right, it was his job. This wasn’t a regular chatroom. It was one for people who needed help. Woohyun ran his fingers through his hair, wondering how pathetic this was.

**answerking12: You wouldn't want anyone else to answer them anyway.**

**answerking12: I'm the best.**

Woohyun chuckled, and the doubts in his mind began to flutter away. The bravado  of the other was impressive, but it also showed that _maybe_ the other didn’t think of Woohyun as a loser, but someone who just wanted to talk to someone, anyone…him in particular. But Woohyun wouldn’t ever let the other know that.

**nwh91: You're not bad.**

**answerking12: Obviously you don't think so because you keep asking me questions every night.**

**answerking12: No comeback?**

**answerking12: See. I'm right.**

Well, turns out that the other knew about it anyway. But was that really a bad thing? No, especially if they were friends. We are, aren’t we?

**nwh91: You told me to make friends but...**

**nwh91: aren't we friends?**

Woohyun chewed on his thumb as he waited for a reply. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long.

**answerking12: I think we are.**

Woohyun couldn’t help but to smile at that. He had an inkling they were, based on the banter that they had recently developed. However, it was always good to have those suspicions confirmed.

Then a nagging feeling entered the back of his mind as he reviewed their previous conversations.

**nwh91: Do you really think that?**

**nwh91: Or are you just worried that I'll do something 'rash' if you say no?**

Woohyun glared at the screen, gnawing on his thumb again. He didn’t need the other’s pity. Friendship that comes from pity doesn’t last long. Eventually the pity runs out, and the friendship dies away. Real, genuine friendship is built on something stronger than that. Woohyun didn’t know for sure what it was, but he surely knew it wasn’t pity.

**answerking12: We're friends.**

**answerking12: I don't chat with anyone else like this.**

**nwh91: Really?????**

**answerking12: What did I tell you about acting like a teenage girl?**

**nwh91: Don't remember. =_=**

**answerking12: Stop it.**

**answerking12: My shift is about to end. I'm going to bed.**

**nwh91: Good night, friend.**

**answerking12: Night, my friend.**

That was the perfect way to end the conversation and his time at the internet café. He went to work with a smile on his face that he couldn’t erase, and he didn’t want to either. This feeling, he wanted to hold onto it for as long as he could.

Even when his ahjussi entered into the shop to buy his usual ramyun and beer without even sparing a glance at Woohyun, that didn’t even dampen his spirits. Not even a bit. In fact, Woohyun was even more determined to test out his newly acquired sign language on the other. The ahjussi came to the check out counter, putting his goods down and pulling out his phone from his pocket also placing it on the counter so that he could gather the change from deep within his pockets.

“Hi! My name is Woohyun,” Woohyun signed and spoke loudly to the other (as if he was hard of hearing instead of deaf). He took the change from the man, who was staring at Woohyun curiously. “How are you?”

A smile spread across the elder’s face. “Okay,” he signed. Then he made a couple of other gestures with his hands that Woohyun didn’t know. The younger tilted his head as he tried to grasp the meaning of whatever the man was trying to say. The ahjussi seemed to realize the other’s confusion and pointed at the nametag pinned to Woohyun’s chest.

Woohyun laughed nervously and rubbed the tag on his chest. “Oh, right. You already knew my name,” he said. He looked up and noticed the other reading his lips. He nodded. Woohyun sighed and put the change into the register. When he handed over the items to the other, the man left them on the counter.

“My name is S-U-N-G-G-Y-U,” he signed and mouthed to Woohyun.

“Sunggyu-ssi?” Woohyun pronounced carefully. Sunggyu nodded. Woohyun smiled and signed back, “Nice to meet you.”

Sunggyu gathered his bags and began to walk out of the store. “You too. Good night,” he signed and waved to the other.

“Good night!” Woohyun called out to the other’s back. He was slightly disappointed that the other didn’t wait for him to say it back, but they did talk, sort of, for the first time. Woohyun didn’t expect them to be friends. Just friendly acquaintances. They see each other practically everyday anyway. They might as well make the most of it. Woohyun tapped his fingers on the counter. He felt them brush against something hard. “Oh…OH!” He grabbed the phone from off of the counter and tried to chase after the other. “Sunggyu-ssi! Your phone! You forgot your phone!” Woohyun called fruitlessly out into the night. The man was nowhere in sight, and Woohyun couldn’t leave the store unattended. He bounced aggravatedly on the balls of his feet. “Damn it,” he cursed as he finally gave up and walked back inside.

He placed the phone on the counter. Maybe the other will notice that he left it. It shouldn’t take too long. Woohyun didn’t have a phone himself, but he knew how easily phones became like extensions of a person, a person’s life and blood. Sunggyu would be back within the hour.

Or not. Two hours later, the phone was still on the counter, tempting Woohyun, taunting him with its secrets. It didn’t help that it was a slow night. Sungjong came in for a bit and they talked. But the teenager had to return to his studies. And Woohyun returned to his ghost town of a store.

“Maybe there’s someone that I could contact,” he muttered to himself as he spun the phone with his finger. “That’s a responsible thing to do.” He plucked the phone off from the counter and pressed a button. The lock screen came on, begging for a code. After swiping his fingers across the screen a few times in random patterns, the phone unlocked and revealed the last page that Sunggyu had visited. “No…way.”

Woohyun looked up, searching for the man he knew that wasn’t there. But he had been. He was there everyday. He was there whenever Woohyun needed him. He was right in front of Woohyun, but he couldn’t recognize him. But how could he? He was always nothing more than a screenname.

Woohyun put the phone back down onto the counter almost reverently, and watched the screen go back to black, hiding the messages the two of them shared:

**nwh91: Good night, friend.**

**answerking12: Night, my friend.**

“He’s…” Woohyun began but couldn’t find the words to complete it. He slapped himself on the cheek, making sure that he was still with it, in reality. He was. “Paper. I need paper!” He looked around the counter frantically. After finding a scrap of paper and a pen, Woohyun began to write a short note. The man might not come in until the morning, after Woohyun’s shift ended. But Woohyun wasn’t about to let this opportunity slip away. He was going to leave a note with the phone. Proof that they met. Proof that they knew each other. Sunggyu _had_ to know.

Right as he finished the note, the bell rang. Woohyun lifted his head. It was Sunggyu. His eyes were puffy, and his hair was tousled as if he just woke up from sleeping (which he did). Panic was etched over his face as he gestured to Woohyun, mimicking a phone. Woohyun nodded slowly. His chest and throat tightened. He slid the phone and the note to the man.

The man took both without hesitating. Woohyun watched the other’s lips move as he read the message, “Answerking12? It’s me nwh91. Your friend.” Sunggyu looked up the other, eyes wide in shock. Woohyun swallowed dryly and nodded. Sunggyu grabbed at the air, asking for a pen. Woohyun gave it to him and watched closely as the other wrote a message in return. After a few seconds, Sunggyu smiled to himself, capped the pen, and slid the scrap of paper back across the counter towards Woohyun.

**So you really aren’t a teenage girl.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doenjang: soy bean paste, also slang for "gold-digger"…I learned that from Big Byung. Very educational!


	3. I want to say thank you, to you...making me smile now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get closer.

Woohyun was sitting outside of the store, which he shouldn't be as he was still on the clock. He should be still be behind the cash register waiting for customers that rarely come at this hour. But…he wanted to be here, sitting on the hard plastic furniture in the cold night air, staring at his friend whom he just met for the first time. He was speechless. Which was alright. He didn't need to speak right now. His hand was furiously writing on the small scrap of paper he found, silently cursing himself. This small piece of paper couldn't hold all of the questions that he had for the other. You'd think he'd be satisfied with the answers that Sunggyu had already given him, but it only left him with more and more things to ask.

Finally, Woohyun clicked his pen and leaned back into his seat as he pushed the paper over to the man across from him.

**Is that what you do all day? Giving advice to strangers online.**

Sunggyu read the paper and smirked. He gestured over to Woohyun to hand him the pen, which Woohyun did, cautiously. Something about the two of them finally meeting had put the cashier on edge. Yes, he had questions, many of them, but mostly because he never really thought that 'answerking12' was _real_ , or that the two of them would actually meet. But they did, and had meet several times before, nearly every night. Every night, the person who Woohyun was the most intimate with in this great city would come into the store. Sunggyu knew so much about him, but Woohyun knew nothing at all about the other, other than that one day Sunggyu was 'fine.' But Sunggyu was old, more like an uncle than a friend. And Sunggyu was deaf. And all the sudden, the person that Woohyun felt closest too, he didn't feel that close to him anymore. It was like instead of a table between them, there was this great chasm separating them, almost impassable.

But then the small scrap of paper crossed that chasm and nudged against his knuckles. Woohyun picked it up and read it. **At night. I'm a counselor and give motivational talks**. "Pbft," Woohyun sputtered and he felt the tension, which was tight across his chest, loosen. He looked up at the other, who was tilting his head, silently asking what was so funny. Soft chuckles fell from Woohyun's lips; his shoulders shook up and down with each one. He reached over the small table and grabbed the pen from Sunggyu's hands. He quickly jotted down the next few words and then slid it across the table, still chuckling to himself. **Who can't speak?**  

"I'm deaf not mute, dumbass."

"Oh," the laughter stuck to Woohyun's throat almost choking himself. In fact, he had to clear his throat before he could speak again, "You can talk?" It was the last thing he had expected. And yet he felt foolish for not doing so. His cheeks grew hot with embarrassment, seeing Sunggyu nodded smugly as he read the other's lips. "Why didn't you ever speak to me before?"

Sunggyu leaned back into his chair as he rubbed the front of his throat tenderly. "I might sound funny. And people tease," he confessed. And honestly, the old man did sound a bit off. His words weren't connecting properly on his tongue. It was an odd mix of over pronouncing some syllables while letting others drop carelessly from his mouth. And, yes, Woohyun heard it too, the tiniest trace of a lisp, which even under normal circumstances, people would point out and mock. It was no wonder why Sunggyu would feel discouraged from speaking. Even a simple 'hello' or 'thank you' would be a dead give away that he was disabled. All this time, Sunggyu preferred to appear shy and socially awkward than what he really was because…"Even though I can't hear them, I can still feel them talking about me," Sunggyu continued. Because people can be cruel. Sunggyu's fingers were still running up and down the front of his throat, and his smug smile was replaced with a grimace. He inhaled a sharp breath through gritted teeth. "Besides, it hurts," he remarked quietly as he lifted his gaze up to the younger (well, up to his lips at least).

"It hurts?" Woohyun asked, leaning forward. He watched the elder, who was still rubbing his throat as he nodded in response. Woohyun's fingertips brushed against the surface of the table. "Why?"

"Because I don't speak often. It's like using a muscle you haven't stretched in a while," he explained, his hand finally leaving his neck and resting on the table.

Woohyun eyed him curiously. "But you're talking now. Doesn't it hurt?"

Sunggyu shrugged, but then his shoulders kept moving. He was laughing. The elder was actually laughing, and at Woohyun. "You look like a kid who's just seen a magic trick. It's amusing," his voice was like a hoarse whisper between laughs. Even just this small conversation was taking a toll on his vocal chords. But you couldn't judge based on Sunggyu's face. He was smiling, effortlessly.

Woohyun smiled too, laughing at himself. He sat back in his chair as an attempt to regain his cool. He felt his eyes return back to their normal size, which was odd. He never noticed how wide he must have held them. "It's just weird. Meeting you in person," Woohyun admitted. "You know I tried to imagine who you were."

Sunggyu rested both of his forearms against the table. Woohyun had to remove his own hands because their was barely any room for the two of them to rest their arms on the small table comfortably. It was as if it was quickly shrinking. "What did you think?" Sunggyu asked.

"Well, you obviously weren't a woman because you were too tactless," Woohyun said carefully. He could feel himself unconsciously speaking louder and over-enunciating things for Sunggyu's sake, as if the old man was hard of hearing instead of completely deaf. But then again, it didn't really matter because Sunggyu _was_ completely deaf. The old man didn't even notice and nodded along to Woohyun's theory. Woohyun felt his smile grow wider. "For a bit I thought that you were one of those automated robots." Sunggyu began laughing again, and Woohyun along with him. The younger waited until Sunggyu opened his eyes again (or until it looked like his eyes were actually opened) before continuing, "But you sounded a little too human for that." He remarked, cocking his head.

"Human?"

"Too cocky. Too snarky. So _this_ ," he gestured around all that was Sunggyu, "actually fits. This makes sense." It was like the more Woohyun was with Sunggyu, the more things fit together and began making sense. It was like seeing a puzzle come together. Woohyun had all of the puzzle's edges sorted out when they meet, but now he was slowly filling in the inside, and a clear picture was forming. But the picture wasn't complete just yet.

Sunggyu scoffed and lowered his head, shaking it back and forth at the other's words. Woohyun patted his forearm, calling his attention, and then pointed at his own chest. "What about me? Did you ever try to imagine me?" Woohyun asked.

"I told you," Sunggyu said in his rough voice. "I thought you were a teenage girl."

Woohyun crossed his arms and slunk down in his seat. "I told you I wasn't," he grumbled, turning his face away from the elder.

But even if he couldn't read it, Sunggyu could still sense and definitely see Woohyun's disgruntledness. "People lie to me about who they are all the time," he explained himself. "So I thought you were too. But I never imagined you like this."

Woohyun looked back at the other and asked loudly, "Like what?"

Sunggyu pointed at his own lips, which were spread thin into a smile. "So happy. So smiley," he said.

Woohyun felt his chapped lips tearing at the corners from smiling so widely. It hurt, but at the same time, it felt so nice. Woohyun wanted to hold onto this happiness for as long as he could. Things were finally looking up for him. A family, new friends…a Sunggyu, whatever he was (Woohyun still hadn't decided whether this feeling he had for the other was like one for an uncle or a mentor or a friend).

"It's because I finally met my friend."

(Or had he?)

* * *

 

Or were they really friends? A customer came to break up their conversation, Woohyun had to return to work, and Sunggyu ran away, while yawning, almost as if he couldn’t get away fast enough. The atmosphere had been comfortable between them before, but it ended on such an awkward that Woohyun started to wonder if Sunggyu was only being nice to him again because the old man saw him as a needy client. _A counselor_ , Woohyun thought as he bagged a customer’s items. Sunggyu probably felt the same way about Woohyun as Woohyun felt about this semi-drunk man right in front of him. Instead of filling up a bag full of junk food (and something that Woohyun refused to acknowledge), Sunggyu would fill Woohyun’s emptiness with compliments and a healthy dose of realism before sending him happily on his way. Woohyun sighed and slumped over the counter after the customer left.

He then began laughing at himself. He was so happy less than an hour before but know his thoughts dragged him deep, deep down away from that happiness into sadness. Maybe he did need a counselor like Sunggyu.

* * *

 

“Instead of this,” Sungyeol said grabbing the Tupperware from Woohyun’s hands and placing it back into the communal fridge. He closed the door and leaned against it. “Let’s go out for breakfast,” he suggested, widening his eyes in order to expand their strength. It looked like he was trying to will Woohyun with his mind to follow his suggestion. Woohyun laughed, wondering if the cop used the exact same gaze on the hooligans that get drug into the police department.

“Out?” Woohyun asked through his chuckle.

“Yes, go out.  What night walkers like us aren’t used to doing at this time of day,” Sungyeol joked, laughing slightly along with his friend.

Woohyun crossed his arms over his chest. He cocked his head. “I can’t even remember the last time I ate out,” he mused aloud.

“For me,” Sungyeol picked up on his thought. “It was the spring of last year.”

And for Woohyun, it had been even longer. Jungyeop didn’t take Woohyun out often because he didn’t want to show favoritism, even though Woohyun was his only foster child. And excluding quick snacks from a convenience store and the internet cafe, the last time he ate out was probably his birthday the winter of last year. “That’s sad,” he remarked, talking more about himself than the other.

“I know. I lead a pathetic life,” Sungyeol replied with a resigned sigh. He grabbed onto Woohyun’s shoulders and turned him around, pushing him out of the kitchen. “So let’s go.”

 _I guess I’m going out for breakfast_ , Woohyun thought with a smile. Sungyeol didn’t leave him with much of a choice, which meant that Woohyun could place the blame entirely on the cop if the meal turned out poorly (or even worse, expensive). But it also meant that he was going out for the first time since he moved to the big city, sure it was just an early morning breakfast and not a fiery Saturday night out. Still, still it was his first time out and under the warm Seoul sun.

* * *

 

They stayed under that warm sun for awhile. The restaurant Sungyeol was leading Woohyun to was blocks further than he had expected. However, unsurprisingly, it was right across from Sungyeol’s department. Woohyun began to grow excited. Sungyeol might’ve been taking him to a police joint, where all the cops congregate and talk about cases and suspects over coffee. Woohyun grinned in anticipation. Then what if Woohyun himself could offer some valuable insight on the cases? Then they could hire him as some sort of special consultant like on those crime dramas. And he and Sungyeol could be the snarky odd couple that the audience would love (you know, if life were like dramas). But it was obvious once they stepped inside, that this wasn’t what Woohyun had envisioned. The crowd was full of old, wrinkled faces. _Retired folk_ , was all Woohyun could think. He sighed, frowned, and turned to Sungyeol. “What _is_ this place?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Sungyeol said with a shrug. But his feigned nonchalantness was not fooling Woohyun. Sungyeol’s eyes were darting around the place, searching. “This is my first time,” the cop carried on cooly, “but from the outside it looks interesting.”

Woohyun rolled his eyes at the other, but Sungyeol missed it. The two of them sat down in a booth, wordlessly looking over the menus. Woohyun was about to ask his friend something and looked up only to see Sungyeol beaming brightly at something over Woohyun’s shoulder. Woohyun craned his neck slightly to see a girl, around their age (maybe slightly older), looking like she had just rolled out of bed just like the rest of the crowd. Her hair and clothes rumpled, but her face looked bright and awake. “Good morning,” she greeted the two men as she put water and glasses onto the table. “Would you like anything else to drink?”

“I would say coffee, but I just worked the night shift. I really shouldn’t have any,” Sungyeol commented, resting his forearms against the table. Woohyun scoffed. Everything was starting to make sense.

“Good idea. You wouldn’t want to have a fitful sleep,” the waitress continued the friendly chatter. “So is this like dinner for you then?”

Woohyun decided to join in on the fun (and perhaps give Sungyeol a bit of a scare). He looked over at the waitress and flashed her a charming smile. “I guess you could say that,” he responded. “We’re just a couple of night-walkers, aren’t we, Sungyeol?” Woohyun tried to make the statement sound as scandalous as possible. The girl narrowed her eyes on the two in scrutiny.

Sungyeol started to make some sputtering noises until he finally blurted out, “I’m a cop! He…he’s just works the graveyard shift as a cashier!” He was pointing right in between Woohyun’s eyes. Woohyun started chuckling. His trick had worked, and Sungyeol was sweating.

“Oh a cop!” the waitress exclaimed. “Should I thank you for keeping the streets safe for us?”

“Eung,” Woohyun cut Sungyeol off before he could say anything. “He’s the best at handling those dangerous teenagers,” he teased. “Ah,” he suddenly gasped, his hand shooting down to rub the shin that Sungyeol had just kicked under the table. Woohyun glared at the other, who was mouthing curses at him (he didn’t have to read lips to be able to understand the profanities Sungyeol was spilling).

The waitress giggled, the back of her hand politely covering her broad smile. “I’ll give you a few more minutes to decide what you’d like to eat, okay?”

“Ah okay,” Sungyeol stuttered, while watching the waitress walk away from the table. His smile didn’t quite look natural. It made Woohyun uncomfortable to look at.

 “So it looked interesting, huh?” he remarked after the waitress was out of earshot.

Sungyeol heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed his face in his hands. “Is it obvious?” he groaned, his voice slightly muffled.

“That you think she’s pretty, or that you’re a creep?” Woohyun asked.

Sungyeol lowered his hands so that his large eye peered over the tips of his fingers. “Both?” he asked.

Woohyun nodded, grinning widely. “Yup.”

A thud echoed at their booth as Sungyeol dropped his head onto the table, digging his scalp into the grain. Sungyeol was muttering nonsense under his breath. Woohyun laughed lightly, patting the cop’s shoulders in consolation. The cashier’s eyes darted about the room, wondering if anybody else was witnessing Sungyeol’s mental breakdown. And there was. The waitress was watching them from a couple tables over, with an amused smile on her lips.

* * *

 

When Woohyun woke up the next day, he was restless. Even at dinner with his family, he was still restless, his knees bouncing under the table. His aunt chided him for shaking the table (which made Woohyun happier than it should because a few seconds later she told Sungmin the same thing). “What has gotten into the two of you?” she asked the boys, side-eyeing them.

“I’m just getting so much energy from this meal,” Woohyun said and then took a big bite. “Mmm. It’s good!” he exclaimed, bouncing in his seat.

The landlady laughed warmly and patted Woohyun’s head, while the youngest brother retched, pretending to throw up at Woohyun’s sudden burst of cuteness. Then Sungmin mumbled something about how he was supposed to be the cute one, which didn’t go unheard by his mother. She also cooed and stroked his head too.

“I’m glad that _some_ of my boys are getting something out of this meal,” she said pointedly, gazing directly at Sungjong who was just pushing food around his plate again.

“Right,” the father chimed in. “Growing boy should eat. You don’t want to end up short like Woohyun.”

Woohyun’s face dropped. “Uncle!” he protested, pouting. The man just shook his head and laughed heartedly at his own joke.

“It’s okay,” his aunt tried to console him. “The size of the man doesn’t matter. The size of his heart does.”

“And that’s small too!” Sungmin teased his hyung.

“Why you little…” Woohyun growled at the young boy between gritted teeth, but it quickly just turned into a smile. Family was like this, right? Playful teasing, saying the opposite of what they really mean. Sure Woohyun was short (the boys were quickly catching up to him), but there was no way Sungmin thought that his new hyung had a small heart to go along with his small stature. Not with the way Sungmin’s eyes were normally trained on Woohyun, or how he’d always ask Woohyun to help with a difficult math problem. It was growing more noticeable. Woohyun was Sungmin’s favorite hyung.

So although Woohyun was smiling, he restrained it just a bit and his eyes drifted down towards the end of the table. Sungjong wasn’t looking at any of them, just at his plate. He was shut off from the rest of them, as if a glass box surrounded him. But then he got up. “May I be excused? I have a lot of homework,” he declared.

“Oh alright,” the mother answered with a resigned sigh. Sungjong then said good night to his father. Afterwards, the teenager looked at Woohyun with his mouth open, as if he wanted to say something. But then he clamped it shut, turned around, and made for his bedroom.

“I guess he’ll be needing a bigger study snack tonight as well,” the mother spoke absentmindedly as she got up to pick up Sungjong’s dishes. “And just once I wish that he could put these away properly.”

Woohyun then got up with his own dishes in hand. “I should take my leave too,” he announced.

“Already?” Sungmin objected.

“There’s something I want to check out,” Woohyun spoke carefully, placing his dishes in the sink.

“A job posting?” his uncle guessed.

Woohyun rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Something like that.” Actually, it was nothing like that at all.

“Good luck,” his uncle wished.

“Ah thank you,” Woohyun responded. He felt like he would need it.

* * *

 

It was funny. Woohyun felt like he was rushing all day to get here, but once he was in front of his usual computer at the internet café, he was still. His hands were glued to his lap, eyes on those hands. He let out a deep breath.

Throughout the day, and even the night before, Woohyun had caught himself wondering several times what would happen when he’d enter the chatroom next. He began to fiddle anxiously with the fingers in his lap. Sunggyu had honestly thought that Woohyun was a teenage girl (or was he joking), and Sunggyu was honestly…old and deaf and kind-hearted. Kind-hearted enough to tell a young man going through a tough time in his life white lies that would make him feel better. Woohyun closed his eyes and threw his head back. He was starting to think that it would’ve been better if they had never met because Woohyun’s image of answerking12 was shattered.

But a new one was forming. The puzzle wasn’t complete just yet. He couldn’t make it out.

But, before they had ended awkwardly, things were good, right? Comfortable? Almost like it was online (except for a lot of shouting on Woohyun’s end). Woohyun nodded to himself.

It was now or never.

**nwh91: hi**

Crap, wasn’t he supposed to start with a question? What if it would get rejected? What if it wasn’t Sunggyu’s shift? Woohyun half-smirked to himself, reassuring himself. It was normally the old man’s shift this time at night. “Ugh, why do I care?” he found himself asking that question again. He hid his face behind his hands.

Bing!

This was the reason, curiosity. How their encounter yesterday would change their dynamic. Would he even answer? What would he say? And Woohyun preferred to do this over the chatroom rather than face-to-face (which would inevitably happen as well). Like it was before.

Woohyun slowly lowered his hands and read the message.

**answerking12: I wondered when you’d show up.**

Woohyun smirked.

**nwh91: Did you miss me?**

**answerking12: I don’t answer questions like that. Ask me another.**

**nwh91: Fine then…**

Woohyun retracted his hands from the keyboard. _Yup, still the same_. Still that snarky, realistic butthead that Woohyun grew to…appreciate. But for the question, he knew which one he wanted to ask. He had been holding onto it for awhile. It was the whole reason why he came to the internet café in the first place, before he got stuck in a rut.

**nwh91: How do I find out what I want to do?**

There was a pause, a lengthy one, until finally the reply popped into the chatbox.

**answerking12: You know what might be easier**

A pause again. Was Woohyun supposed to guess? His fingertips grazed the keyboard, ready to answer, but before he could type anything in response.

**answerking12: Let’s meet up.**

* * *

 

“Come inside. Make yourself at home.”

Sunggyu shut the door behind Woohyun as the younger stepped inside the apartment. “Let’s meet up,” turned out to be Sunggyu inviting Woohyun over and sending his address because the elder needed to be by his computer in case anybody needed to webchat with him. This wasn’t what Woohyun was expecting when he began the conversation, but he liked where it was taking him.

Woohyun looked around the place as he dug his fists deeper into his pockets. It almost felt like one of those places where you were allowed to look but not touch. Everything looked expensive. And Woohyun felt out of place with his hand-me-down coat from Jungyeop and jeans torn from age and wear rather than for fashion reasons. _Is this really a home?_

“I might have to answer some questions whenever they roll in,” Sunggyu’s muffled voice announced, his tongue stumbling over a few words. Woohyun chewed on his lip as he concentrated on the other’s words. He needed to learn how to sign soon, if he wanted to keep this relationship up. Sunggyu then appeared in front of Woohyun with beers in his hands. He pressed one into Woohyun’s chest. “But other than that, I'm all yours,” he said with a smile. Woohyun just looked up at Sunggyu and then back down to the beer can in his hands. He really shouldn’t. He had to work in an hour…as a cashier. And it was an hour away, enough time for it to go through his system. So he better drink it fast. He followed Sunggyu to the couch and sat down on the other side. He popped the tab and began chugging from the can.

"Wah! You must've been a rebel,” Sunggyu commented sarcastically, as he watched Woohyun wipe his chin. “Look how easy you drank that down. You're barely legal. It shouldn't be that easy."

Woohyun placed the nearly empty can on the table. It was made out of some, absurdly expensive dark wood, Woohyun was sure of it. He sighed as he looked around, "Not all of us are as lucky as you."

"I'm not lucky,” the old man quickly dismissed, finally taking a sip from his own can. “I work hard.” He placed his can on the table next to Woohyun’s. “You know, maybe that's your problem. You're always blaming something else when things don't go your way, but maybe you should start putting the fault on yourself. You're not perfect. Nobody is."

Woohyun was already well aware of that. There were a lot of things he’d like to change about himself, too many things. But he didn’t want anybody to know about his insecurities, his weaknesses. "But I'm pretty darn close," he snapped back with a smug smile.

Sunggyu laughed. "You're pretty darn cocky too.” He then leaned back and faced Woohyun head-on. “So what's your deal?" he asked.

"My deal?" Woohyun sputtered. He was in the middle of finishing his drink when the older had asked. He ended up having to repeat himself because Sunggyu couldn’t quite read it.

"Your life story,” Sunggyu clarified. “Why you have no one better than a 32 year-old deaf man to talk to?” He laughed to himself, “It's kind of ironic, actually."

"What? That you're a whole zodiac older than me,” Woohyun teased.

"No. That you're asking questions from a deaf man, and you don't even know how to sign,” the old man explained. Then he narrowed his eyes on the younger, and Woohyun chuckled. He had gotten under the old man’s skin. “But thanks for concentrating on my age," Sunggyu spoke darkly.

Woohyun pushed it further, "You could be my father."

Sunggyu rolled his eyes and scoffed, "I would've been 12."

"Ah! So you discovered women at an early age," Woohyun joked, wiggling his eyebrows. "I'm not your dad!” Sunggyu shouted. His words became more slurred and almost incomprehensible because he was shouting so quickly. “Do you even see a photo frame around here? No, because I don't have a family. I'm an eternal bachelor."

It was just like Woohyun had thought. This place wasn’t a home, not one with a family or heart. No wonder why it felt cold and unlivable. "I don't have a family either,” Woohyun admitted. Yes, he was gaining some semblance of a family. But it wasn’t a family in a traditional sense. “I'm an orphan, and I just left the orphanage a while ago."

"And you moved into the city alone,” Sunggyu had calmed down and his voice with it.  Woohyun nodded, placing his empty can onto the table, wondering in retrospect if he should’ve used a coaster. But then the old man interrupted that thought, “What's your plan?"

Woohyun faced the other, grinning even though he felt hopeless. "Isn't that the question I asked you?” he turned it around. “I don't even know what to plan for." "You're still young. You can be anything," Sunggyu tried to offer the other strength.

"I want to be a chaebol."

Sunggyu chuckled slightly and rolled his eyes. "Within reason."

"You didn't say that,” Woohyun retorted teasingly. But he froze after seeing Sunggyu’s stern eyes fall onto him. Woohyun then dropped his gaze to his hands. He wasn’t here to joke around. He was here for help. He raised his head and asked, “Will you help me find it?"

"Find what? What you want to do? Your purpose in life?” Sunggyu asked, and Woohyun nodded enthusiastically to each question. The old man sighed, “You must think that I have nothing else better to do."

"Well do you?" Woohyun blurted out, almost regretting it.

Sunggyu sighed again. This time he looked away, gazing at his surroundings. "Not really,” he finally admitted, facing the younger again. “So what are you interested in? What are you good at?"

Woohyun thought for a second, pulling at his lips. One thing quickly came to the forefront of his mind. “I can sing,” he suggested.

“No,” Sunggyu immediately rejected without even sparing it a thought.

Woohyun pulled himself up and looked at the other defiantly. “Sunggyu-ssi, you’ll have to trust me on this one,” he spoke loudly, carefully pronouncing every word. And if that wasn’t enough to get his point across, he tried to put on his most determined expression. “Even though you can’t hear it, I’m very good. I won prizes at school.”

Sunggyu laughed again, at him, dismissing him. All of which was starting to make Woohyun’s blood boil. “Being the best out of 30 students doesn’t mean anything,” he retorted. “I’ll tell you right now. You don’t have what it takes. Don’t even try.” Woohyun narrowed his glare on the other even more at those words, but Sunggyu tried to mollify him with a smile (it didn’t work).

“What else can you do?”

* * *

 

Woohyun left Sunggyu’s place with a homework assignment to make a mock resume. Woohyun grimaced as he crumpled Sunggyu’s instructions into this pocket. It felt like he was in school again. He had an assignment and a due date, tomorrow evening. Which meant he’d have to still think about this today, even after talking with Sunggyu about his lack of skills for about an hour. And when Sunggyu suggested maybe returning to school, Woohyun felt disheartened. He’d love to go, but where was the money for that? Where was the time?

He heaved a great sigh, kicking the ground underneath his feet as he made his way to the store. His eyes caught the other assignment that the old man had given him in his other hand. Woohyun laughed, recalling how the man unceremoniously tossed it too Woohyun before he’d left for work.

It was a book about sign language.

* * *

 

A few nights later, Woohyun was at the dinner table, once again joking with his aunt, uncle, and Sungmin. And once again, Sungjong was distant and distracted. It had almost been a week with the teenager acting moody. It was easy to dismiss it as teenage angst, but…Woohyun knew that Sungjong was struggling with his classmates (and probably his parents did too because their son came home late one night suddenly battered and bruised). When Sungjong left the dinner table, grumbling excuses and leaving a plate of food behind. Woohyun’s uncle leaned over to Woohyun and spoke in a low voice so Sungmin couldn’t hear.

“I know that you two have your secrets, like when Jjongie came home with all those bruises and you guys acted like nothing unusual happened,” so the parents did know. Woohyun looked over at his uncle with wide eyes, scared, but the man only looked at him with tenderness and forgiveness. _It’s okay_. “Do you know what’s going on now?”

“No,” Woohyun confessed. He could guess at what was wrong, but he didn’t _know_. “Want me to find out?”

“Could you?” the other pleaded. “He’s just at that age where he won’t let me in as much as he used to. Like relying on your dad is a bad thing, you know?” Now it was his turn to look at Woohyun with wide-eyes, afraid that he said something offensive. But this was okay too. Woohyun nodded. He understood perfectly. His uncle clasped a hand on Woohyun’s shoulders, rubbing it. “Thank you.”

Woohyun nodded again and smiled to himself. He hadn’t felt like this in awhile, needed. So he was going to take his mission and serve it out to his fullest.

“Yah! Lee Sungjong!” Woohyun yelled as he threw the younger’s door opened. Sungjong was at his desk, facing the window. He turned to see the intruder and groaned.

“Hyung, I’m not in the mood,” he said, then he turned back towards the window. “I have work.” Funny, Woohyun couldn’t see any books open, nor even a pen or pencil nearby. Even the desk lamp was off, like Sungjong wanted the room to be dark. Well, Woohyun was prepared to light it up and lift up this heavy atmosphere. He flopped onto Sungjong’s bed and rolled around, nestling his head into Sungjong’s pillow. “Hyung!” Sungjong protested, giving the other his best irritated glare.

Woohyun tried to ignore the other, like Sungjong had been ignoring them all week.  He turned over onto his side, facing away from the teen. “What I’m sleeping?” he grumbled.

He heard the younger scoff. “Didn’t you just wake up?”

“Eung,” Woohyun grunted still laying still.

“So you’re not here because my parents think there’s something wrong with me?”

Woohyun finally flipped over onto his other side, looking at Sungjong curiously. “Is there?” he asked.

“No,” the other answered bluntly.

“Then alright,” Woohyun replied while letting out a deep breath and laying down on his back. And they stayed like that for awhile, in silence with Sungjong pretending to do homework and with Woohyun pretending to sleep, until Sungjong finally muttered something.

“I’m in love. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Woohyun bolted straight up and looked at the other with sheer amusement. “What?!”

Now Sungjong looked like he was starting to regret not holding this secret inside. “I like someone, okay?” he tried to play it off coolly. But Woohyun wouldn’t let him.

“Uh huh, before you said love. You’re in _love_ ,” he teased as he sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward to poke Sungjong in the cheek. The teen rolled his eyes and slapped Woohyun’s hands away. But Woohyun was chuckling, “Who is it? Don’t tell me. It’s one of the guys from the other day?!”

“Hyung!” Sungjong snapped back, baring his teeth at the elder. Woohyun leaned back, not expecting this outburst. “You’re just as bad as _they_ are! Just because I look and sound like this, am I supposed to be gay?” he shouted, placing a hand over his heart. He was fuming, seething. His nerves were raw and Woohyun had poked them.

“No, of course not,” Woohyun retracted, feeling guilty for jumping to conclusions. He rubbed the back of his neck. He felt uncomfortable again, unwanted. For many reasons. He shyly looked up at Sungjong. “But there’s nothing wrong with it if you were, right?”

The teen rapped his fingers on the desk as he stared at Woohyun suspiciously. “Right,” he carefully answered. “Nothing wrong at all.”

“So who’s the lucky girl?” Woohyun was in a rush to change the topic.

Sungjong sighed sadly, but there was still a faint smile on his lips. Gaxing down at his hands, he answered, “Hwayoungie,” speaking the name with affection that Woohyun wasn’t used to hearing (mostly because the younger’s voice normally sounded irritated when they spoke).

“Was she the girl you tried to protect? The one who told you not to fight?” Woohyun asked, leaning in closer to the younger again. Sungjong nodded with his gaze still downcast. “Did those guys say…bad things about you in front of her?” he asked cautiously. With the way Sungjong reacted seconds ago, the answer was obvious.

Sungjong finally lifted his head, looking Woohyun in the eye. “And they said crude things about her too,” he added.

Woohyun nodded, soaking in the situation. “Is she still talking to you?” he continued.

Sungjong shook his head and looked away. “Not as much as before,” he admitted.

“Why?”

Sungjong sighed again, like the air was too hard to breathe in. He then confessed, “She’s disappointed in me.”

Woohyun cocked an eyebrow. “Disappointed in you for standing up for her and yourself?” he challenged.

“Fighting doesn’t make me any more of a man,” it sounded like Sungjong was repeating something word-for-word. He smiled sadly and shook his head. “She liked me because I was mature. And now….” He couldn’t finish and swallowed the words instead.

Woohyun put his hand on Sungjong’s shoulder and kept it there until Sungjong met his gaze again. “You’re a teenager. You’re supposed to f**k up and get hot-headed,” Woohyun assured him.

Sungjong chuckled softly and shook his head, “Not me.”

“Yes, you,” Woohyun retorted. “Jjongie, you are mature. More than some adults I know. Definitely more than me.”

Sungjong smiled genuinely this time. “That’s not hard,” he joked.

Woohyun laughed and patted the teen, a little harder than he should. “So it’s okay to act your age sometimes,” he said, now digging a finger into Sungjong’s cheek. Sungjong slapped it away. “And if Hwayoungie is upset by that, then she doesn’t deserve you.”

That caused the smile to flee from the younger’s face. “Whatever,” Sungjong mumbled.

“Yah!” Woohyun yelled with mock anger. He wrapped his arms around Sungjong’s neck in a headlock and brought him on the bed with him. Sungjong wrestled against him, but Woohyun was pinning him down. “When I say something like that you should smile and say ‘Hyung you’re so cool.’ “ Sungjong shook his head and clenched his jaw refusing to speak a word, so Woohyun started to tap underneath his chin, urging him, “Say it! Say it!”

* * *

 

“Yeol, are we going to come here everyday?” Woohyun asked after the slid into their usual booth. They have been coming here so often that the boys greeted some of the retirees by name and made small talk about the weather and their grandchildren with them. It was nice to be a part of a community, but Woohyun preferred it to be with people around his own age (why was he hanging out with so many old folk lately? It was a huge shift from the orphans that he used to be surrounded by).

“I’m so close,” Sungyeol whispered with a slight whine. “She almost knows our names.”

Almost was the keyword. “She calls us Wooyeol and Sunghyun,” Woohyun reminded him.

“Just a little mixed up,” Sungyeol defended the waitress (whose name was Heeyeon. And Sungyeol remembered that name as soon as he heard it). The cop then began to rub his ear in between his fingers as he sheepishly asked. “Which one am I again?”

“Aigoo! Our little Sunghyunnie forgot his name,” Woohyun cooed, stroking Sungyeol under his chin.

Sungyeol slapped the other’s hand away and was about to respond with some choice words, but then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, Heeyeon.

“Happens to me all the time. I’m awful with names,” she confessed as she placed the waters and some herbal tea on the table. She then smiled brightly at them. “But I’m great at recognizing faces. Especially such handsome ones. I put in your orders as soon as you guys walked in,” she told them, tapped the table, and went to go wait on others.

Sungyeol’s eyes followed her, watching her gently talk to the elderly couple at the next table. She leaned over to listen to the grandpa’s order. Beaming, he turned his attention to Woohyun and slapped his forearm. “See! She thinks I’m handsome,” he boasted.

“She said _we’re_ handsome,” Woohyun corrected him. And it also wasn’t hard to be the most handsome in a sea of men over 65.

“Yea,” Sungyeol gave him that much. “But her eyes were on me.”

Woohyun sighed. Were they? Woohyun couldn’t tell. All he was paying attention to was the prices. The more and more he talked with Sunggyu, the more and more it seemed like he’d have to go back to school. And to do that, he needed money. He needed to save money. He needed to stop indulging Sungyeol’s whims. “I…I don’t know if I have enough money to keep doing this,” he confessed.

Sungyeol groaned and slid down in his seat, “Right? Neither do I.” He looked down at his thumbs, twiddling them. “Should we stop? Is this hopeless?”

While the cop was busy indulging in his self-doubt, Woohyun glanced to his right, catching sight of Heeyeon staring straight at them. She quickly looked away, grimacing because she had just been caught staring. “No it’s not,” Woohyun spoke up. “Let’s just come once a week.”

That lifted Sungyeol’s dampened spirits quite quickly. “Okay!” he exclaimed, sitting up straight again, looking taller than ever.

Heeyeon came over soon afterwards, placing their meals in front of them. And that’s when Woohyun noticed that Sungyeol had a larger portion that he did, and when he pointed it out, Heeyeon responded, saying that cops needed their energy, especially to fight of 12 year-old boys.

And that’s when Woohyun felt it for the first time this season. He looked out the window, and he watching the fallen leaves pick up in the wind. It was fall. The weather was growing colder, and people were starting to find love to keep their hearts warm for the winter. Everyone seemed to be falling in love besides Woohyun (and literally right beside Woohyun as well).

* * *

 

That feeling of bitter loneliness followed him into the next day. It wasn’t the same kind of loneliness that he felt earlier that year. Then he felt like a ghost. But now, he felt like things were good, but they could be better if he had someone to share them with.

But instead, he was sharing his time with his old-man friend again. Okay so 32 isn’t _that_ old, and if Woohyun was honest, the man seemed younger every time they met. The atmosphere between them was becoming more akin to older brother and younger brother, especially with the way they would antagonize each other. And even Sunggyu’s apartment appeared to be most hospitable. Woohyun was starting to learn where everything was. Like now, he was getting himself a cup of water. He looked over at Sunggyu who was reading a new message on his computer screen earnestly. “Sunggyu-ssi is old and dumb,” he shouted at the back of Sunggyu’s head. “He’s ugly too. The rats in my apartment are better looking.” He then glared at oblivious Sunggyu as he took a long sip from his cup. Yes, yelling insults at the elder had made him very thirsty indeed.

Woohyun chuckled sadly to himself as he sat back down on the leather couch. He was being petty and he knew it, all too well. Sunggyu was just doing his job. This time he was talking with an actual teenage girl whose boyfriend dumped her for someone “much prettier and skinnier,” in her own words. And Woohyun might’ve been reading their conversation over Sunggyu’s shoulder. But then the elder quickly shoved him away and told him to wait on the couch and “God damn it, learn how to sign already. My voice hurts.”

Woohyun spun the sign language book in circles on the table. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been studying. It was that he only knew the basics so far. And Sunggyu yelling at him to learn it faster wasn’t exactly motivating. Woohyun was stubborn and hated being bossed around. He also hated being ignored.

“Kim Sunggyu is a butthead and smells like poop.”

“What was that?” Woohyun perked up his head to see Sunggyu staring straight at him. “Keep your head up when you’re talking or I can’t read you,” he chided.

Woohyun shrugged and signed to the other, “Nothing.”

“Ah! Finally learning something,” Sunggyu exclaimed, getting up from the desk and joining Woohyun on the couch. “Sorry,” he signed. “It was important. Sorry.” He kept his vocabulary basic and phrases short for the younger, and to Woohyun’s surprise, he actually understood. Maybe I did learn something.

“It’s okay. It’s your job,” he responded. His gestures a little unsure and shaky for now, but he was sure that they’d get better in time.

Sunggyu sighed, pausing for a minute. “You’re not happy,” he signed.

Woohyun started to get that feeling again, the one that he got after the met for the first time. Like Sunggyu was being nice to him because he felt obligated to.

“Sunggyu-ssi, how do you see me?” Woohyun asked, with words this time. The older man pointed at his eyes and sniggered. But Woohyun wasn’t having any of that. “Seriously,” he emphasized. “You said we were friends that one time. Are we?”

“When I said it, I meant it,” Sunggyu spoke again. “Most people I talk to online, I only talk to once. You were the only one I talked with regularly. Friendly feelings would normally develop.”

That answer didn’t leave Woohyun satisfied. It also sounded like something that the elder told himself repeatedly to explain their strange relationship. Woohyun scooted in  closer. “So I’m not just one of your clients?” he asked.

Sunggyu broke out into a laugh. “Sorry,” he signed as he chuckled. After regaining composure, he explained, “I work with newly disabled people, helping them adjust to life again. And unless you’re hiding it _really_ well, I don’t think you’re like them.”

Woohyun looked down and picked at his socks. _Maybe there’s more than one way to be disabled_. He felt like there was something holding himself back from living life normally, happily. He raised his head again, watching Sunggyu’s head follow his (he must’ve lowered it in case Woohyun had said something under his breath). “But…now. I feel like you pity me,” Woohyun admitted.

“I do,” Sunggyu quickly responded and Woohyun’s stomach sank. “But can’t friends pity each other sometimes?”

“Can we really be friends?” he blurted out. Sunggyu cocked his head, looking a little saddened. _So it is something different_. Woohyun smiled and twisted his own words, turning it into a joke, “I _really_ be friends with an old man like you? It’s really bringing down my reputation.”

Sunggyu scoffed, “Because the Flower Boy of the convenience store has a very delicate image to maintain.”

“I do.”

Sunggyu laughed again, shaking his head at the other. “You did it again,” he spoke with a slight groan.

Woohyun tapped his knee, getting his attention, and signed, “What?”

“Every time I want to pity you. Two seconds later, you say something that makes me want to slap you across the face,” he declared.

And despite the threat of violence, Woohyun grinned. This was definitely something different that what Sunggyu had with his clients. You’d never tell a client that you’d want to him them. You’d get your ass sued. But with a friend, you can remove that professional filter and share your true, unadulterated opinion. Maybe if Sunggyu actually slapped him, they’d be less like friends and more like brothers (like how he was with Sungjong and Sungmin). Woohyun laughed at that thought (and also at the egregious number of Sungs that he acquired these past months).

“So,” Woohyun began. “What did you tell her?” he asked, pointing to the computer behind Sunggyu.

The elder narrowed his eyes on Woohyun. “It’s classified,” he spoke sternly.

“It’s also anonymous,” Woohyun added.

“Right,” Sunggyu nodded. He looked over at the computer, thinking for a few seconds, and then turned back to Woohyun. “I told her not to give up hope. Love is something that dies but never completely lost. I told her that she’ll find it again. But first she has to love herself because if you don’t love yourself, then who will?” he answered.

Woohyun chuckled. “That’s awfully romantic coming from an eternal bachelor,” he teased.

“Just because I’m a bachelor, doesn’t mean I don’t know love,” he pointed out. Sunggyu looked the younger up and down before pointing at him and combating, “I probably know more than you.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Woohyun quickly fought back.

Sunggyu blinked at him in confusion, his jaw slightly ajar. “Hm? Are you in a relationship?” he finally asked. Woohyun shook his head. “Ah! There’s someone that you like,” the old man guessed.

Was Woohyun in love? He looked next to him, seeing the middle-aged man surreptitiously pick at his nose. No, no he wasn’t. And when did he have the time to fall in love? He worked nights and spent his free time getting career advice from an old man. No, right now was the time when he needed to concentrate on himself. He needed to improve himself, find direction, learn how to be proud of himself again. Now wasn’t the time for Nam Woohyun to fall in love with someone else. He needed to fall for himself first.

“No,” Woohyun admitted. “But I have been.”

“Whoever dated Nam Woohyun must’ve been out of their minds,” Sunggyu joked.

But Woohyun spun it around, “That’s right. My love drives people crazy.”

“That’s not something that you should brag about.”

* * *

 

…

…

“Woohyun-ah, what are you doing next Thursday?”

Woohyun stopped from putting on his shoes. He stood straight up as he pushed his foot into his old sneakers, looking at the elder in mild shock. “Hm? Nothing.”

“Good. There’s something I want you to see.”


	4. Even the gloomiest of days will become very precious one day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get revealed.

“I wonder what it is,” Woohyun muttered under his breath as flicked the edges of a scrap of paper in his hands. Sunggyu had hastily written a note down and given it to him. All that was on there was a place and a time. And the elder had handed it over to him with nothing else but a cheeky smile. Sunggyu was being oddly secretive about it. Woohyun thought it was unfair. He was expected to divulge everything to the elder, but the old man was withholding. It was infuriating, but at the same time, Woohyun recalled the smile on the deaf man’s face. The cashier could only smile and sigh as he tucked the piece of paper into his back pocket, “He’s a weirdo.” Or maybe Woohyun was a weirdo for following the old man blindly.

Yes, Woohyun was a weirdo, even more so because he was preemptively lonely. He had just left Sunggyu and began his shift. Sunggyu, however, had told him that he would be unable to meet with him until Thursday. And when Woohyun asked why, the old man was oddly cryptic again citing that he had to “prepare.” Woohyun offered his assistance, but Sunggyu said something about not ruining the surprise. So now, Woohyun’s routine was disrupted, a recent friendship was put on hiatus. Would it survive that long? Would it become awkward when they would meet again?

Woohyun ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. What was he thinking? They were friends. He didn’t feel this insecure about his relationship with Sungyeol or Sungjong, but for some reason, his relationship with Sunggyu seemed more tenuous and fragile. It was the difference in age. He was sure of it. It was his first time he had been in a “friendly” relationship with someone much older. He wasn’t sure if he was going about it right.

While he was caught up in his own thoughts, the store bell rang. The cashier’s head sprung up, welcoming the newcomer.

“Can I put this on your window?” the woman asked. She was carrying a large poster in her hand and several more in her bag. “It’s a flyer for an audition,” she elaborated as she unfurled the poster.

“My Star: Auditions” was written across the top in large bold letters. _My Star_ , it was just one of those several vocal competition shows on television. Artists were elected by the public to be coaches to aspiring singers across the country. Once the coaches assembled their team, the teams would go through several challenges, testing their skills and being eliminated one by one through a public vote. You know, the standard, stereotypical elimination show. There was nothing really special about it.

Except it sent shivers down his spine. The hairs on his arms stood up. Woohyun found it. He finally found what he wanted to do. He was going to audition for this show. He was going to win it. He was going to be a singer.

“Yea,” Woohyun’s voice cracked. His throat had become suddenly dry. “Go ahead and put it up.”

The woman then bowed. “Thank you!” She then exited outside of the shop to paste the poster onto the window.

The cashier waited until the woman had finished putting the poster up, and then he darted straight outside to read the details for it. His heart was racing with excitement, and a smile broke out onto his face as he wrote down the time and address onto a piece of paper.

The rest of the night, he spent planning his audition, how he would get there, what he would sing, who he could get to cover his shift, when he was going to practice. _Practice?_ Woohyun laughed to himself. He hadn’t sung in awhile, and he didn’t use to practice much before school recitals, resting on his raw talent. But it was about time that he polished the rough edges of his voice. He was going to compete against hoards of people with just as much talent, most of them probably have had vocal lessons. Woohyun’s throat tightened at that thought. _Don’t fail me now_ , he thought, stroking his neck softly.

In the back of his mind, Woohyun knew that he had one advantage over those vocally trained threats: He was Nam Woohyun. He could do this. He had to.

At the end of his shift, when he was stuffing the audition information into his back pocket, he found the slip of paper that Sunggyu had given him. The silly worries that he had at the beginning of his night had melted into excitement. When they meet again, he’ll tell the old man about his brilliant plan. _Creepy ahjussi will be so shocked that I’m actually doing something with my life. And without him too_.

* * *

Woohyun lazily stirred the soup in his bowl as he quickly glanced up at the middle-aged woman next to him. He puffed out his cheeks and let out a huff _. I’m not asking for permission. I’m just excusing myself. If she says no, you can still go. She’s not your mother_ , Woohyun thought to himself. The sooner he told his aunt and uncle about the meeting on Thursday, the sooner he’d alleviate his guilt. But the guilt was a reminder of how close he felt to these people. They weren’t related, but Woohyun at some point in time, over many dinners, began to care what they thought, began to respect their opinion and the people themselves. So although he considered himself as an adult who was more than capable enough to make his own life choices, he couldn’t help but think, _What if they say no?_

And in all honesty, if they did, he probably wouldn’t go, and that thought alone scared him. If this is what a family is like, it’s scary that it could hold that much power over someone. Did Woohyun actually want that?

Yes, he’s been wanting this his whole life because even though family came with limitations, hindered freedom, it also came with the solution to the loneliness that plagued the majority of his life. It was a group of people who wouldn’t leave his side no matter what…hopefully.

“So, um, next Thursday…” Woohyun began, but then slowly lost his confidence afterwards, especially since the whole table turned to look at him.

“Yes?” his uncle prodded him.

Woohyun’s gaze drifted down to the bowl of soup in front of him. “I won’t be able to come to dinner,” he revealed in a quiet voice. He wasn’t asking for their permission, but at the same time…

“Why not?” his aunt leaned in closer. Her voice grew in excitement. “Do you have an interview?”

“Uh, um, not quite,” Woohyun stumbled through a reply with a shake of his head. “I’ve, uh, been talking to someone who’s helping me decide a career,” he worded carefully. The two parents exchanged glances. Sungjong put down his utensils and was hanging on his every word. Woohyun felt his throat constrict at the attention. He swallowed, trying to release the pressure and continued, “And…he wants to take me somewhere on Thursday.”

“Hm?” his aunt turned towards him. She was confused. “I didn’t know you were seeing somebody for that. Who is it?”

“His name is Kim Sunggyu. He’s a counselor…and a friend,” Woohyun added the last part as a second thought, completely glossing over the fact that the other was significantly older than him (hoping that the fact that Sunggyu had a stable career was enough of a sign). But his family’s stares and silence did not stop. “Uh, we met at the store,” he added/lied, hoping that someone else would say something before he’d start babbling about how they actually met in a chatroom.

“Kim Sunggyu?” his uncle repeated.

Woohyun nodded. “Eung.”

The old man wrinkled his eyebrows and face Woohyun. “He’s been giving you career advice…for free?”

“Eung.”

“Well,” the uncle held that for a while as he gathered his thoughts. Woohyun held his breath, anticipating his answer. The old man turned towards him and smiled. “He sounds like a good guy.”

"This is good,” his aunt added. Woohyun whipped his head around towards her, almost shocked at their positive reaction. “You need an older male influence in your life."

Her husband pouted and joked, "What about me?”

“Honey, I want my children to be mature, wise adults and not silly little toymakers,” she chided him.

“I’m a robotics engineer,” he huffed under his breath.

“Same difference,” she teased.

The whole table broke out into laughter, and Woohyun slowly joined them too, reeling from the fact his aunt had referred to him as “my child.” And it wasn’t until he was helping her to clear the dishes when he realized that the respect was mutual. Woohyun _was_ an adult. He _could_ make his own decisions about what he did with his own time and whom he met with, and they respected that. They encouraged it. Woohyun smiled to himself and offered to wash the dishes. It was a small thank you for all they had done for him.

However, maybe not all of his newfound family was so willing to hand their dear Woohyun over to a stranger. While washing the dishes, Woohyun was surprised to see Sungjong offer his assistance. Sungjong, who normally was the first to leave the table and retreat into his “cave,” just picked up a dish towel and declared that he would dry the dishes. Woohyun eyed him cautiously after he handed the last bowl over to the other. They had been working together in complete silence. It was obvious that Sungjong wanted to say something. He had been sharply inhaling and then turning towards Woohyun, but quickly changing his mind and sighed. After the sixth time he did this, Woohyun snapped, “What is it?”

Sungjong looked taken aback, but still cautiously replied, “Sunggyu-ssi…is he just a friend?"

Woohyun grinned. _Ah, that’s why_. He should’ve known Sungjong would figure it out. They were the closest to each other after all. "Sort of. Why?" he played around with the younger, forcing him to say what’s on his mind.

And Sungjong struggled to put it delicately into words, "It's just that…the other day…it seemed like you were trying to say that…you're…you know." He cleared his throat afterwards and looked away. This conversation made him feel awkward.

But it was giving Woohyun oh so much perverse pleasure. He chuckled and wiped his hands off on the towel that was hanging off of Sungjong’s shoulder. "I am,” he readily admitted. Sungjong looked up, shocked by his openness. It made Woohyun laugh even more, this time out of happiness. He had no reason to hide. Sungjong would still be by his side, like he was physically was right now. Woohyun took a step closer to the other. “But I'm not attracted to every guy. I only like pretty boys," he spoke in a low whisper, stroking Sungjong’s cheek with the back of his still damp hand.

Sungjong stood there, completely still for a second or two, until he realized that Woohyun was toying with him. "Y-yah!” he stammered and pushed his hyung away. “Don't joke like that. It's creepy." Woohyun’s face fell, and Sungjong was quick to amend his statement, speaking in a gentle tone, "I mean, it's not creepy that you're gay. It's creepy because you're my brother.” The smile returned to Woohyun’s face and he reached over, this time dragging his entire hand down the side of Sungjong’s face. The younger slapped him away and growled, “Stop it, you weirdo."

Woohyun chuckled in childish glee and lamely excused himself, "Your skin's soft." To that Sungjong only shook his head, mumbling how he couldn’t believe that the other was older. And Woohyun couldn’t believe how easy it was to tell someone that he was gay. As it would turn out, it didn’t matter. To Sungjong, Woohyun was still Woohyun, an annoying hyung whom he tolerated and, although he would never admit it when pressed, looked up to. And a real family stuck by your side no matter what.

* * *

That night was the first night Woohyun didn’t stop by Sunggyu’s place. He had lingered at the Lee’s home for longer than he usually did, and after he left, his feet had led him to the internet café out of habit. He hadn’t been there in a long while, but nothing about it had changed. It was still dark, smelled stale, and reeked of desperation. Even his usual stall was empty, waiting for him to fill it.

With a sad sigh, Woohyun sat down in front of the computer. He chewed his lower lip as he went onto the internet and opened up to the chatroom. _He’d still be working, right?_ Even if he couldn’t physically meet with Sunggyu, Woohyun wagered that he could still communicate with the other online. He wanted to talk to him, tell the elder about the auditions and get his opinion. Woohyun could practically hear the man tease him for coming to a deaf man for singing advice, but much like his aunt and uncle, he respect Sunggyu’s opinion too. Maybe Sunggyu was becoming more like a brother to him.

 **nwh91:** Hello?

Woohyun typed and sent the messaged. As he was about to remove his fingers from the keyboard, awaiting Sunggyu’s normally sluggish reply, the computer dinged.

 **answerking4:** Hi! Is there anything you would like to ask? Don’t be shy. I’m here to help.

Prompt, cheery, helpful? Nope, this was definitely not Kim Sunggyu. Even the username was slightly different. Woohyun sighed once again and typed out a curt response.

 **nwh91:** No.

The person almost immediately responded back.

 **answerking4:** Are you sure?

Woohyun scoffed. _If only I had talked to you from the beginning_ …but he didn’t want this type of gentle advice anymore. He had grown accustomed to Sunggyu’s harsh treatment and heavy dose of reality. Now he wouldn’t want it any other way. He closed out of the chatroom and began to pack up his things. He’ll start his shift early tonight for a lack of better things to do.

It was a good thing he did. There was a line forming at the cashier’s, but someone had accidentally knocked over a case of drinks. Glass and sticky liquid was all over the floor. Woohyun offered to clean it up, allowing the cashier to check out the costumers.

As he was cleaning, he could hear the high pitched giggling at his back. He grinned and leaned forward as he wiped the floor, thinking that there was no harm in giving the high school girls more of a show. He was the Flower Boy of the Convenience Store after all. It was his job to provide these girls with eye candy (and their job to stroke his ego a bit).

He looked up. He could see the girls in the reflection of the glass windows across from him. They were hiding behind the shelves, peeping around the corner. Woohyun smirked and straightened himself up. He put a hand behind him, rubbing the small of his back and stretching his limbs with a groan. He was sure to have a bit of his shirt rise up in the back, revealing a bit of his skin. The whispering behind him grew louder. A hot response. He then quickly turned around and waved to them with a bright smile on his face.

Most of the girls darted behind the safety of the shelves, giggling in embarrassment, except for one brave soul waving back at him (or stunned soul). “Hwayoung-ah!” one of her friends exclaimed, pulling her back to hide with them.

Woohyun clenched the mop in his hand. _Hwayoung_ , he repeated the name in his head. It sounded familiar, and he’d be damned if she wasn’t wearing the uniform from Sungjong’s school. The crest on the blazer was similar. _It’s her_.

Woohyun dumped the mop into the bucket. He’ll clean the rest later. The mess wasn’t going anywhere. He had a bigger mess to clean anyway.

He walked up to the shelves where the girls were huddled behind, hiding. All of them looked up at him with anticipation and wide eyes. His gaze was fixed on the girl closest to him.  “Is your name Hwayoung?” he asked in a serious tone.

She looked at her other friends, who pushed her closer to him and encouraged her to respond. “Yes, oppa,” she answered, a soft pink blush crept onto her cheeks. Her eyes were fixed on his dirty sneakers.

“Are you friends with a boy named Lee Sungjong?”

Her head snapped up. She furrowed her eyebrows and slowly replied, “I know him.”

It was her, Sungjong’s best friend and unrequited crush. And judging by her answer, their relationship had soured just like his dongsaeng had said. Woohyun sighed and asked, “Can we talk?”

Hwayoung sheepishly nodded. Her friends began to “oh” and “ah” at the two as they walked together out of the convenience store. Hwayoung, embarrassed, tried to shush them, but they only grew louder and wished her luck. Once out of the doors, Hwayoung tucked a stray hair behind her ear and asked, “What is it, oppa? What did you want to talk to me about?”

Woohyun faced her and put his hands in his pockets. “Sungjong,” he replied bluntly. He abandoned his usual, polite smile. The girl noticed and started to become uneasy at her oppa’s graveness.

“Why?” she whispered.

The corner of Woohyun’s mouth picked upwards. It was a lame attempt to look more friendly so that she could open up to him, but he might’ve come off more like a crazy ahjussi than your friendly neighborhood oppa. But he couldn’t help it. “He’s my brother.” This girl was messing with his little brother’s heart.

“Brother?” she repeated, now more confused than ever. “But Sungmin is…Oh!” Hwayoung snapped her fingers and her face lit up. “You’re that weird guy who eats dinner with them!”

Woohyun chuckled. It sounded like something Sungjong would say. “Is that really what he told you?” he asked.

Hwayoung nodded excitedly, but was quick to pull herself back and compose herself again. She spoke in a calm voice, “Well that and some other things.” That said more than she wanted it too. She wanted to be coy and mysterious, but the fact that Sungjong told her about Woohyun, an adult who acts more like a child and who was quickly assimilated into his family, meant that Sungjong felt close to her and that she meant a lot to him.

“You two seem close, but when I asked you if you were friends, you said that you only knew him,” the cashier recalled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Hwayoung giggled nervously and fiddle with the ends of her hair. “That’s because…ummmmm…” She didn’t have an answer ready.

“The other day? When he fought those kids?” Woohyun guessed, or that’s at least what Sungjong had told him.

“No. No,” she fervently denied, waving her hands as if she was trying to swat a fly from the air. “It’s because...” She then sighed and looked Woohyun straight in the eye. “I like you, and I didn’t want you to think Jjong and I were together.”

“You like me?” Woohyun pointed back and forth between them.

Hwayoung nodded. “A lot,” she replied in a small voice and with a sheepish grin.

Woohyun scoffed. He didn’t mean to sound derisive. It was more that he could believe his luck, or Sungjong’s luck. It felt like fate was mocking him again. This girl had accidentally made things so twisted. When she told Sungjong that she liked mature guys, she meant a lowly cashier with only a high school diploma (Woohyun had heard of women liking a man in uniform, but surely his blue vest didn’t meet those qualifications). If only she knew how immature Woohyun could be. _Oh well_. He was going to cut off this love triangle before it could fully form. “Don’t you think that I’m a little old for you?” he retorted.

“You’re only a couple of years older,” she argued back. A chesire grin grew across her face. “And as we get older, the gap won’t seem that big.”

This time, Woohyun did scoff at her. “You put a lot of thought into this,” he had to give it to her. Hwayoung nodded proudly. “But you don’t even know me,” he pointed out. He guessed that the only thing the girl knew about him was when and where he worked.

Hwayoung was unrelenting, “We can get to know each other.”

“You have an answer for everything. I can see why Sungjong likes you,” Woohyun meant it as a snide remark, trying to pass her off as some sort of smart alec. But too much passed through his loose lips. He had revealed his brother’s heart. _No, no it’s okay_ , he assured himself. Jjong must have confessed to her before. _Yea, that’s why things are so weird between them._

Hwayoung looked away and let out a deep breath. “I thought he did,” she admitted.

 _Shit_. Woohyun had just done the confessing in Sungjong’s place. _He’s going to kill me_. “Don’t tell him that I told you,” the cashier begged.

The girl glanced up at him with a small smile. “I won’t,” she assured him.

“Do you like him back?” Woohyun figured that he had nothing else to risk by asking that question.

Hwayoung’s smile grew as she met his gaze again. “Well…” She then looked at him expectantly.

Woohyun put two fingers to her forehead and pushed her away. He’d been holding that in for too long. “You’re not my type,” he refused her. “You have 0 chance with me.”

Hwayoung huffed as she slapped his hand away and fixed her hair. “What is your type?” she asked.  
Woohyun looked the high school girl up and down. In spite of her sharp tongue and horrible taste in men, she seemed to be sweet. She was also naïve. Naïve enough to like a man like Woohyun. “It’s nothing you could change about yourself. Or want to change,” he spoke in all honesty. To be a man that Woohyun would love, well, Hwayoung would have to make a lot of major changes. But that was besides the point he was trying to make. “You shouldn’t change for somebody anyway.”

“I know,” her tone was bored, as if she had heard this several times before.

“You know,” Woohyun began and leaned in closer like it was a secret (another one of the secrets that wasn’t his to reveal). “Sungjong likes you the way you are.”

Hwayoung almost looked saddened by that. She sighed. “I know that too, but…we’re friends. Good friends,” she clarified.

“But don’t good friends make good boyfriends?” Woohyun argued. Shouldn’t it be as easy as that?

The girl shook her head. “Sometimes a good friend is just a good friend.”

* * *

That conversation put Woohyun in a funk for the rest of the night. Should he tell Sungjong about it? Would Hwayoung tell Sungjong? Or should the kids figure it out for themselves? Woohyun felt as if he had already taken one great step over the boundaries. It was time for him to retreat back to his territory. And so when Sungjong came to pick up a snack and to check up on his hyung, Woohyun was mum about the whole situation. However, they were family. Once Sungjong talked with Hwayoung and gotten his heart broken, Woohyun would be there to help pick up the pieces. But for now, all he could do is sit and wait.

It was excruciating.

But not as excruciating as the next morning, when Woohyun was having breakfast with Sungyeol, who couldn’t stop from mooning over their waitress. It was cringe-worthy, but at the same time Woohyun had never seen the cop so…vulnerable. Sungyeol was literally wearing his heart on his sleeve, waiting for Heeyeon to pluck it off of him like a piece of lint. Too bad lint is normally thrown away after that.

Woohyun cleared his throat when he caught Sungyeol searching for the waitress and ignoring his all important anecdote about his shift the night before. Sungyeol faced him and smiled sheepishly. “Was I staring again?” he asked.

“Yea,” Woohyun grumbled with a deep frown on his face. “Don’t ask about someone’s day, if you’re not going to listen.”

“I was listening,” Sungyeol argued, his mouth full and he was spitting on Woohyun as he spoke. Just when he thought Lee Sungyeol couldn’t get any more offensive this morning. “High school girls checked out your butt, and you told Sungjong’s crush that he liked her.” Well, that pretty much summarized his night perfectly (although he did forget to mention the drunk who bought $100 worth of feminine products), so Woohyun let him off the hook. However, Sungyeol still hand him on his tethers. The cop leaned forward and whispered, "So Sungjong told me about your situation."

Woohyun spoke through a bite of food, "What situation?"

"The sexual kind."

Woohyun began sputtering, choking on his food. His hand searched the table for his glass of water. Sungyeol found it and placed it into his friend’s hands. After taking long sips and hitting his chest, dislodging the mass, Woohyun growled with a hoarse voice, "What? That kid." They must be really like brothers now if they are exchanging each other’s secrets without the other’s permission.

Sungyeol waved his hand and responded, “Don't blame him. I asked him. I told you that I have good observational skills." He pointed to his narrowed eyes with a smug smile. Woohyun rolled his eyes (although he had to hand it to Sungyeol, in this case, his observations were on point).

"So what about it?" Woohyun replied in a gruff manner, still not happy that the two were talking about it behind his back.

"Aren't you guys supposed to be like savants with women?" Leave it to Lee Sungyeol to try to use his friend’s ‘situation’ to his advantage, no matter how offensive, but the innocent smile on his face revealed that he didn’t know any better. Woohyun couldn’t fault him, mostly because he knew how desperate the cop was. He wanted to help.

"You want me to talk to Heeyeon for you?" he guessed.

Sungyeol nodded emphatically. "Yea and try to see if she likes me.” Just as Woohyun was about to ask how, Sungyeol pushed him away and hushed him, “Sh! Here she comes! Plant the seed. Plant it!"

"Plant what?" Woohyun whispered harshly back, but Sungyeol just put a finger to his lips before flashing the waitress with a ‘dashing’ smile.

"Hey guys, are you done?” Heeyeon asked, but she didn’t even wait for an answer as she began to gather up the plates.

"Sungyeol has a crush on you," Woohyun blurted out. Heeyeon’s eyes grew rounder and she dropped the plates onto the table with a large clank. The food splattered.

“Ah, yes, Unnie!” she responded to no one at all. She quickly bowed to the two men. “Sorry, someone is calling for me.”

Woohyun swallowed harshly and slowly turned to face Sungyeol (and his wrath), but on the table along with the upturned plates and spilled food, was Sungyeol’s head, hitting the table again and again with a loud thud. Woohyun slowly reached over to console him, pat his head. As soon as the hand made contact with the cop’s hair, Sungyeol raised it. Woohyun had never seen the other’s eyes so deadly serious. “You…ruined…everything!" he spoke through gritted teeth.

Woohyun immediately retracted his hands and raised them in the air, like a defenseless victim. "Don't blame me! You never told me what to say!” he argued.

The deadly look fled Sungyeol’s eyes and all was left was sadness. Tears were welling up. Sungyeol lowered his head again onto the table and wailed. “Ah! I just want to curl up and die. Tell my mom I love her.”

Woohyun chuckled at his friend’s dramatic flair and patted his back roughly. Now was the time to find the silver lining and offer words of encouragement. “But at least we figured out that she probably doesn’t like you.”

“Huh?”

Apparently he had no true words of encouragement to give. His tongue was just as offensive as his friend’s (which is probably why they got along so well together). “Yea, she ran away. She wouldn’t have if she liked you, right?” he tried to elaborate. For him, this was a good thing. Sungyeol didn’t have to waste their time or money at this place anymore.

But it’s hard to find the positive side of things when your heart is breaking. Sungyeol lifted up his head, sniffing and glaring at the other with tear-soaked eyes. “Why are you asking me?” he yelled. “You’re supposed to be an expert.”

Woohyun sputtered, “I’m gay, not a girl. How am I supposed to know? What about you, _detective_?” he turned it around onto the other. If Sungyeol hadn’t made assumptions, they wouldn’t be in this mess.

“I’m not one yet. I just know the theory,” Sungyeol retorted in a low grumble.

“Then work harder,” Woohyun snapped back. He then sighed as Sungyeol’s head hit the table again with a loud thud. And that’s when Woohyun decided to no longer meddle in anyone else’s love lives other than his own. He only made things worse. He wasn’t Cupid, and he could barely manage his own heart properly. How can he be trusted with someone else’s?

* * *

“What should I do?” Woohyun muttered as he studied the poster for the auditions. He still hadn’t selected the perfect song, and it was difficult to practice for the audition without having one. He tried out several, but it just didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem like _him_. After all, the audition song had to represent him, his personality, what he could offer, why the judges should chose him over the others. And for Woohyun who was still struggling to find out who he actually was, it was a difficult challenge. All of his thoughts were focused on it. He even didn’t properly greet the customers as they walked through the door. He just stood there, mopping the floor in front of the poster for the 30 th time that night, awaiting to hear the customers approach the counter.

Then all of the sudden, something cold and wet pressed against the back of his neck.

“Y-yah!” Woohyun exclaimed, jumping around to see what it was. He was greeted by the face of his ‘dear’ friend, holding a cold bottle of tea in his hand. Even though he was wearing a mask, Sunggyu’s eyes were smiling with glee. Woohyun grinned as well. “Oh Sunggyu-ssi! Did you miss me?” he asked. And of course Sunggyu shook his head. He showed the cashier the drink and bag of chips in his hand. No, he was here to buy his usual snacks. But something was still off. Woohyun tilted his head and studied the man carefully. Sunggyu just stared back, probably wondering why the younger was looking at him so intensely. “Why aren’t you talking?” Woohyun finally broke the silence between them and asked. It was highly unusual for the old man to be quiet for longer than a minute without voicing his opinion on, well, anything.

Sunggyu nodded to himself as he pulled the mask down from his face, letting it rest on his chin. “I’m saving it,” his voice sounded tired and raspy.

Woohyun propped his chin on the mop handle, still looking up at the other. “Why?”

This time, Sunggyu abandoned his voice and just signed, “Surprise.”

“For Thursday?” Woohyun asked.

He nodded and then took a step forward so that he was at Woohyun’s side. He then tapped Woohyun’s shoulder and pointed to the poster. “You want to do this?” he signed.

“Yes,” Woohyun quickly responded with a wide smile. He had been wanting to tell Sunggyu for weeks about it. He was finally going to start doing what he wanted to do. He was finally trying. Sunggyu should be proud.

“Don’t,” the old man signed. “Concentrate on studying.” With that, he headed for the counter.

Woohyun slid behind the counter and waited for the elder to look up at him so that he could read him loud and clear. “Sunggyu-ssi! I told you. I can sing!” his voice rang throughout the store. And even though Sunggyu couldn’t hear the words, Woohyun hoped that he could feel the impact of them.

“Don’t do it,” Sunggyu repeated the same signs. “Go to school.”

“Fine,” Woohyun grumbled, barely moving his lips. It didn’t matter. Sunggyu wasn’t paying attention to him anyway. He reached over for the bag of chips and raised them high in the air. “Then you can’t eat this!” he declared. If Sunggyu wasn’t going to let him do what he wanted, then Woohyun wouldn’t either. Sunggyu scoffed and rolled his eyes at the other, while putting out his hand, as if that alone would convince the cashier to hand the bag back over. It didn’t. Woohyun glowered at the other. His stubbornness had taken root. He had the right to refuse any customer, and he was going to invoke it. After noticing that the younger wouldn’t give in, Sunggyu quickly made a grab for it. But Woohyun was faster and evaded. And he evaded again when Sunggyu tried for a second time, and then a third. Just as Sunggyu’s right knee was on the counter in his effort to climb over it, a voice broke into their struggle.

“Hyung, what are you doing?” Woohyun went slack, dropping the chips onto the counter. Across from both of them right now was a stocky man with a wolfish grin and a face marked with intrigue. He appeared to be around Sunggyu’s age, but although he called the other ‘hyung,’ he looked older. He must’ve lived a stressful life and it was evident in the wrinkles that creased his skin. Sunggyu was unaware of his friend’s sudden entrance and grabbed for the fallen snack. He quickly opened them up and made a show of eating them, smacking his lips with every bite. But soon the old man’s loud chewing was masked by even louder footsteps. Sunggyu’s friend laid a hand on his shoulder. Not even a bit startled, Sunggyu turned around to see if his friend would speak to him. He didn’t. All of his words were directed at the young cashier, “Ah! It’s the kid.”

Woohyun furrowed his brows. “What kid?” he retorted. His eyes darted over to Sunggyu, who was still busily munching on his snack but nodded at what his friend had just said.

“You,” the friend responded. His cunning grin grew wider. “Hyung said that there was some kid pestering him lately.”

“Pestering?” Woohyun repeated, his voice dropping.

Sunggyu nodded emphatically. His eyes disappeared into his smile, and then he later disappeared behind the shelves, scurrying off to get more chips, because he had finished the ones he had been eating already.

“You’re going to get more? Okay,” his friend asked and signed to him as Sunggyu darted away. “Oh Sunggyu-hyung! Dang, he already left,” he fruitlessly called after his deaf hyung. He cursed under his breath, turned to Woohyun and smiled awkwardly.  Woohyun smiled, just as uncomfortably, and tapped his fingers across the counter. “He only pretends to be annoyed, you know?” the old man broke the silence. “He’s like that with me too.”

“You guys are friends?” Woohyun asked.

“Hm. We’re a bit more than that,” the man carefully replied. Woohyun’s fingers slowed to a halt. He thought as much. This…intimidating man was the only other person Woohyun had ever seen Sunggyu with. That _had_ to account for something. And what Woohyun knew of Sunggyu’s personal life could barely fit a notecard. Woohyun looked the other up and down with a sigh. This, right in front of him, was a genuine close friend of Kim Sunggyu, and Woohyun didn’t feel like he could measure up _. But I’m not done growing. So I might be taller._

Flop! Woohyun jumped back as Sunggyu suddenly laid down an armful of snacks and drinks onto the counter. A satisfied grin was etched onto his face. “Are you stocking up for the winter or something?” Woohyun teased. The elder’s smile fell as he reached for a drink and opened it. He glared at the young cashier, taking a large gulp and handing his credit card over.

“Oh right,” Woohyun mumbled as he took the card and ran it through the machine. He was just a cashier. Just a kid cashier. Just an annoying, pestering kid. _Back at square one_.

But then, a light giggle passed through his ear. He glanced up at the other as he tore the receipt from the machine. Sunggyu was sniggering happily and smiling, not at his old friend but at Woohyun. And by that small gesture alone, Woohyun knew that he wasn’t just an annoying kid. They were friends.

* * *

After saying their goodbyes, Sunggyu and his friend left the store and left Woohyun with clarity and a newfound resolve. He was still going to do the audition, against the other’s wishes. He’d just have to convince Sunggyu that if he failed, he’d go to school. But Woohyun couldn’t see the harm in trying…especially after he thought of the perfect song. The perfect introduction to show the whole world who Nam Woohyun really was.

But still nagging in the back of his mind was this: although he now had a strategy, he still hadn’t told his family about the auditions. A family that was too recent to know of his passion for music, unless Jungyeop-ahjussi had told them. But they wouldn’t know how the halls of the orphanage was frequently filled with his voice, nor the solos he had in high school recitals. They weren’t there.

But like a family, Woohyun craved their approval. He was nervous that they’d be harder to convince than Kim Sunggyu, especially after his uncle said this: “Woohyun, you don’t have to answer, but you said you were job-hunting. You hadn’t talked about it in awhile.” It was obvious that he was trying to word it carefully, testing his boundaries of his position in Woohyun’s life.

“Well, normally I talk about it with Sunggyu-ssi,” Woohyun answered. “But I haven’t met with him in a few days.”

“Oh okay. Just as long as you’re still thinking about it,” his uncle assured him. “I know you don’t want to work at that store forever.”

Woohyun thought back to the store. His thoughts centered on the brightly colored poster in the window. _It’s now or never._ “I am. I’m thinking a lot about it actually and…There’s something that I want to try,” he finally confessed.

“What is it?” his aunt asked.

Woohyun shut his eyes tight and admitted, “There’s auditions for a show next week, a singing competition. I want to do that.”

“Do it, hyung!” Woohyun opened his eyes to see Sungmin beaming at him. He should’ve known that his youngest brother would give his support. “That would be so cool! You’d be on tv!” Sungmin exclaimed.

“Maybe,” Sungjong was quick to correct him.

Disregarding that comment, Woohyun turned to the parents. “Do you think I should do it?” he asked them directly.

A warm smile crossed his aunt’s face. She seemed happy that Woohyun even cared to ask. “Why not? This is the time to do something like that. Take risks. What do you have to lose?” She meant it as a joke, but Woohyun laughed at how true that statement actually was. The woman continued, reminiscing fondly, “Oppa used to always tell me what a lovely voice you had. I remember you singing as a child, like an angel.” That took Woohyun by surprise. She had known about his love for music and had been there. Woohyun just didn’t know that she was. _For how long_ …

“But you know that those shows can be brutal,” his uncle warned him. “Not to mention the public can be brutal too.”

Woohyun nodded and replied with a chuckle, “I know, but like Auntie said, what do I have to lose? I have nothing. Not even a reputation.”

“You do.” The entire table turned toward Sungjong. As usual the teen was looking at his meal, hardly paying attention to the family around him. “You don’t want to taint your Flower Boy of the Convenience Store image by losing miserably within the first round.” He then glanced up at Woohyun with a teasing smile.  It had been a long time since Sungjong had been anything besides reticent at dinner, but now, he was acting like a member of the family again (and Woohyun didn’t have to force it out of him).

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sungjongie,” Woohyun retorted. The teen only shrugged and smiled in return.

“Don’t worry, honey,” his aunt assured him, patting his shoulder. She then lifted her hand to cup Woohyun’s chin. “You’ll at least make it to the second round based on your looks.”

“Auntie!” Woohyun argued with a pout, but quickly laughed unable to keep up with the façade that he was upset. He wasn’t. He was far from him. Woohyun was genuinely happy. This family may have been new for him, but they were support. They knew him. They got along. It was almost like they’d been there the whole time.

And Woohyun truly felt like they were a family when his uncle pulled him aside as he was about to leave. “Hey have fun tomorrow,” he wished Woohyun as he pressed something into the younger’s palm. The old man then hastily walked away. Once he had turned the corner, Woohyun looked down at his palm. He had just received pocket money for the first time from them.

* * *

The next day, Woohyun arrived at the appointed place early. He hadn’t slept at all that day, staying up since his shift the night before. He didn’t want to risk sleeping through and missing today. Also he was too excited, too anxious, too curious. What was going to happen? Why had Sunggyu invited him?

He sat on the bench close to the statue that Sunggyu told them to meet at. Woohyun wasn’t familiar with this area. It had taken him a while to find it. He was grateful for the tall landmark to be proof that he’d arrived at the correct place. But even knowing that, his knees wouldn’t stop bouncing as he waited. It was now five minutes past the appointed time.

And so when Woohyun spotted his friend walking towards him, he might’ve overreacted. He jumped onto his feet, waving his arms is the air as he called out, “Sunggyu-ssi!” Anything to catch the man’s eye.

In retrospect, Woohyun’s actions were embarrassing, but they worked. Sunggyu caught sight of the younger and hurried over to him…with the stocky man following him close behind. “Oh, it’s you,” Woohyun mumbled as the two approached him.

“Lee Howon,” the man introduced himself.

Woohyun forced a smile onto his face. “Nice to see you again, Howon-ssi,” he politely greeted the intruder.

Sunggyu, however, must have sensed his dissatisfaction. “I thought you’d want to sit with someone,” he signed out an explanation.

“Sit? Why wouldn’t I sit with you?” Woohyun responded with words and gestures.

Sunggyu sniggered and signed back, “Dummy. I’ll be in the front.” Woohyun was now officially confused.

“Didn’t hyung tell you he was a motivational speaker?” Howon tried to clear it for him.

“Yea,” Woohyun snapped back. He then face Sunggyu. “Are we going to one of your lectures?”

Sunggyu nodded with a smug smile. He then tapped on Howon’s shoulder. “Now he’s catching on,” he signed to his friend.

“Smart kid,” Howon signed back.

“I raised him well. He didn’t know right from left until he met me,” Sunggyu signed quickly. And that’s when it hit Woohyun. They didn’t think he could read them (he had been studying), like the first time Howon had stepped foot into the store and they had their private signing conversation. It was like they had used sign language for years as their own secret language, dissing people behind their backs. Or in this case, right in Woohyun’s face. Well, it wasn’t much of a secret anymore.

Woohyun pushed Sunggyu’s arm and signed, “I can understand you guys. Jerkfaces.” He then turned around and stomped away, frustrated.

“When did he learn that?” Howon asked.

Sunggyu sighed and replied, “I don’t know.” He then used his voice to call after the boy still walking away, “Yah! Woohyun-ah, you don’t even know where you’re going.”

Woohyun laughed in embarrassment, “Oh, right.” And hurried back over to the men.

* * *

High school, Woohyun didn’t know he’d be returning to one so soon. Of course this wasn’t the school that he had graduated from; these weren’t the halls that he walked down. But he concluded that all high schools were similar, whether they were in Seoul or his hometown. Still lined with metal lockers and the hallways which were eerie when empty like they were now. Classrooms still filled with stressed-out, hormone-fueled teenagers. Still had those hawkeyed teachers, looking Woohyun up-and-down as if they were waiting for him to slip-up. Ah, high school, Woohyun didn’t miss this one bit.

However, not everything was like it was back then. The students looked younger. Woohyun could see his dongsaengs’ faces in every one of them. Woohyun couldn’t believe that he was just like them a few years ago. He felt like he had changed so much, that so much separated him from them besides a few years. Also what was different was the fact that he was being treated as a prized guest. He was being lead around by the principal himself alongside of Howon and Sunggyu. A woman asked if there was anything he would like to drink, like he was a VIP customer. Woohyun almost wanted to say that he was just Sunggyu’s guest, just a cashier, but mostly he wanted to bask in this attention and preferential treatment because he knew he’d be treated vastly different outside of the school’s doors.

All of the attention, however, made Woohyun wonder just what kind of motivational speaker Kim Sunggyu was. It wasn’t like he was a genius or a millionaire or even a politician. He was just a man on the other side of the computer. Well, he also did counsel the newly disabled, but this was just a regular school. What kind of impact would he have?

Once they made it to the auditorium, they parted ways. Howon took Woohyun to sit with him in the front row, while Sunggyu made his way to the stage. They sat there in silence in the empty auditorium for awhile as the classes were being dismissed. Woohyun nervously rubbed his palms against his jeans. They had grown slick with sweat. Should he shout good luck to the old man? Give him a thumbs up? He tried, but he couldn’t catch the other’s eye. Sunggyu was too busy, guzzling water and looking over notes. Well, should he make small talk with Howon? Woohyun glanced over at the man next to him. No, Howon just had this unapproachable air around him. Woohyun sighed and looked at his hand, gripping at his pants. _I might as well be sitting alone. Why did he think this guy would be decent company?_

Thankfully, the students began filing in, which would mean the lecture would begin soon, which meant that Woohyun could get out of here soon. This wasn’t what he imagined doing today at all. He had imagined a lot of things too, but none of them involved Sunggyu talking at him for an hour, next to a…Howon, in a room full of teenagers. At least at the store when he was surrounded by teens, they were normally admiring him, but here, all he heard were whispers behind his head, their gazes burning at the back of his skull. Woohyun huffed at glared at his old man friend on the stage. This time, Sunggyu looked up at him.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he signed to Woohyun with a chuckle on his lips.

What Woohyun should’ve signed back was “Good luck.” That would’ve been polite. That would’ve been nice. But Woohyun wasn’t feeling polite or nice. He was frustrated. He glared at the other and responded, “Then don’t let me.”

Luckily, Sunggyu took it as a joke and laughed. Even luckier, the principal got up and walked over to the podium to introduce the speaker. And a polite round of applause welcomed Sunggyu onto the stage.

Once he was behind the podium, Sunggyu tapped on the mic and tested it: “Ah, ah, can you hear me? People in the back can you hear me?” A bored ‘yes’ echoed right back. Sunggyu grimaced. “Yah! Didn’t you listen to the principal? I’m deaf. So if you can hear me, please nod,” he scolded him with his expression softening and he nodded at the end. The students, embarrassed, nodded as well (even Woohyun did too).

Sunggyu then took in a deep breath while looking about the room. He stepped forward to the edge of the stage. “I know it can be hard to listen to me, so I promise that I won’t take long,” he admitted. Woohyun cocked his head. He must’ve gotten used to the man’s way of speaking because it didn’t seem strange at all anymore. He had forgotten that the words don’t fully form and the slight lisp. But now that the old man had mentioned it, Sunggyu’s talking had improved. _Ah, the practice_ , Woohyun recalled.  

“I won’t talk for that long,” Sunggyu repeated. “But I don’t need that much time to make an impact anyway. I already did when I came in. I’m handsome, right?” Woohyun and Howon scoffed at that, but that was the only noise that could be heard. The rest of the students were silent, probably contemplating if the guest speaker was sane.  But the smile never faltered on Sunggyu’s face. He was used to this. It was all about warming up the crowd. “It’s okay to laugh. I’m a funny man too. I like to joke.” That earned a few sniggers, so Sunggyu just shook his head and moved on.

“So I’m here to talk to you about planning for the future. You guys all have dreams. You all are graduating soon and going to pursue those dreams. Just as long as you don’t dream too high, like becoming chaebols, I think you can do it. Oh,” Sunggyu gasped, staring at a student on the right with eyes wide in shock. “Was that your dream?” The student nodded. “Keep to your studies,” the old man chided and walked back to the center of the stage. Woohyun raised an eyebrow, perplexed. He swore he had seen Sunggyu read off of a script, but now it seems like the old man hadn’t really planned this lecture out at all (or he had forgotten it in his senescent age).

However, Sunggyu’s rambling did have a point. “I had a dream,” he confessed and then glanced down at Woohyun, looking back at the rest after the next statement. “I wanted to be a singer. I wasn’t always deaf, you know? But yes, I had these small eyes and didn’t look exactly like an idol back then. I still tried. I studied hard, graduated, and moved alone to Seoul.” His passion built with each word he spoke, only to deflate at the end. “Pursuing your dreams isn’t an easy thing. You’ll have a lot of people who say that you can’t do it, people who will reject you. But if you have the ability and more importantly, the drive, you can do it. If you have the belief in yourself, you can do it. I did,” he ended with a proud smile on his face and rocked back onto his heels.

“After getting rejected from company after company, I was finally accepted into one. I went into the audition, sang my heart out, then looked the CEO in the eye and said, ‘You will regret it if you don’t choose me.’” He then broke out into an embarrassed laugh and tried to cover his reddening face with the back of his hand. “Yes, yes it was naïve and cocky of me to say,” he yielded. “But sometimes that’s appreciated. Learn to take risks. I guess that’s also the lesson you can learn from this talk.”

Sunggyu then paused and studied his audience again. “You guys are looking at me like ‘Aish, when is this ahjussi going to get to the point. Does he even have one?’” he tried his best to mimicked a indignant teen, and Woohyun liked to think that it came a little to easily to the old man. Sunggyu returned to his own voice, “I do. I had a dream, and I almost lost it. I got accepted into the company, but being a trainee isn’t easy. It’s when the challenges really begin. I trained and I trained. But my debut kept getting pushed back further and further. And so I trained even harder. I wanted to keep my word to the CEO. I wanted to prove my worth. Eventually they saw it, and the date for my debut was set. I was going to be part of a boy band. “ He paused for the dramatic gasps and chatter which inevitably ensued. “Yes, yes, this old man could’ve been one of the posters on your wall. You would’ve liked me,” he dared to say and even winked, his cockiness had reached new bounds. But then the smile threatened to turn into a frown. The corner of his mouth trembled as he lifted his gaze to the ceiling, remembering. “Ah, but why didn’t this ahjussi debut? The thing is, the closer you are to your dream, that’s when stuff get really tough. It’s like when you climb a mountain, it gets steeper and it doesn’t seem like you’re moving forward. We were practicing for 18 hours a day. All we did was dance and sing and eat and sleep only a little. It was hell. I thought I was going to die, until I almost did.”

Woohyun’s heart stopped and his jaw went slack. Unknowingly, he had scooted to the edge of his seat, closer to the stage. _This is it_. He looked up at the old man, his friend. Sunggyu’s gaze had dropped to the floor as he puffed out his cheeks. How many times had Sunggyu given this speech, because it looked like he was still having a difficult time. Woohyun’s throat felt tight. He didn’t know if he really wanted to hear this. He had been curious to know this. He had been dying to ask. But now that he was finally about to hear the story, seeing the old pain etched on the elder’s face, Woohyun wanted to cover his ears.

But he didn’t. “One of the trainees pushed me down a set of stairs. He was angry, upset, sleep-deprived. We were arguing. I _might_ have started it. I critiqued him a bit too hard on his dancing. Admit when you make mistakes,” he threw in an obligatory message. “It was only supposed to be a shove, but I slipped. Admit when things are out of one’s control. I woke up days later. My group already debuted. And…I was losing my hearing,” his voice shook at the end. Woohyun hoped it was because his voice was getting tired. Maybe it was because Sunggyu stopped to take a drink of water before continuing.

“The company compensated me to keep quiet. It was enough money for me to go to school and start a new dream, giving up my old one.” He sighed, shaking his head. Then he raised his gaze to the students, now more serious than ever. “Admit that there are things that you have to let go.

“It was hard, seeing everything I worked hard for just slip away. I got upset, depressed, drunk. I spent a whole year like that. However, one day I woke up with a nasty hangover and realized I was tired of living like that. After years of nothing but work, I was now doing just nothing. _Yet_ there was nothing that I wanted to do, except for one thing.” Sunggyu held up one finger in the air and then twisted it to point to the student. “Admit that there are things that you have to let go, but your dream shouldn’t be one of them.” The bright smile returned to his face. “They told me that I couldn’t sing anymore, but I was losing my hearing not my voice. There was hope. And I grabbed onto it. I went back to the company, this time as a guest and not a trainee. I found my old vocal trainer and my old members, and they helped me find my voice again. They wanted me to achieve my dream too. And guess what?” He paused for dramatic effect. Woohyun was actually holding his breath.

“I did,” Sunggyu revealed proudly with the brightest grin on his face. Suddenly, a teacher rushed onto the stage, bringing a mic stand with him and was setting it up as Sunggyu drank some more water, preparing his voice. Woohyun’s eyes darted over to Howon for confirmation. Sunggyu couldn’t possibly be singing. The old, cranky man who kept telling Woohyun to abandon his own singing ambitions now admitted that singing was the one thing he couldn’t give up? Howon nodded and pointed toward the stage. Sunggyu was now ready.

At the beginning, his voice was soft and tenuous, almost timid. He was struggling to find the right key. His eyes were down, looking at the front of the row, staring at Woohyun? No, Howon. His old friend was gesturing with his hands for Sunggyu to either raise or lower his pitch. But once he found his grove, Sunggyu gave a quick nod, thanking Howon, and then closed his eyes, gripping the mic with both of his hands.

What happened afterwards…Woohyun couldn’t particularly describe the feeling building up inside of him exactly. But this, this was definitely a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzQ7RnwBAzI) of a man who loved to sing. And would never stop.

_To my future self,_

_who will be singing this song,_

_I want to say thank you_

_To you, who were crying back then_

_and making me smile now,_

_I want to tell you a secret_

_Even the gloomiest of days will become very precious one day._

_Even if you don’t know everything now, it won’t be too late_

_It’s okay to love more_

_You right now, and the people around you,_

_Please trust them once more_

_Everything will be okay_

_It will be okay_

_What you do not know,_

_Do you really have to know?_

_Thoughts that can change in a day_

_Talking irresponsibly about these being a beautiful agony_

_Not knowing that it might get harder_

_Who I love,_

_Who is loving me_

_If I know all this, will it be less painful, or more painful?_

_It’s okay to love more_

_You right now, and the people around you,_

_Please trust them once more_

_Everything will be okay_

_It will be okay_

_Have you ever told a white lie,_

_With the intention of making someone feel good?_

_Not now, not to you ever_

_I will be waiting once more_

_For your answer one day,_

_For your stories of that time_

_Someday, our stories_

_will meet in harmony_

_Maybe we’re already there,_

_Perhaps, you’re already listening_

“I am a singer,” Sunggyu declared at the end of his performance. He was panting, sorely out of breath. His voice was quickly losing its strength, but his words were never stronger. “I am not a professional one. I’m not an idol or solo artist. But I am still a singer. And that’s something no one can take away.”

“So what’s the lesson?” he asked rhetorically. “As you get older, dreams change, mostly because you change. It’s okay to admit defeat at times or to lessen your dream, be more realistic. But don’t give up on it, if it’s something important to you, if it’s a part of who you are.

“Thank you.”

* * *

Woohyun waited outside of the auditorium with Howon. Both of them were leaning against the wall, silently, watching the students bustle by them. Sunggyu was still inside, speaking with some students and faculty. And that was fine by Woohyun. He raised his hand to his cheek and touched it softly. It was still wet. Woohyun groaned and hit the back of his head against the wall. He couldn’t believe that he had cried. He didn’t even notice it until Howon had handed him a tissue. It just…happened. Woohyn was just moved was all. He couldn’t help it. But he could help to not give Sunggyu an ego boost and even more inflated sense of self by hiding the fact the elder had moved him to tears. Woohyun would imagine that he’d never hear the end of it, if Sunggyu found out.

“Oh, Hyung’s out,”  Howon announced. Woohyun wondered if it was for his own benefit so that he could gather himself up the best he could before Sunggyu caught sight of them.

Sunggyu soon spotted the two along the wall and approached them. Howon just mumbled a ‘good job’ as he pat the other on the back. Sunggyu nodded and turned towards Woohyun. The younger didn’t know what to say. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. He just didn’t know where to start, what question to ask first. But Sunggyu was the one to break the silence between them: “Thank you.”

“Why?” Woohyun was taken aback by the sudden gratitude.

“Because I’ve been talking to you everyday, my voice is stronger now more than ever,” Sunggyu explained. “Even Hoya said so.”

“Is that so?” Woohyun responded, glancing over at Howon who had agreed. Woohyun smiled. After all the advice Sunggyu had given him, Woohyun was finally able to give something back.

But leave it to Kim Sunggyu to quickly rip that smile away. Sunggyu nudged his old friend and asked. “So did he cry?”  
Woohyun glared at Howon, shaking his head, willing the man to lie. Howon smirked and said, “Like a baby.”

“Did not!” Woohyun automatically denied.

Sunggyu scoffed, “I could see it.”

Woohyun pouted and dropped his gaze, hoping that Sunggyu wouldn’t be able to read his admission, “Just a little.” Woohyun let out a frustrated sigh and grumbled, “Why even ask if you already knew?” He slumped his shoulders, releasing his cares as he looked up and signed to the others “So when are we going to eat?”

“Now,” Sunggyu quickly gestured back. “Where would you like to go?

“Me?” Woohyun spoke, pointing at himself. He frowned. “I don’t know anywhere in Seoul.”

Howon tapped his friend and asked, “Can the kid drink?”

“Yes, the _kid_ can,” Woohyun answered for himself in a irritated tone.

Howon looked over to the youngest and smirked. “I know the place.”

* * *

The place ended up being an old hang-out of the two men. Howon had come back from America months ago and had yet to visit this spot. He said that Sunggyu’s lecture brought back  a lot of old memories and so they might as well indulge in them. And while they were indulging, they were leaving out Woohyun, unintentionally maybe, but it didn’t mean that Woohyun felt any less ignored. He just understood why they weren’t paying attention to him. They didn’t even notice that he was pouring his own drinks for the last few rounds. Nor did they notice that Woohyun was a couple rounds ahead of them.

“Wah!” Howon exclaimed in amazement, finally noticing Woohyun as the younger knocked back another drink. “I can see what you mean now, hyung.” Sunggyu nodded knowingly.

Only Woohyun was in the dark again. “About what?” he asked.

“At first, I was skeptical about hyung being friends with someone so young. What could you guys have in common?” Howon confessed as his fingers rapped the table. “But there are moments when you seem older than your years.”

Woohyun raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Howon nodded but then revised his statement, “But mostly you’re choding.”

“Not even a high school student, but a choding?” Woohyun challenged. The other two looked at each other and nodded again like it was a no-brainer. Woohyun sighed and slumped in his seat. “At least I know what you think of me now,” he muttered under his breath.

“Brother.”

“Hm?” Woohyun faced Sunggyu. He didn’t think that he had heard that correctly. The voice was a little tired and raspy.

Sunggyu signed, “You’re like a brother.”

“Yea,” Howon immediately agreed. “Like the annoying little brother that your parents had by accident. Ow!” Sunggyu had interrupted Howon’s teasing by a sharp jab to the arm.

“Shut up,” he hissed at his friend. Sunggyu then quickly turned to Woohyun. His face wash flushed as he frantically waved his hands in the air. He quickly signed, "Sorry. He’s an idiot."

“Why?" Howon blurted out, rubbing his sore arm. But as his gaze shifted from his hyung to Woohyun, his eyes widened and he paled.  "Oh shit. Sorry, Woohyun. I didn’t mean to offend you," he apologized while dragging his hand down his face.

“Hm? Why?" Now Woohyun was completely lost. He looked between the two men, who seemed to be struggling if they should elaborate on how they may have inadvertently offended him. And Woohyun might've been offended if his mind was a bit clearer. The alcohol was giving him a false sense of pleasure. With a pained expression, Sunngyu raised his hands about to sign. Right as he formed the first letter, Woohyun understood. "Oh, the parent thing. Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it," he brushed it off. It was an old scar he had carried for years. It didn't even hurt anymore. "Besides I have parents now. He’s my dad," he joked, pointing to Sunngyu. And then he pointed to Howon, "and you’re my mom.”

“Mom?!" Howon exclaimed, gesturing at himself. He began blubbering in shock, "Why am I the mom? He should be the mom if anything!” He placed his hand on Sunggyu's shoulder and shook his friend rather violently.

"Why?" Sunggyu spat back, throwing the other off of him.

“You have delicate features," Howon argued back. "And look at your hands!”

“Can womanly hands do this?" Sunggyu asked while punching the other in the arm, the same tender spot that he had hit earlier. "And your favorite color is purple!”

Woohyun wanted to laugh. They kept calling him 'kid,' but these two were fighting like children on the playground. But he couldn't smile…because he wanted to play along with the big kids. Woohyun a pout on his face as he lamented, “I hate it when mom and dad fight.”

“This kid," Howon sneered. He then tapped Sunggyu and suggested, "I think we should ground him. What should we do? No tv for a week? No cellphone?” To that, Sunggyu only shook his head while chuckling softly. He began to eat his food, done playing along with this charade.

However the other two weren't done talking. “You'll have to think of some other way to punish me. I don’t even have any of those," Woohyun admitted with a shrug.

“Really?" Howon challenged with a raised eyebrow. Woohyun nodded as he stuffed the mouth with another spoonful of food. Howon looked him up and down and snorted. "You are a strange kid.”

“I’m a poor one," Woohyun spoke through the food stuffed in his cheeks. "So you better be paying for all of this because I can't?" he joked, gesturing to the several plates of food laying in front of them.

Howon scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest, “Don’t you have a job?”

Woohyun sighed, “I’m a cashier. You know that. It just barely pays the bills.”

The man nodded as he soaked in the information. Judging by the designer labels on his clothes and careful way he styled himself, Howon wasn't scrapping by like Woohyun was. Hell, he might even be living in a luxurious place like Sunggyu was…now. It was something in the way Howon nodded and carefully paused. The man knew what it was like to have close to no change in his pockets and having to do a menial job. Although there was a gap between he and Woohyun now, perhaps when Howon was 20 himself, they were more alike.

“You saving up for school?” Howon asked.

Woohyun exhaled heavily and put down his utensils. “I don’t know. He thinks I should," he spoke, gesturing over to Sunggyu who was still busy and happily picking at his plate. "But…” The words caught in his throat. Sunggyu's head finally lifted from his plate, as if he knew Woohyun had been talking about him. The pleased smile that Sunggyu had while eating was replaced with confusion. His eyes quickly darted back and forth between the other two. Woohyun could see the old man collecting that the two of them had been talking…without him. The confusion was overcome by a disgruntled pout.

“Forget it," Sunggyu suddenly announced. Woohyun was wondering what exactly what he want them to forget. He tilted his head, questioning the elder. But Sunggyu still continued with his 'I know perfectly well what you were talking about' rouse. He signed, looking straight at Woohyun. "It’s getting ridiculous. Just eat. The food’s getting cold."

Woohyun was at a loss and looked down at his plate. Save for a few grains of rice and smears of sauce, it was practically empty. Then a deep chuckle caught his attention. Woohyun raised his head back up to see Howon staring at him with a hand covering one side of his mouth so that Sunggyu couldn't read. “See just like a real mom," Howon joked with a glimmer in his eyes.

Sunggyu grabbed the hand and put it down on the table. "Stop it," he commanded in his wearied voice. "Let's just finish eating and go."

They were nearly done with their meal at that point anyway, when Sunggyu decided that he had enough of Howon and Woohyun 'conspiring' against him. But Woohyun couldn't help it. Teasing Sunggyu was fun, and Howon was unexpectedly fun. As it would turn out, the unapproachable air surrounding Howon could easily dissipate. The man was just a bit awkward and lacked appropriate words for particular moments, like when the both of them were waiting for the lecture to begin. For Howon, awkward silence was better than embarrassing himself with a lame joke that failed to garner laughs or an ill-spoken word. But once he warmed up to someone, like he was starting to with Woohyun, Howon lost that filter and began freeing his mouth. And a small part of Woohyun wished that he hadn't. Howon's jokes at times were really…cheesy, almost like what a father would say. It was no wonder that he and Sunggyu were good friends.

The three of them filed out of the doors. The sky was darkening and darkness was looming. And yet, Woohyun looked at his watch. He still had time before his shift started. And he didn't know what it was like to be over 30, but he guessed that it was still too early for the old men to turn in quite yet. “What now?” Woohyun asked, thrusting his hands in his pockets. He tried to act like he didn't care, but he did. He didn't want the day to end just yet, but he didn't want to force the others to continue.

Sunggyu faced Woohyun and held up one finger, begging Woohyun to wait a minute. He then faced his old friend and signed, “Hoya, will you excuse us?”

“Hyung…” Howon spoke nervously, as he threw a glance back at Woohyun, who was still forcing himself to act casual but it was starting to become more difficult to. Sunggyu wanted to be with Woohyun alone. His body began to heat up just like it would when he'd break something in the orphanage and Jungyeop asked if they could 'talk.'

Howon then grabbed Sunggyu to pull him aside, as they held a conversation in sign language with their backs turned to Woohyun. Woohyun inched closer, standing on his tip-toes, straining his neck, trying his best to 'eavesdrop' on the conversation. But he could only catch a few things: “Are you sure?” “Yea…okay…can the kid…"

The conversation ended with Sunggyu whispering and signing, "Trust me.'

"I do," Howon retorted. "Okay," he mumbled and he turned towards Woohyun and waved. "You two have fun," he wished. And to Woohyun's surprise, he turned around and left. Woohyun's eyes followed the stocky man as he turned the corner and disappeared in the growing darkness. His gaze then fell back on Sunggyu who was looking at him with a small grin.

“Let’s go to my place.”

* * *

It hadn't been too long since Woohyun last stepped in Sunggyu's apartment, but right as he crossed the threshold, he began to grow excited. It was like seeing someone that you hadn't seen for a long time, or opening one of your favorite books to read once again. It was familiar. It was comfortable. And Woohyun treated it as his own, as he darted from the door and jumped onto the leather couch, sinking into its soft cushions. _Ah, I missed this_ , he thought as he laid down and stretched himself out. After a few seconds, and a few sniffs breathing in the warm scent, Woohyun flipped over on his back and was surprised to see Sunggyu looming over him, with an anxious expression on his face. Woohyun raised his body up half-way, resting on his elbows.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you," he confessed. Sunggyu then cleared his throat and began rubbing the front of his neck with his fingers. "But my throat hurts. And your signing still sucks.” Woohyun scoffed at that. It wasn't like Woohyn hadn't been talking in sign language with those old men all afternoon. But…what Sunggyu wanted to say must be outside of his realm of signing knowledge and hard to put into words.

“The chatroom," Woohyun suggested. They might as well bring this conversation to where it _all_ began. "Let’s do it there.”

Sunggyu smiled and signed, “Okay.”

After a few minutes, Sunggyu had set up Woohyun at his desktop. Sunggyu would be behind him on the couch, replying to Woohyun via his phone. They should probably be looking at each other face-to-face while they spoke, but something told Woohyun that this would be as hard for him to hear as it was for Sunggyu to say. Woohyun was growing jittery as he was waiting for the old man to sign into the chatroom. The curiosity was killing him, but at the same time… _No, I want to know_.

 **answerking12:** I'm here.

Woohyun's fingers fly to the keyboard and he quickly pecked at the board, writing his message. He could hear Sunggyu laughing behind his back at his readiness. But he didn't care. He wanted to know.

 **nwh91:** What is it? What didn’t you tell me?

 **answerking12:** Remember how I said I lost my hearing?

 **nwh91:** Yea, some bastard pushed you down the stairs.

 **answerking12:** He didn’t mean to.

Woohyun frowned at that. Sure this had happened years ago for Sunggyu, but he could hardly believe that Sunggyu was so forgiving, so understanding not to hold a grudge. The Kim Sunggyu that Woohyun knew could be petty, whose temper flared when he was left out of a simple conversation. This bastard had ruined his career, health, and overall life. Yet Sunggyu seemed to harbor no ill against him. 

Well, that would be fine. Woohyun could hate the bastard enough for the both of them.

 **nwh91:** He still did.

 **answerking12:** True

 **nwh91:** What about it?

 **answerking12:** The trainee that pushed me, he was a member of my band.

 **nwh91:** I assumed that.

And he really had. Judging by the way Sunggyu talked about the guy, he had been a friend. Sunggyu also mentioned that they fought over issues only a fellow band member would be concerned about, as to not let the team down. They were colleagues and friends. That was obvious. But Woohyun hadn't accounted for everything.

 **answerking12:** He was also my boyfriend.

Woohyun slowly dragged his hand away from the keyboard and twisted his body around in his seat. Sunggyu was watching him carefully, with his phone poised in his hand, waiting for Woohyun to react, for Woohyun to do anything. But the cashier did nothing more than blink blankly at the elder as his brain was processing the information.

After a minute, which felt like much much longer for both, Woohyun turned back to face the computer. 

 **nwh91:** I didn’t assume that.

Sunggyu began chuckling again, not his usual happy laugh but one laced with relief. Woohyun smirked and mentally patted himself on the back for reacting appropriately. He was snapped out of his own self-praise by a ding from the computer.

 **answerking12:** We weren’t arguing in the stairwell. We were kissing. He heard someone coming and shoved me away.

Woohyun took in a deep breath and screwed his eyes tightly, trying his best to keep reacting maturely, but what he really wanted to do was to yell and cuss out the bastard. _Maybe karma got to him._ Woohyun could only hope.

 **nwh91:** What happened to him?

 **answerking12:** He still debuted. He was the visual. They needed him. He’s actually still a celebrity.

 **nwh91:** That’s not fair!!!! Who is it????

Woohyun shook his head and immediately typed back.

 **nwh91:** Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.

 **answerking12:** Yes you do.

 **nwh91:** Okay I do.

 **nwh91:** But I shouldn’t.

 **answerking12:** No you shouldn’t.

 **nwh91:** What happened to the band?

 **answerking12:** They broke up.

 **nwh91:** Why?

 **answerking12:** Hoya became the leader after I left. He wasn’t as forgiving as I was. They fought a lot. They only had two promotions.

 **answerking12:** You’re oddly quiet.

 **answerking12:** I don’t like it.

 **answerking12:** Is everything okay?

Woohyun couldn't help it anymore. He couldn't restrain his reactions anymore, pretend to be as mature as the other. But he wasn't. Hell, he was far from him, 12 years away. Woohyun could afford to behave a bit more recklessly. He needed to do this because he couldn't help it anymore. And he had a sneaking suspicion that Sunggyu needed it too.

The cashier suddenly stood up, pushing his chair out. He strode over to the couch. Sunggyu was no longer sitting there. He stood up soon after Woohyun did. It must've been a knee-jerk reaction for the elder because he looked stunned, and worried. It didn't matter how he looked. Woohyun was going to hug the crap out of him anyways.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Sunggyu murmured as Woohyun's arms tightened around him. Woohyun even heard him wheeze a bit because he had squeezed Sunggyu a bit too tightly.

Woohyun pulled away enough so that the other could read him. “Hugging," he answered. Then he began to chuckle, embarrassed. Even mores because Sunggyu's arms remained hanging at his side. "Have you not had one in so long that you forget what hugging is?” he tried to make a joke out of it.

Sunggyu rolled his eyes and some tension seemed to leave his body. “I know what it is," he responded back. "But why?”

Woohyun shrugged and finally let the other go. “You looked like you needed it," he explained himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, I don’t," the elder insisted with an amused smile on his lips.

“Fine," Woohyun huffed. "Then I needed it.”

“Why?”

Woohyun let out a frustrated sigh and he uncrossed his arms. For some reason, he couldn't find a voice right now (or if he began explaining why he felt bad for the elder, he was afraid that he wouldn't stop). So he chose a language that limited him. "I feel bad for you. It’s sad," he signed.

A warm coat of arms surrounded Woohyun's shoulders, and Sunggyu dragged them close together. “Feel better?” he asked as he patted the younger on the back.

“Eung," Woohyun grunted, wrapping his own arms around the elder and squeezing him again. He knew that Sunggyu couldn't hear him, but he hoped that the deaf man could _feel_ the contentness emanating from Woohyun. Maybe he did need the hug more than the other, but did it really matter? You needed two people to hug, and you needed two willing people to make a good hug. And this was a really really _really_ good hug. So Woohyun knew that in spite of his denial, Sunggyu had needed it too.

After a good minute, they both pulled away and sat down side-by-side on the couch. Sunggyu looked at the other expectantly. He knew the younger well enough to know that Woohyun still had questions. “Is this why you didn’t want me to be a singer?” the cashier asked.

“I see a lot of myself in you," Sunggyu answered as he shifted his body towards the younger so that he could see him better. _Me?_ Woohyun thought as he shifted so that they were face to face. He raised both eyebrows signaling the other to continue. _How so?_ Sunggyu did, "I don’t want you to end up like I did. I barely got into a company because my looks, my voice weren’t to idol standards. And then when I got into the company, things didn’t get any easier. If anything, I was told more about how I didn’t have what it took. And then…" He paused, chewing on his lips, and dropped his gaze. "...I really didn’t have it.”

Woohyun chuckled. Sunggyu snapped his head back up, pouting. “I _am_ like you," Woohyun agreed, patting the other lightly on the knee. "I love music. I love singing. I can work hard for what I want. I can be stubborn. But…" he leaned foreword, looking at the other sternly, hoping that the elder could see his seriousness, his passion that could match the elder's. "But I’m _not_ you. I’m more handsome. I have less shame. _I_ can do it.”

Sunggyu laughed at the other's audacity. “ _I_ couldn’t," he challenged.

“ _I_ _can_ ," Woohyun repeated, fixing on a determined face. He then reached ahead of him, grabbing the back of Sunggyu's hand. "Hyung," he called the other by that title for the first time. Sunggyu had said that they were like brothers and it was time for Woohyun to test that. He was still here by Sunggyu after everything he had said. Now Woohyun really needed the other to be on his side. He needed Sunggyu's support. "Hyung, let me do it for the both of us.”

“You know," Sunggyu began as he flipped his hand over so that they can hold hands properly. "You don’t need my permission. I’m not your dad.”

Woohyun grinned brightly. That's as close to a 'yes' as he was going to get from the elder on the matter. “You act like it sometimes," he teased.

A frown creased Sunggyu's face and he immediately dropped the other's hand. He pointed at the other side of the room. “I’m your dad? Fine. Go in the corner. I’m putting you in time-out. Go!” he yelled. Woohyun just laughed, at a loss, trying to brush the whole thing off. He tried to grab for the other's outstretched hand, trying to hold it again. Sunggyu shook it loose from the other. "Go!" he insisted.

And that was how Nam Woohyun, a 20 year-old man, ended up sitting on the ground, facing a corner, in time-out. He had always hated time-outs when he was younger. He hated being reprimanded, being punished, being treated like he didn't exist. Woohyun imagined that no one particularly enjoyed it, but he didn't think that anyone out there hated it as much as he did. What he hated the most about it was that it _forced_ you to reflect and ruminate on what you had done wrong, how you ended up there. And for Woohyun, that could lead him down some pretty dark paths. But this time, what had he done wrong? All Woohyun could think of was that he had called Sunggyu 'dad' one too many times that evening, and the old man didn't like it one bit. And to be honest, Woohyun stopped considering Sunggyu as 'old' and he'd rather have Kang Hodong as a father than Kim Sunggyu. He did it just to get a rise out of the other. But now, because of Sunggyu's pettiness, Woohyun was doing what he hated most. _Maybe Sunggyu hates being called that just as much as I hate this_.

There was a few taps on his shoulder. Sunggyu gave Woohyun an end to his punishment, but also something else. “Need a ride to the auditions?” he signed. Woohyun nodded. “I’m busy, but Hoya will take you.” Sunggyu finally gave Woohyun his support.

“Thanks, Dad," Woohyun chirped back. He knew that he was pushing his luck, but he really wanted to see if his time-out theory was true.

Sunggyu sighed sadly and gave the other a half-smile. “You’re welcome," was all he said before turning around to go back to the couch.

 _Yea, he doesn't like it one bit_ , and Woohyun decided to never call the elder by that again. 'Hyung' was more appropriate anyway.

* * *

After sleepless days and work-filled nights, after cramming practice into every minute that he could afford (he had even given some of his customers a 'preview' performance), the day of the auditions finally came. Unfortunately, they were during the day, so that meant his family could not come. His aunt gave him her cell-phone and made him promise to update her at every turn. Woohyun agreed too, but a small part of him wished that at least one of them could be there. He even wanted Sungyeol there, even though the cop had been giving him the cold treatment recently for ruining his chances with Heeyeon (they hadn't gone back to the diner since that day). But no, all Woohyun had now was old man Lee Howon, who was better than no one he supposed. Also Howon had a nice car, so that was a plus. At least the awkward ride over to the auditions was luxurious. 

“So, what song are you going to sing?” Howon asked, handing the tag with the audition number over to Woohyun. 

“One that’ll make me stand out," Woohyun responded with a slight grunt as his head was down, his hands affixing the tag onto his stomach. It was stiff and uncomfortable. Woohyun hoped that it wasn't a sign. Then the two went to go take their place in line.

“You’re not going to do the cutie player song or some overwrought tearful ballad, are you?" Howon guessed. "Ah! The Reason I Became a Singer?” 

Woohyun shook his head. “No, those won’t make me stand out. Those have been done before. _This_ hasn’t," he replied, jumping into his place in line. "And it suits me.”

“Aigoo!" Howon cooed and patted the younger on the head, condescendingly. "You put a lot of thought into this.”

Woohyun decided to take that as a compliment. “Are you impressed?” he challenged.

“Yes," Howon admitted to his surprise. "You’ve only ever seemed like a silly kid. Like the little brother Sunggyu and I never wanted." He then put his hands in his coat pockets and sniffed coolly, as if this was getting too sentimental for him. "But you’re not so silly now. You’re serious.”

“Because I _seriously_ want this," Woohyun retorted, tightening his own coat around him. It was cold.

Howon hummed as if he understood perfectly well. A wolfish smile graced his lips/ “You want to succeed where Sunggyu-hyung failed?”

Okay, so Howon _did_ understand perfectly well. Maybe it just takes one competitive spirit to recognize another. “Yea. I’m a competitive person," he admitted. He then looked around him. All he could see were people with numbers attached to their fronts, much like himself. No one seemed to be being babysat like he was. “You know, you don’t have to wait with me. I am an adult," he tried to dismiss the elder.

“Legally, but not mentally," Howon retorted. "It’s best that I stay here. For example, what were you planning on doing for lunch?” Woohyun let out a slight gasp. He hadn't even thought of eating at all. He hadn't even ate breakfast that morning. Howon clicked his tongue while he shook his head, “Exactly. Besides, hyung wants to know how you'll do.”

Woohyun scoffed, “I can tell him.”

“He wants the truth," Howon snapped back.

Woohyun dropped his gaze and grumbled, “Whatever. I can tell the truth.”

“Sure," Howon relented. "Look. I’m going to get some coffee. You, make friends and scope out the competition," he ordered and took his leave. 

Woohyun finally got what he had wanted. He got Howon to leave. But he slowly began to realize that the awkward presence of the old man was better than no presence at all. Woohyun sighed as he stuffed his hands into his pockets to keep them warm in the brisk cold. "Oh!" he gasped as he pulled out the cellphone. He had forgotten that it was in there. He wasn't used to having one on his person. And although he was only supposed to use it to update his aunt, there was one person that he hadn't talked to in too long (and all of this 'dad' thinking made Woohyun miss him). Woohyun pulled up Jungyeop's number from the contacts and dialed it in.

“Ahjussi? You’ll never guess what I’m doing. Oh! How did you know about the audition? Auntie already told you? Sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That song is one of my all-time favorites, and I thought it suited the fic best. In fact, all of the titles are lyrics from it.
> 
> Woohyun's audition will be in the next chapter. It might be a performance that you guys know. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay. I hope you understand why it took so long. Thank you for your patience.


	5. Someday, our stories will meet in harmony...Maybe we’re already there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get noticed.

“Okay, bye ahjussi. Ah-ahjussi! I have to go,” Woohyun tried to speak over the voice on the other line, but Jungyeop was still rambling on, wishing him luck and giving him small advice. Woohyun looked about himself nervously. He felt as if everyone in the long line was listening into his conversation (which was far from the truth but…), so he spoke the next part in a low whisper, “Yea, I love you too. Bye!” He then hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief. Although it was embarrassing, it was good that he called the old man. He felt less nervous now, less jittery after having heard from a voice so familiar, so comforting.

However, that feeling didn’t last for much longer. He felt a hot pricking at the side of his neck. Someone was standing next to him, gaze piercing his skin. Woohyun slowly turned his neck to see who this new threat was. “Huh?”

He couldn’t help but to let out a small gasp in surprise. It was a boy around his age, and just a shade shorter. That paired with his overwhelming smile quickly downgraded this person from a ‘threat’ to ‘harmless’ (although if the smile were a bit wider, it would quickly upgrade the man from ‘threat’ to ‘verified psychotic killer’).

With his sharp eyes, the boy looked down at the number in his hand to the one plastered across Woohyun’s belly. His number directly followed Woohyun’s. He raised his head and greeted Woohyun, “I guess this is my spot. Hi.”

Woohyun gave a small wave with his hands still tucked into his coat. “Hey.”

The boy then started peeling off his coat, which was strange, both the action and the coat. It was still early morning, and the sun hadn’t warmed up yet, and the coat, well, the best way the Woohyun could describe the coat was that it was a blue marshmallow with way too many (and random) patches sewn on. “Can you hold this?” he asked, handing over the coat to Woohyun.

“Sure,” Woohyun replied with a shrug, taking the coat with both hands and wrapping them around them tightly. The warmth and feeling finally began to seep back into his fingers. He had no idea when he had lost it in this bitter cold.

“So are you here by yourself?” the other strangled out the question as his chin was tucked down, eyes watching carefully as he pinned the number onto his stomach.

“Ah…yes.” Woohyun was a bit taken aback by this attempt at small talk. Weren’t they already competing against each other? Shouldn’t they be sizing each other up instead? ‘Have you auditioned before?’ ‘What style of music do you sing?’ Those were questions that Woohyun had been ready to answer (and also had witty, cocky comebacks prepared). But this boy with one question, already demolished the cool and confident front that Woohyun had wanted to put on today.

True, Woohyun hadn’t come alone. He had Howon, but…Howon wasn’t the support that he wanted today. Woohyun felt like he was on his own. And for the first time, it scared him.

“Me too,” the other answered his own question happily. Woohyun looked over at him and saw bright grin back on his face. “But my parents are coming later when I get up closer to the front.”

Woohyun sniffed and averted his gaze from that too bright face. “That’s nice,” he huffed.

“It is, but it’s also kind of embarrassing you know,” the other continued, not picking up on the fact that Woohyun was now trying to ignore him (or maybe he didn’t care). “They’re going to be so loud. They even made posters,” the boy said with a slight whine.

 _No, I don’t know_ , Woohyun thought to himself, and holding back the words by biting his lips. He only let out a strangled noise which he hoped sounded agreeing, or pleasant, non-hostile. The other still had that smile on his face, so Woohyun supposed it was fine.

“Thank you,” the boy said with a short bow as he took back his coat from Woohyun’s hands. But before Woohyun could stuff his hands back into his coat pockets, the boy extended his hand towards Woohyun. “My name is Jang Dongwoo.”

Woohyun took the hand into his own and shook it. “Nam Woohyun.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Dongwoo chirped, shaking their hands with more enthusiasm. Then suddenly the smile faded from his face. His body suddenly and violently shook, causing Woohyun to step back in surprise and look the other up and down. “Ah, I’m getting nervous, aren’t you?” Dongwoo asked, expressing his nervousness with ever fiber of his being. He kept bouncing on the balls of his feet and moving his limbs as if he could actually shake the nervousness off of him.

 _Cute_ , the thought caught Woohyun off-guard and so did the smile forming on his face. Rival or not, something about Dongwoo put Woohyun’s own anxious heart at ease. The boy was likable. He had a fierce face like a lion, but immediately after he smiled, Dongwoo was as docile as a young lamb. He was non-threatening. Woohyun felt like they could easily be friends, but… _Make friends_ and _scope out the competition_ , Woohyun couldn’t get the latter of Howon’s advice out of his head. And he already _had_ scoped Dongwoo out and analyzed him. Dongwoo’s strength was obviously his innate likability. He’d pass the first round easily, charming the judges with his smile as he had just charmed Woohyun. He’d be the loveable contestant that would go farther than he should, relying more on his popularity rather than talent. Which is a pity, because Woohyun was planning on being that contestant. _The bastard._

Woohyun sighed at his own pettiness. He should be focused on the ‘making friends’ part. He should be focused on enjoying the moment, relishing the fact that he’s finally going after his dream and that Dongwoo (who is oblivious to Woohyun’s internal dilemma) is just a kind soul that he met along the way. Dongwoo, he probably had the same dream after all. They _should_ be comrades.

For now Woohyun would allow himself to be friendly. They both hadn’t even been picked for the show yet. Afterwards, he’d figure out how to deal with a friendly rival.

“Yea, just a bit,” Woohyun agreed, joining Dongwoo in the ‘nervous jitters dance’ and added, “Waiting is the worst.”

“I know. I just want to go right now. I’m ready!” Dongwoo exclaimed, crouching down into a runner’s position, getting ready to sprint off as soon as the gun fires. “I’m ready!” He then sprung up and began running in place.

Woohyun laughed. “Where do you get all that energy? Do you run on batteries?” he asked, turning Dongwoo around so that he could check out the other’s back jokingly for a battery pack. Dongwoo giggled, turned around, and shook his head. Then Woohyun held out both of his hands to the other. “I could use some more energy. Give me.”

“Right? I have too much,” Dongwoo admitted, also pretending to hand some of his energy over to Woohyun. “So I have a hard time staying still. And _this_ line…ah it’s killer!” he lamented, jumping up and down.

As he watched the boy trying to dispel his excess energy, Woohyun almost felt bad, and he could relate. This waiting game was slowly killing him too. They both had to wait all day for just one moment, just a few minutes long, maybe several minutes if they were lucky enough to be what the judges were looking for. And if Woohyun dwelled any longer about how those few minutes would forever change his life, for the worse (because Sunggyu would’ve been right and he would have to give up on this dream) or for the better (he becomes a star, even just for a brief shining moment), Woohyun would lose his mind and end up messing up the audition because of crippling self doubt. He needed a distraction. They both did.

“Let’s play a game,” Woohyun suggested.

“Hm? Like what?”

* * *

Several rounds of rock-paper-scissors later, and both boys had bright red foreheads, which was okay because their bangs would cover the marks. It probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but hitting each other in the forehead as a punishment seemed to knock some sense into the both of them. There were worse things than waiting for an audition, like losing brain cells.

Woohyun was ready to give a hard flick to Dongwoo’s forehead after winning the last round. Dongwoo, on the other hand, kept squirming and avoiding Woohyun’s finger. Now he had his arm around Dongwoo, holding him in place, getting ready to hit it. The two had gotten quite close (literally) in a short amount of time. But men typically grew closer after hitting each other, and now that they had both hit each other several times already, they were naturally becoming fast friends.

“Woohyun-hyung! Woohyun-hyung!”

“Hm?” Dongwoo turned his head, looking behind them.  “Someone’s calling for you.”

“Must be someone else,” Woohyun responded. He put his hand on Dongwoo’s cheek to turn the head back towards him. “Stop trying to avoid me. Come here,” he beckoned with an evil chuckle on his lips. He raised his hand to the other’s forehead. “I’m going to hit you harder now for lying.”

“No. I really think it’s you,” Dongwoo insisted and ducked out of Woohyun’s hold. He peered around the line, searching for the source. Once he caught it, his eyes grew wide. “He’s coming over here. Oh—L? Do you know L?” he asked whipping his head back towards Woohyun, jaw unhinged.

Woohyun furrowed his eyebrows. “L?” he repeated. He then stuck his head out, trying to look for this mysterious letter of a man. To his surprise, there was someone in a suit with a frantic look on his face, but it melted into relief once his gaze met Woohyun’s. He ran up to the duo. _Oh, it’s Myungsoo_. Woohyun had forgotten about his old dongsaeng’s new name…and with everything that he had going on, he had forgotten about his old dongsaeng altogether.

“Woohyun-hyung! I’m glad you’re here,” Myungsoo said as soon as he caught up to the other two in line. All of the other contestants in line were starting to congregate around them, watching and whispering. Myungsoo was oblivious to it all. His eyes were fixed only on Woohyun.

“Oh, Myungsoo-yah,” Woohyun tried to play off knowing a celebrity coolly, but his voice betrayed him by quivering slightly. The stares were starting to pierce him, making him increasingly self-conscious. “What is it?”

Myungsoo dropped his gaze and his face grew red at the use of his real name.  He rubbed the back of his neck as he revealed sheepishly, “I, uh, um…am hosting the show.”

“What?” Woohyun blurted out. Of course Myungsoo was the host. Myungsoo who already had everything that Woohyun wanted, already had this show before him too. Some people truly do have all the luck. But Woohyun tried hard to mask his envy and put a smile on his face. “Congratulations!” he cheered. His eyes then darted around to the crowd closing in on them and on Dongwoo, his new friend, whose jaw looked like it was about to fall off. “Well, I don’t want to hold you back,” he mumbled to Myungsoo, hoping to get the other to leave. They said ‘hi’ to each other. What else was there to say between old, now detached acquaintances.

“Hyung! I need your help.”

Apparently a favor. Woohyun turned his attention back on the other, confused. “How can I?” he asked.

“I, um, need to interview people,” Myungsoo answered quietly, clasping his hands together, his wide shoulders shrinking.  

“Don’t the PD-nims find the people for you,” Woohyun pointed out.

“Ah, that, yea. But…” Myungsoo bowed his head, eyes fixed on the ground as he was explaining himself, “I have a script too. But I’m still nervous. It’s my first time hosting…I don’t really know what to do. And then I saw you in line.” He lifted his gaze as soon as he mentioned Woohyun. His eyes were pleading. “I’m sure if I ask them, they’ll let me.”

“Really?” Woohyun asked nervously. The whispers surrounding him were growing into a loud murmur, and Dongwoo’s presence was hot on his back. This was a stroke of luck, wasn’t it? A shooting star across Woohyun’s dreary sky. But why didn’t he feel like he deserved it?

“Hyung, it would be good for you too! You’ll get airtime,” Myungsoo insisted. Woohyun pulled his attention away from his fellow contestants finally and focused on the man in front of him, who all the sudden seemed less impressive than before. Less of a man. He was just a boy like Woohyun. No, he was younger than Woohyun. Myungsoo was whining now, “Please hyung. You…you’re the only person that I know here.”

Myungsoo, even after all of these years and going through a string of fortunate events, he was just like that boy still, who preferred to color by himself in the corner than play with the other orphans. He was still shy, in spite of being thrust into the spotlight.

“Okay,” Woohyun gave in. Myungsoo immediately smiled in relief. But then Woohyun robbed it away after he raised one finger in the other’s face. “But under one condition.”

“Anything. I’ll do it,” Myungsoo immediately yielded.

Woohyun reached behind him, hoping that he was grabbing the arm of the right contestant, but judging by the puffiness of the coat he’d grabbed onto, it was. He pulled Dongwoo in between them. “You have to interview my friend, Jang Dongwoo, too. It’ll be a joint interview,” Woohyun listed out his condition.

“Of course. Done!” Myungsoo didn’t even hesitate, or look at Dongwoo. He was just relieved that his job had just gotten easier. “Thank you, hyung,” he said as he walked away to ask the PD about the interviews.

After seeing the model walk away, Woohyun puffed out his cheeks and let out a deep breath. This was his shooting star, the way for him to get noticed, not to mention a way to waste time before the audition. He needed to grab onto to it, like he was grabbing onto Dongwoo’s arm right now. His grip tightened. Why was he getting even more nervous than before?

“Woohyun-ssi, you didn’t have to invite me,” Dongwoo spoke in a quiet voice. Woohyun looked over and dropped the other’s arm. “Why? I mean, my grateful. Really happy. You’re the best!” Dongwoo exclaimed, giving the other a thumb’s up probably because he saw Woohyun’s worried expression. “But why?” Dongwoo asked.

Because he didn’t want to go alone? That was part of it. But there was more to it. “I just got lucky. I might as well spread my fortune,” he answered. He knew exactly what it was like to see people get lucky; he knew what envy felt like all too well. He thought many many many times, ‘Why isn’t it me? Why is it never me?’ So this time it wouldn’t just be ‘him.’ It would be ‘Dongwoo’ too.

Dongwoo’s sunshine-like smile returned to his face. “You know, most people would hoard it, get an edge on the rest of the competition,” he teased.

“Yea but…I like you,” Woohyun reasoned. “You seem like a good person. You’d do the same for me, right?” He narrowed his eyes on the other while waiting for the answer.

And Dongwoo didn’t even wait for a second to answer. “Eh, of course. I like you too.” He then shivered. “Aish, this is getting kind of weird for a first meeting. Why do I feel like we just confessed to each other?”

Woohyun was fully prepared to make it more awkward without any shame. He wrapped an arm around the other’s shoulder. “Dongwoo-yah, let’s survive this together!” he cheered and slightly shook the other.

And Dongwoo was more than okay with it. His smile grew brighter.

“Okay!”

* * *

Eventually, Woohyun was pulled from a line by a staff member, who said that the interview was now set up. Woohyun made sure to pull along his new friend with him. And as soon as they reached the corner of the lobby where Myungsoo was conducting the interviews, the model caught sight of them and waved them over. “Ah, sir, this is them. Nam Woohyun-ssi and…” Myungsoo introduced the duo to the PD as they approached, but he failed to remember the other name.

“Jang Dongwoo,” Dongwoo filled in the blank for him, not the least bit discouraged.

But Woohyun grew increasingly so. The PD only had his eyes on Woohyun, and with his body, he shut Dongwoo out of the conversation. “L-ssi says that he knows you,” the PD asked Woohyun.

“Yes, we grew up together for a bit,” Woohyun answered and shifted over a bit to include his friend back into the conversation.

“I never revealed this on television before. _Seriously_ never,” Myungsoo emphasized. “But I’m adopted. Woohyun-hyung and I were at the same orphanage together.”

The PD looked pleasantly surprised. “Is that so?”

“Yes, sir,” Woohyun replied, wondering if it was something he should’ve been proud of.

“And did you get adopted as well?” the PD probed further.

Woohyun sighed, not knowing just yet how he felt about the possibility of using his sordid past for others’ entertainment…or to get himself ahead in the industry’s game. The truth would out though, eventually. “No, sir. I just left the orphanage recently,” Woohyun responded in a murmur.

“To pursue your dream of becoming a singer,” there it was. The PD had found his sob story in Woohyun. His eyes lit at the prospect of it. Whereas Woohyun was still in doubt about whether this was a good idea or not. He had planned on passing the audition (and maybe winning the competition) with his talent and, of course, his charming smile. But he didn’t think of this.

“Ah—“ Woohyun opened his mouth, about to object. After all he didn’t really leave the orphanage to pursue his dream, Jungyeop-ahjussi had more or less kicked him out. He hadn’t really thought of pursuing this dream until recently, until he saw more worth in himself.

But now the PD had excluded Woohyun from the conversation as the man turned to the model and clapped him on the back. “Good job, L-ssi. Great find!” he praised. He then looked at the staff members surrounding them. “Let’s prepare the interview.”

“Wait, sir!” Woohyun called after the PD, grabbing at Dongwoo’s puffy coat again (good thing he didn’t seem to mind being manhandled by Woohyun) and jogged after the PD.

“What is it?” the man turned around and asked, obviously irritated.

Woohyun cleared his throat and said with as strong as a voice as he could muster (because this guy kind of scared him), “I want my friend to join me.”

“Why? Was he at the orphanage too?” the PD looked at Dongwoo with hope.

But Dongwoo didn’t have the answer he was looking for, “Ah, no.”

“Then we don’t need him,” the PD dismissed both of them and returned his work.

Woohyun was about to follow him and ask him again, and maybe have Dongwoo smile this time. That would win him over. But a tug on his coat held him back. Dongwoo had grabbed _him_ this time, to stop him.  “Don’t worry about it. I appreciate you trying,” Dongwoo insisted.

“Dongwoo…” Woohyun began. He really wanted to share this shred of luck he had, but it turned out to only be enough for him. The staff was already summoning him for the interview.

“Woohyun-ssi, are you ready? We need to put a mic on you,” a woman said, coming up and pinning a microphone to the collar of his coat. Woohyun shot a nervous look over to his friend.

“Go. I’ll be fine,” Dongwoo tried to ease his worries. He waved as he stepped back. “Good luck! I’ll see you later!”

* * *

After Dongwoo left, the next few minutes were all a blur. Several hands were on him, making him ‘camera ready,’ whatever that was. And the last set of hands pushed him down to sit next to Myungsoo on the staircase in the lobby. It was an odd setting, but it was probably to show that the model was ‘mingling’ with the contestants and welcoming them like a good host. However, Myungsoo didn’t even say ‘hi’ to Woohyun when he sat next to him. His eyes were glued to the script in his hands, and his lips were moving as he read it.

Without thinking, Woohyun placed a hand on the other’s knee. And once Myungsoo looked up at him and Woohyun started thinking again, he quickly removed his hand. It probably wasn’t a good idea, even though they had shared a past together. But then Myungsoo’s blank stare turned into a warm smile. “Thanks for doing this,” he spoke lowly.

“It’s really no problem,” Woohyun responded with a nervous chuckle. “I should be the one thanking you.”

Myungsoo shook his head and returned his gaze to his lap. “You’ve always been a good hyung to me.”

“Ha!” Woohyun sputtered into a laugh, but he couldn’t help it. Myungsoo had to have been lying. “That was for barely a year. To be honest, I’m surprised that you even remembered me.”

“How could I not?” Myungsoo sounded offended. His soft tone grew louder, argumentative. “That was the hardest time of my life! I can’t remember my birth parents, but I remember the abandonment…and you. You helped me.”

“How?” Woohyun asked. He was sifting through his own brain for an answer, but he couldn’t recall much. Mostly of how quiet Myungsoo was, and lonesome. Of course, Woohyun remembered the ease Myungsoo had gotten adopted too.

“Hm,” Myungsoo hummed, beginning to recall memories from years past. “When I first got there, I couldn’t sleep, but you slept with me every night.”

“True but…”

Myungsoo must not have heard Woohyun’s quiet objection because he continued, “You also brought me snacks. You played with me…and other than ahjussi, you’re the only one that I can remember from that place.”

The memories started to slowly seep back in. Woohyun remembered now, not everything but most things. And they weren’t necessarily good things. He didn’t have the heart to tell Myungsoo that they had to share beds because beds were sparse and they were small (and Myungsoo used to sleepwalk then. Woohyun would have to wake up and catch him, whenever Myungsoo wandered off). Jungyeop also had entrusted Myungsoo into Woohyun’s care. Woohyun, who’d been there since birth, had unwillingly become the orphanage’s welcome wagon. It was a role Jungyeop had forced on him. And so back then, Woohyun had found Myungsoo to be annoying and a pain in his side. He still felt sorry for that boy, as he was at the age when he was learning how to sympathize, and so he still took care of the small boy, grudgingly. But these, these weren’t fond memories for Woohyun. Not in the slightest. But they were for Myungsoo.  

“How can you remember all of that? I can’t even. It was so long ago,” Woohyun joked, trying to lighten things up, feeling slightly guilty for not valuing Myungsoo in the same way that he valued him.

Myungsoo shook his head and smiled as he replied, “You don’t forget something like that.”

For Myungsoo, the memory of a hyung who helped him through a difficult time in his life, that was a treasure. He had held onto tightly, shut in within his heart for safe-keeping. Even for Myungsoo, who had everything, who could have easily forgotten them and submerged himself in his new life, he still held onto the orphanage. It was still a part of who he was. It was a small part, but it was still there nonetheless. A small part of him was still that shy boy who looked to Woohyun for help.

“Oh right,” Woohyun mumbled, unsure of what to say next. His eyes darted to the crew, wondering why they hadn’t given them any directions. The widened as soon as they caught sight of the red light of the camera. The crew had been filming this entire time. Myungsoo must have wondered what was wrong and followed his hyung’s gaze, releasing a soft ‘oh’ when he saw it too. The model stiffened and gazed back at Woohyun, looking surprised and lost. Woohyun decided to help him out once again. He leaned back onto the staircase, relaxing, hoping that the other would follow. “Ah, yes I was a good hyung,” he bragged. “Hey, do you remember the slide in the backyard?”

“Yes!” Myungsoo exclaimed, becoming easily immersed in their conversation again. “It was really big.” He spread his hands in the air to emphasize his point.

Woohyun shook his head. “I’m taller than it,” he revealed.

“No way.”

And they kept talking like that for a while, reminiscing about days gone by. Woohyun updated the other of their old ‘home’ (it was weird to call it that). They eventually must’ve said something or enough to please the PD because he was giving Myungsoo a sign to wrap the interview up.

Woohyun had expected the other to wish him luck or say that he’d be watching the audition closely, but what came out of the younger’s mouth pleased him far more. “So I see that you brought a friend with you today,” Myungsoo said, nodding over to Dongwoo who was watching the interview. And Woohyun was surprised to find his new friend still there. He’d expected Dongwoo to return to his spot in lie, but he must’ve waited so that they could return together.

Woohyun’s smile grew bigger.  “I didn’t really bring him, but I met him in line,” he admitted.

“Really?” Myungsoo asked. “But you too seem so close already?”

Woohyun nodded and replied without any shame, “I guess some people are fated to meet each other. Right, Dongwoo-yah?” He called out loudly to the other. The cameraman was now forced to swing around and record Dongwoo’s reaction. And in spite of his refusing words, Woohyun had never seen Dongwoo’s smile so wide. “Aish, why are you being like this? Why?” Dongwoo chided while laughing.

“Because you like it,” Woohyun retorted with a cheeky smile.

After awhile, the two had bantered so much back and forth that the PD ‘decided’ to have Myungsoo interview Dongwoo too. In the end, Woohyun was really appreciative for this opportunity, not only that he and his friend were put in the spotlight, but because he saw himself in a new light. He never saw himself as a true older brother before, although he had two new dongsaengs now. But he more or less acted like an annoying little brother to Sungjong. And to Sungmin, Woohyun was more like a role model. He was distant. But to hear that he was a _helpful_ hyung, well, that was new. He liked the sound of it.

And the next time superstar L would come into his little convenience store, Woohyun would be sure to give him lots of free service as a thank you and because that’s what a good hyung would do.

* * *

And while he was thinking of how to be a better hyung, he had forgotten all about his own. He found Howon in the line where Woohyun should have been. The frantic look on Howon’s face vanished into simple eye roll (which seemed exaggerated because he was now wearing a mask and all Woohyun could see were his eyes) as he put his phone in his pocket and walked up to the younger. Woohyun then filled him in on the interview, almost forgetting to introduce Dongwoo and reveal how he knew Myungsoo in the first place.

After he finished, Howon lowered his mask, whistled lowly, and lifted his eyebrows. “Congrats, Hyunnie. You just made yourself a character. I’m impressed.”

“Huh?”

“I know how these shows are,” Howon stated clearly. He pointed to Woohyun.  “They’ll make you the protagonist from rough upbringings. A diamond in the rough just like Kim Myungsoo. A nice guy. You’re even making good friends with your rivals.” He then gestured over to Dongwoo, who was blankly staring at the two of them. When he noticed that Howon meant him, Dongwoo snapped out of it and pointed to himself. Howon nodded.

“Dongwoo isn’t a rival,” Woohyun retorted.

“Yah!” Dongwoo objected, not wanting to be taken lightly.

Woohyun turned to Dongwoo. “I mean, you’re more like a friend. Not rival,” he assured the other.

“Same difference,” Howon interjected. “Or at least it is to the production team and the audience, it will be.”

“Whatever,” Woohyun was tired of arguing and put the matter to rest. He didn’t want to start thinking about how T.V. would twist his life’s story. It’d be better if he was in the dark. So he changed the subject, “Hey, what’s with the mask?”

Howon seemed to forget that he was wearing one. He pulled it up over his mouth again as he surreptitiously looked from side to side. “There’s too many people here. You could contract a cold very easily,” he explained.

“Oh, that’s true,” Woohyun accepted. He then pouted and held out both of his hands, batting his eyelashes as he begged, “Howon-hyung, can I have it? I need to protect my voice.” He forced out a cough to make himself look more pitiful.

“Hm…no,” Howon pretended to think before he denied the younger. Woohyun’s frown turned into a real one, which made Howon laugh. He ruffled his dongsaeng’s hair.

Woohyun slapped the hand away and tried again, “B-but. My voice.” He spoke hoarsely, rubbing the front of his neck.

“Then save it,” Howon retorted and put a finger to his covered lips, signaling to the other to shut up. He chuckled at his own joke and then told them, “I’m going to go into the auditorium to find a seat and watch the auditions. But before I go,” he paused to put both of his hands on Woohyun’s shoulders. Woohyun was a bit taken aback by the sudden skinship. Their relationship was still somewhat awkward, especially since Howon was barely even touching him now. Howon cleared his throat before he continued (he must’ve realized how sudden this was too), “Don’t forget to clear your head before you go onstage. Just be in the moment. Remember to breathe. Try your best. And mostly importantly, have fun.” After he finished, he patted the younger’s shoulders and nodded. He then walked off.

Woohyun sputtered into a laugh. “Was that a pep talk?” he muttered under his breath. He caught himself thinking, _Sunggyu-hyung would’ve given a better one_ , which then turned into: _did hyung tell him to say that? What would’ve he said? What is he doing now? I wish that hyung was_...

“Woohyun-ah,” Dongwoo interrupted his thoughts.

“What?” Woohyun asked while turning to his friend.

Dongwoo wasn’t even looking at him though. His eyes were fixed on the path that Howon had just walked down. Woohyun looked behind him to see if the elder was still there, but he wasn’t. There was no one. “Was…was that Hoya? Lee Howon?” Dongwoo asked with disbelief lining his voice.

Woohyun shrugged. “Yea…do you know him?”

Dongwoo shook his head and laughed, “What kind of orphanage did you grow up in? L? Hoya? Wow.” He was blinking fast as if to try to make himself wake up back to reality.

“Ah, no,” Woohyun answered while softly chuckling at the silly notion that the three of them met at the orphanage. “I met hyung through a friend here. What about him?” Then he suddenly remembered why exactly he knew Howon, or to be more precise, why Sunggyu knew Howon. “Oh! Were you a fan of his idol group?” he asked his friend, while nudging him, fully prepared to mock him for like boy groups even though it was years ago when they were both just children. Regardless, it was an odd feeling to stand  next to a fan of his hyung, especially of Howon who still seemed very un-celebrity like in his eyes. He didn’t glisten like L did. _Maybe that’s why his idol group failed_ , Woohyun thought with a slight laugh, which caught in his throat as soon as he remembered who else Dongwoo could’ve known. “Hey…did you know about…”

“Ah, that’s right. He was an idol,” Dongwoo cut the other off. He then finally met the other’s gaze. “I’m more interested in what he did afterwards,” he revealed. Woohyun cocked his head in confusion, silently asking for further explanation. He felt silly for asking Dongwoo what Howon did. After all Howon was _his_ hyung. He should know. But Dongwoo filled him in without judging the other at all,  “He works at a record label over in America.”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” Woohyun spoke lowly. Now his eyes were searching fruitlessly for Howon.

Dongwoo tapped his shoulder to get his attention back. “Nam Woohyun, who are you?” he asked in a light tone, but he was serious about the question.

Woohyun shrugged. “Just me. Who are you?” he turned the question around.

Dongwoo stepped back and put both of his hands on his hips. “I am Optimus Prime!” he exclaimed in the deepest voice he could muster. Woohyun broke out into a laugh. “I sounded just like him, didn’t I?” Dongwoo praised himself.

Woohyun shook his head. It was a horrible imitation. But there was one thing that he couldn’t deny: Dongwoo had a way of diverting his attention and putting him at ease. He seriously hoped that this friendship would last beyond this line.

* * *

After nearly a day of waiting, Woohyun was finally here. He was at the end of the line. It was his turn to audition next. Dongwoo had wished him luck, but he then left to prepare himself for his own audition. The tension tightened in Woohyun’s heart. It grew tighter when Myungsoo came up to him, with cameraman in tow, and wished his old hyung luck. Woohyun tried his best not to mind the camera, but the red light kept flashing in the corner of his eye, demanding attention. If he couldn’t handle this one camera all of the sudden, how would he manage the audition?

_Clear your head. Just be in the moment. Remember to breathe._

Woohyun closed his eyes and took in a long, deep breath. He then felt a tap on his shoulder. Woohyun opened his eyes and looked over. “Are you ready to meet the judges, hyung?” Myungsoo asked.

Woohyun put a weak smile on his face. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

The doors opened. Woohyun walked slowly onto the center of the stage. He slowed down so he could search the crowd, so that he could find that old man in a mask with thick eyebrows. That shouldn’t be hard to find. Woohyun squinted. He thought he saw Howon in the back of the theater. Before he could know for sure, Woohyun picked up a familiar voice in the crowd.

“HYUNG! Hyung over here!”

Woohyun’s eyes whipped over to the right. Sungmin was jumping up and down, waving with both arms to get his attention. The waving only became more frantic after he realized that Woohyun had seen him. Woohyun chuckled to himself when he saw Sungjong drag his brother back down into his seat. His aunt and uncle were there too, with signs, with embarrassing signs wishing him luck, with his name in big letters for the whole world to see that they were here for him, that they were his family.

Woohyun picked up his pace and made it to the center of the stage. Once there, he pulled the microphone away from the stand and introduced himself, “Hello! My name is Nam Woohyun. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He was surprised at how still his own voice was. It was a good sign. Cheers rang out from his ‘section.’ He chuckled into the microphone. He lowered it once he heard his own laughter fill the theater. He was embarrassed, but he must’ve done something right. The judges were smiling brightly back at him. They didn’t seem scary in the slightest.

Woohyun could easily recognize them all. This season of _My Star_ had done well in recruiting bigger names to be the judges. Closest to him was Ju Hyunmi. She was Jungyeop’s favorite trot singers, and her songs were some of the first Woohyun had sang. Somehow seeing something as familiar and warm as her smiling face, which decorated those old CDs and audio tapes, it made Woohyun feel like he was in the presence of an old friend. He couldn’t say the same for the rest.

Yoon Sang was sitting next to her. It was hard not to be intimidated by him, especially with that small smile on his face. Who knows what he was truly thinking about.

The final two judges were elected to be there by the younger audience. However one was not lacking in talent or clout. Ali was looking at Woohyun with interest. He had caught her eye. Woohyun would have to try his best to maintain that interest and work upon it. There would probably be a good chance that she would be his coach later on.

But every year, one coach would be elected because the audience would think it’d be ‘entertaining.’ The one sitting at the end of the table with an amused smirk on his lips, he was the rogue coach for the season. Woohyun had more to say about his colorful wardrobe than talent or ability to coach properly. This man, Woohyun wouldn’t care if he impressed or not. Plenty of other things were worth more to him than the opinion of Kim Heechul.

“So I heard that you know our host, L?” Hyunmi started the small talk. She nodded over towards the side of the stage, where Myungsoo was. He must’ve stayed close to watch the audition.

The smile on Woohyun’s face widened. “Yes, Myungsoo-yah lived with me at the orphanage for a few years,” he replied.

A soft gasp was picked up by one of the microphones. Ali was now blushing that her reaction had been caught by the audio and now film as the cameraman focused on her. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she apologized.

“It’s alright,” Woohyun dismissed, waving his hand in the air.

“What do you do now?” Yoon Sang interjected, shifting the focus away from his fellow judge. “L-ssi is a model and you…” he left the question hanging in the air.

“I work the night shift at a convenience store,” Woohyun answered. He saw a lot of frowns forming in the crowd, and ‘aws’ fill the room. Woohyun smiled more brightly to show that he was, indeed, fine. “Don’t feel bad. I have a lot of fans myself. They call me the Flower Boy of the store. _All_ the high school girls love me,” he bragged. The audience laughed.

Well, all except for one. There was a scoff, and Woohyun didn’t have to guess who it was. He already knew. “Oh, you made Heechul-ssi upset,” Ali pointed out. “What do you think of Woohyun-ssi?”

Heechul leaned back in his seat and pursed his lips in thought. “He’s handsome but in a rustic way,” he concluded. “He looks more like he’s from the country than the city.” ‘Oooh’ from the audience echoed in the theater. Heechul grew flustered. He turned towards the audience and tried to explain himself, “That’s still handsome.” He gestured behind him to all of _that_ , which was Nam Woohyun. Heechul then brought his hands to his chest and said, “It’s just that _I’m_ more refined.” He turned towards Ali, who first put him into this situation. “Right?”

Ali, in turn, posed the question to Woohyun. “What do you have to say about this, Woohyun-ssi?”

“Heechul-ssi is right,” Woohyun at first agreed. But then a cheeky smile overcame his face. “But the prettiest flowers grow in the countryside, not the city.” The audience laughed, entirely on his side, and Heechul looked at him with narrowed eyes, shut lips, and his pen tapping furiously against the side of the table. Woohyun had rendered Kim Heechul speechless and decided to take it as a win.

“Okay,” Hyunmi was more than willing to put an end to this ‘small talk’ and precede with the auditions. “What will you be singing for us today, Woohyun-ssi?”

“Oh,” Woohyun emitted as he tried to swallow the lump quickly forming in his throat. He’d been so caught up with the talk and charming the audience that he’d forgotten all about the song. He cleared his throat while he set his feet firmly on the stage.

_Have fun._

That’s exactly what Woohyun had planned on from the beginning. Singing was fun for him, like a sport. And he wanted the audience to play along with him. He knew exactly how to goad them to play. It was the same way that he’d get Sungjong to open up to him. It was the same way that he’d probably got Sunggyu to be his friend: by annoying them. By annoying them until they grew to like it. He’ll do the same here.

“I’m going to sing Moon Jooran’s ‘Men Annoy Women,’” he announced, and the audience immediately sputtered, laughing. The corner of his mouth lifted. He already had them where he wanted them. “So I hope that you don’t mind this boy annoying you for a few minutes.”

The [performance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TaY8VwySwg) went spectacularly. There were moments that his voice could have been steadier or stronger, but it didn’t matter. He felt on top of the world. He couldn’t take the smile off of his face. Not only did he enjoy it, but the audience seemed to as well. He didn’t even urge them to clap along, but as soon as he clapped his hand to the beat, they followed along. They were just as immersed into the song as he was. Some were even mouthing the words as he sang them, men and women...and judges. Even his evaluations went just as well.

“To hear a boy in his 20s sing that song doesn’t annoy a woman, but it does make her want to increase her medication,” Hyunmi joked. “I’ll pass him into the next round.”

“I found it very…cute,” Ali was next, but somehow was still caught off guard. “I’m sorry. I’m still a bit shocked by it.” So she turned to the audience and asked, “For such a guy, even if he’s annoying, it would be okay, right?” The theater responded with a resounding ‘yes.’ Ali giggled as she finished, “Woohyun-ssi…it’s a pass.”

Yoon Sang leaned on his elbows against the table. His face was more stern than the woman, probably not as taken by Woohyun’s ‘charm’ as they were. But Woohyun appreciated his comments the most: “For your age, your voice is mature. You’re lacking some technique, but it’s nothing that can’t be improved. I think that there’s a lot of potential here. Pass.”

After Yoon Sang’s comments, all eyes were on the last judge. Heechul looked around and complained, “Why do I have to go last?” He then waved the boy off. “You were great. Pass. Pass. Pass! Next customer please!”

He passed. He passed the auditions with full support from all of the judges (sort of). His heart was beating excitedly, hammering against his ribcage. He was running on a high. After throwing some hearts to his kind audience, he ran off the stage. He was prepared to run back into the theater and up to his family, but pair of arms held him back. It was his first hug since he passed the auditions, and he didn’t expect it coming from this person.

“Congratulations, hyung!” Myungsoo exclaimed, tightening his hold.

Woohyun pat the other on the back. Of course, he had to be congratulated by the host first. It was still a show after all. “Thanks, but I should…” he tried to wiggle out of the other’s grip as gently as he could.

“Oh, right.” Myungsoo let go of the other. “Dongwoo-ssi is up next.”

Dongwoo? In all of the excitement, Woohyun had forgotten all about him. He whipped around to see Dongwoo practically sprinting up to the microphone with hurried steps. He’d been anxious to perform since this morning, so Woohyun wasn’t surprised by his lack of patience now that the end was in sight.

Red, Woohyun caught the red light out of the corner of his eye. His reaction to his friend’s performance was being filmed. He was officially part of the show now. The competition had started for him ever since he stepped off of that stage. Woohyun set his jaw, gritting his teeth. He’d have to learn how to not mind the camera.

Roaring laughter from the audience brought him out of his thoughts. Dongwoo must’ve said or done something funny. He was bent over in laughter, and others had joined in. It was like Woohyun thought: Dongwoo could easily charm the public.

But there was one thing that he didn’t take into consideration: Dongwoo was talented, incredibly so. He didn’t excel Woohyun’s vocals, but Dongwoo pretty much beat out Woohyun in every other aspect. He could dance. He could rap. He was performing a song by some American artist that Woohyun had never even heard of. Dongwoo was a threat.

“Jang Dongwoo, who are you?” Woohyun accidentally muttered out loud. No wonder why Dongwoo had been offended earlier when Woohyun said that he wasn’t a rival. By the looks of it, Dongwoo was going to be his biggest competition.

Then came Dongwoo’s evaluations. The judges were just as enraptured with him as they had been with Woohyun, Heechul even more so. “You dance like a fish in water,” the idol commented.

“Eh?” Yoon Sang was the first to react.

“Is that an insult?” Ali chimed in.

“No, no, no,” Heechul emphatically denied. “I meant to say that you dance gracefully and naturally like a fish in water. You belong on stage. Besides you look like a…a…” He snapped his fingers as he was searching for the right word. And when he had it, he clapped his hands together and exclaimed, “A piranha!”

Hyunmi laughed at her fellow judge’s odd comment. “What do you have to say to that?” she directed it towards Dongwoo.

“Ah yes, I will take a big bite out of the competition,” Dongwoo joked, baring his large teeth to the audience as he pretended to bite the microphone.

But Woohyun felt it. He felt Dongwoo nipping at his heels already. And then a few seconds later, he felt a bone-crushing hug. “We passed!” Dongwoo cheered, jumping up and down and bringing the other to hop in excitement with him. “We passed! This is great!”

Woohyun hugged him back. “Yea, it’s great.” He hoped that his voice didn’t betray him.

* * *

After being briefed on what the future held for them on this show, Dongwoo and Woohyun were let loose to celebrate and go home. Woohyun traipsed into the lobby with his head hanging down, lost in thought, still processing the events from the day. He then looked at the paper in his hand. It was his schedule. What he should prepare for. What would happen if he continued to be on the show. It was his future for (hopefully) the next several months, all boiled down onto one piece of paper.

“Woohyun-ah!”

He lifted his head and searched for the source. “Au-auntie?” he stammered as his family approached closer to him. His aunt enveloped him in a hug. “Wh-what are you all doing here?” he’d been meaning to ask since he laid eyes on them in the theater. And the feelings that he felt back then washed over him again.

His aunt pulled away and cupped his cheeks. “Woohyun-ah, you were amazing! I’m so proud!” she exclaimed. She then stepped aside for her husband to hug the boy as well.

“I filmed it, if you want to watch,” his uncle revealed, after giving him a short hug.

His wife chimed in, “We already sent it to oppa.”

Woohyun blinked in surprise. “You did? Umph,” the wind was knocked out of him as Sungmin squeezed his sides tightly.

“He’s already busy showing it off to the kids and bragging,” his aunt responded.

“Really?” Woohyun, he didn’t think that so many people would care about his success, especially to care enough to brag about it to others. _This is it_ , he found himself thinking again. _This is what it feels like to belong, to be in a family_. It was still unfamiliar to him. His chest grew warm, and his eyes grew hot and wet. Tears were welling, threatening to spill over. But he won’t cry. He couldn’t. He was 20, a man. Men don’t cry.  

Then Sungjong came up and gave him a very weak hug. “Hyung, you were daebak,” he said before letting go. And Woohyun let go too. The tears were now streaming down his cheeks, and he couldn’t stop. Sungjong looked at the rest of his family and asked, “Wh-what? What did I say?”

Woohyun pulled his dongsaeng back in and gave him a proper hug. “Thank you,” he said with a broken voice. It had meant a lot to him. Everything did.

* * *

Howon fiddled with the mask on his face, unsure whether he should break into this tender moment. He wanted to pass on his own well wishes to Woohyun, but this didn’t appear to be the right time. It was probably time for him to leave. After all, it seemed like the boy had a ride home.

Then he felt a vibration in his pocket. Howon smirked underneath his mask. He had been wondering when he’d get another message.

(45 minutes ago) **Sunggyu** : What happened? Is it time?

(30 minutes ago) **Sunggyu** : Why aren’t you responding?

(25 minutes ago) **Sunggyu** : I know you read these messages.

(now) **Sunggyu** : What happened? Tell me.

Howon had planned on doing a video call with the both of them, but seeing how the boy was busy, Howon decided to fill in his friend finally.

 **Hoya** : He made it. The kid was phenomenal. He’ll make it far on the show. Looks like he’ll have a lot of screen time.

 **Sunggyu** : That’s great!

 **Sunggyu** : Once you’re done there, let’s take him out.

Howon lifted his gaze from his phone’s screen. Woohyun was still crying as the four people lead him out of the lobby. Howon chuckled to himself. _He should be happy, but why is the kid crying like a baby_? He returned his gaze to his phone and typed out his response.

 **Hoya** : Looks like he already has plans with his family.

 **Sunggyu** : I thought he was an orphan?

 **Hoya** : Apparently, he’s not as lonely as we thought he was.

His cellphone didn’t vibrate again until he was behind the wheel of his car, about to drive home.

 **Sunggyu** : Good.

* * *

It had been nearly 24 hours since he passed the auditions. His life was already quickly changing. First, he quit his job. He had to now that his time would be devoted solely to the show now. However, he still needed to do the shift for tonight. His last shift, hopefully. Second, as a congratulatory gift, he’d been gifted with a cellphone and was added onto a ‘family plan.’ It wasn’t even a hand-me-down or an outdated model either. It was the latest model, with a decent data plan. It was new. Woohyun had something brand new and it was all his. He felt the tears welling up in his eyes again, and he swiftly put the phone back in his pocket. He wasn’t going to cry over this too. He’d been getting too sentimental lately.

However, with all the changes and new things in his life, there was one thing old that he was going to hold onto. _One really old thing_ , Woohyun joked to himself as he pushed the button next to Sunggyu’s door.

Woohyun waited outside the door for a good five minutes, constantly hitting the button, until Sunggyu finally noticed that he had a visitor and answered the door. “I didn’t think you’d come because you’re a big star now,” he signed his excuse. He stepped aside to let the younger in.

“The competition hasn’t started yet,” Woohyun responded, signing right back at the other. “But tonight is my last night at the store.” He then began dancing in celebration, but quickly noticed that the other wasn’t as joyful as he was.

“Congratulations,” Sunggyu signed with a straight face. He plopped onto the couch and averted his gaze from the younger. He was distancing himself for some reason, leading Woohyun to wonder what exactly Howon had told his friend. What had he meant by the truth? What had Woohyun done wrong?

Woohyun jumped onto the couch next to him. Sunggyu whipped his head over and glared at the younger. Woohyun smiled and spoke, now that he had the other’s attention, “Oh, that’s right. Hyung! Give me your number.”

“Huh?” Sunggyu thought he’d read it wrong.

“Jjang!” Woohyun announced as he pulled out the phone and presented it to the elder.

Sunggyu smirked and took the phone from the other. “Welcome to the 21st century,” he mumbled under his breath with his usual hoarse voice. He sounded tired. He typed in his number into his phone and threw it to the other after he was done. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” Woohyun signed as he tucked the phone back into his pocket.

When he lifted his gaze, he was surprised to see that Sunggyu was still staring at him. His mouth was opening and closing like a fish in the water. He had something that he wanted to say or ask. But Sunggyu settled to speak through his hands instead, “So when do you start?”

“The end of this week,” Woohyun replied. “That’s when I get my coach.”

“Okay,” Sunggyu let out. He dropped his gaze while he nodded. He sighed and lifted his head again. “So now that you’re going to have a coach, I guess, you don’t need me anymore to mentor you,” he signed.

Woohyun tilted his head. “Hyung, what are you saying?”

“You’ll be taking their advice now,” Sunggyu explained. “It wasn’t like you were taking mine anyway but…”

Woohyun swatted down the other’s hands. He didn’t want to see it anymore. He didn’t want the other to finish. It was nonsense. When hadn’t he listened to Sunggyu’s advice? It was really only once. Was once enough for Sunggyu to lose faith in him? In their relationship (whatever it was now)? Woohyun was starting to have doubts of his own. “I thought you said that I wasn’t like your clients,” he argued. “Just because I don’t need you like that, it doesn’t mean that I don’t need you at all.”

Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “Do you really?” he challenged. “You have a family. You told me you didn’t. I…” he then dropped his hands and huffed. He stopped, but he wasn’t done yet. Woohyun just sat there, arms crossed over his chest, refusing to move or to speak until Sunggyu finished. Sunggyu gave a slight whine, urging the other to speak with a wave of his hand. Woohyun shook his head. Sunggyu sighed. He realized that the other could wait all night for him to finish, so he finally did, “I thought you were alone.”

“They recently took me under their wings. I have two dongsaengs and an aunt and an uncle,” Woohyun confessed. He then looked the other up and down. Sunggyu’s posture was still different than usual, more stiff, guarded. “Why are you getting so worked up?”

“I’m not. I have a family too!” Sunggyu snapped back with words and signs. “I have parents and a sister. I have a niece and a nephew!”

Now it was Woohyun’s turn to sign this with a straight face, “Congratulations.” He was still confused. The elder’s answer was no real answer at all. Woohyun only had more questions. It must have showed on his face because the other only grew more flustered.

“I just thought you were alone,” Sunggyu repeated, still trying to give the other an appropriate response. “And that you, Hoya, and I were…Forget it,” he spoke the last phrase. He brought his hands to his lips in thought and looked away.

Woohyun crawled over closer to Sunggyu on the couch. He reached for his hands, encircling his fingers around the other’s wrists. “No. Don’t forget it,” he objected, not caring whether Sunggyu had read him or not because he would see his point soon enough. Woohyun flailed Sunggyu’s hands in the air, trying to make signs with them. Right as he was about to make the elder say how stupid Woohyun thought that he was being in the moment, Sunggyu pulled his hands out of the younger’s grip and pushed him away.

“Fine!” Sunggyu yelled. He glanced quickly at the other, nervous, and sighed heavily before answering. It was something that he didn’t want to say out loud, so he signed his response, “I guess, I thought that I knew more about you than I actually did. I told you some really personal things and…it’s unfair.” So that was it. Sunggyu was questioning the status of their relationship, their closeness. Woohyun couldn’t fight back his smile. It was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one with insecurities. Sunggyu continued, “All I really know is that you’re a cashier, you were orphaned, and you have two friends: Sungyeol and Sungjong.”

“Dongsaeng,” Woohyun corrected. “Sungjong is one of my dongsaengs.”

Sunggyu sighed. “See. I know nothing.”

Woohyun chuckled softly. _If he was curious. Why didn’t he just ask_? Woohyun wasn’t the only one who was allowed to ask questions in this relationship. He could give answers too. “I’ll tell you everything,” he promised.

* * *

Woohyun spent the rest of the night telling his life’s story to Sunggyu, including the things that happened to him in Seoul that Sunggyu wasn’t aware of. He was careful not to leave out any detail. Jungyeop was the first person that he talked about, the man that basically raised him. Then he mentioned Myungsoo and his jealousy towards him. He revealed his rebellious stage and how that kept him from being adopted, even by the family that recently took him in. Woohyun told Sunggyu silly stories from high school, his crush on his sunbae on the soccer team, his dismal grades but wide circle of friends. He tried to tell the other everything until Sunggyu told him to shut up before he’d miss his shift.

Woohyun was afraid that he said too much because Sunggyu’s face had been blank most of the conversation, just listening and barely reacting. The elder just nodded and soaked in all of the information given, not even interrupting Woohyun to make a snarky comment or the chide the other. It was odd. But Sunggyu revealed how much it meant to him when he was seeing Woohyun to the door. “Thank you, Woohyun-ah,” he spoke, leaning against the open door. He smiled sincerely. “Good luck on your last shift.” He reached over to ruffle the younger’s hair before pushing him out the door.

Woohyun stared at the door for a few moments, grinning dumbly, before he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets and headed off to work with a happy tune on his lips.

What Sunggyu didn’t understand was that what they talked about, Woohyun thought was more important. Woohyun knew his past. He lived in his past, harboring all of the hurt that he suffered in his early years and never quite getting over it (which was mainly why he wasn’t happy being forced to rehash it all on camera). With Sunggyu, it was one of the few times that Woohyun talked and thought about his future. He felt like he finally had a future, rather than aimlessly wandering around in the dark. Sunggyu gave him some light. And Woohyun wasn’t going to extinguish what little light he did have.

* * *

There was one last thing that was on Woohyun’s old schedule left to do: breakfast with Sungyeol after his shift was over. Never of them particularly wanted to go because of what happened the last time that they were there and because of Woohyun’s ‘help.’ But they decided that it was the best way to bid farewell to this part of their lives, and, even in the slightest, there was a chance that Heeyeon realized that she liked Sungyeol back. It happens all of the time in dramas, right? The heroine’s heart often needs a jumpstart, a sudden confession, for their love to go into full throttle. And dramas are partially based on real life, aren’t they? Or at least that’s what Woohyun told Sungyeol as he pushed his despondent friend through the doors of the restaurant.

They sat at their usual table and began with their usual conversation. While they were talking about their night shifts, Sungyeol’s spirits seemed to lift. He had apprehended a criminal last night. It was just a petty thief, but that meant that there was one last thief on the streets. He was a hero in his own right, keeping the streets clean. Woohyun noticed how Sungyeol voice grew louder as he recounted how he chased the thief down several alleyways and finally outwitted him, pinning him to the ground with a professional wrestling move. Woohyun was pretty sure that at least half of the story was an ‘elaboration’ of true events (as Sungyeol himself liked to put it. Woohyun liked to call it ‘a complete and utter lie’). But the elderly crowd surrounding them didn’t know that, and even a few came up to the table to thank him for his services.

Woohyun didn’t know when he realized it, but when he did, he was grateful that Sungyeol was too immersed in his story to notice. The water pitcher appeared suddenly on their table, a lot later than it should’ve been. And they had been sitting there for almost 15 minutes now. He had seen no one approach the table or take their order. They were being ignored. Woohyun looked at his friend pitifully as he filled his own glass with water. Sungyeol was being rejected yet again, and he had no idea. The police officer was grinning brightly while talking to the table of old men behind them, grandpas that they had gotten to know over time. Woohyun had wished that Sungyeol wouldn’t figure it out and forget all about Heeyeon. But the fact soon became ignorable.

“Here’s your meals.” They hadn’t even ordered yet, but dishes were being placed in front of them and by girl that neither of them had never noticed before. Woohyun wondered how they could’ve missed that fierce and icy expression before. But Sungyeol must’ve been blinded by his infatuation with Heeyeon, and Woohyun was too distracted by his friend’s embarrassingly obvious crush.

Heeyeon never came. Not even within their sights. It was like she disappeared, which was strange because she normally served their side of the restaurant. But she was neither here nor there. Not since they entered the place, not when they were eating their meals, not even after they left. She was gone.

Sungyeol sighed heavily as he picked through the dish in front of him. He had lost his appetite. “I’ve always been the one who liked more,” he mumbled lowly, a stark difference from his proud boasting before. What he was saying now was for Woohyun’s ears alone. “I’ve always been dumped...or rejected.” He stabbed at his plate shaking the table. He spoke through gritted teeth, “Girls say that they want a guy who’d go all in. But when I do, they say I’m overdoing it. I’d go all in, and they just take it all away.” He finally gave up on eating, slunk down in his seat, and stared up at the ceiling completely listless. “Ah,” he groaned and shut his eyes tightly. “I’m used to it. I’m going to be stuck with unrequited love until the day I die.”

Woohyun didn’t know what to say. He felt partially responsible. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. He should’ve discouraged Sungyeol. But would that have changed things? Woohyun didn’t know that either. This was just the way things turned out. He just patted his friend on the back, telling him to keep his strength and hope. He also paid for their meals that day. It was a small price to pay for his friend’s broken heart. Or maybe it was the cost for closure?

* * *

 **Gyu-hyung** : Good luck today. Don’t mess up.

 **Woohyun** : Thanks. I’m nervous.

 **Gyu-hyung** : Don’t throw up.

 **Woohyun** : haha I’ll try not to.

 **Woohyun** : Anything else?

 **Gyu-hyung** : Burn your chest and cool down your head.

* * *

Woohyun laughed to himself as he read the text message. Sunggyu must’ve felt pressure for something ‘cool’ to say, or did he always sound like one of those cheesy teachers from movies? Did it matter? Woohyun felt more at ease as he was sitting in the corner of the waiting room. Today was the second round of auditions. The first round was to get onto the show. This round was to appeal to the judges alone, to get them to choose you for their team. And by the end of today, Woohyun would have his coach.

Yoon Sang was his first choice. Their styles were similar, and Woohyun could even learn how to compose songs from him. He could grow as an artist under Yoon Sang’s tutelage. Hyunmi and Ali were tied for second. Under them, he could probably learn how to express his emotions better. They would treat him gently too. Woohyun could grow as a singer with their guidance. But Kim Heechul, he doubted if there was anything that he could learn from that idol. He was a man more famous for his variety skills and even more infamous for going off-key. _Anybody but him. Seriously any god damn coach but him._

“Hey.” Woohyun lifted his gaze from his phone and looked over to see Dongwoo sitting down next to him along the wall. “And once again, we wait,” Dongwoo joked, hitting his head slightly against the wall.

“Who do you want as a coach?” Woohyun asked, eyeing his friend carefully. Dongwoo, he had a completely different presence when he stood on the stage. He was stronger, more confident. He even looked taller. But now, sitting alongside the wall with their shoulders touching, Dongwoo was just his little friend again, unthreatening.

“Me? Humph,” Dongwoo grunted as he closed his jaw tightly in thought, setting it. “Ali’s pretty,” he admitted with a laugh. “But any of them would do. I could learn from them all. But…” he held off from finishing that statement.

“But what?” Woohyun nudged the other.

Dongwoo hung his head, feeling ashamed for saying this, “I was a little disappointed to see that there wasn’t somebody more of my style...whatever that is.” He ended by crumbling into his usual laughter, deflating his own disappointment.

“I don’t think Nicki Minaj is available,” Woohyun joked.

Dongwoo’s laugh grew louder. “How did you know?!” he exclaimed.

Woohyun shrugged and replied in a serious tone, “Didn’t I say that we were destined to meet? I must’ve known you in a past life. I only need to look at you in the eyes, and I can tell exactly what you’re thinking.” But even Nam Woohyun couldn’t say all of that without breaking his stoic face. He could barely get out the last few words through his growing giggles.

“You always say such weird things,” Dongwoo said through his bursting smile. “Oh, right!” he suddenly exclaimed. “What about you? What coach do you want?”

“Yoon Sang,” Woohyun picked up his serious tone again. “I could learn a lot from him.”

Dongwoo nodded. “Good fit,” he muttered in English. Woohyun shot the other a look out of the corner of his eye. His friend had an odd habit of spitting out random English phrases, and it still caught him off guard. “But,” Dongwoo began and faced the other. “Wouldn’t it be good if we were on the same team? If we survived together like we said the other day? It would be nice to have an ally through all of this.”

“Eung,” Woohyun assented. He dropped his gaze so that he could pick up Dongwoo’s hand within his own. He gave the hand a squeeze. “Let’s fight to the end together and be the last two standing. Fighting!”

“Fighting!” Dongwoo exclaimed back, shaking the other’s hand in the air.

“Umph!” A body slumped down against the wall and pressed against the other side of Woohyun. Woohyun slowly craned his neck and smiled at wait he saw. Myungsoo looked exhausted. If it weren’t for the layers of makeup covering his face, there probably would’ve been dark circles sinking down to his cheeks.

“You tired?” Woohyun needlessly asked anyways.

Myungsoo’s eyes were already shut tightly as he nodded. “And hungry,” he confessed.

“I’ll go get you something to eat,” Dongwoo offered and got up from his spot before anyone could object. His light feet had already carried him across the room.

So Woohyun turned his attention to the host next to him. Myungsoo appeared to be falling asleep right there. Woohyun shook the younger lightly. “Yah, you can’t sleep,” he chided. “Don’t you have to interview the other contestants? I don’t want them to think that you favor me.”

“But I do,” Myungsoo answered honestly, lifting his eyelids slightly to stare at the other. He closed his eyes again and settled against the wall. “I’m tired of interviewing. I need a break...and food.”

There are some people who gain energy from others. Merely having a conversation with some could lift their low spirits. Woohyun could be classified as one of those people. Even if it was a pleasant encounter with a stranger, Woohyun would feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Daily interactions with people were as important to his health as a multivitamin.

But for others, talking to people, especially strangers, was draining. It would take extra energy for them to break out of their shells first before they even could begin the conversation. And now, looking at Myungsoo’s tired and reluctant face, Woohyun wondered if the model was one of those.

Myungsoo at least didn’t fare well in new situations, which was why he kept coming back to the one thing that was familiar to him: Nam Woohyun.

However, Woohyun was starting to mind Myungsoo less and less. The envy in him had died down into a low simmer, especially after seeing the model almost fall asleep before their day even began. Myungsoo’s life wasn’t as appealing as it was before.

“Hyung, can you just talk to the camera for me?” Myungsoo asked, pointing lamely towards the cameraman next to him. “I don’t wanna interview anymore,” he grumbled.

Woohyun looked into the lens of the camera with his mouth agape. “How long has that been there?”

“Hm?” Myungsoo looked up at the other. “It’s been filming you ever since Dongwoo sat next to you.”

“Oh.” Woohyun’s eyes were still fixed on his own reflection in the lens. It had only been a day, but had he already gotten used to the camera’s presence? Nope, not now especially after he noticed it. His body grew rigid almost immediately, his back straight up against the wall. Had it caught his conversation earlier? It had to have. That thought sent shivers down his spine, but he tried to cover it up with bravado. “Oh, yes, I’m Nam Woohyun, and I’m going to amaze the coaches with my performance. Just you watch. They’ll be fighting over me soon,” he ended the cocky statement with nervous laughter, undercutting it all. “Nam Woohyun, fighting! L-ssi, fighting!” he exclaimed while shaking the host next to him a bit more roughly than before, bringing a smile to the younger’s tired face. He wished the other ‘fighting’ again before shooting a smile at the cameraman until he walked away. Woohyun sighed in relief. But he couldn’t rid himself of this thought: _what was his image going to be?_

* * *

 **Gyu-hyung** : Nam Woohyun, fighting!

* * *

Woohyun’s performance wasn’t perfect, but he was singing a difficult ballad song. And he hoped that when his voice shook, it would be attributed to him immersing himself in the sad song rather than nerves. Woohyun hoped that it was the former too.

In the end, it seemed to be okay because the judges still praised him, saying that he was ‘going to make the decision hard for them.’ Woohyun hoped that meant he was the top contender. Things seemed to be going well so far.

And then it was time. All of the contestants were lined up on the stage in front of the judges. Myungsoo was standing in the center between them. He was brightly smiling and was standing up perfectly straight. He was L, essentially Woohyun came to realize that the other had compartmentalized his life.

“Now we split up everyone into teams,” Myungsoo announced to the camera. “The coaches deliberated about this for hours, and got into some heated arguments.”

“Why are you looking at me?” Heechul reacted defensively, looking around at his fellow judges who were also side-eyeing him.

But Myungsoo shrugged and continued, “And now to announce the teams.” He stepped aside and read off of the card in his hand. “First member of team Ali, Choi Hyojin!”

The names were being called off one by one. Ali was the first to have her team of four fully assembled. She had chosen all girls. Hyumi was the next to collect her team. Woohyun was surprised. The trot singer had gathered a group of strong and emotive vocalists. He could’ve fit in seamlessly amongst them. He was slightly disappointed that he wasn’t chosen, but, then again, she wasn’t _his_ first choice. There was a spot still available on Yoon Sang’s group, who had been assembling contestants with distinctive vocal colors. Woohyun’s was distinctive. He had a memorable voice. He could be on that team! Unfortunately, there was only one spot left, and there were three contestants still on the stage: him, a girl whose voice sounded like she swallowed helium, and Dongwoo.

If he was on Yoon Sang’s team, it meant that he would walk this journey with Dongwoo at his side. They both shot each other nervous glances. Woohyun unconsciously reached down to hold his hand (or did Dongwoo’s hand wrap around his). He needed this support.

“So two of you will be on Heechul-ssi’s team and the other Yoonsung-ssi’s,” Myungsoo announced as he walked up to the side of the remaining three contestants. Woohyun shot his head up, seeing that only two contestants were behind Heechul’s seat. What those two had in common, Woohyun didn’t know. They already appeared to be a rag-tag group of misfits. But there were two places. The only way that he and Dongwoo would be on the same team together was if they joined the worst team. Woohyun swallowed hard. _Please not him. Please_. “So? Who will it be?” the host interrupted his thoughts. Myungsoo stepped closer to them, aligning himself at Dongwoo’s side. “Jang Dongwoo?”

“Ah! Yes?” Dongwoo stammered. His words were loud and terse as adrenaline was coursing through his veins. He could never handle all the waiting and anticipation.

Myungsoo frowned in pity as he asked, “There’s a chance that you and Woohyun wouldn’t be on the same team. How do you feel about that?”

Dongwoo tilted the microphone towards his mouth. “Honestly? I’d be sad. Woohyun always says that we were fated to meet, so I hope that our destiny doesn’t end here,” he joked as he squeezed Woohyun’s hand. “But we’ll support each other no matter what. Yea!” He ended his statement, nodding emphatically at Woohyun who nodded right along.

“Now how do you feel about Kim Heechul?” Myungsoo posed a question that Dongwoo hadn’t expected.

At a loss, he looked to his friend for an answer, but Woohyun decided to keep his opinions to himself and just shrugged in reply. Dongwoo spoke quietly, apprehensively into the microphone, “Ah, he’s nice?”

“Hopefully he’ll still seem ‘nice’ to you because he’s your coach!” Myungsoo exclaimed, gesturing over to Heechul who had his arms wide open, ready to accept his new member.

“Really?” Dongwoo stuttered step in his spot, unsure of where to go, or what to say.

“Hey, you little fish! Swim over here!” Heechul shouted from his seat and waved for Dongwoo to come over. So he did. Dongwoo ran off the stage and leapt into Heechul’s open arms, who had been ready to accept his new member but not prepared for the force that was Jang Dongwoo.

 _Two spots left, there are only two spots and two of us_ , Woohyun’s brain whirred as he watched Dongwoo meet his teammates. _There’s still a chance_...

“Woohyun-hyung, why don’t you swim with them too?” Myungsoo suggested, nodding over to the group. Woohyun looked over and raised an eyebrow. “You’re on the same team.”

_Oh shit! Yay!_

* * *

After the selections, the filming was over and the contestants were lead into their team’s practice room. It was well equipped with several instruments, a mirror walled for choreography, and sound equipment. Unfortunately, it was also decorated with Heechul’s signature flair. Woohyun thought that so much red should never been in a room all at once. It hurt his eyes, and it was making him even more upset, like he was a bull being provoked.

Luckily, Dongwoo was by his side also taking it all in. “Artistic,” he muttered in English again.

“You could say that,” Woohyun huffed as he entered the room. He made a bee-line for the piano and sat down at the bench. He could at least try to compose on his own. It would be a clumsy effort, but practice was still practice.

He saw Dongwoo out of the corner of his eye pick up some drumsticks and sit behind a drum set. He was pretending to play them, mouthing the sounds as he did. Woohyun laughed. Maybe even in this room, it would still be fun. And that’s the main reason why he wanted to stay with Dongwoo. He wanted to make sure that he still had fun throughout the competition.

“I’m glad we’re on the same team,” Woohyun said, spinning around on the bench to face his friend.

Dongwoo grinned so wide that it may have literally reached from ear to ear. “Me too.”

“Fishy!” Woohyun whipped his head to look at the doorway. Heechul was standing there. With a jaunty step, he walked inside the practice room. “And....Woohyun-ssi!” he remembered after a long pause. Woohyun immediately frowned. The first team meeting hadn’t started on the right foot. This didn’t bode well for their future practices. Heechul walked up to the piano. There was a smile on his face but his eyes were sharply glaring. “You look happy to see me,” voice thick with sarcasm.

“I’m happy,” Woohyun denied, forcing a smile onto his face. But it felt tight and rigid, fighting to keep the corners of his mouth down. _I’m happy for this opportunity and for Dongwoo. Nothing else._

“You’re lucky that this isn’t an acting competition,” Heechul remarked. He then scoffed,  “Look, I’m not too keen on working with you either. But I picked you two for a reason.” He turned opening up the conversation to Dongwoo as well.

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to be good friends and make good television,” Heechul responded, leaning against the piano. “I sacrificed half my team so I could get you two. Those other two will probably get knocked off soon,” he spoke bluntly. Woohyun felt a fire building in his gut. He gritted his teeth and gathered his hands into fists. Those contestants dreamed to be singers just like he did, but Heechul was treating them like mere pawns. And he and Dongwoo were his more prized pieces. “There’s no way the audience is going to vote you off until near the end. Even if you mess up on stage. People love a bromance, and _I’m_ going into the finals.” Heechul rubbed his hands together, relishing in his own brilliance. Woohyun looked over at Dongwoo, whose face was oddly blank. Neither of them didn’t know how to take this news. But Woohyun was pretty sure that the fire inside of him was fueled by anger at and hatred for the man in front of him. The fire was red-hot like the walls of this room. Heechul must’ve sensed Woohyun’s burning gaze. He faced him, totally unfazed by the angry face staring back at him. “Well, go practice. I have to go get the other minnows.”

Woohyun didn’t release his gaze, piercing through the man’s back, until Heechul turned down the hallway to pick up the other two contestants on their team. Once out of sight and earshot, he huffed, “I can’t believe we’re with that jerk.”

“Yea but…” Dongwoo started to object, but he held it in after Woohyun shot him a stern look.

“But what?” Woohyun goaded him.

“He’s the only one with real dance experience,” Dongwoo pointed out. “And he knows a thing or two about stage presence.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Woohyun challenged. He couldn’t help but to let out a slight chuckle. “He’s known for being lazy.”

“True. But that’s also his trademark. Image. It’s an image,” Dongwoo quickly corrected. “You don’t get that far in the business by being lazy.”

Woohyun shot a glance at the door, only to see his coach standing there, ushering the two minnows that he had used to bait him and Dongwoo in. Woohyun’s heart dropped. The contestants seemed like good people. They deserved a better coach. All of them did. Woohyun turned to Dongwoo and whispered lowly, “I hope you’re right.”

* * *

 **Gyu-hyung** : Who’s your coach?

 **Woohyun** : Kim f***ing Heechul

 **Gyu-hyung** : Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 **Gyu-hyung** : Watch your language.

 **Woohyun** : Sorry.

 **Woohyun** : I was paired with Sir Kim Heechul.

 **Gyu-hyung** : When does this air? I can’t wait to see the look on your face.

 **Woohyun** : Never. This show never airs. I burned the film.

 **Gyu-hyung** : You know, I’m going to find out and watch it over and over and over again.

 **Gyu-hyung** : And it’s not that bad. You can learn from him.

 **Woohyun** : What? How to be an ass?

 **Gyu-hyung** : Any lesson that you take away from him will be a valuable one. Even if it’s just that.

* * *

So what did he end up learning from Kim Heechul during the first weeks of the competition? Not much. He learned more from the vocal coach that Heechul had brought in from his company. So his technique was getting better and his voice stronger, but Woohyun still needed more. What he really needed was a mentor because right now he felt lost with his head barely above the water.

However, Heechul’s ‘little fish’ was cutting easily through the waves, swimming easily and coming out on top of the competition. Dongwoo had taken first in the public vote for two weeks straight. Whereas Woohyun, in spite of glowing reviews from the judges (and only jokes from Heechul), every time he was in the middle of the standings. Woohyun didn’t know what he was doing wrong. His voice was improving. He was handsome and sweet. Whenever he was with Dongwoo or Myungsoo, which was often,  a camera would stick to him like a thorn in his side.

But things started to slowly click in his brain. The camera was never on him when he was by himself. Heechul would only supervise his rehearsal once, purely out of obligation. His “coach” would barely watch, eyes glued to the screen of his phone. He claimed to still be listening and would give few remarks. But it was obvious. Heechul was disregarding him. And as a result, the public was too. Woohyun was being overlooked in the competition. He wasn’t getting the attention that he thought he deserved, that he needed.

Or at least he wasn’t getting it from there. His family supported him, and Jungyeop called him before and after every performance. Even Howon would text him comments about his stages, what he did right and what he could improve. And then there was Sunggyu. Obviously, the man couldn’t give him advice (probably much to his chagrin. He always seemed to enjoy telling Woohyun what to do with his life). However, he could still text, and texting he did. Sunggyu would send several screenshots to Woohyun of him on the show. Embarrassing ones, taken when he’s sliding into a high note or blinking or the one time he (sort of) picked his nose on camera. All of them had a “special” little comment attached, Sunggyu’s failing attempts at jokes. But all of the texts still managed to make Woohyun smile in spite of the content. Why? Because it meant that Sunggyu was monitoring his shows closely, very closely.

But the smile would soon fade as these thoughts began to seep into his mind. _What if Sunggyu could hear? What if he was able to give him advice even now? What would he say? Would I listen to it?_ To Woohyun, Sunggyu was a crutch, propped up in the corner of his room. Although he was fully able to walk on his own now, sometimes he would lose strength and wobble, making him think to use his old crutch. However, he couldn’t get stronger that way. He wouldn’t be able to live that way. He wanted to be self-reliant, his own person. And so he had to put Sunggyu in the corner to collect dust.

* * *

“Are you sitting behind a piano again?” Heechul complained as he leaned against the side of the piano. “How about this time we add fireworks? We could have two streams of fire blasting behind you at the highlight like BOOM!” he suddenly shouted, throwing his hands to each side of Woohyun to emphasize his point.

Woohyun rolled his eyes. It was a singing competition. He didn’t want to win with flash. He wanted to win with his voice. “No,” Woohyun shot down the suggestion. “My voice is flashy enough to win first place this week. I picked a good song this time.”

“Even Though I Loved?” Heechul repeated with a scoff. “Another sappy love song?” “Yes,” Woohyun retorted. “The vocal coach thought it suited me.”

“You know, for a man who passed his auditions acting cute and throwing hearts, you’re kind of depressing,” Heechul remarked. Woohyun clamped his mouth shut, grinding his teeth against each other before he could say something that he would later regret. Thankfully, Heechul got off from the piano. “Whatever. I’m going to check up on Dongwoo. Yah! Fishy!” He left as he called out to his other disciple, walking to the other side of the practice room where Dongwoo had been dancing.

Woohyun huffed and turned his attention back to the keys in front of him. He couldn’t practice now. He was too agitated. He’d strike the keys too hard, and he’d sing the notes with like he’d strike the keys, short and powerful. But it was supposed to be soft. He needed to calm down.

Over the past few weeks, he developed a good coping mechanism for dealing with Kim Heechul. Step one, ignore him. Step two, read the comments posted on the show’s forum.

Although he was ranked in the middle of the contestants, he still had quite a few fans to his name, and they liked to comment frequently on the forum, giving him words of strength. With each word he read from his fans, he felt the corners of his mouth pick up into a smile and his heart warm up. His mood was quickly improving. There was one comment that made him laugh: “Nam Woohyun is handsome enough to be in an idol band.” That comment lead to a rousing conversation about if Nam Woohyun was in a boy band, what would it be like. Woohyun chuckled to himself as he read: “He’d be the main vocal _and_ the visual.”

Him? The visual? Imagine that, thousands of girls flocking to his group because of him, because of his looks. That was an ego boost if ever he needed one, which he did.

He then thought back to the former idol he knew. Lee Howon with his pot-belly and stubble, it was laughable to imagine girls praising him for his looks. Or even Sunggyu, if he had been an idol, what part of him would the fan girls worship? Probably something odd, like his hands. Woohyun’s laughter grew louder and he drew the attention of his fellow teammates. But he couldn’t help it. He suddenly had a mental image of his hyungs in full make-up and sparkly outfits. _How did they even manage to debut with those looks?_

 _They weren’t the visual_. The laughter caught in his throat and his eyes went wide. That sentence repeated over and over and over again in his frantic mind. T _hey weren’t the visual. They weren’t the visual_. His fingers furiously swiped and typed against the phone’s screen, his eyes searching. _They weren’t the visual. Sunggyu’s f***ing ex was_.

The face. The smug face of a man with milky-white skin, large eyes, and a straight nose. Long, black hair brushed against his light brown eyes. It was the face of the old idol band. A face attached to a profile. The face of a man who robbed his hyung of his hearing and his future with one push.

Jiyu. He was one of those celebrities with an obvious stage name, one that matched his white complexion, and a dropped surname. A celebrity, that was probably what irked Woohyun the most about him. Jiyu was still a celebrity. There were people out there who still liked him, gave him jobs, when what he really deserved (in Woohyun’s opinion) was to be locked in the stocks and publically shamed. Too bad stocks were passe and that this man still had a handsome, youthful face. There was no doubt in Woohyun’s mind that Jiyu was banking on that face alone. All he had to do was read the roles Jiyu had acted in: kingka, playboy chaebol, a model , and (surprise, surprise) an idol singer. Woohyun took solace in the fact that these were minor roles on cable channels and that his last acting job was three years ago, hopefully fading into distant memories already.

It was some small solace, but it wasn’t enough. Woohyun got up from the piano bench and hurriedly grabbed for his things. The bench almost toppled over in his haste, but he couldn’t care for it. There was only one thing on his mind.

He pulled out his phone as he marched out of the practice room, casting off the curious glances from his teammates and coach.

* * *

 **Woohyun** : Let’s meet up.

 **Gyu-hyung** : What’s wrong?

 **Woohyun** : Nothing. I feel like seeing you.

 **Gyu-hyung** : Okay ^^ Let’s get coffee.

* * *

“What’s wrong?” Sunggyu asked him as soon as he met with Woohyun outside of the coffee shop.

“I told you. It’s nothing,” Woohyun signed back. Sunggyu looked at him curiously before walking into the shop. Woohyun sighed and followed closely behind. He tapped the other to get his attention. “You don’t believe me.”

“You haven’t come to see me in awhile. We just text,” Sunggyu responded. Woohyun stopped dead in his tracks as the elder walked up to read the menu better. They’d regressed. Woohyun had placed his crutch in the corner, all but forgotten. Still they regressed, talking just through messages again. Woohyun watched the elder mouth the words of the items as he read the menu. Maybe ‘regress’ wasn’t the right word. It felt comfortable to be with the other. He still felt close with him, secure, even though they hadn’t seen each other face-to-face in weeks. But something about their relationship had changed.

Woohyun pushed that all to the back of his mind and stepped up next to Sunggyu. “I’ve been busy,” he excused himself.

Sunggyu gave a small smile, but it wasn’t happy. “And you have Dongwoo now. You guys seem close,” he signed, huffed, and returned to reading the menu board. Sunggyu was feeling left out again. Woohyun was starting to realize that it was the thing that the elder hated the most.

“Hyung,” Woohyun spoke. Even though Sunggyu was deaf, Woohyun felt as if he needed to _hear_ this, “you’re still my best friend.” Was that what they were? It was odd to say it out loud, the idea that Woohyun had been toying with for awhile. But if they were best friends would hinge on what Sunggyu did next.

His smile turned into a genuine one. “Friend, can you order me an Americano? Thanks,” he quickly signed before pressing a credit card into Woohyun’s hand and rushing off to grab them a table.

Woohyun guessed that made them best friends.

* * *

They certainly did act like it. After some casual conversation about how their week went, Sunggyu started to make fun of Woohyun’s ‘childish’ tastes because the younger had order a caramel macchiato instead of one of the more bitter drinks. Woohyun snapped right back saying that he’d drink bitter beverages once he reached Sunggyu’s old age and loses all of his taste buds. That lead to some glaring, (a comfortable) silence, and then soft laughter. Even after prodding at each other’s weak points, they couldn’t stay mad at each other.

So Woohyun thought it to be a good of time as any to finally bring up this issue: “Hyung, about Jiyu…”

“Ah so that’s it!” Sunggyu exclaimed, cutting off the other. His hands flew into quick signs, “You looked him up. To be honest, I thought we were going to be having this conversation a lot sooner.”

“You’re not mad?”

Sunggyu shook his head. He spoke this time, “No, I expected this from you. From what you told me about Sungyeol and Sungjong, you have a way of butting into people’s love lives.” He scoffed. “Yah, do you think you’re Cupid or—”

Woohyun put his hand over the elder’s, signalling that he was interrupting the other, as he spoke, “You’re not mad at Jiyu? For any of this? He ruined your life, but…you protected him.” He pulled his hand away and leaned back into his chair with both hands in his lap. “You’re always protecting him. Shouldn’t you hate them?”

And that’s what truly bothered Woohyun about all of this: Sunggyu’s calmness. How Sunggyu didn’t seem to react when Woohyun brought this sensitive matter up. How Sunggyu _didn’t_ react initially. He just let Jiyu go after all he did. And Woohyun knew that Sunggyu wasn’t that much of a saint to be so kind. There was a devil in his hyung too.

“Of course, I’m mad,” Sunggyu responded. That made Woohyun feel slightly better. He wasn’t feeling angry alone. “And I’ve already gotten my revenge on him. I’m happy and successful. He’s a shit actor stuck in two-bit roles. What’s better revenge than that?” Sunggyu smirked and then remarked, “Hyung’s cool, right? I’m not petty at all.”

Woohyun scoffed, “You were a lot cooler before you said that.”

“Is that so?” Sunggyu asked through a few laughs. He then paused and cast his gaze downwards at his mug. He chewed on his lips, maybe at an attempt to eat away at the words forming on them. There was something he wanted to say, but wasn’t.

Woohyun felt his heart quicken. He cleared his throat and rubbed at his chest. _Damn caffeine_. He had been drinking too much of it recently in order to stay up during those late nights practicing. Now his heart was pacing two times faster than it was before. _I should stop_. Sunggyu’s next words helped to fix that, slowing his heart down (or stopping it altogether).

“But I can’t hate him.”

“Why not?” there was a slight, frustrated whine in Woohyun’s voice. He couldn’t understand.

“At the expense of sounding horribly cliché and overly romantic and just _gross_ ,” Sunggyu began with a small smile and laugh. He looked up at the ceiling and sucked in a deep breath before finishing his answer, “He was my first love. With him, I learned what love was, how it felt. So I can’t completely hate him. A man takes his first love to the grave.”

When his eyes finally fell back onto Woohyun, the younger was ready with a retort, “That wasn’t love.”

The smile didn’t leave Sunggyu’s face. If anything, it grew wider. “It was for me.”

* * *

Distracted. That’s how Woohyun could describe his week following that. He was distracted during his [performance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muu_cb6EuaU) for _My Star_ , suddenly wondering “what _is_ love?” during his love ballad. He didn’t know. He thought he did, but his conversation with Sunggyu had just subverted everything he had once known. And his performance was the worse for it. Luckily, the public was also distracted. Yoon Sang had called it an ‘interesting’ rendition of the song, thinking that Woohyun’s confusion was intentional. And based on that opinion, the audience voted more for Woohyun than ever before, landing him in second place for the first time and beating out Dongwoo who’d dropped below him.

It wasn’t a sweet victory though. It was pure luck (or it was in his mind).

And right now, as he was singing the song of his choice for next week’s performance, Heechul was distracted, sitting in his usual chair and playing with his phone.

Woohyun didn’t even go onto the second verse. He stopped suddenly and asked, “Well, what do you think?” It was his first time discussing his song choice with Heechul before the vocal trainer. Woohyun thought that perhaps his relationship with the idol would become better if he put more effort into it. It wasn’t until now that he realized his plan had backfired. They _both_ needed to put in effort, and Heechul was still slacking.

“Good. You’re always good,” Heechul replied in a distracted voice. He looked up from his phone, gazing Woohyun directly in the eye for the first time since he started singing. “Are we done?” He didn’t even wait for Woohyun to respond. He tucked his phone into his coat and stood up from his chair, preparing to leave.

“Why do you hate me?” Woohyun’s question stopped the idol in his tracks. Heechul turned around. Woohyun took this opportunity to step closer to the other and square up his chest. Woohyun wasn’t afraid of the idol. He knew that plenty were, but Woohyun was too irritated to be afraid of Heechul’s erratic temper. “You’re putting a lot more effort into Dongwoo,” Woohyun pointed out. “Is it because you think I’m going to lose?”

Surprisingly Heechul smiled (he really was unpredictable). “I don’t hate you. You hate me,” he retorted. Woohyun opened his mouth to object, but Heechul raised a finger, pointing at the other and shoving his words back inside. “Don’t deny it. You don’t respect me. I’m not going to waste my time giving advice to people who are just going to disregard it.” His expression softened even more. “But Dongwoo, that kid listens to me. He wants my advice.”

“I want it too,” Woohyun fought back.

Heechul shook his head and waved his finger. “No, no you don’t,” he denied. “You want praise.”

Woohyun frowned. “That’s not true,” his voice was slowly losing strength as he was losing the argument as well. When did Kim Heechul, a well known narcissist,  suddenly become perceptive?

“Look. We both know you can sing. And we both know that I can’t give you much advice on how to improve there. You know technique better than I do. You’re a natural,” Heechul admitted.

Woohyun was taken aback. That was the most praise he’s ever heard from Heechul. “Really?”

The idol rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to be Kyuhyun to know that,” Heechul retorted. “But _you’re_ stubborn. You want to do what you want, and you can’t do that if you want to make it as a singer.”

That would make two people now who thought Woohyun shouldn’t become a singer. How much longer until there was one more, or a whole crowd of people shooting down his dream. _Maybe there already are_. Woohyun hung his head. After all, he hadn’t won first place since he joined the competition. Maybe there were more than just two people who thought he couldn’t make it as a singer.

“Huh?”

Heechul stepped closer to him and patted the younger on the shoulder. His voice was as gentle as his hand, “But I’m stubborn too. Stubborn people also stay in the business, especially if they’re just as shameless as us.” He gave a hard pat and a wink to the other. The idol then cleared his throat, as the atmosphere was growing too ‘warm and fuzzy’ for his liking. He turned around and was making his way out the door.

“Really?” Woohyun raised his voice, calling after his coach.

Heechul spun around and continued to walk backwards. “The real reason that we can’t get along is that we’re too much alike,” he stated.

“Pbft!” Woohyun sputtered. “I’m nothing like you, hyung. I _can_ sing,” he teased. It looked like their relationship was going to be built on honesty. The more brutal, the better.

Heechul stopped again. “Aish. Disrespectful punk,” he cursed. “I can sing too. I’m a world famous singer! People in Antarctica know my name. The penguins sing my songs!” He argued and stomped out the door.

Woohyun chuckled at that, and right as he was about to turn his mind back to his song (maybe he had made the wrong choice), he heard a voice from the entrance.   “Come to me when you want to be a performer,” and then Heechul left him with that parting statement.

* * *

Woohyun left the practice room soon after. He had lost all confidence in his song choice. He needed a change. He could sing more than sappy love ballads, and he had. But the audience must’ve forgotten about his audition. It was time to remind them who Nam Woohyun was.

But who was Nam Woohyun? The Woohyun at the beginning of the competition was different than the one here now. He’d grown. He’d changed. After all, he was at the age when his character was still in flux, but it was settling, slowly but surely. Sure, he was still the ‘annoying kid’ at heart. He’ll always be. But he was also something else. What? Woohyun needed to figure out.

Maybe taking an early night and eating with his family (which he hadn’t done in weeks) would help.

But Woohyun never made it to the Lees’ door.

“I haven’t seen you around lately.”

Woohyun whipped his head around and saw Sungyeol walking down the hall to greet him. He was still in civilian clothes, which meant that he had the night off. Woohyun grinned. He’d missed this. “Yea, you’re probably pretty lonely without me,” he teased. But then he dropped the smile and sincerely apologized, “I’m sorry. The competition has been taking up a lot of time.”

Sungyeol batted away the apology with a wave of his hand. “Eh, don’t worry.” He then leaned against the wall. “I’ve been watching you and voting every week.” Woohyun chuckled in disbelief. “Seriously! I have!” Sungyeol insisted. “But I haven’t been voting for you.”

Woohyun frowned and hit him in the arm. Sungyeol winced, muttering “It’s just a joke. A joke.” So Woohyun apologized, and while he was rubbing the pain away from Sungyeol’s arm, the cop also revealed something else, “Also I haven’t been missing you that much.”

“Jerk.”

“No, I’m actually seeing somebody.”

“Really?” Woohyun was in disbelief. The last time he’d spoken to Sungyeol, the cop was still despondent, dragging his feet down their building’s halls and murmuring like a zombie who feasted on love instead of brains. Sungyeol, though, nodded proudly. “Heeyeon noona?”

“No, Solji noona,” he corrected.

Woohyun stared blankly at the other. “Who’s that?”

* * *

Sungyeol moved their conversation into his apartment, away from “prying eyes and curious ears” (or so he said. And no one in their building was more at fault of that than Lee Sungyeol). But Woohyun quickly understood why the cop wanted to do so. Sungyeol was practically gushing, the details of his love spilling out from his lips like sticky-sweet honey. His smile was tearing at the edges of his lips. Every ounce of Lee Sungyeol showed that he had fallen in deep. It would’ve been embarrassing for him to tell this story anywhere else than the comfort of his own home.

So who was Solji? She was Heeyeon’s unnie by a few years and the owner of the restaurant that they boys frequented. They had never seen Solji because she was trapped behind the kitchen doors, cooking every bit of food that they ate (and it suddenly made sense why Sungyeol’s portions always seemed larger than everyone else’s). She had used Heeyeon as a scout, gathering information about the cop that had caught Solji’s eye ever since he first walked into her establishment. It wasn’t like Sungyeol had much competition for the owner’s attention, not with all of the grandfathers with granddaughters Solji’s own age. Unfortunately, Sungyeol had mistaken Heeyeon’s scouting as interest and fell for the waitress. Then he brought Woohyun in so that his own friend could act as his wingman, but then Woohyun messed everything up, forcing Sungyeol into a premature confession.

And thank God that Woohyun did.

Because if it wasn’t for that, Solji wouldn’t have been forced to confess either. Sungyeol had gone into the restaurant once more without Woohyun, just to make sure that Heeyeon _was_ avoiding him and wasn’t sick or visiting her grandmother or in the bathroom with constipation (Sungyeol had made up a lot of excuses for her absence). That time, Heeyeon was there. She’d seen the cop come in and walked straight into the kitchen, only to bring out a shy Solji.

Solji was ashamed at first. She always had thought that she was a proactive woman, not afraid to confess or tell a man her honest feelings about him, even if it was just to say he looked nice that day. But there was something about Sungyeol that made her inexplicably shy. She wanted to talk to him but didn’t know what to say. The words weren’t there, and her thoughts flew out of her head. So she stayed behind the safety of her kitchen doors. Sungyeol might’ve been a cop, but he stole her heart against her will.

However, it didn’t take much for Solji to break past her shyness. Once the two began talking, the words came to her easily. “It was like talking with you,” Sungyeol blurted out. “I mean, it felt natural.” By the end of it, they were already ‘arguing’ (loving spats) with and ‘insulting’ (veiled compliments) each other.

They were honest. They put everything out there and took it all. They fell in love.

After listening to it all, Woohyun whistled lowly, “You move on pretty fast.” It’d only been a few weeks, but Sungyeol was already in scarily deep.

“There’s no point dwelling on someone who doesn’t want you,” Sungyeol became suddenly insightful. “Heeyeon didn’t like me like that, and there’s nothing I can change about it. But Solji, she likes me…a lot.” He ended with a shy grin and giggles.

“So you’re only dating her because she likes you?” Woohyun asked. He was concerned by how quickly all of this was happening.

Sungyeol shook his head furiously. “No, not at all,” he responded. “She’s pretty, smart, funny, cute…it’s hard not to like her.”

“You like her too?” Woohyun just wanted to make sure, even though Sungyeol’s glowing aura should’ve been enough of an answer.

“Yea, imagine that,” Sungyeol remarked with a snort. “Two people who like each other equally. It’s sad how rare that is.”

 _It truly is_. Woohyun reached over the table and patted Sungyeol’s shoulder. “You’re a lucky man,” he said.

“I know.” There was the giggling again. Soon Woohyun would have to tell him to stop before he does it in public. But for now, it was okay. For now, it was cute.

Then Sungyeol changed the direction of their conversation, “Have you thought about dating? I don’t know much about your scene, but there has to be somewhere you could meet people like yourself.”

Woohyun chuckled and rolled his eyes at Sungyeol’s awkwardness. “There is,” Woohyun admitted. “But I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Will you ever be ready?” Sungyeol asked.

Woohyun slid back in his seat. He had a point.

What was there holding him back now?

* * *

However, Sungyeol’s love life wasn’t the only change recently. Woohyun didn’t know when it happened or why, but it had changed. The dynamics of his relationship with Sunggyu had changed. Sunggyu was no longer a crutch. Woohyun could walk fine on his own now. But, was Sunggyu stumbling now, looking for support? The texts were more frequent now, and there were a few short video calls too. Howon had gone back to the States for work. Was that the reason? Was Sunggyu being crippled by his loneliness? The random texts at 3 AM would make it seem so.

 **Gyu-hyung:** Can’t sleep. Are you awake?

 **Gyu-hyung:** You’re probably asleep.

 **Gyu-hyung:** Sorry for bothering you.

 **Woohyun** : No, I’m up. Still practicing. What’s up?

 **Gyu-hyung:** Nothing.

 **Gyu-hyung:** Just want to talk.

 **Woohyun:** Hold on. I’ll call you in a bit.

Suddenly, Woohyun was reminded of the old man who used to come to the store just to buy cup ramyun and a beer, just for human interaction. Woohyun was there for him then, unintentionally. But he could be there for the man now. Woohyun could be his crutch now. Even with the chaos that was his life right now, he wouldn’t mind supporting the other, not at all. He knew what it was like to feel neglected. He knew what it was like to want to be needed. But he was needed now.

And that’s how he ended up at Sunggyu’s door the next day. He had no idea if the elder would be in. But something drove him to be there.

Luckily Sunggyu was.

“What are you doing here?” Sunggyu asked as he opened the door.

“Please. You were begging me to come over last time,” Woohyun signed, slightly worried that the other hadn’t immediately let him inside.

Sunggyu shook his head. “No I didn’t.”

“You never come over anymore, Hyunnie,” Woohyun mimicked the other, grinning proudly afterwards.

“I didn’t say it like that,” Sunggyu denied, but he still stepped aside to let Woohyun in.  Woohyun, as usual, went straight for the couch. Maybe it was unconscious. But it was like he wanted to settle himself in so that Sunggyu would have a hard time making him leave. Also the couch was really comfortable.

Sunggyu followed him, but didn’t sit down. “So what’s wrong?” he signed.

Woohyun sat up straight. “Do I always have to come to you with a problem?”

“No, but there always seems to be a problem with you,” and after signing that, Sunggyu left the living room for the kitchen. He soon returned with a drink for the both of them. Against Woohyun expectations (hopes), after handing over the drink, Sunggyu sat in the arm chair and not next to him on the couch. Woohyun must’ve looked as agitated as he felt because Sunggyu quickly signed, “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what, hyung?” Woohyun argued. He slammed the drink onto the coffee table. He glared at the man across from him. “I don’t really care for how you’ve been treating me recently. I know you’re old but I’m not a child. Hell, you act more like a child than I do and…” his rant stopped in his throat. He’d just notice that he was yelling, his hands were in fists, and Sunggyu was looking him _in the eye_. The old man didn’t even know what Woohyun was saying. Sunggyu wasn’t even bothering to read his lips. Woohyun slid over closer to the arm chair. He raised his voice as if that would help, “Hyung, are you even listening to me? Reading me?” It didn’t. Sunggyu held his gaze. Woohyun huffed and unclenched his fists, lifting them to sign (or to flick the other off). But Sunggyu grabbed his wrists before he could.

Without dropping his gaze, Sunggyu placed Woohyun’s hands back down. “I know. It’s written all over your face,” he said.

“What?” Woohyun’s eyes searched Sunggyu’s face, as if the answer was written all over _his_ face.

Sunggyu squeezed the other’s hands. “Every time I see you, you look like you’re on the verge of telling me something. Tell me,” he urged. Woohyun was at a loss. He couldn’t keep the other’s gaze, so he dropped it, looking at the hands. It was odd not to use them right now. But Sunggyu could still understand him. He’d always had. _Maybe it’s time_. Woohyun opened his mouth to speak. But Sunggyu must’ve not noticed and continued to talk, “It’s Heechul, isn’t it? It’s obvious, even on the show that he favors Dongwoo. And that…that must be hard for you.”

Well, Woohyun had been meaning to talk about that too. He raised his head. “Really? You can tell all of that just by looking at me? Eh, you’re lying,” he combatted.

“No,” Sunggyu denied shaking his head. “You’re an open book. An easy read.”

Woohyun lowered his head again and barely moving his lips he muttered, “Hyung, if I were an easy read you’d know that…”

“Hey!” Sunggyu yelled. He lifted one of his hands off of Woohyun’s and used it to force the younger’s chin up so that he could see the other’s face. “What are you saying?”

“Hyung’s a liar,” Woohyun pronounced loud and clear.

The elder slapped the other on the cheek (lightly) and pulled both of his hands into his lap. “But I was right this time, wasn’t I?” Sunggyu cheekily responded. “Woohyun-ah, there are more important things in life than Kim Heechul’s opinion. Yes he’s a professional, but you’re a talented kid.”

Woohyun pouted. “You don’t know that. You haven’t heard me,” he argued.

“True, but I see how people react to you. And that’s enough for me to know,” Sunggyu explained. “You’re really good.” Woohyun perked up. “But even if you’re really good, there will be always some reason why people don’t like you or like you best. You’ll have to get used to that if you want to be in the industry. I know it will be hard, but…” Sunggyu swallowed before continuing. All of this unaccustomed talking was making his mouth dry. “You’ll have people like me…o-or your family...people that will always be there to support you.”

This was new. This was the first time Sunggyu had outright said that he supported Woohyun’s dreams. The first time Sunggyu said that he believed Woohyun could become a singer. He grinned widely. He couldn’t contain himself and wasn’t going to. “Okay,” he responded, got out of his chair, and sat on Sunggyu’s lap, slinging his arms around the elder’s neck. His words had meant more to Woohyun right now than he probably could have known.

“W-wait. What are you doing?” Sunggyu blubbered. Woohyun felt the man stiffen in his arms.

Woohyun pulled away, but still remained in the other’s lap while he signed, “Hugging. You must not do it enough. You keep asking me what I’m doing every time I try.”

Sunggyu dropped his gaze for a second as he tentatively put his arms around Woohyun, loosely and barely holding him. Woohyun took this as a sign that he could resume hugging the other, and so he did, tightly while resting his head on the other’s shoulders. “No…it’s just…what is it this time?” Sunggyu stumbled into that question.

Woohyun pulled away just barely enough so that the other could read him. “I need it,” was the only way Woohyun could phrase it. Sunggyu’s lingered on his lips for much longer than Woohyun had been speaking for. And they were still there. And they, Sunggyu and Woohyun, were close, closer than they’d ever been before, close enough to...

"I know.” Sunggyu threw his head back. “Who hugs for this long anyway? Get off,” he whined as he wiggled in the other’s hold.

"Nnnngh!" Woohyun grunted, gripping the other tighter.

"Woohyun-ah…" Sunggyu whined again.

Woohyun pulled away again, removing his arms. "Just five minutes, hyung?” he begged while signing, his lower lip protruding with his deep pout. “It feels nice. Doesn't it?" he tried to persuade the other. “Please?”

“Okay.” Woohyun could barely believe his ears. He thought that he misheard that hoarse whisper until he felt Sunggyu’s arms drawing him back into his embrace.

Utterly content, Woohyun dropped his head back onto Sunggyu’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He could tell that they both needed this: human interaction, a warm body pressed up against their own, seeking comfort, fulfilling a want to be needed.

Woohyun snuggled in closer and loosened his grip. Lately, he’d been cutting back on the caffeine, afraid of what it was doing to his heart, but he didn’t stop his late nights in the practice room. He was exhausted mind, body and soul, which is probably why he needed _this_ so badly. And now, in Sunggyu’s blanket-like embrace, Woohyun was finally feeling rested...or was he finally resting?

Sunggyu shook him lightly. "Yah, are you sleeping? You can't do that here." Woohyun ignored the elder’s scolding and laid still.  Sunggyu’s fingers rapped against his back. "Aish…You didn't go to sleep at all, did you?'

Woohyun scarcely moved his arm and made the gesture for ‘a little’ before returning back to his original position. When he was settled back in, he felt the other’s chest shake. Sunggyu was laughing.

"Silly, you need to sleep,” he chided.

Woohyun put his finger on Sunggyu’s lips. What he really needed right now was sleep and silence.

"Not on me,” Sunggyu argued. “I have a bed. You can take a nap there.” He started to loosen his arms and squirm in his seat.

"Nng,” Woohyun grunted as he held on tighter and position himself so that it was nearly impossible for Sunggyu to get up. “Don't wanna. Don't wanna move. Hyung's comfy.” There was no way that Sunggyu could tell what he had said, and maybe that was for the better.

"Fine. I'll just have to…" Sunggyu began as he hooked his arms under Woohyun’s legs and around his back. He was going to try to carry the other. _This is going to be interesting_. Sunggyu tried to sit up once. He tried again. He tried for a third time. He failed and sunk back into his chair. "Let you stay here,” he finished with a worn out voice.

And so Woohyun did, and he fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

* * *

 

 _He has to go soon. He has to meet with his coach. He has to practice_.

* * *

 

“Hyunnie, Woohyun-ah.”

Woohyun opened his eyes just a crack. Where was he? “You have to wake up,” someone urged him. Who was it? “Yah!” Woohyun was shaken awake. His heart was racing faster than it should have been, even for someone who was woken up roughly. _But...I hadn’t had any caffeine, and I_...The answer was right in front of him, the man trying to peel his eyes open. It was Sunggyu. It was because of him.

Woohyun realized that it wasn’t the caffeine. It was Sunggyu.

* * *

 

“Sorry, Sorry. Sorry,” Woohyun apologized several times as he sprinted into the practice room. He staggered slightly inside, still drowsy and high of his sudden enlightenment.

Heechul glared at him from his chair. “You’re late,” he coldly stated.

“I know. I’m sorry, but hyung!” Woohyun exclaimed as he jumped right in front of Heechul. The idol was startled, not used to this sort of enthusiasm being directed towards him. Woohyun chuckled and revealed, “I have an idea.”

Heechul had a smile on his face, a genuine one. He tucked his phone into his pocket and he leaned forward with his hands on his lips, intrigued. “Tell me about it.”

* * *

 

Who was Nam Woohyun? He was just a boy who was falling in love with Kim Sunggyu. And next week, for his performance, he was going to confess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was talking about Sunggyu's and Hoya's "visuals," I didn't mean to diss them. They are handsome men. But imagine when they are over 30 and don't give a crap anymore about how they look. Those are the Gyu and Hoya this Woohyun knows.
> 
> I inserted links to Woohyun's Immortal Song performances which were the inspiration for most of what goes on in My Star.


	6. Who I love, Who is loving me…If I know all this, will it be less painful, or more painful?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things you've been waiting for.

“Yes! Bravo! Bravo!”

Woohyun had just done a quick run-through of his performance for his mentor. It was sloppy and unrefined. His movements were still awkward and unsure. Woohyun had messed up the lyrics and the timing. It was his worst rehearsal to date. And yet, he never elicited such a positive response from Heechul since the competition started.

Never once had the idol looked at his phone (as he was accustomed to doing) while Woohyun was singing. Heechul was engrossed in the performance and watched with careful eyes. And after Woohyun finished, the mentor leapt out of his seat and began cheering and clapping. Woohyun was a bit taken aback by it and almost leapt up when Heechul’s hand fell onto his shoulder.

“Really?” Woohyun spoke, slightly out of breath. “Is it really that good?”

If he was being honest, Woohyun was so nervous that his hands were shaking and the corner of his mouth was twitching as he spoke. And he’d been honest with Heechul from the beginning. He told his mentor about Sunggyu and a bit about the man’s background, his condition, and their relationship. His anxiety grew, as Heechul was silent for once and listening to him intently. And then the song he’d chosen wasn’t about encouragement, asking the elder to rely on him and to keep his strength. It was obviously a love song about budding romantic feelings, an unsureness about what to do with them. And Woohyun was unsure of how the tactful (and sometimes tactless) idol would take it.

But Heechul seemed to like all of it. He smiled broadly and nodded. “Woohyunnie, my little penguin,” he began in an oddly gentle voice. “I’ve been wanting you to do another performance like this since your audition.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Woohyun asked. He’d done more technically difficult songs in the past. He had also improved infinitely since the audition. In retrospect, his voice was the weakest at the auditions.

“It’s your spark,” Heechul clarified. “In the audition, you showed us who you really were, but in the last few performances, you were just a singer.” He then stepped back from Woohyun, widened his stance, and pretended to hold a microphone while blankly staring at the other. “Just standing on the stage like this. Boring!” he exclaimed and tossed aside the invisible microphone. Heechul turned his gaze back on his mentee. “The audience doesn’t want a singer. They want a penguin!”

Woohyun chuckled, “What’s with the penguin?”

“Penguins…” Heechul began and then he paused shortly afterwards to gather his thoughts. His eyes lifted to the ceiling of the red practice room as he pursed his lips. Then he had it, “Penguins, they are a little awkward when they are out of their element. Like this.” He brought his arms stiffly to his side and began to waddle in place. “But once they get in the water.” Heechul stopped waddling and made a noise from the back of his throat. “They’re beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” Woohyun said with a slight scoff in his voice. He wasn’t used to this kind of lavishment from his mentor and didn’t quite know how to respond (and if he didn’t respond well enough, the idol might snap).

“Eung,” Heechul responded. He looked proud of his simile, even if Woohyun was less than impressed with it. Then the idol snapped his fingers, remembering something else. “Also penguins eat fish,” he pointed out.

Woohyun raised an eyebrow at that, questioning the sanity of his coach. _Of course penguins eat fish, but what does that have to do with_ …“Oh!” Woohyun gasped as he realized what the other had meant. _Dongwoo’s nickname. He’s the fish_.

“That’s right, Dongwoo,” Heechul spoke the younger’s thoughts out loud. “He has been blowing the competition away in the public votes. The audience loves him.” And Woohyun knew it. Every time when Myungsoo would reveal the rankings of that week, when Woohyun would stand next to Dongwoo’s side, holding his hand, Woohyun would notice that all eyes in the audience were on Dongwoo and not him. He knew the results before the MC even announced them. His friend’s stage presence and charisma was hard to match, but Heechul thought Woohyun could. “I don’t want to cause a rift between you two, but he is _your_ competition too,” the idol remarked. “You’re the only one here who could challenge him. You’re a _likable_ penguin, Nam Woohyun. The audience will fall in love with you if you let them.”

Woohyun grinned, his heart warming at the words. Never did he think that he’d be so affected by Heechul’s words or opinions. But to hear that the idol had faith in him, it made Woohyun feel proud of himself. There was no way Heechul would say those things unless he fully believed in them; even though he was Woohyun’s coach, Heechul seemed to have little attachment or affection towards him. And so Woohyun had  essentially convinced his biggest critic of his potential. “Thanks, coach.”

“Oh! There’s one more thing,” Heechul suddenly remembered. “Penguins are romantics.”

And his coach lost him on that point. “Because…they wear tuxedos?” Woohyun guessed.

Heechul shook his head. “No, they propose to their mates with pebbles. Cute, right?”

“I didn’t know that,” Woohyun mumbled and fixed his eyes on the floor. His face was heating up. He was caught. So Heechul _did_ know what he was up to. For a second, Woohyun thought that the idol was just going to ignore it.

“Ah, maybe it’s because I’m smart,” Heechul praised himself, making Woohyun wince. The idol might not have been book smart, but he was clever. “Anyways, this is a proposal song, right? Or a confession?” he cut straight to the point, bluntly.

“Ah, yea…” Woohyun answered, barely moving his lips.

“It’s a bit risky, considering it’s for your hyung,” Heechul remarked. Then he placed his hand on Woohyun’s shoulder, forcing his mentee to look up at him. “ _But_ ,” he placed extra emphasis on that word and smiled all the while. “...the audience loves a romantic. It’ll be good. Just don’t tell them your friend is a guy, okay?” he advised.

Woohyun smiled in relief and nodded. “Okay.” Okay, he was going to do this. Okay, this was going to work, not only for Sunggyu but for the competition as well. There was no way this could go wrong.

“Okay,” Heechul repeated as he stepped away and began making his way out the door. “Now fly away, my little penguin.”

“Penguins don’t fly!” Woohyun yelled at the back of his coach.

“That doesn’t stop them from trying.”

* * *

Too little time and too much to do, that summarized the rest of Woohyun’s week. Since he’d changed the concept of his performance last minute, he had a lot of work to do. He wanted it to be perfect. He needed it to be perfect. And to do so, he ate meals in the practice room, scarcely remembering to text Sungjong to tell his mother that he won’t be home for dinner. Woohyun even began ignoring messages from Sunggyu, or maybe ‘missed’ would be a better word. He kept his phone in the bag in the corner of the room, and by the time Woohyun checked his phone and read the messages, old man Sunggyu was probably fast asleep or working. However, he knew that Sunggyu would assume that he was ignoring him intentionally. But Woohyun didn’t worry too much. Everything would come to light soon. Soon, Sunggyu would know.

However, the preparations for the performance didn’t just stop at practicing the song and dance. Heechul seemed dedicated to make this stage the most elaborate one that Woohyun had ever put on. And after giving the idol some leeway, Heechul began adding more and more dimensions to the performance. “This is going to be a great show,” his coach assured him whenever Woohyun was apprehensive about  something. And soon, Woohyun learned that Heechul meant more than just his performance onstage.

The day before filming, Heechul dragged Woohyun from the practice room. “You practiced enough,” he declared as he pushed the younger into the fresh air outside (when did it get so cold?). “If I hear that song one more time, I’m going to go crazy.”

Woohyun scoffed and looked at his mentor skeptically (as if Kim Heechul wasn’t already crazy). “What do you suggest I do instead?”

“ _We’re_ ,” Heechul drawled out the word as he pointed between the two of them. “We’re going shopping.”

“Huh?”

As always, Heechul had a flair for the dramatic, and Woohyun found himself feeling like a lead in a drama that his aunt would watch. His coach made ‘his little penguin’ try on suits that he’d picked out and made Woohyun come out of the dressing room for his approval. And true to form, every suit was more ridiculous than the last. While Woohyun was wondering whose grandmother sacrificed her curtains in order to make the floral suit that he was trying on, Heechul knocked on the dressing room door.

“What’s your favorite color?” he asked through the door.

“Uh, red,” Woohyun responded in a distracted voice. He raised his head to look at himself in the mirror. _I look like a mini him_. And with that thought, he immediately began tearing off the suit.

“My brother!” the idol exclaimed in English from the other side of the door. Woohyun was grateful to have the door between them so that the elder couldn’t see Woohyun roll his eyes. “Me too.”

“No way,” Woohyun’s voice was thick with sarcasm. It wasn’t like he was surrounded by four red walls everyday. It was actually making him dislike his favorite color.

“Huh?” Woohyun muttered as he put the suit coat back on the hanger. He heard steps walk away from the dressing room. He sighed. Heechul was on the prowl again. And now all Woohyun could do was wait and see what new, floral patterned suit would be passed over the dressing room door.

He had just hung up the pants when a bright red suit was thrown in over the door. “Yah!” Woohyun yelped as he struggled to catch the suit before it fell onto the floor.

“Try it on, and come out,” Heechul ordered. “Hurry! I’m getting tired of waiting.”

“Okay, okay,” Woohyun muttered as he held up the suit and finally had a good look at it. “Huh...not bad.”

It really wasn’t bad. Or maybe it only looked good in comparison to all of the other obnoxious colored suits that he tried on. But either way, it was a shade of red that he liked. The houndstooth pattern was flamboyant. It was alright. It was a suit that he wouldn’t be ashamed of wearing onstage.

“This isn’t bad,” Woohyun said as he emerged out of the dressing room. “I kind of like it.”

“Of course, I have good tastes,” Heechul praised himself.

Woohyun stopped in his tracks as he looked his coach up and down, and then up and down again. “You’re not wearing that for the filming, are you?” he asked with an edge to his voice. He should’ve known that the idol had something up his bright red sleeve.

“You like?” Heechul stepped forward and spun around, showing off his own nearly matching suit to Woohyun’s, except it was bespeckled with stars, fitting for the Big Space Star (with an ego to match). “What?” he snapped noticing the younger’s disgruntled expression. “You’ve always complained about me not supporting you more. Now we are a set.”

Woohyun frowned as he tugged on the lapels of his coat. It felt uncomfortable now. “Yea, but I didn’t mean…”

“You look good,” Heechul interrupted and smoothed out the younger’s lapel. “And more importantly I look good. Sold!” he exclaimed. Heechul then walked up to the sales lady waiting on them and handed her a black card. “I’ll take both of these,” he announced, gesturing at the both of them. “Put it on this card.”

“Uh, thank you,” Woohyun muttered. Even though he didn’t have much choice on the matter, he still had his manners. And judging by the way the suit felt against his skin, these weren’t cheap. It was probably the most expensive thing that Woohyun had ever worn. He glanced over at the mirror again, catching sight of his reflection. He puffed up his cheeks and let out a long, deep breath. Now he _really_ felt like a lead in a drama. He looked like one too.

Slowly, he was morphing from Nam Woohyun, the poor orphan, to Nam Woohyun, the singer. His cheeks were thinning; his jaw was becoming more defined. His hair actually had a style to it, rather than just lying flatly on his head. Now, in this fancy suit, Woohyun finally looked like he _belonged_ on the stage and not just someone who _happened_ to be on it.

Even when he smiled at his own reflection, it looked different, happier, more confident.

And it was at that moment when he realized that this wasn’t only the suit that he’d be singing on the stage in, but it was also the suit that he was going to confess his love in, tomorrow.

He hoped that Sunggyu would see him then exactly how just saw himself now: handsome, confident, and most importantly, happy.

* * *

“Welcome back! Next up, we have Nam Woohyun who is dedicating his performance to someone special in his life,” Myungsoo introduced the clip that was about to play.

On the screen, Woohyun was sitting cross-legged, casually on the floor of the practice room. He was wearing clothes that he’d been dancing in, and his hair was sticking to his forehead, wet with sweat. The production crew had come in and interrupted his practice, giving Woohyun no time to clean himself up. But it suited him, and his image of the hard-working dreamer, with a bright smile overwhelming his face as he shared his story:

“When I first came to Seoul, I was alone. I had talked before about working at the convenience store, but I hadn’t mentioned that I worked the graveyard shift. It was really hard for me to make friends, and at that time, I was really lonely, yea,” he eased the tension in the room, laughing at nothing in particular. “But I don’t regret working there. That’s where I met my friend, the first friend that I made in Seoul, my best friend. Sorry Dongwoo,” he quickly added, apologizing to the camera. “And even though I was having a hard time, my friend had it rougher. My friend loves music just as much as I do. Both of us can’t live without it. But due to circumstances, this friend went deaf. But...but…” Woohyun stopped and smiled shyly to himself. “...This friend still watches every single one of my performances, even without being able to hear, just to support me and to tell me that I did well. Lies! You can’t even hear! How do you know how well I did?” Woohyun yelled to the camera, chuckling at himself. He then quickly collected himself and put on a serious face. “This week, I want to put on a performance that my best friend can enjoy, so my friend can call me and honestly tell me what they thought of my performance.”

 _And what he thinks of me as well_.

* * *

After the clip was over, Woohyun jogged up to the center of the stage and bowed to each one of the judges, giving a special salute to his own coach. Heechul gave him a thumbs up and mouthed ‘Good Luck’ to him, for the first time. And with that, he felt ready.

Woohyun closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. His hand went up to make sure the the face microphone was taped securely to his cheek. He needed his hands to be free for this performance because he was not only singing but also signing for this entire performance. His words were going to be loud and clear so that the deaf, old man could ‘hear’ it from his living room.

Woohyun grinned at that thought of Sunggyu, waiting in anticipation in front of the television set, knowing that this performance was for him. His heart began racing in his chest, fluttering. Excited.

Then the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPNV-Bo956k) started. And he sang.

 

Is it because of the caffeine?

Am I just really into you?

When I’m sitting across from you and talking

My seasons change

Just like spring coming into my frozen heart

At some point, my heart starts to beat

Why am I like this?

Is it because of the coffee we drank together?

It’s probably because…

Is it because of the caffeine?

Am I just really into you?

My heart keeps beating

My lips keep cracking

Is it because of you?

Or is it because of coffee?

Even after a while since meeting you

I can’t calm down

I barely fall asleep in bed

In my ears, I can only hear your heart beat

Why am I being like this?

Can’t someone stop me?

It’s probably because…

Is it because of the caffeine?

Am I just really into you?

My heart keeps beating

My lips keep cracking

Is it because of you?

Or…

You just think of me as someone to tell funny stories

As just a friend to spend time with

Do you expect more from me? Or not?

Why am I getting sad as I look at you?

It’s probably because…

Why is my heart being like this?

Is it because it’s spring?

Wanting to hold your hand and

Wanting to sit close right next to you

Is because of something else

But why are you the only one who doesn’t know

Actually, it’s because I like you.

* * *

At the end of the performance, Woohyun stood in his final pose, panting, tired from all the dancing (which even in spite of a week’s worth of practicing, he was still unaccustomed to). Confetti rained down around him, Heechul’s added flair to the performance. Woohyun could barely see the audience through the white confetti flying around him, but then he noticed the blinking red light of the camera, which was fixed on him. Woohyun made sure to wink and to send his hyung a finger heart before straightening himself up to face the judges.

“Nam Woohyun,” Ali began the critiques. Judging by the smile on her face, causing her eyes to disappear into it, it was going to be good. “That was the best performance that you’ve ever given…maybe even the best on the show so far! Your friend is lucky to have such a caring, talented...cute friend! But…” she paused and her face grew grim. Woohyun’s stomach dropped. “I have just one negative comment. This is important, so listen well.”

“Yea,” Woohyun chirped, cupping his hands around his ears to hear her better.

Ali laughed at that before becoming serious again. “Never, and I really mean ‘never,’ let Heechul-ssi dress you again.”

“Yah!” the idol snapped. He stood up from his seat, showing the entire audience his entire outfit. “We look good. We’re a set! A set!” he explained with a booming voice.

“Can we continue?” Yoon Sang asked with a teasing lilt in his voice. Heechul yielded and sat back down. Yoon Sang shook his head at the idol and then turned his attention back onto Woohyun. “I agree with Ali. This was your best performance to date, but even given that, when I watched you today, I was reminded of your first performance for us at the auditions. We saw that Nam Woohyun again, that cheerful youth. And you connected with the audience again, like you did back then. I’m certain that it will reflect in the public’s votes tonight.”

“Ah thank you,” Woohyun exclaimed, bowing deeply at Yoon Sang’s praise.

Finally it was Hyunmi’s turn. “Woohyun-ssi,” she began with a motherly smile on her face. “I didn’t want this performance to end. I keep wanting to hear more,” she admitted. “It was really cute and fun to watch. I hope you give more performances like this in the future,” she ended her statement with a short applause for the singer. Afterwards, she turned to the idol next to her and asked, “Is there anything that you’d like to tell your singer?”

“Yes,” Heechul announced, making Woohyun grit his teeth in anticipation. The idol smirked. “It looks like my little penguin is hungry for fish tonight.”

Ali quirked an eyebrow. “Who is the ‘penguin’?” she challenged. “Woohyun-ssi?”

“Yes,” Woohyun interjected. “Because I walk like this,” he joked, as he put his hands stiffly to his sides and waddled in place.

“You two really are a set,” Ali remarked. Woohyun frowned. Heechul wasn’t the guy that he wanted to be ‘a set’ with.

“Woohyun-hyung,” Myungsoo broke in, suddenly appearing at Woohyun’s side. The MC was fiddling around with the earpiece in his ear, probably receiving instructions from the crew, telling him to wrap things up. “Good job, but I think it’s time to waddle away and clear the stage for the next performance. Shall we?”

“Eung,” Woohyun grunted, and then he continued the penguin act and waddled off-stage with the model waddling right next to his side.

As soon as they got back stage, Myungsoo broke out into a peal of laughter and began patting his hyung on the back. “You did good, hyung,” he praised, still smiling widely. But before he could say anything else, the staff whisked the MC away to introduce the next contestant.

Woohyun felt guilty for feeling relieved that the younger went away, but he had an important phone call to make. Quickly, Woohyun scurried over to the other side of the room and scrambled for his bag, rummaging for his phone. As soon as he found it, he called Sunggyu.

The elder picked up after only one ring. “Hello?”

“Hyung! Did you see it? Did you watch my stage? What do you think? Is...Is it okay? Are you okay with it? Do...Do you feel the same way?” Woohyun ran off a flurry of question even before Sunggyu had finished his greeting. And maybe it was because the younger was impatient, but Sunggyu was oddly quiet. One second passed, then two, three…“Hyung?”

A chuckle, slightly strained, broke out on the other end of the line. “Yah, Nam Woohyun,” the elder chided. “Did you forget that I was deaf? Dummy.”

“Oh, shit,” Woohyun cursed as he pulled the phone from his ear and switched it to a video call. He had been excited, nervous, a little too much, and made himself look like a fool in the process. But, if he heard just those three words from Sunggyu, then everything would be alright.

“Hello,” Woohyun began the conversation again, waving to the other as soon as his image appeared on the screen.

“Good job, Woohyun,” those weren’t the three words that Woohyun had wanted to hear originally, but they still sounded nice. The singer’s heart warmed as he grinned brightly, waiting for the elder to say something else. But then he never did.

Woohyun frowned and began signing to the other, “That’s it? There’s nothing else? Nothing else you want to say to me. Nothing at all?” Luckily, he’d decided to sign over speaking. If he had tried saying these things, Woohyun would’ve been shouting near the end, attracting all sorts of unwanted gazes from people in the waiting room. But instead, he was a silent madman, violently gesturing at his phone.

“Ask for my permission first next time,” Sunggyu replied with a straight face. “Tell me before you use my story for your show again. It caught me off-guard.”

“Huh?” Woohyun muttered. He was officially confused and speechless. He didn’t know how to respond. He wasn’t _using_ Sunggyu’s story. Woohyun was _telling_ everyone about their story. “Hyung,” Woohyun finally spoke, his scattered thoughts slowly coalescing into one coherent thought. “That wasn’t what I was doing. I was…” he stopped again. Did he really have to explain what he was trying to do? Wasn’t it obvious?

“Isn’t Dongwoo up next?” Sunggyu took advantage of Woohyun’s silence, reminding the other that he still was being filmed, that he still had a job to do. “You should be there to support him. You don’t want people to think you don’t like him.”

“Ah, right,” Woohyun mumbled in agreement, not caring that his lips barely moved for the other to read.

And Sunggyu seemed annoyed by that because there was a jagged edge to his voice when he said, “Bye.”

And “Oh,” was all that Woohyun managed to get out before Sunggyu ended the call.

Woohyun threw his phone on top of his bag as he slumped onto the floor. Entertainment value, Sunggyu had honestly thought that Woohyun used their friendship to help sway the audience in his favor. Sunggyu thought that Woohyun used his disability for f***ing entertainment.

And that hurt more than Sunggyu’s rejection (or complete disregard) of his confession.

* * *

Woohyun wasn’t allowed to dwell on Sunggyu’s words, or to think them through, find where the misunderstanding laid. Ultimately, his hyung was right; Woohyun wasn’t done with his ‘performance’ yet. He had to force a smile on his face and watch Dongwoo sing his song. But the smile soon became natural. Dongwoo had that effect on him, putting him at ease and making him laugh when he was determined to be upset. Dongwoo had gotten a little carried away that night, caught up in the excitement and the audience’s energy. His freestyle dancing was ‘freer’ than usual, even making Heechul hang his head in embarrassment. But it made Woohyun laugh, loudly. And so for the rest of the filming, Woohyun stayed by Dongwoo’s side because Dongwoo’s flighty mind and erratic ways always made for a good, pleasant distraction.

When the filming was done, as usual, his aunt came to watch, with her light board flashing Woohyun’s name and with Sungmin at her side. Like always, she greeted her adopted nephew with a warm hug. Either she had noted his melancholy (Woohyun couldn’t hide it well anymore after the cameras turned off) or was moved by his performance because she held him more tightly than usual and whispered into his ear how proud she was. And it was at that moment that Woohyun let out a tear, only one though. That’s all he would allow himself. They were still in public, still at the filming venue. And Woohyun wasn’t quite sure why that tear came out. He didn’t want to explain his tears. He didn’t know how. But one, just one tear could be overlooked.

His aunt just wordlessly wiped it away as she patted his cheek. And together, they left for home.

However, Woohyun wasn’t left alone with his thoughts even then (which was probably for the best). Before he could even pass out on his futon, there was a knock at his apartment door. When he opened it, Sungjong was on the other side.

“You were rejected, huh?” Sungjong asked bluntly, raising an eyebrow.

Woohyun scoffed. Sungjong wasn’t even at the filming, nor did he know about the entire situation, but trust the teen to watch the live broadcast and be able to put the pieces together. Woohyun sang and signed his love onstage, but once the show was over, Woohyun looked like anything but a happy boy in love (Sungmin must’ve told his brother. Sungmin always talked too much when it came to Woohyun). Honestly, it wasn’t a hard conclusion to come to, especially since Sungjong himself was going through a similar thing.

“Cutting straight to the chase, I see,” Woohyun sneered. “No, ‘hey hyung, how are you? Mind if I spend the night? I brought snacks.’ Rude.”

Sungjong rolled his eyes and tossed a black plastic bag to the other. “Here, hyung,” he mumbled as he brushed past the elder and entered the apartment. “I’m staying the night,” he announced. Then Sungjong turned around and looked the other in the eye. “Were you rejected?”

Woohyun dropped his gaze to the bag in his hands as he walked back into the center of his apartment. He dropped down onto his futon, and the younger followed suit, never letting his gaze drift from the elder. Woohyun sighed, feeling the heat of the other’s gaze. “I don’t know,” the man grumbled and pulled out a beer from the bag. Sungjong must’ve stolen it from his father’s stash. “But at least you have some sense,” Woohyun gave a gruff compliment and popped the tab off of the beer can. After a swig, Woohyun was disappointed. The false euphoria didn’t wash over him (why did he expect it would? It was only one sip); he felt even more tense as the drink fought with his already upset stomach. But he took another drink, just in case that would solve everything, and then another, longer one. The can was almost empty now, and he felt just as hollow.

“What do you mean ‘I don’t know’?” Sungjong combatted, narrowing his eyes on his brother. “Isn’t kind of obvious?”

Woohyun let out a deep breath as he crushed the can in his hands. “I have been rejected before. I know what it’s like,” he answered in a cutting tone. After all he wasn’t a child, and even though he didn’t act like it much, he was in fact older than Sungjong, more experienced, even in the matters of the heart. “But…” he began and quickly stopped. He closed his eyes and thought back to the call. The whole thing seemed off. “Sunggyu-hyung just sounded angry, maybe even disappointed. But…he also sounded like he wasn’t trying to be angry at the same time,” he explained, recalling the strained laughter from the call. It made his hair stand on its end. “I don’t know. It was weird.” _There’s no other way to describe it_.

“What did he say?” Sungjong wasn’t letting up. They were going to figure this out, together, whether Woohyun wanted to or not.

“He told me to ask for his permission before I tell people about him,” the elder answered. _Maybe he was irritated? Annoyed?_ Woohyun’s mind still tried to make sense of it all. “I guess he didn’t like it,” but the only conclusion that he could come to tonight was just that: Sunggyu didn’t like the performance. For whatever reason, it had bothered Sunggyu.

“What did you say?”

“Hm?” Woohyun grunted as he dug through the bag again. He pulled out a sausage as he raised his gaze finally to meet the younger’s. The concern in Sungjong’s eyes put him even more on edge. “I said ‘ok.’” Woohyun replied. “I probably should’ve asked beforehand, but that would’ve ruined the whole surprise and…”

“Hyung,” the younger cut him off, even his tone was sharp. “Did you tell him, word for word, explicitly…”

“Wow, big word,” Woohyun interjected.

Sungjong slapped the other sharply in the arm. “Shut up,” he fought back. He wasn’t going to let the other change the focus (like Woohyun was trying to). “Did you tell Sunggyu-ssi ‘I like you’?”

“No,” Woohyun answered honestly, but then he quickly launched into an explanation. “ _But_ I sang it. I put my heart out there. For...everyone to see. He’d be _stupid_ if he didn’t know that I was confessing. I mean, come on, it’s not like I sing love songs to everybody.”

“Hyung,” Sungjong spoke like a soft sigh. Woohyun froze at that tone, and stiffened even more at the look the younger was giving him. Sungjong pitied him. “You sing _all_ the time. Like really _all_ _the_ _time_. You try to sing me asleep. And last week, backstage, you sang ‘Just Once’ before Dongwoo went onstage.”

“Shit,” Woohyun cursed. That’s where the misunderstanding laid. That’s why he wasn’t being taken seriously. It was because Woohyun wasn’t typically a serious person. He was playful, impulsive. He was silly. He himself didn’t even know what he was doing half the time. “I really do sing love songs to just about everybody. No wonder.” He let out a deep sigh and bit back his mouth, holding himself back.

And it didn’t help that the whole night seemed orchestrated, from Heechul’s matching suit to Woohyun waddling offstage with the MC. It didn’t help that he was being silly, a fool for the audience’s amusement. And Sunggyu knew just how desperate he was to win the audience’s favor.

 _I didn’t even mention hyung’s name. I didn’t even call him ‘hyung’ because I was afraid of what people would think_. If it was possible to feel like a coward after boldly confessing your feelings in front of the eyes of the entire country (and a few hundred international viewers), Woohyun did.

“That’s just who you are, hyung,” Sungjong spoke, breaking into his thoughts. That’s who he was? A coward? “It’s cute. You’re cute,” the younger complimented. Woohyun looked over at the other, wide-eyed and with a slight smile playing on his lips (why did it sound good to hear?). “...sometimes. But you’re mostly annoying,” Sungjong quickly undercut, robbing his brother of what little trace of a smile that he had.

“You really suck at comforting people,” Woohyun retorted. Sungjong rolled his eyes and pulled out another beer from his coat pocket and handed it to the elder. “But you’re quickly improving.”

* * *

Sungjong kept to his word and kept to Woohyun’s side for the rest of the night, even sharing his futon. It wasn’t annoying. It was just the opposite. The teen’s presence was comforting, and right before they went to bed, Sungjong told Woohyun not to worry, that things would eventually turn out alright. They did for him. Even though Hwayoung couldn’t return his feelings, they became closer as friends. But Sungjong also couldn’t say any of that without sighing.

Thing might turn out alright down the line, but right now, things sucked for the both of them.

And Woohyun couldn’t keep his mind from running, grinding, trying to work out every little thing that he might’ve done wrong in life (even biting off the ear of Sungjong’s teddy bear when he was younger. Sungjong was innocent. The bear was innocent. And Woohyun was an animal). He couldn’t fall asleep, not even an alcohol-induced nap because Sungjong only brought two beers with him, which gave Woohyun a slight buzz that already faded. Now his mind was clearer than ever, and active.

He might as well stay up all night and make use of it.

So he dragged himself out of bed, careful not to disturb the other. He grabbed a pen and his notebook, and he left his apartment for the community kitchen. With some help from coffee, he would spend the entire night writing lyrics. It should help. It should be cathartic, purging out his thoughts and feelings onto the page.

But it wasn’t. All he managed to do in two hours was write down the date and time and spill coffee all over the page. Now with the caffeine coursing through his veins and with the lack of sleep, Woohyun was more agitated.

He almost fell out of his chair when he heard a door creak open from the hallway. After calming down and gripping his mug tightly in both hands, Woohyun craned his neck to see who it was.

A woman with long, red hair that was tied up in a ponytail crept on the tips of her toes out of Sungyeol’s apartment. _Solji_ , Woohyun concluded. He’d never seen the cook from the restaurant before, but it had to be her, especially since she was quickly followed by the cop who had a doe-eyed look in his eyes and a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. His fingers were gripping on the tails of her coat, tugging, coaxing her to come back inside.

Lee Sungyeol, you love-sick bastard.

“Sorry that the dinner didn’t turn out so well,” Sungyeol whispered loudly, whispering for intimacy’s sake.  Solji turned around to face him, her gaze dropped to their now joined hands. “Who’d think you needed that long to make the stew…”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back, brushing her hand against his cheek, as soft as her voice. “It gave me a reason to stay longer and spend more time with you. I enjoyed it. Thank you. Thank you for being a horrible cook.” She broke out into a light laughter near the end, and the smile finally pulled apart Sungyeol’s face.

He pulled her in closer. “You know, you could always stay longer...the whole night,” his voice was lower, huskier. Woohyun had to look away now. It felt too intimate.

“Hmmm,” he still heard Solji hum in thought. It was high, pensive yet teasing. I was obvious that she was going to say no, but she was going to regret it.

“Hm? Hmmm?” Sungyeol mocked her.

Woohyun’s eyes darted back to the couple, wondering how the woman would react. If it had been him, he would’ve gotten hit. But Solji giggled and unwrapped her arms from the other’s waist. “I should really be getting back. I work in a few hours,” she confessed with a pout.

“F**k it,” Yeol cursed, reaching out for her.

“Yeol!”

“You’re the boss!” Sungyeol argued, raising his voice and it echoed down the hall. Solji’s eyes widened in shock, and she put her finger to her lips. Oddly, Sungyeol actually obeyed that silent command and dropped his voice, “ You can be late. Noona, stay.” _Is he begging?_ Woohyun studied his friend’s face. _Oh my god, he’s using aegyo._

“You,” Solji replied in a chiding tone, slapping her boyfriend’s puffed out cheeks. “You’re a bad influence.” She then pecked his lips and said as she walked away, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And then she was gone.

 _At least I wasn’t the only one turned down today_ , Woohyun thought. He spun in his chair, ready to get on his feet and offer Sungyeol a cup of coffee (and tease the hell out of his friend for acting so darn cute). But he stopped before his feet hit the floor. Sungyeol truly was love-sick. He was smiling so wide that Woohyun could see every tooth in his mouth, but Sungyeol’s hands were gingerly touching those tights lips which Solji had kissed just moments before. His girlfriend had turned him down, and he liked it. Lee Sungyeol actually liked it.

Woohyun wordlessly watched as the cop walked back into his apartment. Once the door shut, he slumped into his chair, letting his head hit the table as he stared at the closed door.

A strange feeling washed over him. It was only strange because Woohyun went from wanting to mock his friend, to this. He was jealous of Sungyeol, incredibly jealous. _What I wouldn’t give_...

In his mind’s eye, the door opened again. This time, it was him and Sunggyu. The elder was pushing him out, but Woohyun wouldn’t have it. He dodged around the other and snuck back into the apartment. And even though Sunggyu had missed grabbing his wrist by a millisecond, Sunggyu was wearing that same, broad, goofy grin that Sungyeol had seconds ago. The smile stayed as he walked back into the apartment, after Woohyun. He imagined the elder calling his name, louder than he intended. The whole building would hear. The whole building would know about them. Together.

 _What I wouldn’t give_...

* * *

The next morning, Woohyun woke up with a start. His cheek was stuck to the kitchen table and there was a small pool of drool beneath it. Somehow, he managed to fall asleep last night. It had only made him more tired and weak.

Stretching, hearing his bones creak as he moved, Woohyun sat up from his seat at the table and shuffled sluggishly back into his bedroom. If he was lucky, he could catch a few more hours of sleep before Heechul called him back into the practice room.

To his surprise, sun was already peeking through his curtains, and Sungjong was already awake, sitting up on Woohyun’s futon. A song was playing loudly in the air, and Sungjong was extending his arm out to the elder, offering something. Woohyun cocked his head as he stared at the sleepy teen who was rubbing his tired eyes. “Answer it,” Sungjong ordered through a yawn. “It’s been ringing for awhile.”

 _Oh, it’s my phone._ The realization dawned on him slower than the sun through his curtains. He quickly took the phone, and his jaw came unhinged as he saw multiple messages waiting in his inbox. “It’s Sunggyu-ssi,” Sungjong announced, scratching his leg.

“What do I do?” Woohyun asked.

“You answer, hyung,” Sungjong replied as he got up from the futon. He clapped his hand on the other’s shoulder as he made his way out of the room in order to give Woohyun some privacy. “Good luck,” he muttered.

“Jjongie,” Woohyun called out to the younger, when Sungjong was still at the threshold. He turned around. “Thank you.” Sungjong nodded and left.

Now alone, Woohyun’s thumb brushed along the screen of his phone, unlocking it and revealing the messages inside.

 

 **Gyu-hyung:** Hoya said you did well last night. He wanted me to tell you.

 **Gyu-hyung:** He could’ve told you himself. I’m not his errand bo **y.**

 **Gyu-hyung:** I get no respect.

 **Gyu-hyung:**  >:(

 **Gyu-hyung:** Want to get breakfast?

 

Woohyun laughed. It was robotic and the corner of his mouth was twitching. Was it really funny or was he just going insane? He was too tired to figure it out, but maybe some breakfast and coffee could wake him up.

 **Woohyun:** Sure. Just tell me when and where.

* * *

Sunggyu told him to meet him in front of his apartment building, and they’d go somewhere nearby. Woohyun looked up at the familiar building, remembering the last time that he was here. His heart started racing and then slowing to a halt. HIs stomach churned. _I’m going to die. I’m really going to die_ . Woohyun then shook his head and kicked the side of the building with his foot. _No, I’m just going crazy_.

What was he supposed to make of this? Sunggyu, he had sounded so upset last night. He didn’t call or text after the filming was done like he usually did. He was silent. But this morning, it was a different story. Sunggyu woke up and returned to his usual, teasing self. He sounded playful.

“Did he forget? Is he _that_ old? Or maybe he has memory problems too. He did hit his head pretty hard,” Woohyun muttered under his breath as he paced back and forth in front of the building. He stopped and threw back his head, his eyes searching for the elder’s window several floors up. _Is Sunggyu just lonely?_ Maybe Sunggyu would rather be with Woohyun and upset than be alone and upset. _Or_ ...Woohyun lowered his head and his eyes grew round. _Or does he know that last night was more than just a song and dance? Maybe this is him accepting. Maybe he’s_...

“Woohyun-ah!”

Sunggyu came rushing out of the apartment, hands deep within the pockets of his coat. His breath was forming in clouds around his face. He smiled as he reached Woohyun’s side.

 _It doesn’t matter_. To Woohyun, it really didn’t matter why Sunggyu wanted to meet it. All that mattered is that they did. In spite of last night, he still had Sunggyu, maybe not in the way he wanted. But it was okay. Not great but okay. It was just going to be the same as it always was.

“I’m sorry for last night.” Wait, that’s what Woohyun was about to say, but Sunggyu got to it first. The elder’s hands were always quick to the draw.

“For what?” Woohyun asked.

“Getting mad,” Sunggyu clarified with an embarrassed smile. “You _really_ did well last night. The performance…” He paused and his hands wavered in the air for the while as he searched for the right sign, “it was touching. I guess…” He stopped again. But this time he dropped his hands to his side. This was much easier for him to say than to sign, “I guess that I’m really not over some things that I thought I was. The industry can be so fake.”

Woohyun rebutted quickly, “I wasn’t using you, hyung. That’s the last thing I’d do. You _have_ to know that.” He walked closer and signed, “That song was for you and for no one else. Just you.”

Sunggyu’s face stiffened, but only for a second, he relaxed and sighed. “I know,” he replied. Woohyun glared at him. He wasn’t convinced. Sunggyu gave a short chuckle. “Well, I know now. You’re a good kid, Woohyun. You even sang for your old man like a good son. I liked it.” He stepped forward and ruffled the younger’s hair. “Good job,” he praised in a high-pitched tone, as if he was talking to a child. “Now. Let’s go. It’s freezing out here.”

Woohyun let the other get ahead of him, waiting for Sunggyu to turn his back towards him before grumbling, “What the f**k was that?”

* * *

During breakfast, things felt normal between them...at times. But sometimes, Woohyun would look up from his bowl and catch Sunggyu sighing. _What is that?_ Woohyun wondered as he dropped his spoon into the dish. _Is he still disappointed? “I guess that I’m really not over some things that I thought I was.” What things? No...It can’t be...him? Is he still..._

“Humph,” Sunggyu heaved.

“What?” Woohyun finally snapped.

“What are you doing for Chuseok?” Sunggyu asked, catching the other by surprise.

“I have a break,” Woohyun signed. “I’m going home.”

“Oh,” Sunggyu muttered weakly through his lips. He nodded. “That should be nice. I’m going home too. But...It’s just as I thought.”

“What do you mean?” Woohyun shot back, tilting his head.

“This will be the last time we see each other for a while,” Sunggyu responded.

“Hyung, it’s just for a few days,” Woohyun  retorted, his head still cocked to the side in confusion, as if looking at his hyung at a different angle would reveal why he was acting so strangely. “It’s not like we see each other everyday.”

“Right. We don’t,” Sunggyu mumbled under his breath. A thin smile then spread across his face. “It’s not like I’m your real father,” he signed.

“Father?” Woohyun repeated. He watched Sunggyu carefully, who was now drinking the dregs of his soup. _Sunggyu hates when I call him that_ , Woohyun thought, recalling the “time-out” from months ago.   _Why is he calling himself that now?_

“Yea,” Sunggyu spoke again, punctuated by him dropping his bowl against the table with a loud thud. He must’ve noted the confusion painted on the younger’s face. “You know this relationship that we have. Like father and son,” he explained.

 _Did...did I just get son-zoned?_ Woohyun’s hands clenched into a fist as he tried to control his face as much as possible. “Hyung,” he spoke it loud and clear, staring at the other in the eye. Sunggyu’s gaze then fluttered down to his lips. “Hyung, if you were my dad, I’d get myself emancipated.”

Sunggyu frowned. “That’s harsh. And I practically raised you ever since you came to Seoul. Ungrateful piece of…” His gaze drifted back up to the younger’s eyes. He smiled and tapped Woohyun’s fist, lightly, and then immediately retracted his hands into his lap as he muttered, “I’m kidding.”

At that Woohyun finally unclenched his fists. “What is this? We’re friends. You’re not my dad. You’re my best friend,” he signed. He then gestured towards his mouth, silently telling the elder to read his lips. “Do I need to speak informally for you to get it, Sunggyu-ya?” the corner of his mouth twitched upwards as he said that.

“Do you want to die?” Sunggyu snarled.

Woohyun slumped back into his chair and turned his head to the side, looking anywhere else but at the man in front of him. “Hyung, I don’t get you,” he mumbled.

But Sunggyu still managed to read that (or he was able to predict Woohyun well). “I don’t either,” he admitted lowly. Woohyun snapped his head back forward. Did Sunggyu mean to say that out loud? Did he know how erratic he was behaving? How confusing? But then the waiter came with the meat they had ordered and saved them from arguing any further. “Ah, food!” Sunggyu exclaimed. “Let’s eat.”

* * *

_“I guess that I’m really not over some things that I thought I was.”_

That phrase kept repeating over and over again in Woohyun’s mind. After all, it was the excuse Sunggyu had given him for getting so upset. But what exactly did it mean?

_“The industry can be so fake.”_

Was Sunggyu peeved by the nature of show business? Was he upset by the industry itself or the people in it? _It’s the people...No, a specific person_ , Woohyun’s wild mind concluded. Sunggyu seemed to be over him. Sunggyu acted like he was, but…

_“I can’t hate him...He was my first love, and I can’t hate him.”_

That was it. Woohyun decided that his performance must’ve drudged up some old memories of Sunggyu and Jiyu during their trainee years. Maybe Jiyu had sang for him too. Maybe Jiyu had been just as flamboyant and silly. _Maybe I’m just like him_ , Woohyun thought as a chill ran down his spine.

“Hyung,” Woohyun called out to the other, reaching over the table to tap his hand.

Sunggyu looked startled as he perked his head up. “What?”

“Do you still think of him?” Woohyun asked. Sunggyu cocked his head, confused. Woohyun swallowed before elaborating, “Jiyu?”

The elder snorted and then sputtered into a laugh. He was laughing so hard that he could respond to the other and just shook his head, waving his hand. It was ridiculous. That notion was ridiculous to Sunggyu, for some reason. Woohyun frowned and stabbed the food in front of him. _I guess that’s not it either._ Then, he felt a tapping on his hands. Sunggyu was trying to get his attention.

He was still laughing and couldn’t speak, but his hands spoke for him, “You know that I’ve had more boyfriends than just him, right? And I think about them _a lot_ more.”

“Of...course,” Woohyun struggled to complete this sign. He thought that he’d be relieved to know Jiyu was nothing but a memory to Sunggyu, but now Woohyun had new things to worry about. He was wavering between elation and dread. And he didn’t quite know how to respond to the other, so he went for the reflexive response: teasing Sunggyu. “You’re old,” he signed. Sunggyu finally stopped with his raspy laughter now and pouted. Woohyun took this chance to delve deeper into his new worries, “So...around how many people have you dated? Are you dating someone now?” _Why had I never considered that?_

“Ah,” Sunggyu muttered as he leaned back. He crossed his arms over his chest. There was a twinkle in his eye. “Define what you mean by ‘date,’” he retorted, his voice faint from laughing too hard.

But it still hit the younger, hard. “Hyung, this isn’t funny,” Woohyun replied. “Just answer the question.”

“Let me worry about my love life, and you worry about your own,” Sunggyu signed, and then he picked up his chopsticks and continued eating.

This time, Woohyun was the one to let out a deep, frustrated sigh.

_I’m trying._

* * *

Heechul canceled practice that day and urged Dongwoo and Woohyun to go home, which Woohyun did so gladly. He could use a break from the big city and its people. His aunt drove him back to his hometown, back to the orphanage that Woohyun thought he’d never want to return to, back home. And old man Jungyeop was there at the door to greet Woohyun with open arms.

“It’s good to have you back, Woohyunnie,” Jungyeop said. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Woohyun answered.

And the funny thing was that Woohyun wasn’t lying. He not only missed that silly old man, but even the gaggle of children who would follow him around like little ducklings. He missed the musky smell of the old house and the familiar creaking of the floorboards. He missed his old room which he shared with Jungyeop (to open up more room for the children), who snored loudly. He missed all the sounds, smells, and just the general feeling of being home.

Maybe that’s why one day, it just slipped out.

Woohyun was up in the attic, helping Jungyeop find the box of hand-me-down hanboks that had had been donated over the years. Jungyeop thought it would be cute to dress the children up in them and take pictures for his Chuseok blogpost. Woohyun must’ve been gone too long. Jungyeop had finally learned how to work a computer and started a blog for the orphanage. There were posts about Woohyun too on the blog (including old embarrassing childhood photos of him with even more embarrassing captions from Jungyeop), and because of his minor celebrity status, the blog had gained a lot of followers. But Woohyun didn’t mind for a couple of reasons. For one, it helped to advertise for the orphanage, and hopefully, some pictures of him and the kids in hanboks would stir up good publicity. And two…

“Assa!” Woohyun cheered as he stumbled on the box in the corner of the attic. “Dad, I found it!”

And two, Woohyun (for a longer time than he’d ever admit) considered Jungyeop as his father. The blogposts were heart-warming. Jungyeop was bragging about Woohyun as if he was his own child, saying how proud he was of the singer, how he knew that Woohyun was destined for great things. “He just needed a push,” Jungyeop wrote in one post. And Jungyeop had given Woohyun just that, pushing him out of the hole that he was stuck in and out into the big city where he could achieve his dreams.

Jungyeop cared about Woohyun. He always had. It was evident in the tears that were now welling up in his eyes after Woohyun called him ‘dad’ for the first time. “Good job, Woohyunnie. Let’s go back down.”

When they came back down from the attic, they found out that they had visitors, a whole crew of them. One of the workers must’ve let them in.

“What the…” Woohyun held himself back from swearing for the sake of the children, circling around the guests. “What are you going here?”

“Come on. You know you’re happy to see me. You missed me.”

Woohyun walked up to his coach. “It’s only been a few days,” he muttered back. His eyes were darting around the room, picking out the cameras. _I thought I had a break_.

“Yea, but everyday without me feels like a year, right?” Heechul shot back. Woohyun rolled his eyes but bit back his tongue. _It’s quite the opposite_. Heechul took him by surprised and wrapped his arm around the other’s shoulders, bringing him in closer. “Yah! Did you forget about the home visits? You look too surprised. I told you about them before I dismissed you,” he whispered harshly into Woohyun’s ear.

Admittedly, Woohyun had other things on his mind when Heechul was rambling to him over the phone. He had only paid attention to about half the conversation. “Oh, I remember,” he mumbled back. _I remember now_.

“Right,” the idol replied as he let go of his mentee, now opening the conversation to the cameras around them. “YAH!” he yelled suddenly, making Woohyun jump (and several kids scream along). “Do you know I embarrassed I was? I went to the house of that family you always hang out with, but you weren’t there!”

“You met with the Lees?” Woohyun asked. He couldn’t fight back the smile from forming on his face. Sungmin probably had some choice words for the idol (Woohyun had complained to the little brother about how Heechul ignored him). And Woohyun would’ve paid money to see Heechul annoy Sungjong.

“Eung,” Heechul admitted. “But luckily your _aunt_ pointed me in the right direction... _and_ I brought a friend along.”

“Who?” Woohyun searched around the room, finding no such ‘friend.’

But then a voice came from behind him. “Hyung!”

Woohyun spun around and saw Myungsoo standing there with little girls latched onto each of his legs as he waddled forward. “Ahjussi!” the MC cried as he waddled up and hugged Jungyeop.

“The two orphans coming back to where it all began,” Heechul narrated as he clapped a hand onto Woohyun’s shoulder. “You can’t make better television than this.”

Woohyun watched as Myungsoo squeezed the old man tighter. It took awhile for Jungyeop to realize who it was and hugged him back. A touching reunion, or at least that’s how it would appear on screen. Woohyun’s eyes flittered over towards the camera.

_There goes my break._

* * *

But even though Woohyun was ‘working,’ the visit was enjoyable. He and Heechul actually got along as the idol acted like a human being and played with the orphans, even helping them into mismatched hanboks. He got along well with the children, probably because they were the same mental age. 

And then on the other end of the spectrum was Myungsoo. While Heechul was like a child among his peers, Myungsoo was showing off his fatherly side, helping to feed the children and even to blow their noses. But after playing and leading the children through the ancestral ceremonies, Heechul lead Woohyun and Jungyeop into a separate room for an interview. Myungsoo, once he detached himself from the girls who’d taken to him, joined them.

“I wanted to be the one to tell you, hyung…” Myungsoo began but he was quickly interrupted by the idol.

“I wanted to say it, but _this kid_ was so adamant,” he grumbled.

“You got first place this week!” Myungsoo blurted out before the other could ruin the announcement.

Woohyun looked around in disbelief. “What?!”

“You won first in the vote, by _a lot_ ,” the MC revealed. “And with the finals coming up, you’re in good position.”

Heechul nodded. “You’re going to be a finalist, just like I thought,” he praised his forethought.

“This is great, but…” Jungyeop began. His voice began quivering because he wasn’t used to being filmed. “We shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.” He turned towards the singer sitting next to him. “Good job, Woohyun. I’m so proud of you,” he spoke lowly.

“Of course,” Heechul interject into the tender moment. “But you have a very talented ward.”

“I know,” Jungyeop quickly responded. “I’ve known ever since he was in kindergarten when he sang in the Christmas pageant and later asked Santa if he could be ‘a great singer ahjussi.’” Jungyeop faced Woohyun again and grinned proudly. “My son was born to do this.”

“And now I am,” Woohyun said, grinning in return.

“And now you are.”

* * *

After their two guests (and their entourage) left, Jungyeop had his own announcement to make. Fumbling clumsily, he handed a packet of papers to Woohyun. The old man was nervous, which made Woohyun nervous in turn. What exactly did these papers say? Woohyun was too afraid to read, and so he just asked, “What is it?”

“When you were 12, I filled these out,” Jungyeop said with an uneasy smile. “I know that I should’ve told you about them years ago, but I didn’t want you to be angry…”

“Dad,” Woohyun interrupted the other’s ramblings. “What is it?”

“Adoption papers,” Jungyeop revealed. “I adopted you years ago.”

“Why?” Woohyun’s voice cracked. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I didn’t...I didn’t want to _force_ you to see me as a father” Jungyeop stammered. “I wanted you to do it on your own. I accepted you as my son, and so I wanted you to accept me as your dad.”

“That’s...that’s so...so dumb!” Woohyun cried. Tears fell down his cheeks, but he was laughing through them. “You should’ve told me! It’s so stupid!” Sure, Woohyun spent most of his teen years angry and resentful, but he wouldn’t have resented that. He would’ve loved it. All he wanted in life was to know that someone cared. And his _stupid_ father did care, but he was too shy to show it.

“Yea, it’s stupid,” Jungyeop agreed, crying along with his son. “I’m so stupid.”

Woohyun might’ve had the shiest, stupidest father on the planet, but Jungyeop was still his and he loved him in spite of that.

* * *

“Woohyunnie,” Jungyeop called out to his son. It was a few nights later, and the children were already in bed, leaving the adults by themselves in the kitchen. Usually, they would spend this time cleaning up and talking, reminiscing about the past. And talking about the past didn’t leave such a bitter taste in his mouth as it used to. He was seeing past events in a different way, through a more mature perspective. And it was all of those moments that led him to where he was. It had all turned out okay.

But tonight Woohyun felt gloomy. He was going to return to Seoul the next day, and maybe he was already becoming nostalgic about his time here, or dreading going back and facing things. And that was probably the reason why Jungyeop asked, “Woohyunnie, is everything alright?”

“Yea,” the younger answered, picking his head up from off the table. “Why?”

“You just seem...off,” Jungyeop concluded as he turned around and leaned against the countertop across from the table. “Are you hurt anywhere? Is your throat still giving you problems?”

Woohyun bit his lip and thought for a second before replying, “No, I’m fine.”

Jungyeop quirked an eyebrow, questioning his son, but he bought the lie anyway. “Okay,” he yielded and returned to washing the dishes.  
Woohyun watched the back of his father. It heaved as the old man sighed. There was something wrong with Woohyun and it was obvious. Not being honest with each other, not sharing their feelings, was what caused a rift between Woohyun and Jungyeop. But if Woohyun admitted to everything, he was afraid that he was going to lose the father that he just learned he had. “Actually there is something. But…” he started, but his voice died out. And he thought it would be easier with Jungyeop’s back turned to him, but it wasn’t. It seemed like a bad omen instead.

Jungyeop craned his neck back to look at the other. “Is it about that guy you’ve been hanging out with?” he asked. Woohyun perked up and mentally went through a list of people that Jungyeop knew: _Sungjong, Sungmin, his uncle, Dongwoo, Heechul_ …“Sunggyu?”

Never once had Woohyun mentioned Sunggyu to him. “How do you know him?”

Jungyeop smiled knowingly. “My sister and I talk, you know,” he revealed.

“About him?” Woohyun shot back, trying to recall everything he’d said about him.

“About you,” his father replied. “And about what you and him...might be...doing,” he stumbled through that, treading around the matter delicately. Woohyun was speechless. _He knows._ Woohyun’s eyes darted all over the elder, looking for any hint, any sign. And they settled on the worried frown on Jungyeop’s face. “I’m concerned, Hyunnie.”

“Why?” Woohyun felt a fire growing in him. “Because I’m—”

“Pbft,” Jungyeop sputtered into a roaring laughter. He dropped a bowl onto the floor as he clutched at his sides.

Woohyun watched incredulously. This wasn’t the reaction that he was expecting. “What’s so funny?”

Jungyeop struggled to pull himself together and stand up straight. Taking in a deep breath, he replied, “I know we both promised to never talk about it, but remember that one time, I caught you with—”

Now Woohyun cut off the other, not wanting to reminisce on _that_ particular (and particularly embarrassing) memory, “Okay okay okay. I get it.”

“I know you,” Jungyeop spoke quietly, bending down to pick up the bowl from the floor. He groaned as he got back up. “Better than you think. I know you.” He grinned. “I’m the closest thing you have to a father.”

“You _are_ my dad,” Woohyun corrected him. After all, Jungyeop had the papers to prove it (and the heart that accepted Woohyun unconditionally).

“That,” Jungyeop whispered with shy grin. “I still can’t get used to hearing it. Say it again,” he demanded.

“Eh, don’t abuse it. It’s a privilege...dad,” Woohyun teased the other, and Jungyeop actually giggled at it. The old man must’ve really liked it. But Woohyun was then immediately reminded of what the man didn’t like, and redirected the conversation back, “What are you concerned about then?”

“Mostly, I’m concerned because I don’t know him,” Jungyeop confessed. “Also you’re gloomy because of him, and it concerns me.”

Woohyun hung his head. “That...that’s not entirely his fault,” he mumbled under his breath. “I messed up. I should’ve…”

Woohyun’s voice must’ve been too small for his father to hear because Jungyeop continued his grievances, “And I get the feeling that he’s older than you.”

“Not by much,” Woohyun quickly retorted, trying to gloss over the issue.

But Jungyeop didn’t give in this time. He narrowed his eyes on his son. “How much?” he demanded an answer.

“Only 12 years.”

“Only?!” his father exclaimed in disbelief. Dishes and utensils clanked around in the sink as Jungyeop lost his grip on them. Instead, the old man opted to grip the sink now, hanging his head. “Shit,” he muttered below his breath, and a couple of other things that Woohyun couldn’t quite hear. So Woohyun got up from the table, walked over, and carefully placed his hand on the other’s hunched back. As soon as he did so, the back started shaking. Jungyeop was laughing again. “Only 12, ha! You’ve always been bad at math,” he teased and pulled himself together. He faced his son and sternly said, “Woohyun, there’s a _big_ difference between someone who is 20 and someone who is 32.”

Woohyun sighed and gave a half smile. “I know. I can feel it, trust me,” he confessed. He thought that the age gap between him and Sunggyu was growing smaller, becoming surmountable, but now it seemed like the chasm ripped wider and was growing. “Don’t worry. It’s not like he’s taking advantage of me,” he assured his father, patting him on the back. “Lately, he’s been treating me like a son.”

“Oh thank God,” Jungyeop muttered in relief. Woohyun pouted and dropped his hands to his side. Jungyeop noticed his disappointment and smirked. “I mean...geez, that’s tough, son.”

His father’s feigned condolences that night did nothing to lighten Woohyun’s mood. If anything, his mood worsened because Woohyun’s mind was invaded by the notion that things just might be better this way, with him and Sunggyu just being friends. It’s not what he wanted of course. But he had to acknowledge that what we want isn’t always good for us. And that led to a fitful night of sleep.

However, what Jungyeop said to him before Woohyun left for Seoul, helped him to regain some of his fighting spirit: “Good luck, son. With everything. I’m proud of you no matter what. Just give it your best shot. Oh, and next time you come, bring your friend with you.”

“Dongwoo?”

“Yea, you can bring him too.”

* * *

 **Woohyun:** Hey hyung! I’m back in town. Want to get dinner?

 **Gyu-hyung:** I already ate. Sorry.

 **Woohyun:** What about tomorrow night?

 **Woohyun:** I can leave practice for a bit. I could use the break.

 **Woohyun:** Especially from Heechul

 **Gyu-hyung:** No. You need to practice.

 **Gyu-hyung:** The finals are coming up in a few weeks.

 **Gyu-hyung:** You can’t slack off.

(fifteen minutes later)

 **Gyu-hyung:** Let’s meet again after you win.

Woohyun stared at his phone rereading that message over and over again. Wasn’t this the same man who acted disappointed that they’d be separated over the holiday? And now, when they could finally meet again, Sunggyu pulled back. Sure, he had a point. Woohyun needed to focus. He didn’t need distractions. But to him, Sunggyu wasn’t a distraction; he was encouragement.

But how could Woohyun get that through the elder’s thick skull? He couldn’t.

 **Woohyun:** Okay.

* * *

As it would turn out, when Sunggyu wrote “Let’s meet again after you win,” he really meant “Let’s talk again after you win.” Or at least it seemed that way. Woohyun didn’t receive any late night calls or messages from the elder. And whenever Woohyun would try to initiate the conversation, Sunggyu would cut it short, telling him to return to practice. He would keep saying “fighting!” until Woohyun finally gave in. Sunggyu was acting friendly, normal, but in the end, that’s all it was, just an act.

Something was off. It was just a simple misunderstanding anymore, or maybe it wasn’t all along. Something was off, and it was throwing Woohyun off from his game. He couldn’t concentrate. He lost his focus. He even let Heechul pick his song for the week because Woohyun’s mind was blank, empty.

And while Sunggyu wasn’t willing to talk with him, someone was. After Woohyun fumbled through another rehearsal, his voicing giving out at the high note, he slumped onto the floor, allowing himself a break to gather his nerves. At that time, Dongwoo came in.

Woohyun automatically began getting up from his spot on the floor. Heechul made it a recent policy that they should keep their performances a secret from one another, probably to instill a competitive spirit in the both of them and to make them see each other as rivals and not teammates. And it worked. Things grew tense between the two friends over the past week.

“I’m taking a break, so you can have the room,” Woohyun announced.

Dongwoo shook his head and waved his hand. “No, I’m actually here to see you,” he revealed.

“Why?”

Dongwoo grinned. “Because I miss you.”

* * *

The two passed a few hours with their backs against the red walls of the practice room, talking about anything (but the competition) and everything. They even had chicken delivered as a late night snack, bringing the only pause to their conversation. But it was while Woohyun was cleaning off the last wing, when Dongwoo tried to pick the conversation back up, “Are you okay?”

“I’m tired, but who isn’t at this point?” Woohyun remarked and swallowed. “You look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

And it was true. Now with a full stomach, Dongwoo’s eyes were drooping. His body was sprawled out on the floor. But he blinked back the oncoming sleep and waved his hand. “No, I’m not,” he lied.

Woohyun chuckled and patted the other heartedly on the back. “Really? You’re not tired?” he challenged.

“Ow!” Dongwoo yelped through a giggle. “Okay, I am, but I still need to practice.”

“Yea, we should probably get back to work,” Woohyun mumbled lowly. The mood in the room suddenly went down.

Dongwoo rolled onto his back and looked up at his friend. “But are you okay?” he asked again.

“I’m fine,” Woohyun insisted, rubbing his eyes. “Just tired.” _Tired of everything_ , he thought, staring at his silent phone.

“You seem distracted,” Dongwoo pointed out. “Look! Even now!” he exclaimed, pointing his finger in the other’s face. “Where are you looking?” He craned his neck, following where Woohyun’s gaze drifted. “Your phone? Are you expecting a call?”

Woohyun looked back down at his friend and gave a small smile. “More like hoping for one,” he admitted.

“Call ‘em,” Dongwoo mumbled as he batted at the other.

Woohyun laughed and shook his head. “I can’t,” he responded. “He doesn’t answer, doesn’t want to distract me.”

“Then go,” Dongwoo said, waving his hand. “Go and talk to ‘em in person.”

“No, no,” Woohyun quickly denied. He didn’t need a door shut in his face too.

“Look,” Dongwoo muttered as he sat up so he could look at the other in the eye. “Your friend doesn’t want to be a distraction, but it’s distracting you even more. Go deal with ‘em so you can deal with this.”

“You know, you’re a smart guy,” Woohyun praised as he sat up and began gathering his things. He then shot a suspicious look over at the other. “Or are you doing this so you can have the practice room to yourself?” he joked.

“Both,” Dongwoo confessed. “I’m a _really_ smart guy.”

* * *

“What are you doing here?”

“Good to see you too, hyung,” Woohyun signed. Sunggyu had opened up the door looking completely startled. The singer was probably the last person that he’d expected knocking on his door in the middle of the night. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Sunggyu mumbled as he stepped aside and let the younger in. Woohyun was a little surprised by how easy it was, but he wasn’t letting his guard down just yet. He rushed over to the couch, sprawling out as he usually did and took off his coat, bag, and shoes. So even if Sunggyu were to kick him out soon, it would take awhile for Woohyun to get ready.

Sunggyu followed in the footsteps of the over and signed, “You want something to drink?” Woohyun nodded. Apparently the elder wanted him to linger around a bit longer as well. _What’s going on?_ Woohyun watched with careful eyes as the other disappeared into the kitchen.

Sunggyu came back from the kitchen soon, putting a mug of tea in Woohyun’s hands. “It’s good for your throat,” he signed.

“Thank you,” Woohyun muttered as he accepted the mug. His gaze fell down as he smelled the herbal tea, trying to figure out what it was. But there was a pat on his shoulder, pulling his attention back to the man still standing in front of him.

“I have to work in the chatroom,” he signed. “Feel free to watch the television.” And with that, Sunggyu turned, walked over to his desk, and sat at the computer. His fingers immediately flew to the keyboard, pecking at the keys while he worked.

Woohyun scoffed. “Do you think I’m here just to watch television?” he sneered at the other’s back. He looked back down at the mug in his hands. He gripped it tightly. “Why do you think I’m here, idiot?” He sighed. “Why am I here?” His gaze dropped from the mug to his phone on the coffee table.

Sunggyu was being incredibly frustrating lately, but in spite of that, Woohyun’s feelings for him hadn’t changed (which was incredible in itself). _I must really love the idiot._

Woohyun picked up his phone from the table and began typing.

**nwh91: How do you know when you're in love? Because I think I love you.**

**answerking12: You're not.**

After reading the message, Woohyun threw his phone onto the couch and marched over to the elder, whose back was still turned against him. Woohyun grabbed him by the shoulder and forced Sunggyu to face him. “Who are you to say whether I love you or not! It's for me to decide,” Woohyun yelled and signed, getting his message across no matter what. Sunggyu couldn’t avoid him anymore.

“You asked me a question, and I answered it,” Sunggyu finally spoke for the first time since Woohyun arrived. His voice was weak and shaking (he hadn’t been using it), but still stern. “You love me, Woohyun, but you're not in love with me. I'm just the father figure you've never had. What you feel isn't romantic love, it's filial.”

“Bullshit,” Woohyun sneered, glaring down at the other. Sunggyu just stared up at him, blinking, completely stoic. “I already have a dad. I have an uncle too. I don’t need you to be that for me. Do you really think that I’m latching onto you because of that?” he signed. Sunggyu shrugged, but he pursed his lips. _There’s something there_. “Then what about you? Do you see me as a son?”

“No.”

“Then how?”

Sunggyu scoffed and faced the computer again, searching for anyone else to talk to. “You really need to stop asking questions. It's irritating,” he muttered.

“Seriously?” Woohyun muttered under his breath like a curse. He tapped the other on the other, and Sunggyu did look over at him, out of the corner of his eye. “When I wrote that, it wasn't a question. It was a confession. I love you, hyung. And I‘m maybe just 20 years old, but I know what love feels like. Before you said that I needed to _try_ to get what I want. I want you, hyung. And I'm trying.”

While he was talking, Sunggyu gradually turned to face him. His mouth grew slack and his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe a word Woohyun was saying. It was written all over his face. “What do you want me for? I'm old and deaf. Go play with someone your own age,” he argued, but his tone lost its bite.

Woohyun was going to have to convince him. With one hand, he gripped an arm of the desk chair tightly. With the other, he grabbed the elder’s chin and tilted it upwards. Woohyun then leaned down, kissing Sunggyu softly.

When he pulled back, Sunggyu had that stoic expression on his face again. He was calm and unfazed, like nothing had happened. But he was also unmoving. He even didn’t even stop Woohyun from running his thumb over his lips, still holding onto his chin. Woohyun could probably kiss him again, if he wanted. He cocked his head, contemplating doing so. But then he saw it. A flinch that wracked through Sunggyu’s body, tensing him up. His fists clenched. His gaze dropped from the younger’s eyes to his lips. His own lips parted, a soft breath glancing against Woohyun’s thumb. Woohyun finally broke him. “I want you, Sunggyu. Only you.”

_Thud._

The desk chair fell back onto the floor. Sunggyu was now standing up, both hands latched to Woohyun’s cheeks, his lips on the other’s, moving, finally moving. Woohyun brought his hands up, wrapping them around the other’s waist, before angling his head to kiss the other back. They both of them were finally in synch.

But the kiss ended shortly after that. Sunggyu pulled back, and all of the hardness in his face had crumbled away, leaving only softness behind. He dropped his hands from the other’s face, and Woohyun automatically dropped his hands too, letting the elder to step back.

“Hyung, do you…”

Sunggyu chuckled, gazing at the other’s surprised expression. “What do you think?”

Woohyun narrowed his eyes. “But before…” the voice died in his throat as soon as he caught sight of it out of the corner of his eye. Sunggyu had made a sign, letting his hands say the words that he couldn’t say. But the elder hid it away as soon as Woohyun began speaking again.

However, Woohyun wasn’t about to ignore it. He stepped closer to the other and grabbed Sunggyu’s hand, forcing it back into the sign he’d seen earlier. And just like with the kiss, Sunggyu let him. Woohyun ran his hand over the sign tenderly, _I love you_. “You...you love me?” he muttered under his breath. He let go of the other’s hand and raised his head. “Why didn’t you say so? Why did you try to push me away?” he signed.

“I just,” he began signing, but then paused, searching for the right way to phrase this. He pursed his lips and his eyes gazed upwards. “I didn’t think that I could have you,” he explained. “I never thought that you’d even be attracted to me.” He looked back down to see Woohyun’s reaction.

“How could I not, hyung?” Woohyun responded with a broad smile growing on his face.

Sunggyu must’ve thought that the younger was teasing him (as usual). He pouted. “Please. Don’t kid with me,” he signed.

Woohyun shook his head, but the smile wouldn’t die away. “I’m not. It’s the truth. I’m _very_ attracted to you,” he reiterated.

That notion somehow wheedled its way through Sunggyu’s thick skull. He smiled shyly and waved his hand, but not arguing or fighting anymore. He finally accepted it, Woohyun’s heart.

But then he perked up, eyes wide in surprise again. “That song the other week,” he signed, mouthing the words. “With the signing and the coffee...was that?”

Woohyun chuckled. “A confession? Yea, it was,” he replied. Then his grin turned down, frowning at the memory of what happened after his stage. He hoped that Sunggyu could now grasp how hurt he was at that time. “But you thought I was using you to win votes.”

“I just never thought…” he quickly signed, but his hands fell back down. Sunggyu couldn’t speak with his words or hands now. He was speechless, and sorry. His eyes were apologetic as they looked the younger up and down. He shrugged helplessly as he took a half-step closer. “I never thought we could be together,” he signed, raising his hands higher and higher. Then he ran one of his hands through Woohyun’s hair and spoke once again, voice as soft as his touch, “Like this.”

Woohyun leaned into the touch. “To be honest, neither did I,” he said. They had a lot of barriers between them: age, disability, and (the greatest one) Sunggyu’s stubbornness. But Woohyun had scrambled over every single one. He conquered them (and he was sure that Sunggyu did the same in turn). And now, here they were, standing face to face.

Before kissing Woohyun again, Sunggyu whispered, “I’m glad we did.”

* * *

Later, the two of them were on the couch. Sunggyu’s shift in the chatroom had come to an end, and when it did, he came over to sit next to the younger (whom, shortly after the kiss, Sunggyu had pushed towards the couch because he still had to finish working). Woohyun had watched and waited for the elder to be done. God, he was sick of waiting. And so when Sunggyu sat down, Woohyun slid over next to him and rest his head on his shoulder.

Sunggyu didn’t push him away, which was surprising considering that it was late and they should both be in bed by now. He wrapped his arm around the younger and began running his fingers through his hair. Sunggyu wasn’t quite ready to call it a night either. Woohyun was afraid to leave and come back to the elder with a changed mind. But why was Sunggyu stalling? Was he afraid of the same thing? Woohyun felt the other’s lips press lightly on his head. Slowly, Woohyun raised his head, trying to read Sunggyu’s mind through his eyes. He got nothing. Sunggyu’s eyes were too damn small.

And so Woohyun did what he did best: push his luck. “Now how many boyfriends have you had really?” he asked (this question had been nagging him while he was waiting). Sunggyu scoffed and rolled his eyes. “What? Your love life is my love life now. It’s my concern too.”

“Right now, all that matters is one. You,” Sunggyu answered, even tapping the end of Woohyun’s nose.

“No, no, no. That’s not an answer,” Woohyun yelled, batting away the elder’s hand. “And I won’t be distracted,” he signed.

“Ah! Nam Woohyun!” Sunggyu shouted, closing his eyes tightly. “Can’t you just leave it alone? How many have you dated?” he turned the question around and began poking the other. “Hm? How many?”

Woohyun held up the number on his hands. “9?!” Sunggyu exclaimed. Woohyun nodded. “How is that possible? I’ve only dated 4 people.”

“So it’s 4,” Woohyun muttered in response. “Ah, I see.”

“You tricked me.”

“Eung,” Woohyun nodded shamelessly. “But now I guess it’s 5, right hyung? Plus me.”

Sunggyu shoved him away. “Don’t count yourself as one just yet, punk,” he signed angrily. “So 9, huh?”

“9,” Woohyun spoke, holding up the number again with his hands. But he kept putting down one finger after another. “...minus 8.”

“One?”

“Eung. You’re the only one,” he said with a laugh, tapping the elder’s nose with his last finger.

Sunggyu’s frown deepened. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why? It’s the truth!” Woohyun insisted, but he could stop the laughter from shaking through his body. The way Sunggyu was looking at him was just funny (and cute).

“You’re spouting nonsense. It’s time for you to go to bed,” Sunggyu signed and then tried to get up from the couch.

But Woohyun pulled him back down and laid his head in the elder’s lap. “Okay. Night.” He closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

“Not like this,” Sunggyu chided, shaking the other gently. “In your own home.”

“Okay,” Woohyun gave in as he rolled off the elder’s lap and off of the couch. He got up onto his feet and signed to the elder, “I have to wake up soon for practice anyway.”

Sunggyu stood up too, looking worried again. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, following the younger to the door.

“Because…” Woohyun then turned, facing the other, and walked backwards. “You would’ve made me leave earlier.”

“I don’t know whether I should be touched or think that you’re being irresponsible,” Sunggyu retorted as he opened the door.

“I like the first option better,” Woohyun picked. He then leaned forward and pecked the elder on the cheek. “Night, hyung.”

“Good night, Hyunnie,” he spoke through a yawn while waving at the younger, oh so casually making the ‘I love you’ sign with his hand again.

Woohyun chuckled and waited for the other to open his tired eyes before responding again, “Me too.”


	7. Everything will be okay. It will be okay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things end, but other things begin.

Woohyun watched carefully as Sunggyu closed his door, eyes tracing his every move, every shake of the elder’s head, every time his shoulders jostled up and down from his silent laughter, the downcast eyes. Woohyun wanted to remember this moment perfectly, when Sunggyu was finally his, when a door closing in his face didn’t shut him out for once in his life. Woohyun dragged his knuckles down the shut door. With a simple knock, the door would swing open again, even if it were just so Sunggyu could snap at him and send Woohyun on his way again. But the point was, the door would _open_. It would always open for him because Sunggyu loved him. Woohyun retracted his hand from his door and stuffed it into his pocket as he walked down the hallway with a wide but shy smile on his face (he was afraid of appearing _too_ happy).

And this was the first time in a long time when he felt uplifted after leaving the elder’s place. He was so uplifted that he felt light. His heart was light, his feet as well. He was skipping down the street back to his own apartment. He took in a deep breath and then let out a contented sigh as he suddenly halted his step and threw his head back, staring up at the night sky. He sighed again. Stars, thousands of star glittered dimly in the light-polluted sky. It was surprising that he could see any at all. But the stars must have been burning at their brightest, fighting to be seen by the millions of people in this packed city. Woohyun smirked. _My star…I’m going to be one of those stars. Everyone is going to see me shining bright_.

After all, he’d just won over Kim Sunggyu. Winning a simple singing contest should be easy in comparison.

* * *

Woohyun was tying his shoelaces, when someone came into the practice room. He immediately got to his feet before Heechul could snap at him for not greeting his coach properly. He almost stumbled when he caught sight of who it actually was. “Oh Dongwoo,” Woohyun mumbled, surprised. “You’re here today?” Did he get the time for his meeting wrong? The two of them weren’t allowed to practice together anymore.

“Yea,” Dongwoo sounded just as unsure as his friend. He scanned the room searching for their mutual coach, but came up dry. “Heechul-hyung called me in. Did he call you too?”

“Yea,” Woohyun answered as he walked up to the other. He then put his arm around Dongwoo’s shoulders, shaking him in his hold. “It’s just like old times,” Woohyun added with a grin.

Dongwoo snorted. “You mean like a few weeks ago,” he amended the other’s statement and easily turned the hold into a tight yet quick hug. Dongwoo patted his friend’s back before letting him go, but not entirely. His hand intertwined with Woohyun’s, and he pulled the other down to sit down with him.

Woohyun looked down at their joined hands, gripped so tightly that he could feel the several rings that Dongwoo was wearing cut into his skin. He wiggled his fingers as much as he could (which wasn’t much), and Dongwoo got the hint and let go with a light laugh. But Woohyun couldn’t laugh along. No, it was stifled by the lump quickly forming in his throat. The dim stars from the night before shot across his mind like a shower. Only one of them will join their numbers. Only one will make it. A strange feeling pulled at the bottom of Woohyun’s stomach, a mix of guilt and ambition. “Yea when we used to be a team. Instead of…” he couldn’t finish that thought.  
“Eh,” Dongwoo interjected, placing his hand on the other’s knee. “We’re still a team.”

Woohyun’s lips pulled across his face into a tight smile. He put his hand over the other’s as he leaned towards the other. “Our team won,” he said in a smug voice.

Dongwoo gave a sharp nod. “Yes, we did.”

“That’s because of me,” an unmistakable voice broke into the conversation. Woohyun didn’t need to turn his head towards the door to know that his coach was standing there, but he did. He needed to greet his coach properly. He and Dongwoo got to their feet immediately and gave a short bow. Heechul’s usual, sly grin painted his face, proudly watching his two mentees. “I chose _really_ well,” he boasted.

“Right, coach!” Dongwoo chimed in, and luckily covering Woohyun’s scoff. “Why did you call us in here?”

Heechul stepped forward, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow. “Do I really have to remind you guys?” he asked as if it would be a pain to explain it.

Dongwoo lowered his head, tilting it to the side as he searched through his mind’s eye. He was lost. Woohyun sighed and replied, “The finale is next week.”

Heechul snapped his fingers and pointed vigorously at Woohyun. “That’s right. The finale. The _grand_ finale!” the coach’s voice raised as he got more and more worked up, raising his hands up in the air at the last statement. But then he brought his arms down and also bought his excitement down a notch along with it. “So here we are, having one of our last team meetings,” he spoke in an unaccustomed softness, or at least unaccustomed to Woohyun, who only remember Heechul yelling at him or talking in a distracted voice. But now, even the coach’s eyes seemed to lose their piercing gaze and the smile wasn’t so smug, but almost fond. Woohyun glanced over at Dongwoo, about to whisper ‘who’s this guy and where’s our coach’? But Heechul cut him off, in both words and action: “So come on, team. Bring it in for a team hug!” The mentor approached the two with outstretched arms.

“Do we have to?” Woohyun grumbled. Indeed, he didn’t have a choice, not with Dongwoo, for whom skinship came as natural to him as breathing, by his side. Dongwoo pulled his teammate to his side and walked the both of them into Heechul’s arms, hugging the both of them tightly.

Heechul rested his head on top of theirs, revealing in being taller than his two protégés. “I know that we’ve had our differences, and this has been a long road, but we made it,” he spoke like an actual coach for once.

And that little speech amped Dongwoo up, who was now jumping up and down so fast that he was practically vibrating (and because Woohyun was attached so closely to his friend’s side that he had no choice but to vibrate along with him). “Whoo! Grand finale! Yea!” Dongwoo yipped in excitement.

Heechul pulled away. “I like your enthusiasm. Now let go of me. Let go!” he finally snapped and the other two pulled away from him quickly, bringing their arms behind their backs. Heechul then clapped his hands together, causing the other two to jump up slightly. “Yosh! We got to get down to business.”

Woohyun nodded along. “Right. The stages,” he spoke quietly. The odd feeling from before soaked through him again as he casted a cautious glance over at Dongwoo. _Is it okay for him to hear it? Is it okay for me to know about his stage?_

“Eung,” Heechul grunted casually, so casually that it snapped Woohyun out of his funk. Heechul looked mischievous, and it scared Woohyun a bit. “Not only your own personal stages, but I just had it cleared by the PD that you two get to do a duet together.”

“Huh?” Woohyun gasped, half from shock and half because Dongwoo gripped him tightly again, crushing the air out of his lungs.

“Really?” Dongwoo, as always, sounded happier about this news. “Nam-goon! This is great! I’ve always wanted to!” he exclaimed and was vibrating yet again.

Woohyun pushed his worries aside and joined the other in excitement. “Me too!” he chirped, giving the other a hard squeeze before letting him go. The two of them turned their attention back to their mentor, awaiting more instructions.

“The public has been wanting a duet from you two ever since you guys randomly sang to each other backstage,” the coach announced, eyeing the two.

Woohyun chuckled embarrassed, recalling when Sungjong revealed that he indeed sang love songs to anyone with ears. _What did I do this time?_ “When was that?” he asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.

“I can’t remember,” Dongwoo admitted sheepishly. The both of them (and sometimes Myungsoo too) fooled around quite often backstage, awaiting their turn to go on stage. And with the stress and lack of sleep, who knows what they had done in their delirium?

“Try almost every week,” Heechul revealed. He waved his hands in between the both of them. “Your ship sails itself. Fish and penguin! Match made in Antarctica!”

Woohyun winced at that. Especially after what happened last night, he was less than enthused to be paired up like that with his teammate. But Dongwoo didn’t take the situation as seriously. He nudged the other and begged with a pout, “Don’t eat me.”

Woohyun sniggered. “I can’t make any promises,” he threatened and then snapped at the other.

Dongwoo shoved him away playfully. “You have to catch me first!” he yelled as he ran away and around the practice room.

“Save it for the cameras, you two!” Heechul shouted, watching Dongwoo dart across the room for a bit before sighing, shaking his head, and turning his attention back to Woohyun. “I have the song selected already. I think you’ll like it, Penguin,” he said as he took the sheet music rolled in his back pocket and handed it over to the younger.

“Stop calling me that,” Woohyun grumbled as he accepted the roll of paper. After unfurling it, he nodded. He did like it. This song would suit the both of them very well. It had the same feeling as the song that put him back on the map again. It was by the same artist too.

While Woohyun was skimming through the lyrics, Heechul leaned in and spoke in a low voice, “Also have you given any thought to your final stage.”

 _Ah, so we still are keeping those stages a secret_. Woohyun whispered back, “A bit.” That was a lie. He’d been thinking about what song that he’d sing for the final stage even before he auditioned for _My Star,_ before he’d come to Seoul. He’d been dreaming of this moment years ago in those four walls of a small room that he shared with his father. The song always changed, switching along with his mood. He dreamed of singing more difficult songs as he’s gotten older and his skills grew. The songs also got older as well. He used to imagine himself singing popular songs of the day, but now he saw himself singing those songs that his father used to play when he was younger, nostalgic songs. But even though he’d given it years of thought, Woohyun still couldn’t settle on a song.

Thankfully (or not), Heechul was more than ready to offer advice: “Do yourself a favor and don’t sing another sad, boring ballad.” Woohyun snapped his head up, looking caught. He’d been wavering between a couple of ballads and wasn’t considering anything else. And Heechul must’ve sensed it. After ‘mentoring’ Woohyun for several weeks, he learned how to read the younger well. “People love seeing the happy-go-lucky side of you. It makes them happy. And you get the most votes that way too,” that truth pierced through Woohyun. _Is it because people only like that side of me?_ _Only those songs?_ Woohyun let out a huff and hung his head. Heechul patted his dejected shoulder. “You play the romantic dreamer _very_ well. That’s a great thing. Very likable.”

“True,” Woohyun mumbled and raised his head again. He was still conflicted on the inside. He would score better if he sang a peppy love song, probably even better if he sang rock. But neither genres felt _right_. They didn’t settle well with him. However winning should take precedent now. Pop and rock would be safer choices.

Heechul pulled out another roll of paper from his back pocket and put it underneath Woohyun’s nose, teasing his upper lip with the paper’s edge until Woohyun got fed up and ripped it out of the elder’s hands. As he was playing with the younger’s patience, Heechul said, “I thought of a couple of songs that you could do. Just look them over.”

Curious as to what the idol would suggest and slightly scared, Woohyun unfurled the paper and scoffed at the titles on the page. “But these are all Super Junior songs.” He should’ve known better. Looks like Woohyun would have to choose a song himself. Better him than to let Heechul have free rein or else he’d be singing “Pajama Party” while dressed in sleepwear.

“Are they? Huh, imagine that,” Heechul played it off coyly. He began backtracking, making his way over to Dongwoo, who was on the other side of the room. “We’re a set, Woohyun! A set!” he yelled before turning around and yelling at his other mentee. “Fish-y, I’m going to reel you right in! Catch of the day, Jang Dongwoo!”

Woohyun watched as Heechul began ‘reeling’ in Dongwoo to his side. Those two, they had a good relationship. They agreed on most things, when in came to performing. Because of that, Dongwoo would probably be given better song suggestions. Woohyun’s eyes fell back down to the page.

_What should I do?_

* * *

**Gyu-hyung: Have you eaten yet?**

**Woohyun: No, not yet. Practice ran late.**

**Woohyun: Have you eaten?**

**Gyu-hyung: Yes.**

**Gyu-hyung; But I can always eat again.**

**Woohyun: Do you want to have dinner with me?**

**Gyu-hyung: Sure.**

**Woohyun: Great! It’s a date!** **J** ** <3 <3 <3**

**Gyu-hyung: Stop that!**

**Gyu-hyung: Meet me at my place.**

* * *

This was it: their first date, or at least Woohyun was going to consider it as one. In any case, it was their first gathering after confessing and accepting each other’s confessions…which Woohyun was afraid that Sunggyu was going to see it as, just another gathering. Woohyun was afraid that Sunggyu wouldn’t be feeling the same jitters that he was feeling right now as he was waiting outside of the elder’s building. Ultimately, he was afraid of Sunggyu feeling different, feeling less than he felt for him. It was beginning to seem that way. Woohyun was standing outside of his building as usual. Sunggyu had suggested a place that they’ve been to several times before. It was nothing fancy, nothing special, nothing different.

But once Sunggyu walked out of the front doors of the building, Woohyun’s fears were chased out of his head. Well, he didn’t walk so much as he did jog out, slowing his step when he was outside. Sunggyu swung his head to either side quickly, looking for Woohyun, and he had overlooked the younger initially. Sunggyu took another step forward and looked again. This time he caught sight of Woohyun, who was walking towards him and waving. Then the elder smiled widely.

Jitters, Sunggyu had them too. Woohyun could almost sense them flowing through the elder’s body and frying his nerves with great sparks. Woohyun was feeling the same. Once the two stood face-to-face, they were at a loss as to how to greet each other. Sunggyu waved, not saying anything but his smile spoke for him. Woohyun followed his lead and waved again.

And finally, words came. “Did you wait long?” Sunggyu asked, shifting his weight from side to side.

Woohyun shook his head. “Not at all,” he spoke and signed.

Sunggyu was the first to break the silence between them, and he was also the first to break the invisible wall between them. He tapped the younger on his upper arm. “Let’s go.”

Woohyun made the second move, placing his hand on the small of Sunggyu’s back and giving him a slight push forward. “Eung. Let’s go.”

The jitters only seemed to amplify once they were sitting at a table and forced to face each other head-on. At first, both of them busied themselves with getting things in order, pouring water for themselves and greeting the owner. Woohyun nervously played with the spoon in his hands as he asked the elder how his day was. When Sunggyu didn’t answer, Woohyun realized that he’d forgotten again and grew hot with embarrassment as he reached over and cautiously touched the elder’s hand to get his attention. And then the elder was now the one blushing after jumping out of his seat at the sudden touch. Woohyun chuckled to himself. Even though there was a twelve-year age gap between the both of them, first dates are nerve wrecking no matter the age or experience. He took comfort in that and repeated his question in sign language. Sunggyu answered that it was “fine” and returned the question. And apparently asking questions had put Sunggyu at ease because he kept asking more and more, even before Woohyun could answer some. It was different in a good way. Woohyun liked to be the one doing all of the answering after some time.

Eventually, the conversation shifted towards the inevitable, and Sunggyu began asking questions about the finale. “What are you going to sing?” he asked casually. The elder was more comfortable now that the food came (and Woohyun would’ve never been able to tell that Sunggyu had already eaten because the man was shoveling food into his mouth). But while he grew relaxed, Woohyun tensed up.

“I don’t know,” Woohyun replied, freezing in his spot. He dropped his gaze but continued signing. “Heechul said not to sing another boring ballad, but…I don’t know.” He lowered his hands in the middle of that sentence before ending it haphazardly. Woohyun raised his head back up and saw Sunggyu staring at him intently as he was rolling food into his mouth. Woohyun gave a half-smile. “People like it when I sing upbeat songs, rock songs.”

“But do you like it?” Sunggyu spoke aloud, his voice cutting through the silent air between them. And that pierced through Woohyun more violently than when Heechul had said to him.

But he didn’t try to show it. Woohyun shrugged, lowering his hands to his lap, and answered with words this time: “I guess. I like them enough. I like making people happy.” _I need to win. I need to play it safe. That’s more important_ , Woohyun held those words back on his tongue. It wasn’t that he was afraid that Sunggyu would disagree with that line of thinking. No, he was more afraid that he would agree with Heechul, that putting on a good show was most important. After all, Sunggyu was well aware of how the industry worked.

Sunggyu also knew how Woohyun worked too. “You don’t seem happy talking about it now,” he pointed out. He then put down his utensils and began speaking, not through sign though. He pointed straight at the younger. “If you want to sing a ballad, then sing a ballad,” he spoke in a commanding tone. “It suits you.” Woohyun scoffed. Sunggyu might not have heard it, but he definitely caught the exaggerated roll of Woohyun’s eyes. Sunggyu huffed before continuing (quite loudly), “I can tell that you’re good at expressing emotions because of your face when you sing. You look like you cry after every stage.”

“I do not,” Woohyun immediately refuted.

Sunggyu dismissed the other with a wave of his hand. He then began signing (probably after feeling others stare at him for speaking too loudly), “In any case, many people can sing. Some can sing well. But few can make people feel something when they sing.”

Woohyun sat in his seat, picking at his food while all of what Sunggyu had said sunk in. He did like singing ballads more than any other genre. Woohyun had a tendency to feel more and to feel more deeply than the average person, whether it be of joy or sadness. And with that he emotional depth, he would like to be able to reach out to people and sharing the same emotion, crying at the same sadness. It would be cathartic for him and for them. That was a sign of a great singer. But did Woohyun do that? “Which type of singer do you think I am?” the younger asked the man across from him.

“I don’t know,” Sunggyu replied quickly. “I can’t hear.”

 _How convenient_ , Woohyun thought as his eye twitched in annoyance. He let out a deep sigh before plastering on an (obviously) fake smile and reaching over to place his hand over Sunggyu’s. “Let’s not talk about things like this. Work,” he suggested. “Let’s talk about date stuff, things you normally talk about on a date.”

Sunggyu sputtered into a laugh. “Like what?” he challenged, withdrawing his hand from underneath Woohyun’s in order to sign that.

“When you fell for me,” Woohyun signed, half-jokingly (and half-serious because he was all-curious).

Sunggyu laughed even louder this time, and for much longer. He covered his gaping mouth with the back of his hand, while his other hand slapped against Woohyun’s shoulder. “You haven’t been on many dates, have you?” he teased through his laughter. Woohyun frowned. _That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you._ Before when Woohyun tried to tell Sunggyu that he hadn’t dated, it wanted to reassure the elder that they had something special between them, that Sunggyu was someone very special to him (even though he was old and deaf). But now his lack of experience (and Sunggyu’s reaction) was making him feeling younger, which is exactly the opposite of how he wanted things to be with Sunggyu.

Woohyun brushed the other’s hand from off of himself and grumbled lowly (and defiantly because he knew that it would irritate Sunggyu), “Forget it.”

Sunggyu, however, wasn’t deterred or irritated, He brought his hand back on Woohyun’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I can tell you this much. It was before you fell for me,” he revealed. The elder than retracted his hand and signed, “But that’s all I’m going say about it.” He then zipped his mouth shut cheekily and smiled smugly at the other’s reaction.

“Huh? What?” Woohyun blubbered in disbelief, searching for any hint from other other, but found none. The younger then pointed at the other and smiled slyly. He caught him. “You’re lying,” he retorted. _There’s no way he did. Not possible. Not with the way he acted before._

Sunggyu looked lost. He signed, “Why would I lie about it?”

“To make me feel better,” Woohyun quickly signed back.

“I’m serious,” Sunggyu insisted, appearing almost hurt now.

Woohyun smirked and yielded with a simple sign: “Okay.” But he still didn’t believe it.

“So why do you like me?”

Woohyun choked on his food. “I thought you don’t talk about stuff like that on dates,” he gestured and then wiped his face, lips upturning into a real smile.

Sunggyu sat back in his seat and wiped his hands roughly with a napkin before signing, “Well, you’re different than everyone else I’ve dated, so we should talk about different things.” He then pointed to Woohyun and commanded, “Answer the question.” The elder pushed his lips out into a pout. “I answered yours.”

Woohyun chuckled at the other begging and signed, “Okay.” He then thought for a couple of seconds (and watched Sunggyu grow nervous and slowly regret ever asking the question). As the elder opened his mouth about to retract it, Woohyun finally answered. “You’re handsome, enough…and smart, enough,” he teased. “You treat me like an adult, sometimes. But most importantly, you’re always there, and you support me. It also helps that you smile like an angel and your ass is…”

Sunggyu suddenly grabbed the other’s hands to keep him from signing any further and gripped them tightly. “Okay you can stop now,” he growled through clenched teeth. He then let go of Woohyun’s hands. But as soon as he did, Woohyun tried to continue from where he left off. Sunggyu lunged over the table to grab at his hands again. This time he interlocked his fingers with Woohyun’s and brought their joined hands down onto the table, holding them down. “Please stop,” he begged, staring the other down. Woohyun grinned and nodded, silently promising that he would stop. Sunggyu glared at him as he slowly removed his hands from the other. Woohyun folded his hands together, and that’s when Sunggyu relaxed again, sort of. The man drug a hand down his face and groaned. “Aish, how can you say such cheesy things?”

“It’s easier if you sign it,” Woohyun replied with his hands again. There was no way that he could say those things to Sunggyu’s face normally and especially not in public. It didn’t make what he said any less true.

Sunggyu eyed the other suspiciously. He slowly raised his hands from the table but quickly put them back down again, only to lift them again a few seconds later. “You’re my star,” he signed with lightening fast speed. Sunggyu then clasped his hands together and placed them over his now bowed head. “Nope. It’s just as embarrassing,” he spoke aloud. The hands fell down to cover his reddening face. Woohyun laughed softly, biting his lip to stifle it from becoming too loud. He was overjoyed that the other at least tried (and more so by what he had said). This was becoming the best first date ever, even though his date now was too embarrassed to look him in the eye right now (It was not like Woohyun had much to compare it too in the first place).

Sunggyu finally raised his head again and tugged roughly at the neck of his shirt. “Can we have some more water? It’s so warm in here,” he asked as he began fanning himself. Woohyun pushed his glass across the table and watched amusedly as Sunggyu muttered ‘thanks’ and drained it.

“Aren’t you hot?” Sunggyu asked, sliding the empty glass back across the table.

Woohyun smirked. “Oh, I know I’m _hot_ ,” he signed.

“Stop it!”

Woohyun probably should’ve stopped while he was ahead because Sunggyu went to pay for the meal soon after he snapped at him and came back to the table announcing that he was tired. Woohyun hoped that didn’t mean that the elder had grown tired of him already (or worse, regretful). Sealing his lips tightly, Woohyun stuck closely to Sunggyu’s side and walked him back to the apartments. Once they reached the doors of the building, Sunggyu didn’t say anything, including asking Woohyun to leave. So the younger took it as a sign that he was welcomed inside.

As for how they closed the night, Woohyun wasn’t expecting too much. The entire night, Sunggyu had been more tentative and reserved. And Woohyun knew that this relationship would develop (excruciatingly) slowly. Sunggyu didn’t want to push the younger into anything that he wasn’t ready for, and Woohyun assumed that some things, Sunggyu wasn’t ready for either. And so Woohyun didn’t expect more than a quick hug good night, and maybe even a quicker peck on the cheek if Woohyun was adept enough to sneak it in. Sunggyu might be reserved, but Woohyun wasn’t. He really wasn’t. The brash twenty year-old already began pushing his luck and wrapped his arms around the other’s back as Sunggyu began unlocking his door. Woohyun couldn’t see his reaction; he couldn’t see the elder’s face. Sunggyu never turned around to return the hug, but instead he stepped inside of his apartment, dragging the young man behind him.

Once inside and the door had shut behind them, Sunggyu spun around to face Woohyun, who still couldn’t see the other’s face as the room was dark, but he felt him; he felt Sunggyu’s hands travel up his body slowly and cup his cheeks, tilting up his face so that their lips could meet. A good night kiss, that was entirely more than Woohyun expected. Perhaps Sunggyu wasn’t as reserved or restrained as he judged him for, but at the same time…The kiss was soft and lingering. It wasn’t passionate, but it felt more intimate than any one of the kisses that they’ve shared before. Woohyun felt closer to the elder then he’d ever been before too. It was a strange feeling. But Woohyun felt like the two of them were finally at the same place in life at the same time. And he was eager to recapture that feeling once Sunggyu pulled away. Woohyun gripped the other by the nape of the neck, bringing his face, his lips back down. It was a bit rougher, a bit longer than the first kiss, but Woohyun thought it was just as good, if not better.

When they parted this time, Sunggyu rest his forehead against Woohyun’s and spoke lowly and tripping over his words (but Woohyun still could make it out), “Just sing what you want to sing, okay? You’ll do great no matter what.”

The young man pulled his head away, surprised at that comment (almost as surprised as Sunggyu was when he felt Woohyun’s forehead slip out from under his). But then a smile tugged at the corners of Woohyun’s mouth. This finale had been weighing as much on Sunggyu’s mind as it had been on Woohyun’s.

“Thank you, hyung,” Woohyun replied quietly. “Will you come to the finale?” As soon as the question left his mouth, he felt foolish. They were still veiled in darkness and Sunggyu couldn’t read him. And so Woohyun tried to express his gratitude the best that he could without words. He took one of Sunggyu’s hands from where it was on his shoulder, clasped it in between both of his hands, and pressed his lips gently against the knuckles of the hand, once, twice.

“Aish,” Sunggyu groaned. His other hand left its place on Woohyun shoulder and began searching the wall for the light switch. It found the switch, and the room was flooded in a blinding light. After blinking a few times, chasing away the spots in their eyes, they looked at each other again. “It’s weird when you’re too quiet. I don’t like it,” Sunggyu spoke. His eyes were more fixed on Woohyun’s lips than anything else, either waiting for the younger to speak…or to do something else.

“I tried saying something, but you didn’t hear me,” Woohyun confessed, still not letting go of the other’s hand but patted it apologetically. “Sorry.”

“I knew it,” Sunggyu boasted with a half-smile. With his free hand, he beckoned the other. “Come on, spit it out. What did you want to say?”

“Will you come to the recording for the finale?”

“Oh.” Sunggyu straightened up, looking like the picture of ‘pleasant shock.’ He probably had expected Woohyun to say something silly or cheesy like he had all night. But this, apparently Sunggyu hadn’t expected this, like Woohyun hadn’t expected the kiss. His lips flew from a pout up into a broad grin. “I thought that you’d never ask.”

“But I did,” Woohyun retorted. “So are you coming?”

Sunggyu responded with the same simple sign that Woohyun had flashed for most of the night: “Okay.”

“Okay,” Woohyun returned the sentiment, and this time, he showed himself out of the door before the elder could ‘throw’ him out as usual. But Woohyun didn’t leave without planting a quick peck on the elder’s cheek.

Yes, things between them were the same yet different and new. Woohyun got to see a new side of Sunggyu tonight, one that he rather liked, one that he wagered to be more genuine than sides of the man he’d seen before.

Maybe, just maybe, Woohyun could be like this on the night of the finale, the same yet different and exciting at the same time. He hoped that the audience would like this side of himself, even though it wasn’t happy or romantic. But it would be more true to Nam Woohyun.

* * *

“I want to sing another boring ballad,” Woohyun blurted out as soon as Heechul entered the practice room. His coach had only taken one step into the room and hadn’t even shut the door. But after listening to his mentee’s declaration, the idol slammed the door behind him.

“I knew this day would come,” he remarked with a groan. His loud steps came closer and closer to Woohyun as the idol raised his voice. “The day that you’d defy the mentor who had coached you from day one, who poured sweat and shed tears for you, who wore matching outfits with you. And this is how you repay me?” He was looking down at Woohyun with eyes boring into Woohyun’s, chest heaving up and down a little too dramatically.

Woohyun smirked and didn’t back down from the other or blink. “Are you disappointed?”

Heechul stepped back and flashed a grin, his eyes softening almost immediately. “No, I couldn’t be more proud,” he remarked as he walked towards the piano on the other side of the room in order to look at the sheet music laying there. “Alright, Penguin. What song will you be squawking for me?”

* * *

Squawking seemed derogatory then, but nearing the end of the week, Woohyun did end up singing so much that his voice went hoarse. He didn’t only have to prepare for one routine but two. It was twice the singing, twice the hours in the awful red practice room, using about half the amount of sleep that they normally got. On a good night, Woohyun could catch about three hours of sleep, on a bad, none at all. It was starting to take a toll on his body. Even the burst of energy that is Jang Dongwoo, slowly started dying out. They’ve already caught their second winds and their thirds, but now they had now wind left to blow in their sails. The two of them were sitting on the floor of the practice room just panting, after going through the routine three times. They had stopped singing and rapping after the first go around. They needed to save their voices for now. Woohyun barely had any left, and Dongwoo was actually talking slowly, languidly, tying his tongue with almost every thing he spoke. It was safe to say, they were both exhausted.

“Nam-goon,” Dongwoo called out to the other as he laid down on the floor. Woohyun thought that the other wanted water too, so he offered his friend the bottle that he was drinking from. Dongwoo denied it with a quick wave. “Let's do this for real,” he blurted out between pants.

“Die?” Woohyun guessed with a chuckle.

“No, perform!” Dongwoo clarified and gave the other a slap on his thigh for being silly. “When the show is over, let’s do a song together. Or even an album!”

Woohyun tossed the water bottle aside and laid down next to his friend. “Together?” he repeated. “That sounds nice. But…”Doubts began flooding his mind. _We both can’t win, so how could we?_

Dongwoo had the answer. “We’ll sing and dance on the streets, if we have to, hold a guerilla concert. Our fans would like it.”

Woohyun gasped. “We have fans?!” He was feigning surprise.

Dongwoo slapped him gently again. “Of course,” he chirped back. “We wouldn’t have made it this far without them.” Dongwoo looked the other up and down before rolling back onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “We made it _really_ far.”

 _As far as you possibly could go._ A strange feeling washed over Woohyun as he fixed his eyes onto the ceiling too. It wasn’t the same feeling that he had in the beginning of the week, but he’d felt it before, when he graduated from high school and was going to embark on a different journey than the rest of his classmates. Things were coming to an end. Woohyun let out a deep sigh. “I wish that we both could win and we could debut together,” he thought aloud.

Dongwoo hummed in agreement. “I know,” he mumbled. “When this is all done, it’ll be weird. I won’t practice with you anymore, or hang out with you backstage. Everything is going to change. It might change for the better. I know it will for the both of us. But I’m still going to miss this. I’ll miss you, Nam-goon,” Dongwoo ended his rambling and scooting over to Woohyun’s side, clinging onto him.

Woohyun chuckled and pushed his friend away. “You’re acting like I’m dying,” he remarked as he sat himself up. “We’ll still see each other. I won’t let you forget me. And we’ll still meet backstage, as a duo or solo or even as a group, we’ll still meet. I have a feeling.” And he did. Although this competition was coming to a close, Woohyun knew that his relationship with Dongwoo wasn’t going to too. No, they still had a long journey to take together, as colleagues, as rivals, as fellow dreamers.

Dongwoo sat up too and propped himself up against the wall. “I do too,” he spoke, his voice laced with relief. It was nice that there was something that they both could count on after all of this was over.

Suddenly the door to the practice room swung open. The two of them were prepared to get onto their feet as usual in order to greet their coach, who randomly decided to crash their practice session. But it wasn’t Heechul. It was Myungsoo. He must’ve been interviewing the other contestant competing in the finale (a young girl named Park Yoonha from Hyunmi’s team, who was the maknae for the entire competition and won the audience over with her sweet, innocent voice). The MC was still wearing his sponsored clothing and looked as exhausted as Dongwoo and Woohyun were.

Woohyun grinned warmly at the other as he plopped back down on the floor. “You tired?” he asked the younger who was walking towards them. Myungsoo nodded. Woohyun patted the spot next to him, signaling the MC to sit there, but instead Myungsoo wedged himself in between Woohyun and Dongwoo, ignoring their sweating and smelly state, opting for comfort instead. Woohyun chuckled and patted his famous dongsaeng on the thigh. “Busy day?” he spoke in a voice like one would to a child.

Myungsoo grunted, his eyes now sealed shut as he leaned his head on Woohyun’s shoulder. “Photoshoot in the morning. Drama shooting. Interviews,” he grumbled, barely moving his lips.

“Our L is a busy star,” Dongwoo spoke in a gentle voice, petting the celebrity’s head, who responded with a tired groan, wanting to sleep but didn’t have the time. For now, this was the best that he could do.

Woohyun chuckled to himself. How often did the three of them find themselves in this position backstage? Myungsoo often came to Woohyun or Dongwoo or both like a ship coming to harbor. He felt safe, he took a break, and then he’d return to MC-ing and his other schedules revitalized. Yes, Kim Myungsoo, in spite of his new name and fancy career, was still a shy kid at heart and still looked to his old hyung for comfort and a bit of fun. Woohyun was grateful that the other could now rely on Dongwoo too. He sighed and brushed the bangs away from the model’s face. Woohyun wouldn’t be able to fare through this competition as well if he didn’t have these two by his side. Would they have been the same if he never auditioned? A part of him hoped so.

“Rest well, Myungsoo. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. This show is nothing without you. We’re nothing without you,” Woohyun joked, trying to draw a laugh from the other. And he did. Myungsoo picked his head up and chuckled a little.

“You know, this might happen for you guys soon too,” the model remarked. He brought his head back down, slowly blinking his eyes until they closed again. “So busy that you can’t even close your eyes. You might miss something if you do,” his voice drifted off as he spoke.

“Ah! That’s the dream, isn’t it?” Woohyun joked, leaning his head back against the wall. “We don’t need sleep anyway, right JjangDdong? Dongwoo?” But the other never answered the call. Woohyun rolled his head to the side and saw his teammate passed out with his head on Myungsoo’s shoulder. And from the feeling of Myungsoo’s heavy head on his own shoulder, the MC was asleep too. “These two babies,” he muttered under his breath.

But one of those ‘babies’ wasn’t quite asleep just yet. “Hyung?” the model mumbled, still half-asleep.

Woohyun looked down and only saw the younger’s mop of hair, slightly curling at the ends. _Some things never change._ “What is it, Myungsoo?” Woohyun asked.  
“When you become a star, you won’t forget me, right?”

Woohyun chuckled at the irony of a big star himself asking that of an old store cashier. The laughter stopped in his throat when he remembered that there was a time that he _had_ forgotten about Myungsoo, when they reunited at the store some months ago. If he had forgotten or didn’t recognized Myungsoo, Woohyun wouldn’t have felt so low, so jealous back then. He had wished that the model had never even walked into the store to begin with. But now, Woohyun’s heart changed. He was grateful that Myungsoo walked back in his life and that he hadn’t forgotten his dongsaeng and that Myungsoo didn’t forget him either.

“Of course not. I’d never be able to forget you,” Woohyun said as he leaned his cheek against the other’s head. He might as well catch some shut eye with the other two. But before he closed his eyes, he looked over at Dongwoo. _I won’t be able to forget either of you…._

_…But Kim Heechul I’d like to forget._

* * *

Time had slipped through Woohyun’s fingers all week, but now it seemed to come to a halt as he waited for his turn to take the stage. He and Dongwoo had already performed their [duet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3xWMkfEIBE) with a roaring applause from the audience. Yoonha had performed a trot duet with Hyunmi, and she was onstage now performing her final solo stage. Woohyun monitored it from a television in the back room. The little girl was performing well, singing a less difficult version of BoA’s _Atlantis Princess_ , but it brought some of the audience to their feet. _I can beat that,_ Woohyun thought. His knees were bouncing up and down as he waited in his seat. After her comments from the judges, Woohyun would be up next. He jumped up from his seat as she sang her last note. As he did, Dongwoo (who’d been stretching in a corner of the room) came over to wish him luck as usual, giving him a quick hug, but even though it was quick, it was interrupted by a staff member, urging Woohyun to come on standby. And there he waited, as seconds turned to hours, and milliseconds passed more slowly than molasses. He took in a deep breath and hazard a peek between the curtains. Luckily, most eyes were on Yoonha who was talking with L right now. But a few, special eyes were trained on that current, waiting for Woohyun to pop his head through them (as he would sometimes, being impatient). Jungyeop had joined his sister and her family for Woohyun’s last performance. Several people from his hometown volunteered to watch over the orphanage so that his dad could watch him on stage. Jungyeop gave him a thumbs up, and Sungmin was pointing at Woohyun and nudging Sungjong to wave at Woohyun with him. Reluctantly, Sungjong gave a short nod. Woohyun chuckled at his silly family and waved back at them. He was about to let go of the curtains, but his eye had caught someone from behind the Lees, waving back at him, just as enthusiastically as Sungmin did. Woohyun perked up. It was Sunggyu, sitting right behind his family in a strange coincidence. It almost looked like he came along with them. Woohyun waved again in a slight daze. _Well, that’s going to be awkward_ , he thought before ducking behind the curtain. And he did so just in time. Yoonha was running off the stage, and Woohyun could congratulate her before he went on. He didn’t go onstage quite yet. Before he could, Woohyun had to wait again. A commercial break. Those were just as infuriating for him as they were for the audience. Woohyun was about the peek behind the curtains again, maybe rile up the crowd by throwing a few hearts here and there (and a well aimed heart between Sunggyu and his family). But a hand pulled him back. Heechul had come backstage.

“Look at me kid. I’m only going to say this once, so remember it,” he urged him a flurry of words that blew past the younger. Woohyun gave a small nodded, shocked that once again, his coach was acting like a coach and giving him a pep-talk. “I’m proud of you, Woohyun.” The contestant didn’t know what was more surprising: the fact that Heechul said that he was proud of him twice in one week or that Heechul called him by his real name. “I’m glad that you challenged me and chose this song. You’re sticking to your guns. You’re sticking to who you are, like I do. You’ll go far. You’re going to be a big star one day, not as big as me, but you’re going to make it.” Heechul reached over and patted the younger on his shoulders. “We butted heads a lot, but don’t think that I never liked you.”

“Really?” Woohyun shouted. The murmur from the crowd began growing as the break was coming to an end. After his eyes flittered around as he soaked in his coach’s words. Something was off. He narrowed his eyes on the other. “You told Dongwoo this too.”

Heechul nodded sharply. “That’s right. I did,” he shamelessly admitted. “But you two have something special. Not everyone has it. I…I was lucky to have you on my team.” That admission, however, came a little more reluctantly.

“Hyung…” Woohyun started, but didn’t know what more to say.

His coach didn’t force him to finish it, but he did force the younger onto the stage, pushing him from behind. “Now shut up and get on stage.”

* * *

Before his performance, his interview with Myungsoo aired on the video screen over the stage. This time, Woohyun was dressed for the occasion and freshly washed. Sadly, it did not mean that he looked any better because he had bags under his eyes that sagged down to his cheeks. However, his smile seemed to erase those tired lines away as he casually chatted with his dongsaeng about his journey to the final stage. Then finally, the MC asked the question he’d been waiting for:

“After you win, sorry, if you win, you’d receive a contract along with a cash prize. What are you planning to do with the money?”

“ _If_ I win,” Woohyun repeated with a strong emphasis. “Of course, I’d want to give some to my father and to the orphanage that I grew up in, but…” he paused and bit his lip. He’d been toying around with this idea for some time now. He knew that this probably wasn’t the appropriate venue for it, given how last time Sunggyu reacted. However, his excitement (and sleep deprivation) got the better of him, and Woohyun spilled out his deep secret: “I’m sure that you remember my friend that I sang for a few weeks ago. Well, there’s this procedure, a cochlear implant, that I want to give to my friend. I hadn’t told my friend this before, but that’s what I was planning on doing with the prize money. I want my friend to hear my voice, hear me sing just once.”

“Is your friend going to be in the audience?” Myungsoo asked.

“Yes,” Woohyun chirped back, grinning to himself at the memory of the elder promising that he’d come. “But my friend is shy, so my friend will stay hidden, for now.” The contestant then looked straight at the camera, past Myungsoo and signed: “This song is for you. Thank you for always giving me advice and encouraging me.”

Myungsoo laughed, at a loss for what to do with all of that gesturing. “What did you just say?” he asked.

“Thank you,” Woohyun summed up simply. “I said ‘thank you.’”

Myungsoo grinned. “Well, thank you, Woohyun-hyung for singing. And good luck.”

* * *

Time ran out, and the lights came on, shining brightly on Woohyun. He couldn’t see very well with the lighting, but he tried to fix his sight on a particular spot in the audience. Once he saw that familiar (blurry) face, Sunggyu watching him while biting his thumb nervously, Woohyun closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and immersed himself into the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrv_8Mv0ZVc).

“I don’t know, but now I can understand

The reason why you’re here right now

Don’t think I’m always a child

It’s not just your world that’s dark.

Little by little, every part of me is going to your side

Can you take just one step forward for me?

Don’t say anything.

What else do we need? When it’s you and me

I feel so small because I have nothing to give you

Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears

Little by little, every part of me is going to your side

Can you take just one step forward for me?

Don’t say anything

What else do we need? When it’s you and me

I feel so small because I have nothing to give you

Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears

What else do we need? When it’s you and me

I feel so small because I have nothing to give you

Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears

What else do we need? When it’s you and me

I feel so small because I have nothing to give you

Don’t cry my dear, I love you, even your tears.”

Woohyun’s heart stopped once the song ended. The applause wasn’t as loud as he was used to it being, and it was delayed. A few seconds after the song ended, there was a clap or two until a moderate shower of claps rained down on his ears. _Did I make it right choice?_

But then the lights lowered as L joined him onstage, and Woohyun could see the faces of the audience better. They were sad, every single one of them. Their smiles like a tight, straight line across their faces, on the verge of falling into a frown. Few even shed tears, including one of the judges, who was currently was turned to the side as she accepted a tissue from a staff member and began dabbing her face with it.

“Uh, Ali-ssi, are you okay?” L called out to the crying judge, whose face flushed even more from embarrassment.

“Yes, yes I’m fine. I just…” Ali paused in order to take in a deep breath before continuing. “This song reminds me of my dad. He’s still alive, don’t worry,” she added quickly. “But…still reminds me of a lot of tough times that my family has been through together.” She then clenched the tissue in her hand and looked up at Woohyun with an embarrassed smiled. Her hand was planted on her forehead. “I’m supposed to talk about the performance, aren’t I?”

“I’ll speak for you,” Yoon Sang cut in, realizing that his colleague was a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Ali smiled and thanked him as she tried to chase away the tears from her eyes. Yoon Sang then turned his attention away from the judge next to him onto the singer. “Woohyun-ssi, you have such a sincere way of expressing emotions. You’re how young?” he asked with a slight chuckle. “And you’re singing that you experienced things beyond your years.”

Woohyun nodded proudly. “I have a very vivid imagination,” he explained.

Yoon Sang chuckled with an amused smile. “You do,” he agreed without hesitation.

“Hyunmi-ssi?” L went to the next judge. The MC was fiddling with his earpiece, probably receiving instructions from the staff to speed things along, (which was unfortunate because it looked like Yoon Sang had more to say). “Any words?”

“I knew the person who originally sang this song,” the trot star announced. “Unfortunately, I didn’t know him for very long. However, he told me that this was his favorite song, and I think that he would be proud of how you sang it tonight.” People from the audience clapped in agreement. Hyunmi nodded along and leaned forward in order to speak into the microphone again. “A good song can resonate within all who hear it, but it takes a good singer to have a song fulfill that purpose. I think that you did that.”

“Thank you,” Woohyun shouted with a deep bow.

L cocked an eyebrow and turned to the last judge: “Heechul-ssi? It’s your turn.”

“I already talked to him backstage,” Heechul declined his turn, almost. “But he did really well tonight. He orchestrated the whole stage himself. I just picked out the outfit,” he revealed to the rest of the judges.

Ali faked a gasp, her tears finally abated. “That was the one thing that I didn’t like!” she teased her fellow-judge.

“Yah!” Heechul snapped back. “He looks like a prince in that waist coat!”

And as Woohyun was playing around with the idea of flinging off his vest (his hands were even on the buttons), the MC applied pressure to his lower back, lightly shoving him off-stage with a sorry smile. “Woohyun-hyung, you did well tonight,” he spoke to his hyung. Afterwards, L faced the cameras. “Next up is…”

Woohyun didn’t hear the rest as he was whisked offstage. Time for the recording was cramped as there were more stages and more interviews. But Woohyun didn’t go to the waiting room in the back. He stayed by the side of the stage to watch his friend perform his last stage. He wagered that it was down to the two of them. One of them would walk away as the winner.

* * *

The voting for the finale was different than the rest: it was live. The audience at the recording could vote as well as those watching from home through social media and a pre-vote. The three contestants waited backstage as the results were calculated. This wait, however, flew unexpectedly fast. Woohyun felt as if he just sat down when he was called onto the stage again. Before they went on, the stylists ‘tidied’ them up, getting them camera ready. Woohyun was pulled through a whirlwind of stylist and dragged onto the stage. And once onstage, he became grounded again, holding onto Dongwoo’s hand tightly. This was it; this was the end.

L began by small-talking with the judges, asking them to sum up the night. He then turned to the contestants and asked them to do the same. Woohyun couldn’t remember what he said, let alone what anyone else had said. It was probably all word vomit anyway. He could barely hear anything except the pounding of his heart. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. “PARK YOONHA!” L shouted.

Woohyun’s head whipped to his side and watched the young girl leave the stage with a bowed head. She lost. Woohyun had narrowly missed the announcement. Dongwoo clutched his hand even more tightly and leaned over to whisper, “It’s down to you and me, buddy.”

Woohyun nodded with a strained smile and squeezed the other’s hand back. He then tried his best to regain his senses. He took in a deep breath, placing his free hand over his heart. _Calm down_ , he willed himself. But it didn’t quite work. At least he could pay better attention now.

“And the winner is…”

Woohyun held his breath and shut his eyes tightly, saying a prayer to anyone that was listening. _Please, please, please, please, let it be…_

“JANG DONGWOO!”

* * *

The moments following the announcement were like a blur, probably because Woohyun couldn’t see properly through the tears welling in his eyes. He even couldn’t make out Dongwoo’s face very well which was only centimeters away from his own. Woohyun bit his lips, swallowing harshly, as his friend wrapped him in an excited hug. Woohyun hoped that he wished Dongwoo ‘congratulations,’ but the only thing that ran through his mind was: _It’s over. It’s all over. I’m done._

Unfortunately, that wasn’t true. Admidst the chaos and the confetti raining down on them, Woohyun was pulled off of the stage by the staff and set down into a chair in their changing rooms. There, he finally let go of his tears, sobbing miserably. Every part of his body was sore, every part ached as he fell apart piece by piece. And Woohyun wanted to completely fall apart until there was nothing left. He wanted to disappear. He was embarrassed. Covering his face with his hands, he muttered into them, “Why did I have to say that? Why did I promise that? He hates when I talk about him and now…aish! I screwed up!” He dragged his hands roughly down his face, pulling at it. His heart raced faster in his chest, thumping wildly and painfully. He couldn’t catch his breath, inhaling as soon as the air left his body and exhaling back out. Woohyun panicked. _I really screwed up. What am I going to do? This was the only thing that I planned…I’ll have to start all over again with the auditions. Start all over from the beginning. More auditions. More rejections. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do it. Is it too late? It is. I f***ed up. It’s over. I’m over. And I hadn’t even started yet._

“NO!”

Woohyun snapped his head back up. That shout wasn’t from him. There was someone at the doorway. Woohyun grabbed some tissues from the table behind him and began cleaning himself up (or burying his face in them).

“No, I don’t want to do this. Do I have to? Do I _really_ have to?” the voice dropped to an angry whisper.

 _Myungsoo?_ Woohyun turned his head towards the door and saw his dongsaeng hotly arguing with his manager. And judging by the look on the model’s face, he knew that he was fighting a useless fight. His manager was giving him a tired look as he listed off the duties of the MC again. But Myungsoo still fought because he was fighting for Woohyun. Woohyun looked down at the ball of wet tissue in his hands. The exit interview, the last appearance of all the ‘losers’ on the show. And it was Woohyun’s turn now. But Myungsoo…Woohyun cracked into a small smile. Myungsoo was trying to stall for as long as he could, giving Woohyun enough time to collect himself, which he now did.

Woohyun swallowed down the lump in his throat before he spoke, hoping that he would sound stronger. “It’s okay, Myungsoo. I can do it,” he told the two hovering at the doorway. His voice just barely cracked. “I can do the interview.”

“Hyung!” Myungsoo exclaimed when he faced the other. The MC immediately walked up towards Woohyun and embraced him tightly. Woohyun hugged him back, hooking his chin over the other’s shoulder. This wasn’t like his hug with Dongwoo earlier. That one was all excitement and not an ounce of warmth, because Woohyun had none to give at that time. But this one was warm and comforting, for the both of them. “I hate this,” Myungsoo lamented. “I wanted hyung to win too.” He was crushed by the loss too, not to the extent that Woohyun was, but Myungsoo still felt it. He wanted Woohyun to win just as badly as Sungmin did or Jungyeop. Woohyun knew it. Myungsoo had always talked, behind the scenes, about Woohyun winning as if it were a matter of course. But it wasn’t. “Ah I hate it,” he repeated as he pulled away. He winced and cocked his head. At that moment, while Myungsoo was hanging his head, Woohyun noticed the cameras trained on him at this moment. Woohyun looked directly into the lens of the camera for a few seconds before giving it a resigned smile. _I’m not done yet._

He patted the younger on the back. “Myungsoo, it’s fine,” he urged him. “I can talk.”

The interview was conducted a bit differently from the others. Usually, Myungsoo sat across from the contestants as he asked the questions. But given the circumstances (and to play up their ‘brother-like’ connection), Myungsoo sat beside Woohyun. It was easier to get through it if they pretended like it was a conversation between the two of them, ignoring the staff that was flanking their side. Woohyun just looked at Myungsoo, never letting his gaze wander, when the MC asked the question: “How do you feel?”

Woohyun took in a deep breath and fixed a smile onto his face. “I’m disappointed, of course I am,” he answered honestly with a sheepish chuckle. His shoulders shook more than actual laughter came out. But then the tenuous laughter abated. He tilted his head to the side. This time, he smiled genuinely, choosing to focus on the positive and on the things that he was grateful for. “At the same time, I lived my dream of singing on stage, performing in front of the world. And that dream isn’t over. It’s still unfulfilled because it grew bigger. There’s more that I want to do now. I want to come out with an album, compose songs, maybe even act.” Woohyun finally tor his eyes away from the other and looked into the camera. He pointed straight at it, and the audience behind it. “You haven’t seen the last of Nam Woohyun, I guarantee it. I was born to be a great singer ahjussi,” he ended with a heartier chuckle.

Myungsoo laughed along and lightly slapped the other. But then someone of the staff cleared his throat, urging the MC to continue his duty and not get carried away. “Oh right,” Myungsoo muttered below his breath as his gaze dropped down to his cue cards. He then read the next question without any emotion: “Any words about Dongwoo-hyung?”

This question was to be expected. He and Dongwoo had traveled down the same path for throughout this whole journey. _And we’re not done yet_. “Dongwoo and I are close, very close. I don’t think that we could’ve come this far without each other, or at least I couldn’t. His happiness is my happiness. So even now, I’m happy. This is a great opportunity for him. He really deserved it. He’s _your_ star,“ he ended, addressing the camera again. He then faced Myungsoo again and shrugged. “I’ll just be someone else’s star.”

Myungsoo leaned forward and patted his leg. “You’re my star, hyung,” he said, going off of his script for the first time this interview.

Woohyun laughed, his mood already improving. “Then I’ll keep shining bright.” He promised. He then turned to the camera for one last time. This was going to be the last time the audience was going to see him, and he better make it count. “Twinkle twinkle,” he burst with aegyo before crumbling into laughter. He had started the competition by throwing hearts at the audience and now he was going out in a cute blaze of glory. And that was the Nam Woohyun that he wanted the audience to remember, not the boy who lost with tearstained and ruddy cheeks but the man smiling cheerfully who was undeterred and unbroken.

He will shine bright again.

* * *

But that confidence waned as Myungsoo and the staff left the room, and he was alone again, with only his thoughts to keep him company. He leaned back into the chair and let out a deep breath. “What am I going to do? I just want to sing. Why is it so hard? Why can’t do it?” he thought out loud, closing his eyes tightly again and squeezing out a few more tears.

Woohyun wasn’t in much of a mood to see his family either; he wasn’t in the mood for their pity and their attempts to cheer him up. And, honestly, he was a bit terrified to run into Sunggyu again because of the stupid promise that he made in front of millions of viewers. Right now, the only thing Woohyun wanted was not pity or cheering up but a solution. He didn’t really expect one to come, but it did. It came knocking at the door.

“Woohyun-ssi? There you are!” Woohyun lowered his head and saw a staff member at the door. He was about to greet her, but she stepped out of the room again to call at someone: “I found him. He’s in here.” She pointed into the room. She then gave Woohyun a short bow, which he returned as he quickly got to his feet, and left.

Woohyun dabbed his face roughly with the ball of tissue still in his hands, preparing himself for whoever was coming. “I’m sorry, I…” he muttered as he lifted his head, but the words stuck in his throat as soon as he saw one of the judges standing in front of him. _What is this?_ “Yoon Sang-ssi? Wh-what are you doing here? Did I forget something? Am I supposed to go onstage again? I already had my interview,” Woohyun explained. His voice was haggard. He didn’t think that he could do anything for the show anymore, at least not alone. _Maybe if it’s an interview with Dongwoo, then I could…_

“No, Woohyun-ah, you’re done for the day,” Yoon Sang cut off his thoughts. The man stepped inside of the room and stood in front of the former contestant. He offered a warm, but hesitant smile, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “You did a fantastic job. You touched a lot of people out there.”

 _Not enough_ , Woohyun thought with a sigh, but he still returned the other’s smile with a slender one of his own. “Thank you. I tried my best,” he insisted, as if he still needed to convince the other.

“And you did,” Yoon Sang agreed as he leaned against the counter top in the waiting room. He was slowly growing more at ease. It was strange for both of them to talk outside of the competition. He wasn’t Woohyun’s coach. He had no need to talk to Woohyun before. But now, what did he have to say?

“Woohyun, do you remember what I said to you at your audition?” the judge asked.

Woohyun nodded vigorously. “You said that I had potential,” he replied. It wasn’t a comment that he could forget very easily. A man like Yoon Sang thought that he had potential. It had helped him keep his confidence through the first half of the competition.

“That’s right. And you do. You have greater potential than I had anticipated,” Yoon Sang confessed with an embarrassed smile, like he should’ve known better. “I didn’t expect you to grow so much through this program. I didn’t expect you to grow this much in general. And I think…you’ve got a lot more growing to do. And I want to help with that.” _What? Help?_ Woohyun’s eyes darted around the room as he tried to wonder what the ‘help’ could entail. _Can I sing? For real?_ Yoon Sang cleared his throat, and Woohyun snapped his head to look meet his eye. “Woohyun, what are you doing this weekend?” he asked.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” Woohyun blubbered in response as if the deal were to be quickly snatched away.

“Good,” the judge said with a light laugh as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a business card. He handed it over to the younger. “Why don’t you stop by my studio? I probably won’t have a contract written up by then, but I can show you around, introduce you to people, and we can discuss things,” he offered. “We’ll see if this is something that we both want to pursue.”

“It is!” Woohyun almost cut the other off. The younger then swallowed harshly, realizing that he might’ve stepped on the other’s toes. To make amends and show his gratitude, he bowed deeply. “Thank you, Yoon Sang-ssi. I will definitely see you this weekend. Thank you.”

The judge pat his back, signaling to the younger that he could stop now. But Woohyun still couldn’t look him in the eye. His eyes were fastened to the business card in his hands, with the name of the studio embossed on the top. It might be _his_ studio soon. He could be a part of it. No, not could. He would be. The answer to his question earlier was laying right in his hands. He was still going to be a singer. Yoon Sang cleared his throat once more to draw the other’s attention away from the car. “I better get going. Your family is waiting outside,” he announced before taking his leave. Woohyun tore his eyes from the card and lifted his gaze to the man in front of him, and then to those people behind him, hovering at the door. His family was, indeed, waiting for him. Sungjong was pulling Sungmin back by his collar, who was eager to greet his hyung. But Jungyeop looked even more eager to console his son, but was trying to not act like it and was pacing back and forth in the hallway. “I’ll see you later,” Yoon Sang said before taking his leave.

“Yes,” Woohyun chirped back. “I’ll see you then.” But for now, he had to see his family, who infiltrated the room as soon as the judge left. Woohyun was soon smothered by a heap of hugs. Even Sungjong wrapped his arms limply around him. Yes, now Woohyun could accept their comfort. He hugged them tightly back. Now this was what he needed. They would help to lift his spirits even further. He was determined to walk out of this place like the winner.

And he felt like he had won. He was flanked by his family, chatting happily with his brothers. His loss was already becoming a distant memory. He was about to put Sungjong in a headlock for a smart alec comment that he made, when Woohyun realized that he had almost forgotten something else, someone else.

To be honest, Woohyun didn’t forget about him, but Woohyun didn’t expect Sunggyu to be waiting outside of the venue, especially not in this cold. Woohyun’s arm immediately fell away from Sungjong, after he caught sight of Sunggyu sitting on a ledge near the end of the stairs. “Uh,” Woohyun mumbled as he spun on his heels, coming face-to-face with Jungyeop and his aunt. “I need to go talk to someone. Him,” he confessed with a small voice and gestured with his thumb to the man at the end of the stairs. Woohyun cast a glance back at the man, and Sunggyu must’ve felt his gaze (or fate wanted to take this opportunity to make things awkward for him). Sunggyu twisted in his seat, smiled, and waved as soon as he saw the younger. But then the smile fled his face and he dropped his hand. Sunggyu must’ve noticed that he wasn’t alone. The man turned back around and got to his feet, preparing to walk away.

“Woohyunnie, who is that?” Jungyeop asked.

“That’s Sunggyu-hyung,” Woohyun quickly answered as he walked ahead of his family down the stairs.

“Oh,” his father muttered.

Woohyun hazard a quick glance back. Great, his father looked concerned, narrowing his eyes on the retreating man. “I’m going to talk to him for a second. Do you mind waiting?” Woohyun asked, wresting his attention away.

Jungyeop shook his head, but did not shake the expression away from his face. “No. Go ahead,” he relented, nevertheless.

With that, Woohyun took the stair by two, almost tumbling at the last step, but he couldn’t risk the other leaving. Sunggyu had stayed. In spite of what Woohyun had said during his interview, Sunggyu was still there and smiling. Maybe the elder just wanted to comfort Woohyun too, and Woohyun would be more than happy to take it from him.

Woohyun caught up to him and caught the other’s hand as well, intertwining it with his own. He yanked on Sunggyu’s arm, pulling him back to his side. The elder looked at him with wide eyes, stunned. “What are you doing?”

“They already know,” Woohyun retorted. His eyes darted back to his family behind him. Okay, so they didn’t know about the two of them entirely. They knew that Woohyun had feelings for the other. They just didn’t know that Sunggyu had returned them. But Sungjong and the rest were sharp enough to connect the dots. Woohyun looked back at Sunggyu, determined. “It’s fine,” he insisted with a voice so strong that he believed it himself.

Sunggyu bought it. “Then this is fine too.” He then used his free hand to bring the younger towards his chest, wrapping him in a one armed hug, unwilling to let go of the younger’s hand. “You did a good job, Woohyunnie,” he whispered into the other’s ear. “You were the best tonight.”

Woohyun pressed his forehead against the other’s shoulder; he pressed his weight on him, wanting not only his comfort but support too. Sunggyu, Woohyun knew fully well that Sunggyu wouldn’t have liked that he mentioned his deaf ‘friend’ again. It brought up bad memories. It made him think that Woohyun was using his story for the public’s pity. That’s why Woohyun had been afraid to meet with him again, remembering the disappointed look on the elder’s face. But it seemed like he worried for no reason. A shudder shot through his body as he dragged in a shaking breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made that promise. I don’t think I can keep it,” he confessed. He inhaled deeply again and squeezed his hands, frustrated with himself. “I wasn’t trying to win the audience’s favor with it either. I just…really really want it.”

“What are you saying?” Sunggyu asked, slightly aggravated but trying to hide it. He pulled his shoulder away from the younger and dropped his arm away from him.

Woohyun raised his head so that the other could read him, but his eyes were still downcast. “Thanks, hyung,” he gave little voice to his words, mostly just moving his lips.

But even though Woohyun was trying to hide it, Sunggyu still saw them. ““Hey, hey. You have no reason to cry,” he insisted, brushing away the tears roughly with the edge of his coat’s sleeve. Woohyun stepped back, letting go of the other’s hand. Only a few tears spilled down his face. Woohyun was just so overwhelmed right now that the slightest thing could set him off. He did his best and fended off the tears when his family said how proud they were. But his emotions got the best of him this time. Sunggyu stuffed his hands in his pockets, unsure what to do now. “Don’t cry. You did well.”

Well, that chased the tears away. Woohyun laughed as he signed, “You can’t even hear me.”

Sunggyu grinned too. “I can hear you in here,” he answered, signing as well, pointing at his heart. “I don’t need these.” He gestured around his ears.

Laughter bloomed again in the younger. He wasn’t used to Sunggyu acting like this or saying these things. “That’s cheesy,” he retorted.

Sunggyu snorted and poked at the other’s cheek. “You like it. You’re smiling,” he spoke with a smug smile. He opened his mouth to speak again, looking a bit more serious, his eyes sharpened, but he was interrupted.

“Woohyun.”

“Dad!” Woohyun exclaimed with a small jump. He _had_ forgotten that his entire family was only a few steps away, waiting in the cold. Sungmin was shivering in his spot. But Jungyeop reminded his son as he walked up towards the couple.

“Dad?” Sunggyu repeated, his eyes wider than Woohyun had ever seen before. Woohyun hadn’t really told the other that he’d been adopted. It had slipped his mind (just like it had ‘slipped’ his mind to tell the others about Sunggyu). But he had said that he had a father. Here was the proof now.

Woohyun stepped away from Sunggyu and closer to his father, making room for the large wave of awkwardness now looming over all three of them. “This is Sunggyu-hyung,” Woohyun quickly introduced. He then turn towards Sunggyu and signed while he introduced the old man, “Hyung, this is the man that raised me.”

“Oh,” Sunggyu gasped. Woohyun could see the pieces clicking in his mind. Jungyeop had come up several times before in conversation, but never as ‘dad,’ always as ‘the head of the orphanage.’ However, Sunggyu would’ve been ‘glad’ to meet the man under any title just for the sole reason that he cared for Woohyun when no one else would. Sunggyu stepped forward, stretching out his hand to Jungyeop. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” Jungyeop responded in an embarrassingly loud voice, as if Sunggyu was hard of hearing and not deaf. But he still took Sunggyu’s hand and shook it warmly. Once introductions were over, Jungyeop placed his hand on Woohyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to butt in, but we have to get going,” once again he spoke far too loudly.

“Oh right. Of course,” Sunggyu’s voice dropped, slurring more of his words than he usually did. Woohyun didn’t want to quite leave just yet either. He had some things that he wanted to ask the other, but now wasn’t the time. Now it was time to go home and ‘celebrate’ his loss with his family. He hesitated, thinking of inviting Sunggyu to come along. But the tug on his shoulder, dragging him away, told him that it wasn’t the time for that either. Sunggyu would have to properly meet the family later, preferably when it wasn’t freezing cold. And so Woohyun sadly waved at the other, gesturing that he’d message the elder later that night. Sunggyu nodded and buried his face in his coat. I guess that could’ve gone worse, Woohyun thought as he and Jungyeop were rejoining the rest, his father’s hand was still tightly gripping his shoulder.

Suddenly, Woohyun was turned around and he was facing Sunggyu again. Jungyeop turned with him. “You should stop by sometime…with Woohyun, of course,” Jungyeop shouted to the other. Woohyun looked at his father, eyes wide in shock, then back at Sunggyu, who didn’t seem to have caught that but realized that Jungyeop was talking to him. Woohyun quickly repeated what his father had said in sign language.

Sunggyu raised his head from the shelter of his coat, showing off a toothy grin. “Oh, I will!” he shouted back, louder than Jungyeop had shouted to him. Woohyun winced. He had a feeling that shouting at each other would quickly become a regular thing between those two.

Woohyun sighed and shook his head at them. “Bye hyung. I’ll call you. Love you,” he signed before returning to the rest with his father (this time, Sunggyu signed the same in return). Although grinning broadly, Woohyun chided his dad in a low whisper: “That was awkward.”

“Oh shush!” Jungyeop snapped back, obviously flustered by the whole interaction. Yes he was flustered but that was only because the man was shy. If Woohyun wasn’t mistaken, Jungyeop seemed to like Sunggyu or was at least willing to give him a chance. That, in addition to the card and offer from Yoon Sang, made Woohyun feel like a winner at the end of the night.

* * *

**Woohyun: I got an offer from Yoon Sang-ssi to join his company.**

**Gyu-hyung: That’s fantastic, Woohyunnie! Congratulations!**

_Good he’s awake_ , Woohyun thought. He was now in his apartment with Jungyeop. The elder was passed out on the bed, but Woohyun couldn’t shut off his mind. He had to talk to Sunggyu about this. And tomorrow, he and his father were going to go back to the orphanage. Woohyun was going to help him out while getting mentally prepared for the coming weekend. But because he was leaving town, this seemed to be the only chance Woohyun could have this conversation. While dialing in Sunggyu’s number, Woohyun snuck out of the apartment and went into the communal kitchen, which like always, was abandoned at this late hour. Woohyun quickly fixed his hair as he waited for the other to pick up the video call. He was growing nervous. Sunggyu was taking longer to pick up than he usually did, but when he did, Woohyun chuckled to himself. The elder was still wearing his glasses at this hour and his hair was also unusually neat. The jitters were creeping out again. Before they could get ahold of Woohyun, he blurted out, “I’m going to the company this weekend. Do you think that I should join?” He chewed on his lower lip nervously as he waited for the other to reply. Sunggyu had gone through this before, and Woohyun didn’t know many people who had (and he wasn’t going to ask Heechul). Also, Sunggyu would be brutally honest like always. And brutal honesty is what Woohyun needed now.

“It’s too soon to tell,” Sunggyu was more than willing to offer his own opinion (like always). “Wait to see if you feel like you fit in there.”

Woohyun lowered the phone, propping it on the table with the salt and pepper shakers. He lowered himself next, resting his head in his folded arms. “How did you choose?” he asked, enunciating the best he could without making much noise.

“It was the only one that chose me,” Sunggyu replied with a sheepish grin. Woohyun watched him as he walked into his bedroom and lie down on his bed, but Sunggyu never stopped talking. “You might get more opportunities than I was given. I’m jealous,” Sunggyu admitted, cutting it with a slight laugh. He looked at Woohyun in the screen again and grinned. “But you deserve it,” he ended.

“Thanks.” Woohyun grinned, pressing his cheek into his arm. Sunggyu really meant all of that. It wasn’t the type of comment that he was used to: Nam Woohyun, you deserve to be successful. A strong current flowed through his limbs, causing himself to sit upright again. It wasn’t jitters though, not from Sunggyu. Those dissipated shortly after their conversation began. No, it was excitement, nervous excitement. His mind ran with all the things the could go wrong this weekend along with the things that could go right. This was the reason why he couldn’t sleep. He hoped that Sunggyu could eradicate that feeling too like he did with the jitters. “I’m nervous. I can’t sleep,” Woohyun signed and then ruffled his hair with those hands in frustration.

“I know. It’s late now,” Sunggyu spoke through a gaping yawn. His mouth closed in a warm smile. “But you’ll be fine. Yoon Sang already knows you. You don’t need to impress him. It’s his turn to impress you,” he reminded the younger.

“That’s true,” Woohyun yielded. That calmed him down a bit. Just a little bit more, and his worries should be put to rest. “What should I look for?” he asked. He wanted to be fully prepared for the weekend.

“In a company?” Sunggyu asked for clarification. Woohyun nodded. The elder sighed as he rubbed his tired eyes underneath his glasses. Woohyun felt guilty as his eyes flittered to the time. It was only getting later into the night. Woohyun was still young enough to be able to pull himself together with little sleep. But Sunggyu, that old man, needed his sleep. Woohyun was about to say ‘forget it’ and wish the other a good night. But then Sunggyu began talking again with that warm smile once again on his face, “How they do things might be different now, but what’s always important is money.” In addition to money, Sunggyu kept listing off other aspects of a company and contracts that Woohyun should keep in mind. At some point, his listing became rambling as his heavy lids dropped down further and further, and he began to make less and less sense. The last thing that he told Woohyun before finally passing out on his bed was to make sure that Yoon Sang buy him (Sunggyu not Woohyun) a puppy or the deal was off the table. Although Sunggyu couldn’t see it, as his eyes were already shut, Woohyun promised that he would. He then laughed as Sunggyu’s head rolled to the side, knocking his glasses askew.

“He should take those off,” Woohyun muttered. He tried to put the glasses back on with his finger. He then laughed and whispered, “Good night, hyung. Have sweet dreams of me.” With a press of a button, he ended the call and laid the phone flat on the table. He then leaned back in his chair and raised his arms high above his heads, stretching and yawning. He was yawning. He was finally tired too. After such a long and emotional day, Woohyun was finally ready to put an end to it and go to bed. His heart was easy at last.

* * *

After spending the rest of the week chasing around kids in the orphanage, and then having them chase him, the weekend finally came, and it was time for him to return back to Seoul. His time at home gave him the opportunity to reflect about what he wanted to next, whether he really wanted to pursue singing even if it meant he might fail again. He did. His time away from Seoul, from the entertainment world, filled him with longing. He wanted to jump right back in, before it was too late, before he was forgotten by all of those ‘fans’ that came to love him. There, by his fans’ side, singing on a stage, it was where he belonged.

And hopefully, Yoon Sang’s company was another place he could belong to.

But right now, Jungyeop was the only thing he belonged to. The old man was latched at his side as they walked down the streets in the capital city. Woohyun was embarrassed. You’d think Jungyeop was a country bumpkin for the way his eyes lit up and how he was ‘ooh’-ing and ‘aah’-ing at everything they passed by. His father just didn’t get out much, and now he was enjoying his free time. Woohyun side-eyed him. His lips pulled tight across his face. He needed to get his father out more. Jungyeop was starting to age more quickly. Woohyun could see several patches of grey hair that he’d never noticed before, glistening under the Seoul sun. _He’s a lot older than I remember._

After spending the morning downtown and having lunch at Solji’s place (Woohyun was hoping for some service, and the chef did not disappoint), the two of them made it to Yoon Sang’s studio. The tour there didn’t last for long. The building was small, and there weren’t many people for Woohyun to meet. They were all very important though, with impressive resumes and accolades to their names, who left Woohyun feeling intimidated. _Can I really fit in with these people?_ Woohyun’s knowledge of music surpassed most, but now he was shaking hands with musical geniuses and professors at universities. They all made him feel very little.

Most of the time that he spent at the studio was in Yoon Sang’s office with just him and his father. Yoon Sang went into further detail about his plan for Woohyun. And the plan was different, or at least different from what Sunggyu had told him nights before about what the ‘ideal’ plan was. Woohyun wasn’t going to be a trainee; no, it seemed like he’d be more of an apprentice. And as an apprentice, he’d have to learn the tools of the trade and study strenuously, which meant that he had to go back to school (Sunggyu would be overjoyed to hear after pressuring him to do so months ago). Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be at university where Yoon Sang taught as it was an all-girls school (Sungshin Women’s University), but that’s why Woohyun met with those professors. They were interested in taking Woohyun under their wings too and teach this little birdling how to sing. It made Woohyun feel more like a student on a scholarship than an actual trainee because one thing was ultimately missing from this plan: his debut.

“It’s going to take awhile,” Yoon Sang finally breeched the subject. “I want to teach him well, so his debut won’t be anytime soon.”

Jungyeop shifted awkwardly in his seat and cocked his head. That didn’t sit well with him. “But shouldn’t we strike while the iron is hot? While people remember him?” he argued.

“His _official_ debut will take awhile,” Yoon Sang reiterated, feeling a little flustered. He obviously knew that this was a flaw in his plan. However, he did have a solution of sorts: “But if he gets offers for other projects like shows or duets, we could pursue that. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Woohyun and his father exchanged glances. Woohyun wagered that he’d have very few bridges to cross with the popularity that he had now. He wouldn’t go very far with them, and there were bigger gaps that he needed to cross. He might have a few schedules this year, but then what? What happens after he used up all of his fame from _My Star_? _How can I catch up to Dongwoo? We’re supposed to be doing this together._

“I will make sure that his debut will be memorable,” Yoon Sang interrupted his thoughts. “With Woohyun being who he is, it wouldn’t be hard to do that. He leaves quite an impression on people. But I’m sure that you already knew that.”

Jungyeop nodded, the corner of his mouth picking up into a smile. “I do.”

“Other companies might be able to debut Woohyun more quickly, but…” Yoon Sang paused, contemplating about whether he should complete that line. He eventually did with a pained smile. “They might only keep him for five years or so. I want your son…I want you, Woohyun,” he shifted his focus from Jungyeop to Woohyun. “I want you to make singing and composing your career and not just a job that you did for a few years. And I _think_ I can help you with that.”

Woohyun grinned giddily at that. Sure, Yoon Sang wasn’t the best of negotiators. Yoon Sang wasn’t a businessman. He was at his core, a musician, an artist, what Woohyun wanted to become. He had a passion for music that marveled Woohyun. Woohyun was not only by that, but also by how much faith Yoon Sang already had in Woohyun. _With Woohyun being who he is, it wouldn’t be hard to do that. He leaves quite an impression on people_...he had said that. Yoon Sang had said that about him!

Woohyun felt like he was being welcomed into the company with open arms.

However, walking out of the studio after bidding goodbye to the owner, Jungyeop didn’t look so convinced. “So what did you think?” Woohyun decided to get this conversation rolling. He’d rather make a decision soon about all of this. He felt like precious time was slipping through his fingers.

Jungyeop didn’t look the other in the eye as he responded. His gaze was stuck on the ground. “If you join this company, it won’t be easy, Woohyunnie. You’ll learn a lot, but…you might be more successful somewhere else.” His father then looked at Woohyun and placed a firm hand on his shoulder, stopping the two of them from walking further. They sat down at a bench nearby. “I’ve been getting phone calls from other agencies, small ones, asking about you,” Jungyeop confessed. “But maybe a bigger company will try to recruit you. You could wait. You don’t have to sign today.”

“Dad,” Woohyun muttered in frustration, shaking his head. Over the last few days, he had seen the elder sneaking off to answer phone calls, but Woohyun assumed that those were calls about the children and not himself. Why didn’t he say something earlier? And Jungyeop acknowledged that he might’ve done wrong and was apologizing by rubbing his son’s shoulder and back gingerly. Woohyun accepted the apology (his muscles were sore anyway) and thought it over. But even though he gave it more thought, even though he and this new information, his decision didn’t change. “True, those companies can turn me into a singer too, but I don’t want to be just a singer. I want to reach people’s hearts with my songs. I want to write songs,” Woohyun spoke. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and nodded before continuing, “For that, Yoon Sang-ssi could help me the most.”

Jungyeop removed his hand from the other and put it into his pocket. He gave his son a playful nudge. “And you won’t be just another trainee to him. You’ll be his pupil. He made that clear,” he added. “I liked that.”

Woohyun turned around and looked at Yoon Sang’s building. They hadn’t gotten far from it. But there was no reason to escape. Woohyun smirked. “You like it here.”

“I do,” Jungyeop readily admitted. But the worried look didn’t flee his face. “But this is such a big decision. Are we being too rash?” he asked.

Woohyun shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he argued. “It feels right. It feels like fate. I belong here.”

“I think so too,” Jungyeop was starting to look and sound more at ease with the situation. He then glanced over at Woohyun. “So do we go back in and tell him ‘okay’?”

Woohyun looked at the building once again. “Nah, let’s call him tomorrow,” he concluded as he sprung off of the bench. “Today I’m going to pretend that I’m too high in demand. There’s other companies looking for me, don’t you know?” he spoke cockily, walking backwards as his father followed him.

“You’re too embarrassed to walk back in there after leaving five minutes ago,” Jungyeop saw through his bravado.

“Y-yea,” Woohyun stuttered, spinning around and turning his back against the other. “Just a little bit.”

Jungyeop sighed contentedly as he put an arm around Woohyun’s shoulders. “You _really_ are my son,” he joked. “You even inherited a little bit of shyness from me.”

“Thanks for that,” Woohyun mumbled in response. He then slithered out of the other’s hold. “And don’t do that. What if _they_ can see?” Woohyun growled, nodding back to the studio behind them.

“They’re inside the building.”

“Yea, but there are windows,” Woohyun snapped back. And the two of them continued pettily arguing over it as they walked down the street.

* * *

The next day, Woohyun did call Yoon Sang and accepted the other. The day after, Woohyun signed a contract and became a ‘trainee.’

Woohyun had thought that his stint on _My Star_ would be similar to being a trainee, spending hours on end in one room, singing and dancing. However, Woohyun wasn’t the typical trainee. He spent several of his hours attending lessons. Some were vocal lessons or on musical composition, but then there were some stranger lessons here and there, like ‘how to build up a strong mentality.’ Apparently Woohyun’s mental health was just as important as his ‘vocal’ health to Yoon Sang, and Woohyun should’ve felt flattered by it. But sometimes he felt as if he was wasting his time doing things like ‘image training.’ He hadn’t been able to enroll at a university yet either. Even with Yoon Sang’s recommendation, he had to pass an application process. Everything just seemed to be eating up more of his time.

In the meantime, Dongwoo came out with a single, just a few weeks after winning the show. While promoting it, he asked Woohyun to join him on one of his stages, and then another. They had several stages together, especially for the year-end festivals. However, with each appearance that he made, Woohyun felt his popularity slipping. He wasn’t Nam Woohyun anymore. He was a featuring artist, someone who just appeared with Jang Dongwoo from time to time. Jang Dongwoo’s friend.

Speaking of friends, he kept in contact with Myungsoo after the show, as promised. That model was thrilled to have someone to eat meals with at odd hours in the night, but also someone to share worries with. Woohyun was a bit afraid to talk about his declining popularity with Dongwoo, but talking about it with Myungsoo was easy. He was a good listener. Or at least he didn’t interrupt Woohyun’s rants as long as there was food in front of him. But at the end of the rant, Myungsoo always came back with some encouraging words and advice, showing that he had been listening (and stuffing his face at the same time). Woohyun would also listen to him in turn. Myungsoo’s worries were a bit…mundane for a celebrity. However, that comforted Woohyun to know that his dongsaeng was living his life well. Mundane was good. It was safe.

And at the end of the meal, Woohyun would stop being the hyung and Myungsoo would pay for it, never mentioning it, never saying that Woohyun owed him. Spending time like this was payment enough for Myungsoo.

But there was friend that Woohyun probably should’ve been paying more attention to, Sungyeol. And now, the cop was at a critical juncture in his career. He was taking the test in order to become a detective, his dream. The test was still months away, but Sungyeol crammed every night as if the test were the next day. So even if Woohyun wanted to pay attention to Sungyeol, the cop kept himself cloistered in his room. Not even Solji was allowed to enter sometimes, which put a strain on their relationship. She understood, but she also knew that her boyfriend was going to have a mental breakdown unless he came out for fresh air every once in a while. Woohyun knew this because whenever Solji was turned away from Sungyeol’s door, he’d talk with her for awhile. He liked Solji. Woohyun genuinely hoped that Sungyeol wouldn’t screw this up.

Perhaps it was because he was seeing Sungyeol and Solji’s relationship on the rocks, or perhaps it was because Woohyun wanted to progress _something_ in his life, whatever the cause, Sunggyu met his family. First, it was a dinner with the Lees. Woohyun’s aunt and uncle were welcoming enough to Sunggyu; however, every once in awhile, they’d ask Sunggyu an uncomfortable question. “How old are you again?” “How can you sing if you can’t hear?” “What do you think of Woohyun’s company?” “Woohyun said that you met at the store, is that true?” Luckily, Sunggyu hadn’t seen most of those questions, and his aunt or uncle were often too embarrassed to ask it a second time. They also tried to delicately skirt around the fact that Woohyun and Sunggyu were dating, for Sungmin’s sake. As far as the youngest brother knew, they were just very close friends. Sungjong, on the other hand, knew the truth and often made remarks, trying to get either Woohyun or Sunggyu to slip-up. “I like hyung’s new haircut. Sunggyu-ssi, wouldn’t you say that it makes hyung look handsome?”

“I didn’t get my haircut,” Woohyun quickly nipped that attempt in the bud before Sunggyu could stumble through an answer. However, moments before Woohyun had fallen for one of Sungjong’s traps and said “Yea, I like Sunggyu-hyung,” without even realizing it.

It wasn’t the easiest dinner, but the two of them made it through unscathed. Everyone seemed to like Sunggyu at the end, and so Sunggyu came over for dinner once more before the year was done. And that one went a lot better.

However, the greatest test in their relationship was when they spent Christmas together, at the orphanage. Jungyeop and the rest of the staff always seemed in need of help this time of year, and Woohyun had always intended on going back to help. He made that decision before he started dating Sunggyu. Luckily, Sunggyu had no other plans and would rather spend the holiday with Woohyun, several kids, and Woohyun’s father than spend it alone. Also luckily, Sunggyu didn’t seem to regret his decision about coming. He wasn’t a hit with the children. He was a bit awkward with them for the most part. However, there were a few that grew attached to him. And the older ones just thought Sunggyu was funny in general, even laughing when he just said “hello.” Together, they taught the children a little bit of sign language (because Sunggyu could never guess what the younger children were saying with their poor enunciation), and children began using the few signs amongst themselves as if it were a secret language that they shared.

Sunggyu also got along well with Jungyeop, which wasn’t too surprising. Woohyun had a feeling that they would. And Woohyun’s other hunch was right. Those two yelled happily at each other more often than not.

However, not every moment of their Christmas holiday was so cheery. When the kids and the old man (not Sunggyu) were in bed with images of sugar plums dancing in their heads, Sunggyu and Woohyun took this rare moment alone to exchange gifts. Woohyun was ecstatic about his. There was a television series that Sunggyu had gotten into; however, he was losing patience while waiting for another season. The show just so happened to be based on a novel series which Woohyun just so happened to buy in its entirety (not at a cheap price either. Those books were thick). Woohyun delighted in seeing his hyung’s pleasantly shocked face as he opened the gift. “How much was it?” was the first thing he said after seeing the watch that Sunggyu had bought him. It was a designer brand, and the more Woohyun looked at it, the more expensive it looked. The strap didn’t even feel like cow leather, but it was from some other animal, an expensive one.

“It doesn’t matter,” Sunggyu tried to dismiss the issue, but the glare Woohyun shot him told him that Sunggyu wouldn’t get let off the hook that easily. “Okay, it cost a bit,” he confessed.

Woohyun shut the box with a snap and set it aside. “All I got you was a stupid book,” he signed, jerking his hands around. It was the only way he could show how frustrated he was without speaking. It wasn’t fair, for the both of them. The gifts were too unequal.

“Books,” Sunggyu corrected him, signing back. “I love my stupid books. These stupid books are exactly what I needed.”

Woohyun shook his head as he got up from his chair. “Maybe I can get you something else later,” he signed before leaving the room with a heavy sigh, and leaving the watch on the table. It was already past midnight, and Woohyun was already exhausted from dealing with the children. This exchange only wore him out further, rubbing at his already raw nerves. Woohyun wagered it was high time for bed. So he walked up the stairs to the bedrooms, and he felt the elder follow him closely. He could feel Sunggyu’s frustrated sigh on his back.

“You’re so difficult,” Sunggyu grumbled under his breath. “You beg me to buy you food all of the time, but the moment that I buy you a nice watch, you act like I spent too much. I probably spent more on the food than this.”

Woohyun stopped at the top of the stairs and looked down at the other. Sunggyu was gripping the box tightly in his hands. He won’t let this go. Woohyun grumbled, barely moving his lips before turning around, “I won’t ask for food anymore.”

“You know I hate it when you mumble like that,” Sunggyu hissed lowly so that he wouldn’t wake up the rest of the house. He ascended the last stair, catching up to the younger. Woohyun was reaching for his bedroom door, but then he felt a tug on his back. Sunggyu had grabbed the back of his sweater and was pulling him away from the door and towards him. Sunggyu then wrapped his arms around the younger, more so that the other wouldn’t escape and so he could finish his piece rather than giving Woohyun a hug. “But god damn it, I still love you,” Sunggyu whispered in a tired voice. “And I understand that you don’t have much to give. I bet you’re sending some of your paycheck to this place too. I would’ve understood if you didn’t buy me anything at all. I wouldn’t have like it, but I would’ve understood.”

Woohyun scoffed as he wiggled out of the other’s hold, but he stayed close to Sunggyu. “I know. You can be such a child,” Woohyun signed. “That’s why I got you something.”

Sunggyu grinned, even after that slight insult, because Woohyun wasn’t going to try to run away anymore. “Right, something that I’d been talking about for weeks. You listened to me,” he responded back in sign.

“I did,” Woohyun retorted with a broad grin, but then the grin faltered. Woohyun had to force it back onto his face painfully. He wasn’t really mad at Sunggyu, and he wanted to show that. He was angry with his situation. “I just…I don’t want to be…I want to be on equal footing with you. I don’t want you to feel like I need to be taken care of, looked after, like a child or a charity case,” he struggled to express himself with both word and sign. It was a difficult feeling to express and an embarrassing one.

But Sunggyu nodded as if he understood; however, the lost look in his eye showed that he had a hard time processing it or at least a hard time coming up with a response. Nonetheless, true to form, Sunggyu had always found something to say. “Woohyun, I _do_ want to take care of you, dote on you, because…” he stopped to sigh and there was an odd glint in his eye. “I love you,” he signed. He then dug through his pocket and pulled out the watch again. “But if this is too much, then I can always return it,” he mumbled. Woohyun then, much to the elder’s surprise, plucked the box from his hand. Sunggyu’s head shot straight up. “No, it’s fine,” Woohyun mouthed as he opened the box again and took the watch out. He shot the other a sly smile. “I want hyung’s time to be my time.”

“Okay, then I’m definitely taking it back,” Sunggyu retorted as he reached for the gift.

“No! Mine!” Woohyun yelped, forgetting how late it was. He turned to the side, protecting the watch, and he hurriedly slipped it onto his wrist. It was his now. He wasn’t going to let Sunggyu take it back.

Sunggyu relented with a pout. “You’re so difficult,” he signed before lightly slapping the other on the side of the head. It eventually turned into caress, and Sunggyu patted his head.

Woohyun couldn’t erase the smile off his face. Usually when Woohyun felt like the other was treating him like a child, he would’ve backed away, not letting the other pat him on the head like some puppy. But now, Woohyun understood him better. Sunggyu wasn’t trying to patronize him in those situations. That wasn’t it at all. Woohyun signed, “But god damn it, you still love me.” Before Sunggyu could snap back with another remark, Woohyun pointed down the hall. “Your bedroom is down there. Night, hyung.”

“Night, Hyun,” Sunggyu gave in. It was late after all, and neither of them would go to bed angry. It was a decent way to cap off their first Christmas Eve together. After kissing good night, they bid each other ‘good night’ again, and Woohyun watched the elder walk down the hall into the guest room. When the door closed behind Sunggyu, Woohyun sighed contentedly and went into his own room.

“I never thought talking in sign language would be so loud.”

Woohyun yelped and grabbed at his heart. Jungyeop was still awake and was laying in his bed, reading a book. He looked pleased to have startled his son like that. “Sorry, dad,” Woohyun mumbled out an apology as he got himself ready for bed. He didn’t realize that his dad could hear that well through the door. _How embarrassing_.

“Everything, okay?”

“Huh?” Woohyun pulled his head through his pajama shirt and looked at his dad. Jungyeop looked slightly worried. He was also feigning to read because the book in his hands was upside down. How much could he hear? Woohyun looked down at the watch and smiled. “Everything is great. Really great,” he assured the other before jumping into his own bed. “Night, Dad. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Woohyun,” Jungyeop wished him before turning off his bedside lamp, putting his book down, and going to bed.

But Woohyun couldn’t fall asleep so easy. He stared at his watch. Even in the dark, it was glistening. After narrowing his eyes, Woohyun could make out tiny stars within the face of the watch, like a constellation. He chuckled to himself. My star, Sunggyu had called him that once. And it was true for the both of them. Sunggyu was like a star for him too. They lit each other’s paths in the darkest of nights and through the most tumultuous of storms; they survived through it all, thanks to each other’s shining, warm light.

* * *

The new year was heralded in shortly afterward. And with the new year came new opportunities. Woohyun was asked to sing a duet for a project. All proceeds from the song would go to disadvantaged youths. He eagerly snapped that opportunity up, and the song was mildly successful. Shortly after that, he was asked to sing an OST for a cable drama. The show didn’t pull in high ratings, which meant his song wasn’t heard by many. But he did the best that he could. He always did.

Another person who was trying his hardest was Lee Sungyeol. However, just like Solji had expected, the cop soon snapped and was banging on Woohyun’s door one night. When Woohyun opened it up, Sungyeol was on his hands and knees, begging him to free him from the ‘study Hell.’ Woohyun was more than glad to do so, but he had already promised to meet with Myungsoo. Well, that didn’t stop Sungyeol, and the cop stealthily followed Woohyun on his way to meet with the model. He then dragged a chair over and joined them at their table, once inside of the restaurant. After explaining that Sungyeol wasn’t an insane fan and that he was just insane, Myungsoo finally relaxed, and he and Sungyeol got along surprisingly well. The three of them hanging out together soon became a regular thing (and sometimes Dongwoo would join too).

Their meetings out had a good effect on Sungyeol. His spirits were up, he also began spending time with Solji again, and he felt more confident about the test. And so it was no surprise when he later passed the exam with the highest score in the precinct. He then promised Solji that he’d never act as horrible to her again as he did when he was studying. He promised that for her whole life, and the two of them were engaged.

Like that couple made amends, Woohyun felt like he made some amends of his own. After the competition, he and Dongwoo grew apart. Sure, they had stages together, but Woohyun was having a hard time swallowing down the envy welling up inside of him, seeing the other be more successful. But he did overcome the jealousy every time it crept up because Dongwoo never acted on it. Dongwoo never brought up his success or popularity. Dongwoo just carried on like he always did. He was infallible. Not even the limelight could make his head hot and arrogant. But something did change in him after the promotions were done. “I don’t wanna be a solo artist,” he announced to Woohyun one night. Dongwoo came to the conclusion that he’d much rather collaborate with someone else. He felt like he performed better when there was someone else that he could play off of and feed off of their energy. “I mean, having a solo was nice. But I want to work with someone else, mainly. I hope that my company will let me.”

“It doesn’t hurt to ask,” Woohyun commented.

Dongwoo shot the other an apprehensive glance. “They would agree if it was you, I bet,” he blurted out. Then he quickly added as he raised his hand, stopping Woohyun from speaking, “Don’t worry. I won’t ask. You need to go solo. You’re too good for me.”

He chuckled for a bit before continuing. “It’s just that we made a good team. It’ll be hard to find someone else that I mesh with as well.”

Woohyun scoffed. “Jang Dongwoo is actually worried about being able to get along well with others?” he teased.

“You know getting along well with someone socially is different than getting along well with them professionally,” Dongwoo remarked before taking a swig from his drink. “I need to find someone who has a similar work ethic, similar view on music.”

“Howon-hyung might know some people,” Woohyun responded. “You said that you respected him, right? Maybe he can help.”

And so Woohyun put Dongwoo in contact with Howon, who then gave Dongwoo a bevy of artists that he could work with, including himself. Howon visited Korea more often now and was playing around with the idea of starting his own label. And Woohyun was grateful that Howon came by more often because Woohyun might’ve been putting Sunggyu on the back burner recently. On top of his outings with his friends, Woohyun had also enrolled at a university and became a full-time student. He soon moved out of the neighborhood in order to be closer to the school, which meant that he moved farther away from Sunggyu. And the two of them began meeting less and less, which made Sunggyu obviously frustrated at the younger.

“This is what it must be like to date someone younger than you,” he remarked after letting Woohyun into his apartment one night. It was the first time that they had seen each other all week, and it was a Friday night. Sunggyu plopped down into his sofa and glared at the younger. “For finally seeing me, thank you. For putting me after all of your friends, thank you. For staying up all night working instead of coming to see me, thank you.”

Woohyun rolled his eyes as he sat down besides the elder, which was hard because Sunggyu had spread himself on the sofa, leaving barely any room. “Who was the one to told me to train and study until I felt like dying?” Woohyun retorted with a flurry of gestures.

“For always listening to me, thank you,” Sunggyu responded dryly before getting up from the sofa and going into the kitchen.

“Which one of us is the dongsaeng?” Woohyun muttered to himself. He then got up from the sofa and followed the other into the kitchen. All in all, being with Sunggyu was easy. Every once in awhile, Sunggyu needed to vent his grievances like this, but he always understood. Sunggyu just wanted to come first more in Woohyun’s life. And it was time that Woohyun show him that, although it didn’t seem like it, Sunggyu was always his first.

Woohyun put his hand on the other’s back. Sunggyu was pouring himself a glass of water and glared at the younger out of the corner of his eye. “I’m here now. I’m here for the whole night,” Woohyun signed.

Sunggyu put down the pitcher and replied, “You’re not going back to the studio?”

Woohyun shook his head. “Not tonight. What do you want to do?” he asked. And he was a bit frightened by the slick smile that Sunggyu gave him in response.

* * *

What Sunggyu wanted to do was to make up for lost time. The two of them spent most of the night talking and eating. They talked about everything from what Woohyun was learning at school to Sunggyu’s work to why was Woohyun still wearing that beat-up sweatshirt. It was comfy, as comfy at Sunggyu’s shirts that fit more like dresses, as comfy as it was for them to sit on the sofa like this. And apparently Sunggyu was too comfy. He started to fall asleep with his head on Woohyun’s thigh. Before his eyes closed, Woohyun pushed him off, saying that the might as well go to bed and that he was staying the night. And Sunggyu had no objections to that (although he gave the younger a rough shove for pushing him off of the couch).

After changing into some sweatpants that he found and washing up, Woohyun jumped onto the bed where Sunggyu was already trying to fall asleep. “Hyung,” Woohyun whined as he (not-so) gently shook the other.

Sunggyu rolled over onto his back, groaning. He didn’t even open his eyes when he hummed “Hm?” as if he were listening. Like that would work. Woohyun promptly hit the elder in the gut so that Sunggyu’s eyes would shoot wide open. And they did. _Good._

“Let me be your first,” Woohyun signed before the elder could swear at him. He had to repeat it because Sunggyu only responded with a confused expression, which still remained on his face even after seeing Woohyun ‘say’ it again.

“Woohyunnie, you’re a little too late for that,” he remarked. He was now laughing at the younger. Woohyun frowned. “Especially since _we’ve_ already—“

“No, not that,” Woohyun cut him off with a furious shake of his head. “Let me be your first love.”

“What?” Sunggyu muttered as he propped himself up against the wall.

“Let me be your first love,” Woohyun repeated. Why wasn’t Sunggyu getting any of this? Wasn’t he being clear? Woohyun guessed not and tried to make it perfectly clear to the other. “What we have now is better, right? It’s real. I won’t hurt you like Jiyu did. So just let me. Forget him.”

Sunggyu started chuckling again. Woohyun wasn’t liking how the elder was looking at him either. “I don’t think it works like that,” Sunggyu replied.

“Why not?” Woohyun fought back. His voice grew loud and agitated (and this became one of the several times that he wished Sunggyu could just _hear_ him). “You’re mine.”

Sunggyu stiffened, back laying flat against the wall. “Really?”

“Well…yea,” Woohyun spoke, dropping his hands to his side and slouching. Even after all this time, Sunggyu didn’t know how many first place positions that he held in Woohyun’s life. Or maybe the elder was starting to realize. A proud smile swept across Sunggyu’s face, which quickly fell as his mind began calculating exactly how many ‘firsts’ that he’d taken from the younger.

 _It wasn’t supposed to go like this_. Woohyun flopped down on the bed, hiding his face in the pillow. “What am I saying?” he didn’t care that the other couldn’t hear. “I was jo—“

“Hyunnie,” Sunggyu called to him, placing a hand on his back. “You’re not my first love, but…there’s something else you could be.”

Woohyun raised his red face from the pillows. “What?”

“Well, you have your first love, and that’s first. But then you have that other one that’s not. It’s the last one. And…” Sunggyu tried to explain himself, but he was starting to look as flustered and frustrated as Woohyun felt moments before. Probably because Woohyun was just as confused as he was. “Do I really have to say it? It’s that one. The last one!” Sunggyu signed and yelled.

“Sunggyu,” Woohyun started as he sat up and faced the other. Now he was grinning smugly. “Are you trying to say that I’m your… _true_ love?”

“Oh god, please don’t say it like that,” Sunggyu begged, closing his eyes. “Gross.”

“I’m not the one who said it. You did! Or at least you tried to. You’re gross,” Woohyun combatted even though the other’s eyes were still closed.

But Sunggyu didn’t need to see it to know how smug the other was being. Woohyun’s huge grin was practically pressing against his neck as he hugged Sunggyu tightly. Sunggyu tried to shove the other off as he laid down on his stomach. “Forget it. I take it back,” he growled.

Woohyun sighed and pulled back. Instead, he laid beside the elder, keeping his hands to himself. Once he was flat against the bed, Sunggyu must’ve felt his presence, his weight near him. The elder cautiously opened one eye, and then the other, staring at Woohyun. “I want it. Let me have it. Let me be your everlasting love,” Woohyun mouthed clearly.

“Stop it!” Sunggyu snapped. He gripped at Woohyun’s shirt, about to shake him or throw him off the bed. Woohyun never knew what the other was going to do to him because he had taken advantage of the situation instead. He grabbed onto Sunggyu’s shirt too, pulling him in closer, and kissed him. “Sto—“ Sunggyu tried to object, but Woohyun pecked him again, stifling him. “You’re so—“ Woohyun sealed his mouth with his own again. Woohyun let go of the other and smiled triumphantly. Sunggyu sighed. But he wasn’t upset, not really. He leaned in closer and pressed kisses against Woohyun’s lips and face. “You…drive…me…crazy.”

* * *

Another year passed, and there was still no debut in sight. Now Woohyun felt more like a student than a trainee. However, he began to mind the delay less, or he changed his mind, his perspective, about the situation He could see the ‘bigger’ picture now. Yes, he could’ve debuted earlier, but the timing wasn’t right. He wasn’t ready. After taking classes and lessons, he realized how much he didn’t know, how much he had to improve. Now was the time to study and grow as a singer and a song-writer.

Along with the year came another season of _My Star_ and another winner. Heechul didn’t participate in this season. He said that he wanted to leave the show on top. But Woohyun liked to think that he and Dongwoo ruined Heechul for any mentees that would follow them. But the three of them soon became a distant memory as the season went on. New bromances appeared. There were new conflicts. New everything. And Woohyun was now old news.

Years later, he would look back on this time period and call it his ‘slump’ (not that he was majorly successful before, but during this time he just fell so low). It didn’t seem like it then. He was just so focused on crawling out. He could see the rays of the sun peaking over the horizon. He knew that he’d have his day in the sun soon. But now was the time for suffering, for writing and studying. He has to finish his album first and make it perfect.

When he first began composing songs for his album, Yoon Sang had told him “When you’re writing lyrics to a song, you’re writing a story and not just music.” Woohyun took that to heart. He had told life story several times before on _My Star_ , but through song, he could better narrate those feelings that he experienced during those times, and how he felt now.

 _My story_ , Woohyun thought as he sat down to the piano in order to work out his latest [composition](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOQEFBtElP0) that he’d spent most of the previous night tweaking. It was nearly ready to share with the others in the studio.

“Stand by me

Make me breathe

Don’t leave me

Because a world without you is without me too

I try calling out, I try holding on

Hold me, though I have nothing

I have no one to blame but myself

In your arms that protected me

I felt trapped in my life

Like a small and thin child

Stand by me

I’m telling you

I can’t go on without you

Can’t we turn things back?

But you said you can’t love me anymore

When time passes, I’ll forget everything

Hold me, though I have nothing

I have no one to blame but myself

In your arms that protected me

I felt trapped in my life

Like a small and thin child

My endlessly flowing tears

I’m looking at you and saying, stay

Can’t you love me?

I have no one to blame but myself

In your arms that protected me

I felt trapped in my life

Like a small and thin child

Stand by me”

* * *

Throughout all of this time, someone was standing by his side, not only loving and protecting him but also encouraging him. Woohyun was sure that Sunggyu only had more grievances against him right now, and Woohyun surely wasn’t that bright-eyed youth anymore that Sunggyu had fallen for. Because of that, Woohyun was worried Sunggyu was staying by him out of force of habit. His weak voice of reason kept telling him that wasn’t the case; however that voice was more often than not drowned out by the anxious voices in his head. His parents had left him, so had his fans. Would Sunggyu?

Once, these anxious voices escaped from the confines of his head, and Woohyun gave them air. Those voices scared Sunggyu as much as they scared Woohyun. He asked the younger why he couldn’t just be happy with the way things are now. And that set Woohyun off. The two of them fought and argued like they never had before. In the end, Woohyun was pushed out into the hallway with a slammed door in his face. No matter how hard he begged, that door wouldn’t open up again, at least not tonight. So he left.

Afterwards, they didn’t talk for three days, although later Sunggyu would keep insisting that it was only two because right before the sun set on the third day, Sunggyu came to Woohyun’s dorm and asked the younger to drink with him. Both of them apologized and decided to move on.

There were people who left Woohyun, but Sunggyu wasn’t one of those people. There are people in like who are like meteorites, who show up for a brief moment and then disappear forever, or like comets that reoccurringly show up but for only a flash before going away for an extended period of time. Stars are fixed points. They cannot move. Only you move towards or away from it. Sunggyu was a fixture in his life, and Woohyun was the same for him. They just had to make sure not to burn each other every once in awhile when the other got too close.

While Woohyun was a star, Sunggyu also had a comet in his life. And Woohyun was there once to witness its appearance. The two of them were sitting in a popular restaurant. They had waited in a long line just to get into the place, but the food was well worth it. It always was. They had come here several times before, but this was the first time the comet appeared.

While they were eating, Sunggyu kept glancing over to the side at a table along the wall. Curious, Woohyun followed his gaze. At the table was a small party, two men eating with a woman. Woohyun’s gaze drifted back to Sunggyu. “What is it? Do you know them?” he asked.

A suspicious smile crept onto the elder’s face. “I knew one of them,” he signed. He chuckled but his face remained stiff with apprehension. “You know him too,” Sunggyu revealed. “I’m surprised that you don’t recognize him. You used to ask about him all the time.”

Woohyun slowly put his spoon down onto the table. He knew the comet’s name. _Jiyu_. Woohyun craned his neck and peered at the table again. The man looked different from the pictures he found on the internet. Not a stitch of make-up on, an aged face, maybe some tweaks done, but that face was undeniably Jiyu’s.

Woohyun had imagined this happening several times before. He had rehearsed what he would say to the man if they ever met, what he would do. Woohyun had wanted to hurt him as much as Jiyu had made Sunggyu suffer, and then some. It used to be a favorite fantasy of his. But now…

“Oh, that’s interesting,” Woohyun remarked and picked his spoon back up to continue eating.

Sunggyu snorted. Woohyun glanced up at the elder, confused. “Interesting?” Sunggyu signed. “It’s interesting that you’re not making more of a scene.”

The younger put down his utensils again. “He’s your ex and not mine,” Woohyun responded, signing carefully. “It’s not my concern.” Woohyun actually believed what he said. And Sunggyu’s approach to his ex seemed to be fitting, let karma deal with Jiyu. The years had not been kind to the visual. He was aging at a faster rate than Sunggyu was. His crows feet reached his temples, and deep lines cascaded down his face around his mouth. And he was alone, it would seem. A third wheel on a date between the other man and the woman. No one seemed to care that he was there, none of the other patrons at the place, not even his ‘friends.’ _And he’s still considered an actor_. Jiyu was suffering enough as it was.

And Sunggyu, on the other hand…Woohyun looked back at his boyfriend. Despite all of the stress that the two of them had been through, Sunggyu didn’t age a day. . “When did you grow up?” The elder asked through sign and was grinning proudly at him. His eyes still had a youthful in them. Sunggyu was happy, and he was sitting with someone who deeply cared about him. Everything was alright. Everything was fair.

Jiyu must’ve felt wronged in this situation because he abruptly got up from the table, getting ready to leave. And to leave, he had to pass by Woohyun and Sunggyu’s table. Just as quickly as Jiyu was leaving, Sunggyu’s hand slid across the table and grabbed Woohyun’s. He then began laughing, almost mechanically. Woohyun cocked an eyebrow and laughed along with him just as awkwardly. But eventually the laughter turned genuine as they were just laughing at each other. And their uproariously laughter drew stares from several people, including Jiyu who halted for a second at the sight before moving along.

When he passed, Sunggyu withdrew his hand, and his laughter slowly died down. But Woohyun’s didn’t. “What?” Sunggyu muttered, flustered. He signed, “Like you said, he’s _my_ ex.”

Right, Jiyu was just an ex, just a comet. But Woohyun was his star, his forever.

* * *

And after what seemed like forever, Woohyun finally debuted. He didn’t write every song on his album, but most, even though it wasn’t a full album (and Woohyn had written enough songs to fit 4 full albums). Most importantly, Woohyun wrote the song that he was promoting, “[Nostalgia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHReX4DvVCc).” All in all, it was an album that he was proud of, an album that shared his story that he wasn’t finished writing. And so he named it “Write..” (the two dots were super important and symbolic).

Before his first stage, Yoon Sang arranged an interview for him. Multiple media outlets showed up. Woohyun’s solo debut was garnering more interest than expected. But Woohyun wasn’t a new artist. He was a familiar face and voice to the public, and he hadn’t been entirely forgotten. His connections with Dongwoo and L also made him more interesting. And so Woohyun wasn’t surprised when a reported asked if those two were showing support. They were. He shared a text with them that Myungsoo had sent him that very morning. But there was a question that was surprising.

“Your fans what to know about your promise on the last stage of _My Star_. You said that if you won, you’d buy cochlear implants for your friend.”

“Oh yea,” Woohyun stammered into the microphone. “That was a long time ago.” He didn’t think anyone would remember (but he himself never let go of the idea).

“Do you still have that friend?”

“Yes, I do,” Woohyun replied without hesitation. And along with that reply, this also flowed off his tongue before he could realize it: “And if I make enough money with this debut, I’d still want to pay for the surgery, since things didn’t work out well last time. But this time, I am more confident. I’ll get them for my friend.”

The reporter gave a warm smile. “I hope that you do.”

* * *

Then his promotions started, and Woohyun performed on music shows, had several more interviews, and even appeared on a few variety shows. His schedule was jam packed. He was busier than he’d ever been in his life. However, a lot of that time was spent waiting. Waiting for his turn to perform, waiting for his interview to start, waiting for a chance to speak during recordings without stepping on a senior’s toes, waiting for him to get more popular, to become a smash hit. But it didn’t seem to be happening anytime soon. Most of the time that he walked down the streets, he was still just a passerby to people, no one worth recognition. _When will that change?_

However, there was someone who wanted to remain anonymous.

“Can you stop talking about me in interviews?” Sunggyu snapped.

Woohyun looked up at the other. He was sitting on the elder’s couch. Sunggyu’s place was actually closer to where his schedule was early the next morning. So he decided to spend the night at Sunggyu’s place. However, Sunggyu was less than thrilled. “Why?” Woohyun asked.

“Well for one, they’ll catch onto this,” Sunggyu argued and then gestured between the two of them. “How do you think people will feel once they find out I’m a guy? You confessed to me on national television!”

Woohyun winced at the other shouting in his face. He then got up from the couch and stood in front of the elder. “If they do, they do. It’s not like I have much to lose now. I can’t hide who I am forever either,” Woohyun signed angrily as he spoke. Sunggyu scoffed. He thought that the younger was taking the situation too lightly, Woohyun knew it. But he wasn’t. He just took something else more seriously. “Plus isn’t it romantic? I learned sign language for you, I publically confessed to you in spite of the risks, and we’re still together. What isn’t sweet about that?”

That line of reasoning won Sunggyu over, for only a second. His broad smile quickly morphed into a pout. “You’re walking a thin line, Nam Woohyun,” he warned, wagging a finger in the younger’s face. Sunggyu then sat down on the couch, right in the spot that Woohyun had just left.

Woohyun huffed and then spun around to face the other. “Are you worried about yourself?” he signed. “Your own career if people would find out?” If that was the case, Woohyun could be more cautious.

Sunggyu winced and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes tightly. “No, I hadn’t thought of that yet. Thank you for that,” he grumbled.

Woohyun knelt down in front of the other. There was something that Sunggyu wasn’t telling him. Woohyun had thought that Sunggyu didn’t like talking about him in interviews because he’d suffered some sort of trauma. No, that wasn’t it. And the elder wasn’t concerned about his career. What was on his mind? Woohyun didn’t know, but he knew how to wheedle out of the other. He shook the other’s knee gently until Sunggyu looked at him. He pouted. “What is it? There’s something else, isn’t there?” he signed, careful to keep the gestures close to his face, acting cutely.

Sunggyu sat up straight. He gnawed on his lower lip, as his eyes darted all over the place, anywhere but Woohyun. “What if I don’t want it? The surgery? You didn’t think about that, didn’t you?” he confessed. His flitting eyes then fell on the younger. “Woohyun, I could’ve gotten the surgery already, if I wanted it.”

 _Ah, that’s true._ Woohyun dug his chin into the couch cushion. He hadn’t thought of that. “Why don’t you want it?” he asked.

“I’m scared, okay,” Sunggyu spoke lowly.

Woohyun lifted his head. “Huh? Why?”

Sunggyu signed so quickly that Woohyun almost didn't catch it all. “What if I’m not a candidate for it and I give my hopes up? What if something goes wrong, and it fails, and I die on the table?”

Woohyun grinned unconsciously. “You won’t die,” he retorted.

“You don’t know that!” Sunggyu shot back. He didn’t like Woohyun treating his fears as if they were childish. “Also…if it succeeds…I could hear before, Woohyun,” he stumbled through this thought. He didn’t know how to phrase it in any language. “The world, it won’t sound the same. Nothing will sound the same. How could it?”

Woohyun finally got onto his feet, only to climb onto the couch right next to the elder. He signed, “It might not sound the same, and you won’t die on the table, trust me.” He then reached over and grabbed Sunggyu’s hands, bringing them to his chest over his heart. “But don’t you want to hear me?” he spoke, trying his best to convince the elder. _Is it selfish for me to think this way?_ _Am I the only one who wants this?_

“I do. But…” Sunggyu replied as he dragged his hands away from the other. He opted to sign the rest of his thought. “…that doesn’t change the way I feel about it.”

Woohyun sighed. “Okay, I’ll stop talking about it, if…” he _almost_ yielded to the other, which _almost_ made the other happy. Sunggyu frowned deeply as soon as he saw Woohyun lay out the condition. “If you’re willing to give the implants a second thought.” Woohyun laid a hand on Sunggyu’s thigh. “It’s not something that you have to go through alone anymore. You have me. That should change things…right?”

“It does,” Sunggyu admitted as he laid his own hand over Woohyun’s. “Now I _really_ don’t wanna die on the table.”

“You’re not going to die!”

* * *

Woohyun never knew if Sunggyu agreed to the bargain, but the singer tried his best to uphold his side. He never mentioned Sunggyu or the implants again, even when asked about it. He would circumnavigate it with some lame joke, making the reporter repeat the question and then saying that _he_ must be losing his hearing and needed the implants more. So those questions soon stopped as did his promotions. At the end, Woohyun had been deemed a ‘success’ by his company, but wasn’t necessarily a hit. He had sold more albums than anticipated. For a solo debut, it was enough. But Woohyun personally had anticipated more for himself.

As Woohyun was wondering if his own expectations were too high, he was approached by a P.D. from an upcoming show. The show featured singers who had flown largely under the radar, and the show was amassing a sizeable following, which helped give those singers the spotlight that they deserved. Or at least, that’s how the P.D. presented it to Woohyun, who had doubts about appearing on another singing competition. He still agreed to it, with hopes that it would turn out better than _My Star_.

And it did.

* * *

Once promotions were over, Sunggyu had thought that Woohyun would be able to spend more time with him, but that wasn’t the case. Woohyun was still busy, still gone (and Sunggyu was still lonely). Woohyun had mentioned something about having a follow-up promotion, stoking the flames of the public’s interest before it died out again.

They were out of synch again. For a brief while, they’d been in step. But Woohyun now had falling behind, struggling with the stumbling block that was his career…or had Sunggyu sped up?

A month ago, the two of them attended Sungyeol’s wedding. Sunggyu met with Woohyun’s friends and talked with them. It made him feel old. He felt like he couldn’t relate to them well. He began to think that he had more in common with Woohyun’s father than his friends. But once the ceremony started, Sunggyu began to feel young. Here was this lanky kid, getting married and starting a family with this beautiful girl, his wife.

Marriage, he didn’t know if he could legally have one with Woohyun, but that didn’t make him want it any less. If not marriage, Sunggyu at least wanted Woohyun to move in with him, and some time soon. But when did Sunggyu have time to even breach the issue with the younger? He barely saw the other as it was. And when they met, Woohyun was barely awake for most of the time. And because they couldn’t talk about it, Sunggyu could only dwell on it.

Would Woohyun even want to? Was Woohyun ready to make that kind of commitment? Was Sunggyu wanting too much? All he wanted was to be with Woohyun for the rest of his life. _Yea, that’s too much to ask of him now_ , Sunggyu thought. Woohyun had a bit more growing to do (professionally) before that could happen.

But they say that misery loves company, and so Sunggyu invited Howon, his fellow ‘bachelor,’ to hang out tonight. Howon had been also focusing on his career and was in the process of setting up his own label and producing an album for Woohyun’s little friend, Jang Dongwoo. But tonight, he was taking a much-needed break from work and was ‘chilling out’ on Sunggyu’s couch, flipping through the channels on the television before settling on one. Sunggyu walked into the living room with two beers in his hand. Howon was watching the screen with an odd intensity.

“What are you watching?” Sunggyu asked as he handed the other a beer.

Howon took the drink and set it on the coffee table before signing a reply, “Masked Singer. I haven’t watched it before, but this guy has been on a hot streak lately. He’s won three episodes in a row. They say he’s good. If he wins tonight, he breaks the record.”

Sunggyu smirked. That would explain it. Howon was piqued. “Do you want him to fail or succeed tonight?” Sunggyu asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll have to hear him first,” Howon answered. Sunggyu scoffed. His friend was lying. He could tell that Howon had a certain outcome in mind. Having been caught, Howon sheepishly glanced at the other out of the corner of his eyes and signed, “I’m a fan of the former record holder. I’m just making sure that he can really match up to my girl.” After that confession, Howon’s focus returned to the television. The show’s introduction was playing.

But Sunggyu wasn’t about to let his friend off of the hook. “My girl?” he teased the other, nudging him with his beer can. “Yah! When are _you_ ever going to find somebody and settle down? I can’t believe that I found someone before you did. Don’t make a label. Make a family instead,” he lectured to the other.

Even though Howon was facing forward, Sunggyu could see him swear and mouth, “You sound like my mom.” Howon then faced him and spoke while signing. “Don’t act like you’re married yourself. You’re not! Besides, Woohyun is still young.”

Well, that didn’t help Sunggyu’s growing anxiety. “What is that supposed to mean?” he snarled.

Howon saw that he’d hit a nerve, so he tried to dismiss the issue, “Don’t worry about it. You two are good for each other. It’s starting.” He pointed to the screen. Sunggyu huffed, but still turned to watch.

After seeing the first performer walk onto the stage, Sunggyu glanced at the other out of the corner of his eye. What kind of show was this? “They all sing with masks on,” he remarked.

“Half the fun of it is to guess who’s behind the mask,” Howon signed as his eyes were still glued to the screen.

No fun for me, Sunggyu thought. It was bad enough that Howon wanted to watch a music program, but now Sunggyu couldn’t even read their lips. All he could do was read the captions and watch the contestants sway to the beat on stage. This is fun at all. “I’ll order us something to eat,” he offered as he pulled out his phone and placed an order online. He then continued to play on the phone as the show went on. When the Chinese food arrived, Sunggyu began focusing on that, eating more than he should. But it was better than watching a show that he couldn’t fully enjoy (although it was entertaining to see their masks and odd names attached with them).

But just as Sunggyu was about to return to the game on his phone, Howon nudged him excitedly. Sunggyu looked over. “It’s the guy!” Howon signed and pointed to the screen.

Sunggyu looked up and watched the reigning champion on the show walk onto the stage. He scoffed. For someone who was supposed to be impressive, he was rather small with a name to match his stature, “Tiny Sprout.” His mask was shaped like an acorn with a green leaf sprouting from the top. He was wearing a dark brown suit to match his mask. In comparison to the other outfits that Sunggyu had seen, it was rather plain, but…There was something about the singer that still drew his eye. For the first time since the show started, Sunggyu couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen. It was the way the singer walked onto the stage and bowed to the audience, his size, his proportions, it felt all too familiar to Sunggyu.

Then the song started, and Tiny Sprout placed his hand over his heart as he sang the first notes, before extending his open palm to the audience. Sunggyu had seen this before, several times, when he was monitoring _My Star_ with hawk-like precision.

Howon gripped Sunggyu’s arm, trying to get his attention. Sunggyu finally snapped out of it and turned towards his friend. Howon began signing, “He sounds…”

But Sunggyu abruptly cut him off, “That’s Woohyun.”

Howon was laughing at him. He waved his hand at that silly notion before responding, “Eh, doesn’t sound like him. This guy is a pro.”

“Woohyun is a pro. He is!” Sunggyu insisted, raising his voice. He jumped up from the couch and walked up to the television. He pointed to Tiny Sprout. “That’s Woohyun! Look! Look at his hand right there, like this,” Sunggyu commanded. He then mimicked the singer’s hand movements. And when the singer dropped his hands to the side and nodded along to the song briefly, Sunggyu jumped and pointed at the screen again. “And that! That’s Namu too!”

Howon cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t all singers do that?” he challenged, but he walked up closer to the television as if he could see what Sunggyu was seeing upon closer inspection.

“Not like that!” Sunggyu exclaimed. He then waved his hand over the singer’s. “And those hands.” He made a deep, throaty noise before continuing. “I can recognize those anywhere.” Howon shot the other a curious glance but still leaned in and began squinting. “He’s got very unique hands, all white and crooked.” Sunggyu then nudged him. He’d seen this stance before. Tiny Sprout was getting ready to hit a big note. “Watch. Watch, he gets into a note, he’ll go like this.” Sunggyu then bent over, pretending to sing into a microphone, at the same time as Tiny Sprout was doing so on screen. Sunggyu then straightened up again and saw that he was right. With a smug smile, he wagged his finger at the screen. “It’s Woohyun. That is Nam Woohyun.” Sunggyu finally peeled himself away from the television and sat back down onto the couch. And as he was sinking into the cushion, the fact that Tiny Sprout, the champion singer, was Nam Woohyun, his Woohyun, began sinking into him. “It’s Woohyun,” he sounded startled this time when he said that. Sunggyu’s eyes slowly lifted to the screen. Tiny Sprout was finishing his song. There were a few reaction shots from the audience and the judges. They were all immersed into the song. Some of them were even crying. Sunggyu wanted to cry to, but for a different reason. All of things, he could see. But there was still the deafening silence ringing in his ears. Sunggyu closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest. Nothing, absolutely nothing at all, no matter how much he strained his ears. Silence was the only song he could hear.

He felt a hand shaking him on his shoulder. Sunggyu opened his eyes again and saw Howon sitting next to him. “It’s Woohyun,” his friend finally admitted.

“I told you,” Sunggyu signed back, too afraid to speak now lest his voice give out.

“He’s…really really good now. I didn’t think that there was much room for improvement,” Howon praised. He then shook his head, grinning broadly. His shoulders moved up and down. Howon was chuckling too. “This kid keeps proving me wrong,” he signed. But then he looked away from the screen and focused on Sunggyu. “What are you going to do? Are you going to tell him that you know?”

“Yes,” Sunggyu answered without thinking. He wouldn’t be able to keep this inside; it’d come out the next time he felt frustrated with the younger. So it was really only a matter of time before it slipped out. “But other than that, I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Howon probably noticed that his friend was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He rubbed Sunggyu’s shoulder a few times before offering, “Do you want me to get you another drink?”

This answer also came out easily: “Yes, please.”

* * *

As it would turn out, the next time Sunggyu felt frustrated with Woohyun was the very next time Sunggyu saw his face again. The younger had barely settled into his apartment when Sunggyu barked, “Nam Woohyun!”

“What did I do?” Woohyun blubbered, looking completely lost.

“How? How were you able to keep it from me for so long? Huh? You love bragging about the simplest thing,” Sunggyu began ‘yelling’ at him (okay he was also actually yelling). “The other night you boasted that you made the best cup of tea!”

Woohyun smirked, still proud of that achievement, and signed back, “It was the perfect temperature.”

Sunggyu groaned and dragged a hand down his face. _This kid_. “See, you brag about that, but when you’re trending all over the place and becoming a big star, you don’t tell me?” he finally revealed his hand.

Woohyun got up from where he was sitting on the couch. He looked around the room searching for something (words? A solution? A way out?). “How did you know? You don’t even watch that show,” he signed, still unable to meet the other’s gaze.

“I did. I watched it with Hoya,” Sunggyu replied. He then put his hand on the younger’s shoulder, and Woohyun finally looked up at him. “And it was obviously you onstage. Don’t deny it.”

“I’m not,” Woohyun spoke. He then narrowed his eyes on Sunggyu. There was an amused twinkle in them. “But…what do you mean it was obviously me?”

Sunggyu dropped his hand and backed away. He was offended. “I know you. I know you better than anyone else,” he argued.

The twinkle glimmered again as the corner of Woohyun’s mouth hitched up into a smirk. “Hoya told you, didn’t he?” he fought back.

“No! I was the one who figured it out. It was me!” Sunggyu’s throat felt hoarse. He could feel his voice ripping through it. He then lowered it and showed his anger through sign instead. “Go call Hoya if you want proof. He’ll tell you that I knew it was you. You’re so obvious. Your hands, your gestures gave you away. Don’t you think that…”

“Okay, okay,” Woohyun stopped him, grabbing at his hands. His expression went from mischievous to grave. “You can’t tell anybody. You’re not supposed to know,” he spoke clearly and carefully.

Sunggyu nodded, showing that he received the message loud and clear. “I won’t,” he promised. He slipped his hands out of Woohyun’s loose hold. He walked over to his desk. His shift in the chatroom was going to start soon. He sat down in his chair and turned the computer on. “No one will believe me anyway. Why should they? It’s not like I can hear you,” he didn’t even realize that he was talking out loud.

There was a tap on his shoulder. He glanced over and saw Woohyun gripping onto his chair and crouching next to him. “You see me better than anyone else does,” he signed.

Sunggyu felt cheered up by that. “I do! I probably smell you better too,” and he felt utterly embarrassed after saying that joke…

…Until it made Woohyun laugh. “Me too. I know Kim Sunggyu the best,” he added. He must’ve felt tired after crouching because he decided to sit on the floor again.

Sunggyu watched as the other sat on the floor and propped himself next to the desk. Looked like Woohyun was planning on sitting there while Sunggyu worked, right by his side. Warmth spread all over his body, starting with his heart, just looking at the younger. “Yea, you do,” Sunggyu admitted. “I’ve told you things that I’ve never told anyone.”

Woohyun looked up at him with wide eyes. “Like what?”

Sunggyu cleared his throat and turned his attention to the computer screen. He needed to log in. But he still answered Woohyun’s question: “How I really feel.” He tried to play it off as it were a passing comment. After logging on and a few moments passed, Sunggyu glanced down at the younger, who was waiting patiently for the elder to look at him again.

“You do. So…how do you feel right now?” Woohyun always seemed to know when there was something bothering him, when Sunggyu wanted to talk about something but talked circles around the issue instead of being direct.

Sunggyu looked at the computer screen again. “I’m frustrated,” he confessed. “I’m frustrated with life, especially _my_ life.” He glanced down at Woohyun. “I want to be happy for you. I really do. This is great. But I’m frustrated more than anything.” The younger’s mouth dropped, grappling with something to say in reply, to defend himself. Sunggyu stopped him. It wasn’t Woohyun (in particular) that he was aggravated with. “You’ve improved, but Hoya told me that. He had to. I didn’t know. I couldn’t. How could I know these things, if I’m not told? But I’d rather if you told me, not anyone else.”

Woohyun’s hand warmly gripped his knee. He stared at the other earnestly. “I’ll tell you next time, okay,” Sunggyu could see Woohyun mouth the words carefully. “I’ll tell you. No one else will.” Sunggyu could see it. He could feel it, but…

“Actually, I’d rather…I’d rather hear it for myself,” he confessed in a small voice. He buried his face in his hands, shutting himself off from everything. “I’m tired of being told.”

Woohyun’s hand was now shaking his knee, with growing intensity, silently begging Sunggyu to look at him. And Woohyun was most likely actually begging too, calling out to him. “Hyung…Hyung!”

Sunggyu turned his face into one hand as he used the other to swipe at Woohyun’s. “I’m frustrated, and I’m tired,” he grumbled. He then lowered his head on the desk, still looking away. “I’m just…so sick of everything. Sometimes, I just want to h…I want to give up,” he bit his lip after finishing. He almost (and probably did) reveal too much. Sunggyu’s eyes darted up to the computer screen. _How can I help anybody when I can’t even fix my own problems?_ And Woohyun must’ve gotten fed up with Sunggyu acting like a child throwing a tantrum. The younger got up from his spot, pressed a kiss onto the side of Sunggyu’s head, and then left. _Finally. I made him just as frustrated as I feel._ Sunggyu raised his head again, rubbing his face and rubbing away his aggravation. _I got to work. I have to work._ When he opened his eyes again, Sunggyu saw a note laying next to his keyboard.

**Don’t give up! Things get better.**

Sunggyu picked up the note and began cackling. “How annoying,” he didn’t mean it. Not one bit.

Two hands fell onto each of his shoulders, and his desk chair spun around until he was now facing Woohyun. He was wearing his coat and had put his shoes back on. _Is he leaving?_ that panicked thought shot across the elder’s mind. He wasn't. “Work from your phone or table, and let’s go out, hyung, while I’m still a nobody,” Woohyun signed while speaking with that usual sly grin. “I’m going to be a big star soon, big as the sun. Once I take my mask off onstage, I’ll always have to wear one offstage so that I don’t get mobbed by fans everywhere. You might have to wear one too.”

Sunggyu scoffed. He turned off his monitor and sat up. “Like I said, how did you manage to not brag about it for so long?” he joked with the other.

“It was killing me,” Woohyun replied. “It was killing me not to tell you.”

Before he went to put on his coat and shoes, Sunggyu kissed him with all of the tenderness that he was feeling at the moment. “Thank you.”

* * *

Yes, Woohyun was a big star right now, like he’d always dreamed of being. Unfortunately, his popularity came at the price of anonymity. It was ironic. Everyone knew who he was when he lost. But now that he was winning, no one knew who he was at all. _But it’ll all pay off soon,_ he kept telling himself. And he wasn’t lying when he said that keeping this secret from Sunggyu was killing him. It kept eating him from the inside, whenever he was with Sunggyu, until he felt as if he were going to be devoured whole. So he’d always cut the conversation short or distract the other somehow (which he got pretty good at).

However, there were some perks to being a masked celebrity. Woohyun could hear others talk about him freely, especially those around the studio (and if he was ever asked about it, he would just shrug and say that he was too busy studying to watch the show). He also read articles both praising him and trying to figure out who he was. Only a few guessed correctly. One of those few weren’t Kim Heechul, who, as fate would have it, was one of the judges on the show. One of his fellow panelists (a girl group member whose promotion overlapped with Woohyun’s) brought up Woohyun’s name. At that, Heechul scoffed. “That’s not my penguin. It’s a musical actor. I guarantee it!” And that was the end of that debate. But Woohyun continued to have fun messing with him, even waddling off-stage again like he’d done years before. Heechul yelled at him, “Stop pretending to be cute!” But Woohyun _was_ cute, and Tiny Sprout was a star.

Now that Sunggyu knew that Tiny Sprout and Woohyun were one in the same, Woohyun felt less burdened. Maybe that’s why he was able have his best [performance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq-QgcAr31w) to date on the next show.

And for once, Woohyun was grateful that he was wearing a mask. Tears started falling during the performance, and they wouldn’t stop even when he got down from the stage. The song reminded him of his struggles that he had to get to that point, his slump that he was pulling out of. And it _had_ all paid off.

Woohyun was a star.

* * *

The following night, Woohyun spent it at Sunggyu’s, unable to keep his excitement to himself, still high off of his win. Once again (perhaps purposefully this time), they talked for too long, and it was late. So Sunggyu told him to stay the night (not like he minded much anyway). While Woohyun was getting ready for bed, brushing his teeth with Sunggyu’s spare (actually Woohyun’s) toothbrush. The elder shuffled over in his pajamas and leaned against the bathroom’s doorframe. “Woohyun, I want it,” he announced.

Woohyun clamped down his lips, keeping his toothbrush in his mouth as he signed with a surprised expression. “Now?”

Sunggyu shook his head and smiled in embarrassment. “No, no, no. Not that…well, maybe later, if you’re offering.”

Woohyun looked him up and down curiously. He spat into the sink and put the toothbrush down. “What do you want now?” he asked.

“The implants. I want to hear you. Umph!”

Woohyun tackled Sunggyu, hugging him tightly. “I knew it! I knew you wanted to! I’m so happy. Hyung, this is great!” he murmured into Sunggyu’s chest. He knew that the other couldn’t hear him, but one day he would. One day Sunggyu would be able to hear everything.

* * *

And while Sunggyu was ready to gain something, Woohyun had to lose. Give and take. His winning streak was finally over, and Tiny Sprout revealed his identity on national television.

“Yah! Penguin! You traitor! First you leave me for Yoon Sang, now this? Come out,” Heechul shouted at him after the MC went to the judges for comments. Woohyun pretended to hide behind the MC for protection. But Heechul wasn’t done with him. “You! When did you get this good?” he asked in all honesty.

“After you stopped coaching me,” Woohyun teased, and Heechul almost sprung onto the stage again. Woohyun revealed that he was joking and that he’d been studying music at the University as well as being tutored by Yoon Sang. “Without Heechul-hyung, I don’t think I’d be where I am today. He gave me some valuable advice about performing,” he ended cleanly.

“Hear that, Yoon Sang-ssi?” Heechul spoke to the musician through the camera. “I gave good advice. Practically hatched Woohyun from an egg.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Woohyun retorted with a cock of his head.

“Yah!”

The MC then stepped in before Heechul could charge the stage for a third time and thanked Woohyun for his time on the show. And Woohyun, in turn, thanked everybody for their love. With that, his time on the show was over. Once again, he lost, but he’d won so much more.

And although the MC could stop Heechul from approaching Woohyun on the set, now that the recording was over, the idol began making his way to Woohyun, and Woohyun started panicking, wondering if he took it too far with his teasing remarks.

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I liked you,” Heechul began with an odd remark. “The three of us should get back together sometime. Penguin, Fish, and Eskimo. We should all find an igloo to drink in.” Woohyun was surprised but agreed to the reunion.

When the three of them got together, it was more fun than Woohyun thought it would be. Heechul considered them more as colleagues now than mentees and treated them as such, especially since Dongwoo’s new single produced by Hoya had hit number one on several charts. And so Woohyun met up with Heechul a couple of more times and even introduced the idol to Sunggyu, the famous ‘friend.’ Woohyun was still wondering if introducing those two was a good move or a big mistake. The two of them got along too well and often ganged up on him. But at least it meant Sunggyu had another friend, so Woohyun decided that it was okay.

Along with a budding friendship with Heechul, another unexpected thing happened. Because of his appearance on Masked Singer, Woohyun was asked by several stations to come on their music shows again and promote his album. He did so, and the following week, he won on those programs (and his song knocked off Dongwoo’s from the number one spot).

Taking advantage of this situation, his company decided to make a second album with the songs that didn’t quite make the first cut (after a lot of revamping). Once released, that album sold even more than his first.

Woohyun had finally made it. Everything finally turned out okay, great even. And it was about to get even better.

It took a long time for the fervor to die down and Woohyun’s schedules along with it. When Woohyun had a chance to take a break, he knew exactly how to spend it, keeping the promise that he made to Sunggyu years ago.

After several trips to the hospital, and the longest wait of Woohyun’s life while Sunggyu was in surgery, came the moment that the both of them had been looking forward to. They were in a small, hot room with white walls, sitting in uncomfortable chairs, but to Woohyun, it felt like a dream. He was holding onto Sunggyu’s hand tightly, who had a vice-like grip on Woohyun’s hand as the doctor was carefully putting the device on the side of Sunggyu’s head.

And then she turned it on.

Sunggyu’s eyes went wide, hearing Woohyun didn’t know what. It wasn’t him He couldn’t speak. His throat clamped up. Nothing could come out.

The first voice Sunggyu had heard was the doctor’s as she checked up on Sunggyu’s condition and the device’s. After her voice, Sunggyu heard his own. He made a couple of sounds, testing his ears as if he was testing a microphone. That’s when something finally was able to come out of Woohyun’s tight throat, a laugh.

Sunggyu stopped and glanced over at the man next to him. “Woohyun,” he said the other’s name like he always had. Apparently Sunggyu didn’t like the sound of it. He screwed up his face and tried pronouncing it better, “Woo-woo-woohyun.”

“Sunggyu,” Woohyun croaked through his tight throat. In spite of that, Sunggyu knew it was his name and wide grin overwhelmed his face. And that made Woohyun all the more nervous. That big reaction for something so small (or what seemed small to him). For a long time, Woohyun had planned out exactly what to say, but now his mind was blank from the nerves (and the fact that the doctor was still there and could hear everything). He ended up stammering in a low voice, “M-marry me.”

He had spoken too quietly for anybody but himself to hear. “Huh?” Sunggyu leaned in closer. “Speak up,” he urged the other.

Out of the corner of his eye, Woohyun noticed that the doctor got up from her seat and walked over to the side of the room, acting as if she had all-important file to look over at the moment. Woohyun was grateful for the space she gave them. But he still was cautious. He scooted closer to the other and whispered into his ear: “Marry me.”

He was too loud this time. Sunggyu recoiled and shivered, hiding his ear from the other. The elder looked like he was in pain. Woohyun had misjudged how sensitive he would be, and now he ruined the moment. Woohyun sighed and hung his head.

Then Woohyun felt the other’s hand shift in his, and Sunggyu’s other hand clasped around their already joined hands. “I wanted to say that.” Woohyun looked up. Sunggyu still look slightly peeved, but happy. “I’ve been wanting to ask you that for awhile.”

“Really?” Woohyun asked. _Since when?_

“Yea, I have,” Sunggyu repeated. He then shot a glance over at the doctor still in the room. “Let’s do it,” he vaguely put as he then put his arms around the younger in a tight embrace.

Woohyun hooked his head over Sunggyu’s shoulder and squeezed the other in his arms. “I love you. So much,” now that he could talk, he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

For the first time, Sunggyu had ‘heard’ him speak without looking at his face. “Me too. I love you, Woohyun.”

And at that moment, Woohyun didn’t know how things could possibly get any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for your patience. I know it has been a long wait. My original plans for the ending got tossed out after Woohyun's solo. And I'm glad that they did. This way I was able to show personal growth in Woohyun and growth as a singer, comparing his first stint on IS2 and his most recent. Our Tiny Sprout grew up so much! I'm really proud!
> 
> And I'm proud of myself for finally finishing this...but not really.
> 
> Although I'm marking this as "complete," I'm going to add an epilogue: things from Sunggyu's perspective. But Woohyun's story is finished! Thank you all for reading. I hope that you enjoyed it!


	8. RE: Me (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things from Sunggyu's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I would like to thank every single one of you for reading this story. This has been a journey for me, and at times, this story drained me. But I finally finished my monster of an age gap story. I only hope that this epilogue doesn't ruin this whole story.

The nights were long now. Sunggyu was in the habit of waking up several times in the night, but at his age, he was grateful to wake up. That meant he was still alive. Every moment, every breath, especially every beat, creak or sound of his old life was precious.

When he woke, like every time he woke, his eyes opened to the other side of the bed. But it was empty. _That’s right_ , Sunggyu reminded himself. _Woohyun’s gone_. Sunggyu’s hand slithered along the sheets to that empty spot. It was cold, as it should’ve been. Woohyun had been gone for the long time, but Sunggyu left the younger his spot out of habit, as if he was waiting for Woohyun to slid right back in. But that wouldn’t happen, not right now. It was morning, and Sunggyu had to leave the bed too, which he couldn’t do without several creaks and groans. With his aged fingers, he fumbled with his hearing device on the nightstand. Curses fell from his lips as he almost dropped it. Things weren’t going well this morning already. He hoped that this wouldn’t be indicative of the rest of the day. Today was an important day.

Sunggyu dragged his feets towards the mirror as he held tightly onto the device. In spite of the years and years of connecting the device into his implant, he was still worried that it would suddenly fail, and his hearing would be lost forever, irrecoverable. Sunggyu sighed at his reflection in the mirror. The worry showed on his face. The wrinkles across his forehead and between his eyes deepened, aging him years in just seconds. _I don’t need to look any older_. He was already 67. “When did I get this old?” Sunggyu asked as he tried to relax. But it was hard to when he was staring at himself with his grey hair and wearing his shabby, old boxers with a small belly hanging over the rim of them. Sunggyu pulled at his thin undershirt, straightened up, and sucked in his gut. But he was still a far-cry from the thirty year-old he used to be. Sunggyu relaxed and his belly poked out again under his shirt. This was as good as it was going to get.

His eyes then fell down to his hand, to the device. It was time to start his morning routine. Sunggyu sucked in a breath and held it as he plugged the device into the implant. It still worked. Sounds floated through him like fuzzy memories, before they became clearer. His eyes gripped the edges of the counter and his eyes were shut tight as Sunggyu let those sounds flow through him. Each sound reminded him of another, all of which was tied to a memory as precious as the sound was. And Sunggyu let himself be dragged down, down, down by them into a song of reverie.

* * *

It all started with silence, but with tension slowly building in the air. Nothing was happening, nothing except waiting, and waiting, and waiting for something to _finally_ start. But the progress had been a little too slow for Sunggyu. He was starting to feel like nothing would happen for him at all.

At first, Sunggyu had liked it, liked the silence and the stagnancy of his life. He’d gotten out a relationship that had always been difficult. Together, things seemed like they should’ve been harmonious, but they clashed instead. And Sunggyu felt let down by that, resigned to bachelordom. But he _had_ liked it. It was comforting. There wasn’t any sudden disruptions in the flow of his life. And when he did want disruptions and excitement, he could always go to his sister’s place with her family and the calamity that went along with that.

He was his own conductor, leading an empty orchestra. But he didn’t feel alone, at first.

Sunggyu didn’t know when this lifestyle began irritating him. However, eventually he found himself hating his life when he was sitting alone at night with a beer in one hand but nothing in the other. He stared at that empty hand, wondering if he had anything else better to do with it than just to let it lie limply next to him. It made him feel so useless.

The next day, he signed up to be a counselor for an online chatroom. Afterwards, he spent his nights in orientation, training for it, and not long afterwards he then spent the nights putting his training into effect. He felt more accomplished now. He was helping other people to find their rhythm and build their life’s song, while he was still struggling to regain his own.

But he was almost there. The tension, the anticipation, was thick in the air; Sunggyu could feel it. The tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Electric excitement coursed through his veins. His fingers itched to move, to begin. Something was about to happen.

It all started with one, small, unplanned disruption. The cashier at the convenience store changed. It used to be a girl, with a tight ponytail and a sullen face. Now it been replaced with an equally as sullen boy. Sunggyu just assumed that the graveyard shift was suitable for sullen people, and hadn’t thought anything more of it, until the next night. He had caught the boy laughing at comic from a magazine that he’d pulled from one of the shelves, but when the cashier noticed that Sunggyu had slunk into the store, his usual frown returned. The cashier pushed the magazine aside and greeted Sunggyu with a dead voice to match the dead hour. Sunggyu bowed back, but as he made his way to the beer in the back, he cocked his head. The smile suited the boy’s face more than the frown did. It made him look alive. _Maybe he’s like me_ , Sunggyu thought as he pulled the cup ramyun from the shelf. _Maybe he just lost his rhythm too_. _Maybe he’s waiting for something to start too_.

Then it happened.

**nwh91: Do things get better? Because I’m starting to think they don’t.**

Now this person hadn’t just fallen out of rhythm. Sunggyu doubted if nwh91 even had a melody, or a just a single note to begin with. Throughout his time with this job, Sunggyu had come across plenty of people at the ends of their rope, on the brink of desperation. Receiving a message like this wasn’t anything new, but just something about it felt different from the others.

Most of the questions that Sunggyu was asked in the chatroom, the asker already had a set answer in mind. But this person. “I’m starting to think…” This person didn’t want to be like this, to think like this.

So Sunggyu tried to conduct him away from that line of thought. It was dangerous line to travel down. Sunggyu himself had been there before, when he thought he’d lost everything (and in some ways, he had).

**answerking12: They do.**

**nwh91: How do you know?**

Sunggyu leaned back in his desk chair, wringing his hands and rolling his neck as he tried to think of an answer. He was stumped. He really didn’t know. Honestly, he expected nwh91 to type out a “thank you” and leave the chatroom. _What now?_

 _What now?_ Sunggyu was taken back to his early twenties, a time that he wasn’t particularly proud or fond of, a time spent in an induced (or not) haze. He’d been plunged into this new world of silence and forced to acclimate to it but was too far deep in shock to be able to cope with it all. He had no direction, no dream. He was lost, much like this person was now.

And Sunggyu had asked himself the same question. _Will things get better for me?_ And eventually he arrived at the answer: they have to. They have to get better because he couldn’t continue to live like this. They have to get better because he hated living like this. They have to get better because...

**answerking12: Because they have to.**

And with that, nwh91 left the chatroom.

But that user came back again and again every night after that conversation. Sunggyu couldn’t help but to grin whenever he saw the username pop up. He had very few regulars, and none of which were so regular. Nwh91 never missed a night. Nwh91, for some reason, liked Sunggyu, and that made him feel good. This user began to feel like one of his clients that he’d meet in person. Sunggyu wouldn’t be surprised if nwh91 was disabled in some way like he was. In a way, everyone had a ‘disability,’ something that made them ‘imperfect’ and kept them from doing things that they wanted to do in life. But, there were always ways around those disabilities. Sunggyu was proof of it. That was the crux of his motivational talks, what he wanted to tell the whole world: only _you_ get in the way of achieving your dreams in the end.

Sunggyu considered inviting nhw91 to come to one of his lectures, but that would be too forward. This relationship was only virtual, a digital mentor and mentee. Sunggyu doubted that it could be anything more.

However things took a turn when this question popped up:

**nwh91: What’s the purpose of living?**

Sunggyu nearly fell out of his chair. _Not again, not you too_ , he thought as he reached for the manual next to him. It was filled with suggested phrases to say whenever a user showed dangerous signs like this. But after frantically flipping back and forth between the pages, Sunggyu abandoned the manual and went with the ill-formed thoughts in his head.

**answerking12: Everyone lives for different reasons: wealth, fame, music, art, love, friends, for someone else, etc. Whatever your reason, living is worth it. It always is. Because no matter how low you might feel right now, you will feel twice as high later on. Things taste sweeter after eating only bitter things. Things get better.**

_Please, please don’t let this happen again_ , Sunggyu begged, and accidentally begged to nwh91 the same thing (his fingers typed out the message before his brain could register it). Sunggyu had run across several users with signs of suicidal thoughts, and then he’d never hear from them again, leaving him to wonder what would happen to them for days and days afterwards. It was a feeling of dread that he couldn’t shake off. _Did they? Did I not try hard enough? Say the right thing? Are they okay now?_

Luckily, Sunggyu was overreacting in this moment. Nwh91 was just fine, just bored. Sunggyu laid a hand over his racing heart and let out a deep breath. “Don’t scare me like that,” he chided the user under his breath and later in his message.

But the user did come back with a less scary question.

**nwh91: How are you?**

And it ended up being one of Sunggyu’s favorite questions that he’d ever been asked in the chatroom. It started the most casual and enjoyable conversation that he had in the chatroom for a long time. He really felt like he made a genuine connection with this person. And so when nwh91 (who revealed himself to be a twenty year-old male) later asked if they were friends, Sunggyu readily said “yes.”

But Sunggyu still doubted if this relationship would ever venture outside the virtual walls of the chatroom. He felt a connection with this boy, but it was a tenuous one. Sunggyu was used to people leaving the chatroom, never to return. That notion lurked in the back of his mind whenever they talked. _This might be our last_. _Don’t get too attached_.

However the connection wasn’t as weak as Sunggyu thought it was. It had been strengthened by another tie that the both of them were unaware of: the convenience store.

Sunggyu saw the cashier every night, and every night the cashier grew to be less and less sullen. He also began to look younger because of it, with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and a smile always hiding behind his lips. _How old is this kid?_ Sunggyu thought one night as he was handing the money over to the cashier. _I wonder what’s gotten into him lately._ He looked down at the nametag on his vest. _Woohyun. What has gotten into Woohyun lately?_

Sunggyu then looked up. _Oh no_. The cashier was wearing a mask, but Sunggyu could see his lips moving underneath them. _I can’t tell_. _He’s talking to me, but I can’t read him_. Sunggyu grew flustered. He hated being caught like this. _You hadn’t tried to talk to me at all. Why now?_ If it had been any other night, Sunggyu could’ve read him and replied, forcing out a cough all the while, pretending to be the sick one and masking his imperfect speech. Sunggyu didn’t want to be rude, but he also wasn’t in the mood to explain himself and his condition. He was already exhausted, physically and emotionally. So he just left without a word, taking his items and his secret tucked under his arm.

But his ‘secret’ was out in the open soon afterwards when Hoya came from the States to visit Sunggyu. Still unaccustomed to the time difference and knowing his hyung’s night owl schedule, Hoya joined Sunggyu for the night. After his shift in the chatroom, the two of them went down to the store to pick up snacks, and they continued their conversation as they shopped through the store. When they got to the register, Woohyun was staring at them in amazement. “I’ve never seen ahjussi so excited before,” the boy remarked. Sunggyu narrowed his eyes on him, curious. _What was I like before?_ Quiet, sullen, with the occasionally small smile. Sunggyu was to Woohyun as Woohyun was to him, except older. It hadn’t dawned on him until this moment: they were seeing completely different sides of each other. Right now, Woohyun was seeing Sunggyu as he usually was, which was deaf but still incredibly chatty. And Sunggyu saw that Woohyun had actually taken notice of him, that he might’ve cared about his regulars as much as Sunggyu cared about his.

And the extent of Woohyun’s care showed the following night, when he tried to talk with Sunggyu in sign language. Even though it was a basic conversation, Sunggyu was touched by it. It was effort that Sunggyu never expected the boy to put into his job, or into him. It lead him to wonder, _Who is this kid?_ Because the cashier was upturning all of his expectations. But who Woohyun really was was revealed later that night, when Sunggyu rushed back into the store to retrieve his phone.

Woohyun was nwh91.

At first, Sunggyu had a difficult time reconciling the two separate identities into one person. Woohyun was proving himself to be of a more cheerful and considerate disposition, but nwh91 was a bit self-absorbed, pessimistic, and attention starved, or so he seemed. What nwh91 really was was only one side of Nam Woohyun, the one that he hides from the rest of the world. Nwh91 was nothing more than the innermost thoughts and worries of a twenty year-old boy; it wasn’t a person. And so the mental image that Sunggyu had of his chatroom mentee was really just a caricature of a person. “But I never imagined you like this...so happy. So smiley,” he told Woohyun when they were finally having their first conversation face-to-face (and when Woohyun hadn’t stopped grinning from the moment that they sat down).

“It’s because I finally met my friend.”

And just like that, their virtual relationship became real, and Sunggyu’s view of new friend began changing from then on (and still changes to this day).

One of the first things that Sunggyu realized was that Woohyun did have a melody, but it was off-beat and tired. He just needed a bit of fine tuning, or a lot of it. Woohyun looked every bit as lost as he sounded in the chatroom. His hair was long and unstyled, his clothes were hand-me-downs from someone obviously not in his own generation, and he just was plain scruffy. Woohyun gave off the image that he needed to be taken care of, protected, or that was until Sunggyu watched him guzzle down a can of beer in a few seconds. Nam Woohyun wasn’t a child (entirely). He could take care of himself (mostly).

Second, Woohyun had a dream, the same one that Sunggyu had when he was younger, so he immediately refuted as an option for Woohyun. Woohyun already reminded him of a younger version of himself. There was no reason for the boy to end up like Sunggyu did, so Sunggyu tried to discourage him the best he could, even inviting to the boy to his talk and then telling him the _whole_ story later, back at the apartment. Sunggyu wanted to scare him away. He _really_ didn’t want Woohyun to end up like him.

Third, Woohyun was like him, but not at the same time. “I _am_ like you. I love music. I love singing. I can work hard for what I want. I can be stubborn. But I’m _not_ you. I’m more handsome. I have less shame. _I_ can do it...Hyung, let me do it for the both of us,” Woohyun himself had said that. And when he did, it was if the boy reached deep within Sunggyu’s chest and plucked at his heart’s string. Not only did he feel a great tug towards Woohyun, but the _feeling_ reverberated throughout his core. But the boy only played one note, one haunting note that stuck with Sunggyu, who played it over and over again in his mind’s ear. It was haunting because it was a feeling that he thought he shouldn’t have for Woohyun, which he was only reminded of when the younger called him “Dad” just moments after.

 _We’re like a family_ , Sunggyu tried to rationalize that _feeling_ away, or at least diminish it (and at the same time, give it credence). _I care about him like any older brother cares for his dongsaeng_. Sunggyu did like that notion of being the family that Woohyun never had growing up. And family was exactly what Sunggyu was losing as he was growing older. He lived hours away from his parents, and Sunggyu didn’t have a job that he could freely take breaks from. So he saw his parents about once a year. And sure, he had an older sister in the city that he could visit more readily, but the older her children got, the less time she had for baby brother. So Sunggyu had the silly notion that he and Woohyun (and sometimes Hoya) could become a pseudo-family, a small group that eats together, supports each other, and takes away the loneliness. But that came crashing down when Hoya texted that Woohyun was with _his family_ after the auditions. And the boy who felt like his dongsaeng, who made him ‘hear’ that note, now felt distant from him. _What is this? Who is he?_ Sunggyu didn’t feel like he knew anymore, or knew what their relationship was like.

As it would turn out, Sunggyu wasn’t the only one with doubts about what they were.

“I thought you said that I wasn’t like your clients,” Woohyun argued. “Just because I don’t need you like that, it doesn’t mean that I don’t need you at all.”

 _Then how? How do you need me? Why do you need me?_ Sunggyu didn’t get a straight answer out of Woohyun that night, so he just had to be content with the fact that he _was_ needed by Woohyun. That would have to suffice.

But what Sunggyu really should’ve been asking himself was: why did _he_ want Woohyun to need him? He didn’t arrive at that answer until much, much later (or more like he knew the answer but was choosing to ignore it).

Occasionally, Sunggyu would ‘hear’ that haunting note again, playing on his heart. Like after Woohyun had told Sunggyu his life’s story and kept looking for the other’s reaction. Like when Sunggyu had watched Woohyun’s face flash on his television screen for the first time.Twice when Woohyun called Sunggyu his “best friend.”

But that note was soon joined by another, and then another, stringing together to form an entire sweet melody when Woohyun hugged him a second time. At first, Sunggyu didn’t know what was going on. Woohyun had just crawled into his lap and wrapped his arms around Sunggyu. _Why? I was just encouraging him, giving him my support. What his he doing?_

“Hugging,” Woohyun answered. Sunggyu didn’t even realize that he asked the question out loud. “You must not do it enough. You keep asking me what I’m doing every time I try.”

And that was true. Sunggyu didn’t hug enough, not for him. Sunggyu was a pretty tactile person to begin with. He liked feeling that someone was with him, physically. And now with his hearing gone, Sunggyu depended on his sense of touch all the more. He _really_ didn’t hug enough, not nearly enough.

So Sunggyu pulled the younger back into his arms, when Woohyun asked for “just five minutes.” He didn’t need much coercing. And it didn’t take Woohyun long for him to get comfortable in Sunggyu’s lap, nestling his head against the crook of the elder’s neck. Sunggyu could feel the younger’s fingers anchor onto his shirt, his hair brushing against his cheek, and his warm breath glancing off of his skin, which was slowing down little by little as Woohyun drifted into sleep. When Sunggyu realized that Woohyun was a few seconds from a deep slumber, he tried to lift the younger off of him. But Woohyun stuck, like he always had. And Sunggyu, too busy noticing what he _was_ feeling, completely ignored what he _wasn’t_ feeling, namely his legs which had gone numb under Woohyun’s weight. He couldn’t even stand up, let alone carry Woohyun to the bed. And a small part of Sunggyu was grateful for that. He could indulge himself a bit more, run his fingers through the younger’s hair as he swayed to the melody in his heart.

Sunggyu closed his eyes too, but couldn’t sleep. The melody was playing over and over again in his mind, demanding to be ‘heard.’ So Sunggyu finally ‘listened’ and accepted it. He was falling in love with Woohyun. It was still happening no matter how hard he tried to ground himself in some reason why he couldn’t be. Like, Woohyun was too young, just barely an adult and was still trying to figure himself out. Or Sunggyu was just lonely, and Woohyun happened to be there whenever he needed it. It didn’t mean anything. Woohyun couldn’t possibly like him back, or shouldn’t. And if he did, it wouldn’t be like how Sunggyu felt about him right now. That didn’t seem likely. And in spite of all of those doubts, Sunggyu was still falling, and he felt his voice humming to the tune of his heart.

“I like you,” Sunggyu murmured under his breath. And Woohyun responded back with a loud snore. Sunggyu chuckled as he tapped his fingers along the other’s back. “Yea, I thought you say that...Hyunnie...Woohyun-ah. You have to wake up...YAH!” he yelled as he tried to pry the younger’s eyes open with his fingers.

Sunggyu had woken up more than just Woohyun with that shout. Sunggyu had always said that younger reminded him of himself, and never so much as Woohyun did at that moment. His eyes said it all. Sunggyu could almost hear the notes striking throughout Woohyun’s heart, the bells that were ringing. _Oh my god_ , Sunggyu thought as he swallowed harshly. _Woohyun...he_ …

Moving, Woohyun’s lips were moving too quickly but also too small for Sunggyu to read them. But Sunggyu knew what it amounted to. Woohyun was late for rehearsal. He quickly rolled off of the elder’s and signed to Sunggyu that he was leaving and “thanks for the nap,” all with a great big grin on his face, as if he’d just won first place on _My Star_. “I’ll call you later, hyung,” he mouthed well for the other to read.

As for Sunggyu, he couldn’t even walk to the door in time before Woohyun left. His legs were still numb, and he was just plain stunned.

 _Woohyun likes me_?

While their stories were finally meeting, and feelings were aligning, Sunggyu feared that they were in disharmony. Sunggyu accepted that he was in love, but for Woohyun, this could be nothing more than a fleeting fancy, puppy love. Sunggyu was significantly older, deaf, and nagged the younger often. That didn’t sound like a lover. That sounded more like... _His dad_ , Sunggyu concluded. _I’m the father figure that he never had. That’s why he’s attaching to me like this_. Sunggyu stood up, with a wobble as he tried to slap the feeling back into his legs. “It won’t last. Woohyun will come to his senses when he finds someone else. He’ll get over it.”

And it almost seemed like Woohyun had, or he was avoiding Sunggyu and this new feeling he had for the elder. Woohyun only read Sunggyu’s messages and never responded to them. _What the Hell?_ Sunggyu frowned at his phone’s screen as he saw the ‘1’ disappear from his phone. _Why isn’t he responding?_ He then sighed and rubbed his face, rolling onto his side in his bed. “It’s probably for the best. We need some time apart. He can concentrate on the show. And I can get over this,” he muttered to himself. Sunggyu had been in the habit of talking lately, and without Woohyun to talk to, he just talked to himself. Sometimes he argued with himself. But it always came back to this point: _I need to get over this._ _Get back to how things used to be between us_.

But it was hard for Sunggyu to do that when he watched Woohyun serenade him on national television. And when Woohyun called him after the stage, Sunggyu didn’t know what to say besides, “Ask for my permission first next time. Tell me before you use my story for your show again. It caught me off-guard.” And then he reminded the younger that he was still filming the show. _That’s right, the show_. This one phrase kept repeating throughout Sunggyu’s mind. _It’s all for show. It’s all for show_. He didn’t feel like he could trust this. This wasn’t a confession. It was Woohyun vying for votes. It was a smart move. Heechul probably came up with it. He’d probably seen Woohyun signing over a video call and came up with the idea. _Yea, that’s it_ , Sunggyu concluded. Because if Woohyun truly liked him, he wouldn’t have hidden this from Sunggyu; he wouldn’t have ignored Sunggyu the last few days. _He should know that I’d rather talk than have this_.

Just because it was a love song, doesn’t mean that it was love. It was all for show.

Those were the doubts that he went to bed with that night, but in the morning, when his head was more clear, Sunggyu began to think differently. And he regretted not being more enthusiastic about Woohyun’s performance. It was obvious that he had the best stage that week, and it was a stage dedicated to Sunggyu. He should be more grateful for it. So Sunggyu invited the younger to breakfast the next morning to clear the air and to finally _talk_. And talk they did.

“I guess that I’m not really over some things that I thought I was,” Sunggyu confessed when they finally met up. “The industry can be so fake.”

“I wasn’t using you, hyung. That’s the last thing I’d do. You _have_ to know that. That song was for you and for no one else. Just you,” Woohyun meant every word he said.

…

“You know this relationship that we have. Like father and son,” Sunggyu tested the younger.

“Hyung, if you were my dad, I’d get myself emancipated,” Woohyun retorted.

…

“Hyung, I don’t get you.”

“I don’t either.”

…

“So...around how many people have you dated? Are you dating someone now?”

“Ah,” Sunggyu muttered as he leaned back. He crossed his arms across his chest, smirking as he studied Woohyun. “Define what you mean by ‘date.’”

“Hyung, this isn’t funny. Just answer the question,” Woohyun probably sounded as frustrated as he looked.

Sunggyu stiffened at that reaction. He didn’t mean to make the younger upset. _I hit a nerve_. He uncrossed his arms and signed, “Let me worry about my love life, and you worry about your own.”

And for as much as they talked over that meal, the air hadn’t cleared at all. It grew thicker, cloudier. Sunggyu couldn’t read Woohyun as well as he used to through all of that obscurity. And the air was slowly suffocating the both of them, leaving behind silence alone. Sunggyu’s sweet melody slowed, almost came to a halt, as time passed. After Chuseok, Sunggyu could barely ‘hear’ it anymore. _I just need a bit more time, and it will go away completely_. So he told Woohyun to concentrate on the show. The time apart would do them good.

But Woohyun didn’t stay apart. The boy was at his door one night, and with his sudden arrival, the short melody began playing again on his heart’s strings. The feelings returned. Why? Why is he here?

Woohyun was there to confess, again (because apparently the ‘confession’ stage was actually a confession). “I love you, hyung. And I maybe just 20 years old, but I know what love feels like. Before, you said that I needed to try to get what I want. I want you, hyung. And I’m trying,” and after saying that (and with Sunggyu’s rebuttal spurring him), Woohyun kissed him, lightly, but it was enough for something to stir inside of Sunggyu, something much greater than a simple melody. This was a full fledged song beating in his heart. This was love. And when Sunggyu got up and kissed him back, it grew into an entire symphony, when their songs finally joined together in perfect harmony. This was it.

For a long time afterwards, Sunggyu would reprimand himself for not accepting Woohyun’s confession the first time it happened. But he soon forgave himself (although he wasn’t quite sure if Woohyun ever had). Sunggyu was only trying to protect his already battered heart. He’d been wary, ever since the ‘incident,’ and that caution only grew with every failure of a relationship that he’d ever been in. But mostly, Sunggyu knew that once he had Woohyun, he wouldn’t want to let the younger go. With Woohyun, Sunggyu felt more alive. He felt like he could practically hear again. He had a song in his heart again, and he didn’t want to lose it.

And so he held onto Woohyun, even when things got rough and he went through his slump after losing _My Star_. But the song never faded into silence again, and they were still in harmony, sometimes switching parts. Like who had to be the strong pillar for the other to lean against. Or who had to be the sensible one when the other was being silly. Or who had to do the dishes that piled up in the sink when none of them had been watching. It was the best ‘song’ that Sunggyu had ever performed, the best relationship he ever had, the best life.

And things only got even better when Woohyun actually helped him regain his hearing (basically making Sunggyu to finally want to go through the procedure). When Woohyun spoke his name for the first time, that was the best thing Sunggyu had heard in his entire life.

And there was still much of his life to live after that.

* * *

 

Old Sunggyu opened his eyes again, slowly lifting his gaze up to his reflection. A lot of time passed since then, over thirty years. He sighed. _Where did it all go?_ Time had just slipped through his fingers, like he was fruitlessly trying to hold water. And with time came change, hand in hand. A lot of change, and most of it showed on Sunggyu’s face. The lines from smiling so much, the deep wrinkles across his forehead from worrying too much, the sun spots on his skin from long days spent outside, and the slight sagging on the side of his face near the implant. Kim Sunggyu’s life was etched into his face, whether he liked it or not. And today, he did not. So he looked away from it and scanned the rest of the bedroom. No one, no one else was in there besides Sunggyu still. _I don’t know what I was expecting_ , he thought as he walked over to the bed and sat down. He pulled a watch off from his nightstand and put it on. Woohyun had given it to him a long time ago. Sunggyu had newer and better watches, ones without scratches on the face and dents, but he always came back to this one. It was comfortable, and for today, it suited his needs. He didn’t want to wear any other one.

When he was done, Sunggyu put his hands in his lap and looked around the room once more. Shortly after Woohyun’s proposal, and after getting tired of spending nights at each other’s places, they moved into a new apartment that they both could call ‘home.’ This wasn’t that apartment. Sunggyu had moved out of there around twenty years ago. However, this bed,or  at least its frame, was the same as it was then. And just like Sunggyu, its age was showing as well. When he got up from it, the bed creaked loudly. _Maybe it’s finally time for a new one_ , he thought but in the back of his mind, he knew that he wouldn’t. Just like the watch, Sunggyu had grown attached to that bed. His hand brushed against a gouge in one of the bed’s posts as he made his way over to the dresser. He laughed at the recollection of how it got there and how _someone_ tried to cover it up with paint. The laughter waned when he also remembered how he acted when he found it, how angry he was, how much he yelled. _If I could just take that back_...

“It’s too quiet,” Sunggyu murmured as he turned on the stereo that laid on top of the dresser. He wanted to drown out his thoughts before he got too emotional. He didn’t have time for emotions right now. He needed to get ready and leave.

_They say that even if you met without knowing it was love,_

_You still feel it after you went your separate ways._

_And after some time had passed, and I’d start missing you,_

_This thing called ‘hurting’ would come too._

_In one unforeseeable day,_

_Longing would start to approach._

_And when I tried to go back,_

_The sad story was already becoming distant_

_And had already been made._

_Thank you, for remaining in my thoughts for so long._

_In the times when I was tired and weary,_

_I thought of you and was always able to get back up again._

_Because of you._

“Wha?” Sunggyu gargled, foam spilling out of his mouth. He had been brushing his teeth when the song came on. He snorted and gripped the edge of the counter, while shaking his head. _And I thought music would calm me down_. He spat out into the sink and sighed before resuming. Everytime he heard this song, several emotions would overtake him at once, dragging him down in a strange mix of melancholy and warm heartedness. It was a difficult feeling to just put one word to, but the song always made his chest and throat constrict and often his eyes would well up. _Why?_ Sunggyu would always ask himself, but he already knew the answer. This was the first and only [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6T2a215jPs) that he’d ever recorded with Woohyun.

It was a while after they had a ceremony, which was not quite a wedding but as close as they could get at the time. Woohyun approached him and asked if he wanted to record a duet with him for his new album. Woohyun had really taken ‘following’ Yoon Sang to heart and had decided to record a duet album of his own. Earlier that week, he’d just finished a duet with Dongwoo and another with Lucia (a musician that Sunggyu didn’t know of, but there were tons of singers that Sunggyu didn’t know, years and year of them. It was a whole new world of music now filled with bulletproof boy scouts and cosmic girls, which sometimes made Sunggyu want to retreat back into his safe haven of old rock songs from his youth). Woohyun had even asked Heechul to sing with him, and they were scheduled to record in the following week. And while Woohyun was organizing these duets, Sunggyu secretly had imagined Woohyun asking him, but he didn’t think it would actually happen. Then it did, and Sunggyu initially refused. Who was Kim Sunggyu anyway? He was no one to the general public, to Woohyun’s fans.

“That’s not true, hyung,” Woohyun argued. “They know about you.” Sunggyu froze and slowly glanced over at the other. Woohyun had a very close relationship with his fans, even to the point of him saying his fans were like the water that a fish (him) needed to have in order to live. _Just how close is he?_ “I mean, they know about _you_. They don’t know about _us_...yet,” the younger soon amended after seeing his partner’s scared reaction. “My fans know you as my good friend.”

“Your deaf friend?” Sunggyu added.

Woohyun shook his head sharply and started to grin widely. “Not deaf anymore, not since I bought my good friend the cochlear implant,” he retorted and his fingertips grazed over device on the side of Sunggyu’s head.

Sunggyu slapped the hand away. “I bought this,” he reminded the other, pointing at the implant.

Woohyun put a finger to his lips. “They don’t need to know that, hyung,” he said with a nudge. “It was half and half. I paid some of the fees. I took care of you. I convinced you to get it in the first place. Eh, I basically got the implant for you,” he reasoned.

“Nam Woohyun, you better not be lying to your fans,” Sunggyu told him sternly.

“I already am,” Woohyun snapped back, a tight smile stretched across his face.

“Ah, right,” Sunggyu muttered and his gaze fell down to his lap. As far as the fans knew, Woohyun was single. And so far, Woohyun had been able to skirt around the issue because he was always asked if he had a girlfriend or if he was dating, both of which he could honestly say ‘no’ to because he was already committed to Sunggyu. But when asked if he was in love, Woohyun would be forced to stretch the truth and say that he was in love with his fans. Fortunately, Woohyun wasn’t an idol, and so he had some leniency with his fans. But that didn’t mean that his fans would accept Sunggyu for what he truly was.

“Through this, the fans could get to know you, hyung,” Woohyun pointed out. “It’s not like I’m going to be promoting with you. I just want to introduce you to them and…” he paused and laid his hand on Sunggyu’s knee, silently asking for the elder to look up at him. And Sunggyu did. “I just want to sing with you.”

Sunggyu snorted. “We sing together all the time.” Which was true. They would be doing the dishes, and they would sing. Or Woohyun would barge through the front door, announcing his arrival with a song, and Sunggyu would chime in, whether he knew the song or not. And one time, Sunggyu was on the toilet and Woohyun was brushing his teeth, and they sang. But Sunggyu also knew that wasn’t what Woohyun meant.

“But your debut…” Woohyun spoke too softly for Sunggyu to actually pick it up, but he read the younger’s lips. That was it. Woohyun wanted to give Sunggyu the debut that he was robbed of years ago.

Sunggyu thought it over for the rest of the night, and before the two went to bed, he gave Woohyun his answer: “Okay, I’ll do it. But I want to pick out the song.”

The song Sunggyu had chosen was by Boohwal called “Love.” It was a song he’d grown up listening to and was comfortable with, comfortable enough to go through the nerve-wrecking process of recording successfully. And it was also a song that Sunggyu knew Woohyun would approve of.

_In the times when I was tired and weary,_

_I thought of you and was always able to get back up again._

_Because of you._

Wasn’t this true for the both of them? It was a song that they could both sing with sincerity. And Woohyun _did_ like it. For him, it was the perfect song to introduce Sunggyu with.

Perhaps it was a bit too perfect. Although it was a b-side track, the duet had caused quite a stir. Woohyun’s “good friend” had finally come out from the woodworks and was revealed to be a man, a man with whom Woohyun had often been seen, a man with whom Woohyun had often eaten, watched movies, and gone on trips, a man with whom Woohyun lived in the same apartment, a man who wore the same ring as Woohyun. As these pieces of evidence trickled in and formed a picture of what the reality was, Woohyun confessed. All of the reports were true. Nam Woohyun was with Kim Sunggyu. Heck, they were practically married. “And I am deeply sorry for hiding this from my fans, but...before I had all of you, I had Sunggyu-hyung. He was my first fan. So I hope that you can regard your fellow fan well and accept him. And I hope that you can accept me as well, although I am lacking in much. I will keep improving myself and be more honest with you, until I am more deserving of your love. Thank you.” Those were his words he spoke during a press conference. Woohyun could’ve just penned a handwritten letter in apology, like other artists, or have his company put out a statement, but this was what he wanted to do.

“Apologies are more meaningful when you say them in person,” Woohyun argued when Sunggyu tried to talk him out of the press conference. “And apologies are most meaningful when you bow and beg for forgiveness.” Which Woohyun also did at the conference.

And Sunggyu, who was watching the conference go on from the side, hidden behind a curtain, was wondering if he was truly worth all of this. Woohyun thought he was, and so he went through with it.

(It was a major worry of Sunggyu’s for a while, if he was truly worth all of this. He was Woohyun’s first love, after all, and not necessarily Woohyun’s last. Sunggyu wondered if this whole ordeal would make Woohyun regret it and leave him, for someone younger or someone who could further his career. And he eventually confessed these worries to the other, the day before the conference, to which Woohyun responded, “Hyung, I’ve suffered enough heartbreak in my life. I’m just glad that you aren’t one of them. Just stay by my side, like you’ve always had, please?” And Sunggyu did. He remained at Woohyun’s side and held the younger’s hand until the conference began.)

The fallout, honestly, wasn’t as devastating as Sunggyu feared it would be. Times were changing and norms along with it. Woohyun had lost some fans, but he gained more because of his honesty and also because of his dedication to his work and to Sunggyu. Details of their love life were slowly made public (partly due to Heechul’s and Dongwoo’s loose lips). And it was the type of a love story that the public liked, one of support and dedication with just a dash of angst. A young Woohyun had learned sign language in order to communicate with a deaf customer, and Kim Sunggyu stayed by orphan Woohyun’s side, watching his lover transform from rags to (moderate) riches. The meeting in the chatroom, however, was still just between them. Their love story also had actually inspired a drama which aired a few years after their relationship went public. Woohyun didn’t like it very much. The writers had turned him into a girl in order to appeal to the general public. And Sunggyu loved every minute of it.

Before the drama but after the dust had fallen on this scandal, Sunggyu had performed this duet with Woohyun just once, at a concert in a small but intimate venue. Woohyun insisted that his fans wanted it, but Sunggyu didn’t know who wanted it more, the fans, Woohyun...or himself. Once again, Sunggyu was able to live out a bit of his old dream, thanks to Woohyun.

_I was able to know what ‘love’ is because of you._

_Thank you._

_For remaining in my thoughts for so long_

_Thank you._

The song ended. Sunggyu opened his eyes, pulling himself out once more from another reverie, only to see his hand still clutching his toothbrush covered in foam. He quickly rinsed it off and rinsed out his mouth. It was taking him a long time to get ready today, and he didn’t really have much time to waste. Sunggyu went into his closet. “Where is it?” he grumbled as he searched through the hanging clothes. But he eventually found what he was looking for, his tuxedo which was still covered in plastic from the dry cleaners. He walked out of the closet, holding the suit gingerly, trying not to wrinkle it, but soon his fingernails sunk into the plastic and he clenched the sleeve of the coat. “Oh come on!” he yelled at the stereo when he realized what song was now playing.

It was a guide for a song Woohyun had written years ago. Further down in his career, Woohyun went from onstage to behind it, writing and producing songs for other artists. He still had a solo career, but his priorities were shifting, as were Sunggyu’s. After living together for a few years, they both realized that their house could benefit with the addition of one other soul. They adopted a little girl named Eunsoo from Woohyun’s old home. And soon after that, they moved into this house, with two stories, in a nice neighborhood. Parenting was hard at first, and it didn’t necessarily get easier as time went on. But he and Woohyun enjoyed it. They loved it. They loved Eunsoo to bits and pieces.

Which was why today wasn’t going to be easy for either of them. And this song only made it worse. After the second verse, Woohyun had Eunsoo sing the chorus with him. She had been bored in the studio with her father and had memorized the lyrics as she heard the song over and over and over again. So Woohyun brought her in and they sang it together. Eunsoo couldn’t have been more than ten at the time.

“Oh god, why are you playing this?”

Sunggyu looked over and saw Woohyun standing in the entrance of their bedroom. The 55 year old man was breathing heavily and his eyes were slightly pink. Sunggyu chuckled as Woohyun marched over to their dresser and turned off the stereo. “It just came on,” he responded to the younger. “But, Woohyun, have you been crying?”

“You would too if you saw her,” Woohyun grumbled. He turned around to face the other. “She’s beautiful. Our Eunsoo is beautiful.” He then walked over and wrapped his arms around Sunggyu, resting his head on his shoulder. “When did she get so grown up? Where did all the time go?”

Sunggyu hugged the other back, tightly. _I’ve been asking myself that all morning_. “I don’t know,” he murmured back. But then Sunggyu decided to spare both of them from further tears and changed the subject, “You got your haircut. It looks nice.” And it really did. Woohyun was still at that age when he could get a haircut and it would make him look years younger. Sunggyu, on the other hand, intentionally grew out his hair for this day. If it was any shorter, its thinness would show.

Woohyun pulled away. “Yea I decided to get it cut after I brought Eunsoo to the salon,” he replied. “She’s still there, you know. I didn’t know that it took so long to get hair and makeup done.”

“The bride has to look perfect for her big day,” Sunggyu said, ending with a heavy sigh. _Married, Eunsoo is getting married today_. And he still had a hard time wrapping his mind around that.

“Yea, but what are you doing, hyung?” Woohyun asked.

“Huh?”

“What are you doing with this thing in?” Woohyun asked as he gestured towards the hearing aid. “You need to hurry up and shower. We’re running behind.”

Sunggyu frowned and tugged the device out of his ear. “I was just making sure,” he mumbled below his breath as he handed Woohyun his tuxedo and then the hearing aid and watch. He then lifted his gaze up to the younger, who was smiling broadly now.

“I know,” Woohyun’s lips moved. “It works. Now go shower.”

“I’m going,” Sunggyu snapped and walked into the bathroom. Woohyun followed. It wasn’t common for Woohyun to do this, but he would whenever he didn’t want to be alone or if something was bothering him that he could barely wait to talk with Sunggyu about. Now, Sunggyu guessed that the younger was leaning by the sinks as he showered for both reasons.

And sure enough, when Sunggyu got out and was toweling himself dry, Woohyun was already signing to him, “Dry your hair and get dressed. We can still meet Eunsoo at the salon before we go off to the venue.” Sunggyu nodded and then rubbed his hair dry with the towel. When he pulled the towel away from his face, he saw that Woohyun was still in front of him. “Hurry up. We don’t have much time with her left,” the younger insisted. A deep frown was set on his face.

“Hyun, she’s getting married. She isn’t dying,” Sunggyu teased. But at the same time, he was quickly reconnecting his hearing aid, putting his watch back on, and dressing in the clothes that he’d worn to bed. “Good enough,” Sunggyu announced, eyes darting for a second on his reflection in the mirror for a split second before coming to that conclusion. Woohyun looked the other up and down and scoffed. “My hair will dry on the way. And I’ll get dressed there,” Sunggyu told him and then walked out of the bathroom, yelling back at the other, “Let’s go!”

“Alright. Let’s go!”

* * *

“Dad!” Eunsoo exclaimed as soon as she caught sight of Sunggyu in the reflection of her mirror. She then spun around and her expression went from one of joy to one of terror. “What are you wearing?”

“Don’t worry. My real clothes are in the car,” he assured his daughter as he walked up to her chair. He didn’t care that he was wearing some sweatpants that he took from the top of the hamper or the undershirt that he wore last night. It didn’t matter how he looked. Today, all that mattered was Eunsoo. And once he was at her side, he pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “You look stunning,” he told her as he pulled away.

Eunsoo let out a short giggle, scrunching her nose. “I’m still not done. Only my hair is done, makeup is next, but I’m taking a break for coffee,” she revealed, showing her father the cup in her hands. Sunggyu only stared at her in silence. That small laugh with her nose scrunching, she had done for as long as Sunggyu could remember, since they had welcomed her into their home. All of the sudden, the woman in the chair transformed into a four year old girl, drinking hot chocolate out of her mug instead of coffee and swinging her legs as she sat in a chair that was too large for her. Eunsoo brought down the mug from her lips and cocked her eyebrow. She then placed her mug on the ledge behind her and signed to her father, “I still need to have my makeup done. Why don’t you get your hair done like Daddy did?”

Sunggyu chuckled and snapped out of his reverie. Before his eyes, Eunsoo transformed back into the 29 year-old bride that she was. She must’ve thought that his device had disconnected and he couldn’t hear her, so she signed. “What hair?” he joked with his daughter.  “I don’t have much left.”

Eunsoo laughed again. “Well, they can dry and style what little hair you have left, Dad,” she teased.

Sunggyu’s hand flew to his head and he raked his fingers through his hair. It was still wet. He frowned as his eyes flew up to his reflection in the mirror. No wonder why Eunsoo reacted the way she did when he came in. He was a wreck, inside and out. “It’s okay,” he responded with a wave of his hand. “It doesn’t matter how I look. They’ll be looking at you the entire time.” _Besides I’d rather spend more time with you_.

“It matters to me,” Eunsoo insisted with a pout. “ _I’ll_ be looking at you.”

“Alright,” Sunggyu gave in, and just as he did so, he was ushered into the chair next to his daughter.

“Make him look like he has _a lot_ of hair,” Eunsoo told the hairstylist. “You’re going to look handsome, Dad.” And then she returned to her own chair to get her makeup done.

“Uh, um,” he struggled to talk with his daughter again, but then the stylist turned on the hair dryer, drowning him out. Sunggyu sighed. All he could do was watch Eunsoo get her makeup done out of the corner of his eyes. Suddenly, what Woohyun said earlier flashed across his mind: _We don’t have much time with her left_. Eunsoo wasn’t dying, that was true, but she wasn’t going to be just their daughter anymore. She was going to be his daughter and _that guy’s_ wife. That guy was going to be the most important man in her life. _If he’s not already_ , Sunggyu reminded himself and he shot a glare over at Eunsoo. _How dare she_.

“Whoa, hyung!” Woohyun’s voice exclaimed from behind him. Sunggyu squirmed around in his chair, searching for the younger. Woohyun was soon found by his side, with a hand on Sunggyu’s shoulder. “You’re getting your hair done? It’s fluffy,” he said as he tugged at one of the fresh curls that he stylist had just done. The stylist then reprimanded him for touching the unfinished hair, and Woohyun immediately retracted his hand, raising both of them into the air. “Sorry.”

“Fluffy?” Sunggyu repeated as he looked at his own reflection. He burst into a short laugh at the sight. His grey hair was parted down the middle and the stylist was now in the process of curling it. Well, it looked like he had more hair now. But he also looked too old for this youthful hairstyle.

“You look younger,” Woohyun told him, as if he could read his hyung’s thoughts (and he practically could after 30 years).

Sunggyu changed the subject, growing more and more uncomfortable with his hair the fluffier the stylist made it, “Where have you been?”

“Talking with the family,” Woohyun replied. He then nodded over to the other side of the room, and sure enough, almost every woman from their family was there, also getting ready for the wedding along with the bride: Woohyun’s aunt, Eunsoo’s aunts, her cousins, and her best friend (who was Sungyeol’s youngest daughter).

“Is everyone in here?” Sunggyu blubbered as his eyes widened in surprise.

“Pretty much,” Woohyun answered with a strong pat on the elder’s shoulders. “And we’re the only guys here.”

Sunggyu eyes darted all over the salon, glossing over his family members. And sure enough, Woohyun was right. Sunggyu looked up at the other. “Is that weird?” he asked lowly.

“Well, I’m a celebrity. I have a reputation to uphold,” Woohyun reasoned. The elder nodded along until Woohyun added, “You’re just being vain.” Sunggyu pulled away from the hairdresser and turned around in his seat to glare at the younger, who was grinning broadly and silently chuckling. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding,” he tried to wiggle his way out of it. And Woohyun did by nodding over to their daughter and whispered, “It’s all for her, isn’t it?”

Sunggyu turned back around, with his head facing Eunsoo until the hairdresser made him face forward again. Before she did, Eunsoo glanced over and gave her face a thumb’s up, mouthing ‘handsome.’ Sunggyu lowered his head a bit, which the hairdresser raised back up again, forcing the man to look at his aged reflection again. “Eung,” he grunted.

“I’m going to talk to her some more. She said she was nervous earlier. Didn’t get any sleep last night,” Woohyun revealed.

Sunggyu stiffened. “Really? Why?” he asked, but Woohyun had already scurried over to their daughter’s side. He was crouching down at her chair and holding her hand as they spoke lowly to each other, too low for Sunggyu to hear. _Are they doing it on purpose? Are they cutting me out? Ah, no, I’m just being sensitive_. Eunsoo was probably talking about her worries and didn’t want the whole salon to hear them _She’ll tell me...when I’m done_. Sunggyu huffed as he stared up at his reflection again. His hair had grown even more in volume, curlier, and Sunggyu felt sillier. _It’s all for her_ , he reminded himself. He then asked the hairdresser,  “Are we almost done?”

“We’d be done earlier, if you stayed still, sir,” she chided him as politely as she could.

“Okay, I’ll stay still,” Sunggyu promised as he settled into the chair, hands gripping at the armrests tightly. _Hurry up. I don’t have much time left_.

And several minutes later, his hair was done, and Sunggyu went to his daughter’s side, crouching down next to Woohyun. And Eunsoo let her other father in on their conversation. Truth be told, she was more excited than nervous. She was ready to start this new chapter in her life, but was having a hard time bidding a farewell to her last chapter. “I’m going to miss living at home with you,” she admitted in a small voice. “It’s going to be weird.”

“You don’t have to move out,” Sunggyu told her.

Eunsoo giggled. “What? You want Yohannie to move in instead?”

“No,” Sunggyu denied. “You don’t have to marry him. Just live with us forever.” He spoke with a cheeky smile, but he meant every word that he said.

His daughter frowned deeply. “I’m marrying him,” she replied sternly. “I can’t talk anymore now. I have to get my makeup done.”

“Okay, we’ll have to pay anyways. And hyung, you still need to greet everybody,” Woohyun reminded him.

“Oh right,” the elder mumbled below his breath as he slowly stood up straight again. His knees were creaking and now in pain, but he still gave his daughter a warm smile. “We’ll see you later.”

“Probably at the venue,” Eunsoo responded. “You two still need to get dressed.” Her voice was a bit cold and her eyes dark. Sunggyu could only nod and squeeze her hand before they left to pay.

“Why is she in such a sour mood all of the sudden?” Sunggyu hissed to the other after they were a few steps away.

Woohyun grinned sheepishly. “Probably because I told her something similar earlier,” he admitted. “Don’t get married, Eunsoo. Don’t leave your dads alone. They will kill each other without you. Your wedding will be followed by two funerals,” he recounted his conversation with her.

Sunggyu chuckled. “Well, at least we tried,” he said and then let out a heavy sigh. He rubbed his face roughly. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

“To convince Eunsoo? I know!” Woohyun spoke as he handed over his card to the woman at the register. “What happened to the innocent and gullible Eunsoo that believed everything we said?”

“I think she started to get suspicious of us when you said Mangmangie talked to us when she wasn’t around,” Sunggyu recalled with a laugh.

“It was so cute when she tried to catch it in the act,” Woohyun added. And then they both laughed at the memory of their young daughter sneaking around the house and trying to catch their cat off guard. But all she ever got from Mangmangie was scratches after she startled it. So Sunggyu thought he’d ‘help’ her out once, and when he saw Eunsoo crawling on the floor behind the cat, he disguised his voice, pretending to be the cat talking to Woohyun. And the two of them talked like that for five minutes until he felt a tug on his pant leg. It was Eunsoo. She told him that she could see his lips moving. And ever since then, Eunsoo has been incredibly suspicious of anything they said and would look at them out of the corner of her eye, with her small, round face scrunched up. It was cute. So cute.

“It was cute, but…” Sunggyu paused for a second as his eyes darted back over to their daughter. Her lips were getting painted at the moment, bright red. _Where did my little girl go?_ “I meant that it’s harder to let her go than I thought.” He felt a hand wrap around his own. Sunggyu faced Woohyun, who was stuffing his wallet back into his pocket and puckering his lips as he nodded in agreement to what the elder had said. Sunggyu could see his eyes welling up again. So he tried to lighten the gloomy air with a joke, “Maybe you shouldn’t have paid. Then she’d be forced to stay here, and she’d miss the wedding.”

It worked. Woohyun snorted and threw back his head, looking at the elder out of the corner of his eye. “I thought of that too,” he confessed. He then puffed out his cheeks and then deflated them. “And so did your sister. She said she’d pay for it if we didn’t.”

“My sister knows us too well,” Sunggyu responded. But it wasn’t much of a secret how much they loved and wanted to protect her. And it definitely wasn’t a secret of how poorly Woohyun and Sunggyu dealt with big changes like this. They both clung onto the past a little too tightly. Sunggyu pulled his eyes away from Woohyun and they fell back onto Eunsoo. “So we can’t stop her,” he muttered lowly, while he squeezed the other’s hand tightly.

Woohyun sighed once more and his throat sounded tight as he replied, “We never could.”

* * *

Sunggyu did make rounds and talk to all of his family members at the salon, thanking them for coming. After talking with them for awhile, Woohyun’s aunt basically shoved them out of the salon’s doors because they still needed to get dressed. Sunggyu didn’t see what the big deal was. He could put on his tuxedo in less than five minutes. He just wanted to spend more time with them, with his daughter. But apparently, they were encroaching in on the ‘women’s only’ part of the preparation for the wedding. And it was time for them to leave. They would see them all later at the venue.

At the venue, Woohyun and Sunggyu got dressed in silence, which was fine because they had to save their words for all of the small talk that was going to happen later on, like with Yohan’s parents, Eunsoo’s future in-laws and now a part of their own family too. Sunggyu liked them enough, but he always struggled to make conversation with them. It was awkward and all that they had in common were their children, for now. He was sure that they’d get along better in the future, but today would be another struggle to talk about something else other than their children and the weather. _Maybe I can act like my hearing aid doesn’t work. I don’t have to talk to anybody then_.

“You’re oddly quiet,” Woohyun remarked as he tugged at the end of his sleeve, trying to button it. He hazarded a glance up at the other. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sunggyu lied as he smoothed out his own jacket. “Just saving my voice for later.” At that, Woohyun snorted. “What?”

“Nothing,” Woohyun replied, biting his lip to keep the rest of his laughter from falling out. “I just haven’t heard you say that since I was 20. Ever since then, you’ve never had a problem with speaking too much. I mean, _I’ve_ had a problem with you speaking too much sometimes, but…” he refrained from teasing and now appeared concerned. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sunggyu repeated with a bit more bite to his voice. “I just don’t feel like talking.”

“Okay,” Woohyun finally gave in. He walked up to the other and rested his hand between Sunggyu’s shoulder blades. “Let’s go say ‘hi’ to the bride and groom. Apparently, they’re already ready to accept guests, like we should be doing now,” Woohyun announced with a slight laugh, a bit embarrassed that they both of them were shirking their duties as hosts.

“Right,” Sunggyu grumbled. “Did Eunsoo tell you that?” Woohyun nodded with a smug smile on. Sunggyu pouted. “Why did she tell you and not me?”

“Because I’m her favorite dad,” Woohyun boasted and dropped his hand from the other as he began to walk out of the room.

“You aren’t!” Sunggyu yelled at the other who was already out of the room. So Sunggyu chased him down. “Ya-yah! When did she say _that_?”

* * *

“Eunsoo-yah, who looks more handsome? Me or this old guy?”

Eunsoo looked at both of her fathers posing ‘coolly’ in front of her with a slightly annoyed expression. “Why do you two always ask me this?” she responded, refusing to play along. After years of living with them, Eunsoo grew wise enough and knew that she didn’t have to answer all of their questions.

“I think that you both look handsome,” Yohan said as he jumped up from his seat, coming over to greet them. “It’s good to see you two again,” he told them as he shook their hands.

 _I wish I could say the same_ , Sunggyu kept that biting remark behind his lips. Honestly, he did like Yohan. This wedding wouldn’t be happening if he didn’t. And if Sunggyu could be a bit more honest with himself at the moment, he couldn’t see Eunsoo ending up with anyone else.

Eunsoo had met her soon-to-be husband while she was working. Growing up with a deaf father and another father who was a ballad singer, Eunsoo had always been fascinated by voices. Sadly, unlike her fathers, she was incredibly tone deaf (but still shared their passion for singing nonetheless, resulting in some ‘interesting’ renditions of Woohyun’s ballads), so she pursued her love of voices another way. She became a speech pathologist, helping other people to find their voice, and she was also a sign language translator sometimes, helping people to spread their ‘voice’ to the masses. Yohan was a man from the countryside who wanted to lose his accent so that he could be a better applicant for jobs at large companies in the big city. Eunsoo helped him to lose it, mostly. Yohan would often slip back into his old accent when he was excited or tired. And Yohan helped to mend her heart that had been broken by her college boyfriend (whom Sunggyu and Woohyun never liked, or was allowed to meet with because Eunsoo knew it wouldn’t go over well). They happily dated for a few years before deciding to get married.

And something about Yohan reminded Sunggyu of younger Woohyun. It was something about the look in his eyes, which was a bit lost but also honest. Yohan was sincere, very much so. Even now, he meant every word he said. Yohan was happy to see his future father-in-laws (which was weird, not many would feel the same, but Yohan was a weird and really friendly kid).

“It’s good to see you too,” Sunggyu sort of returned the sentiment, speaking through a forced smile and gritted teeth. Then Sunggyu tugged on Yohan’s hand, pulling him into a hug. Surprised, the groom didn’t know how to react, but he settled for being terrified once Sunggyu whispered this threat into his ear, “You break her heart, I will kill you.”

“O-okay,” Yohan blubbered as he pulled away from Sunggyu, only to be wrapped in Woohyun’s arms next.

“And they’ll never find your body,” Woohyun hissed lowly, and then let go of the groom, laughing loudly and exclaiming jovially, “What a happy day it is!”

Yohan’s face was grey as he nervously laughed along with his father-in-law. “Why-why do you two say that every time we meet?” he stammered through the forced laughter and slipping back into his old accent.

Eunsoo got up from her seat and walked up to the trio, looking at them curiously. “What did you say to him?” she asked, her expression darker than it had been in the salon earlier, which sent shivers down Sunggyu’s spine. They’d been caught.

“Oh, it’s nothing, noona,” Yohan replied, slowly regaining his composure. “They were just wishing us luck.”

“That’s right!” Woohyun exclaimed as he patted the groom on the back sharply but with a broad smile. “Congratulations and good luck, you crazy kids.” And Yohan endured every pat with a smile, which made Sunggyu finally break into a genuine smile in return. Yohan was going to fit in their little family just fine.

* * *

The rest of the day flew by incredibly quickly. After greeting all of the guests, the ceremony began and it was time for them to walk their daughter down the aisle. And at the end of the longest walk of Sunggyu’s life, he almost ‘forgot’ to let Eunsoo go and give her away to Yohan. With a small chuckle, he let go of her arm, acting as if it was a complete accident. But Eunsoo didn’t get very far. Woohyun had ‘accidentally’ stepped on her train, which made her stumble back to her fathers’ sides. But the three of them laughed it off, and the whole congregation joined in; then Woohyun and Sunggyu took their seats in the front row and watched the rest of the ceremony unfolded while their fingers were hooked together in a loose hold. And before either of them knew it, Eunsoo became a married woman and she was walking briskly down the aisle, holding onto Yohan just as tightly as her fathers had held onto her at the beginning. Sunggyu felt a tug from somewhere deep inside his chest as he watched them go by and out the door. Things were quickly changing already.

The reception felt like it lasted for no more than a few minutes. They had drinks. Woohyun and Sunggyu sang a reprise of their old duet, and after that, they went back to their tables and ate as quickly as they could, before they had to wish their beloved daughter and her new husband goodbye, giving her a kiss before she hopped into a car and rode away, gone. And it was all over. Everything was over.

Sunggyu bid his family goodbye and then left the reception hall, but he didn’t leave the venue. Outside of the wedding hall was an elaborate garden for outdoor weddings, and Sunggyu spent his time walking leisurely down its many paths. Woohyun was still talking to the few colleagues that he invited when Sunggyu slipped out. He didn’t tell the younger where he was going or that he was leaving the hall in the first place. Sunggyu didn’t want to be found. He just wanted to be alone, finally alone with his thoughts so that he could fully register what had happened, letting this bittersweet feeling soak him through and through.

Sunggyu was alone, but he wasn’t quiet. He wasn’t going to save his voice anymore. There was a[song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucepFDBsA2k) in his heart that needed to be sung:

_Even now I can feel you_

_Like this, singing a song even in this moment_

_I see you_

_Even tomorrow I will see you_

_Even tomorrow I will hear you_

_Even tomorrow everything will be the same as today_

_Even within some stranger’s figure passing on the street_

_Even above the leaves riding the wind with a lonely dance_

_Even within the air brushing past my cheeks on some evening_

_In everything I see, hear and feel_

_You are here_

While he was walking, Sunggyu came across a bench. Thoroughly tired in spirit and body, he sat down. “How are you, my little Eunsoo?” he changed the lyrics slightly, closing his eyes, squeezing out the tears he’d been holding back all day. He tried to continue singing, in order to calm himself down, but instead a sob broke out and he lost all composure.

“I’ve been waiting for this.”

“Huh?” Sunggyu sniffed loudly and blinked a few times until his eyes were cleared and he could see Woohyun sitting down next to him on the bench, with his arm along the back behind Sunggyu. Sunggyu scoffed and wiped his eyes roughly. “What you’ve been waiting for me to cry?”

“Eung,” Woohyun simply grunted in response, to which Sunggyu nudged him with his elbow in response. “You’ve been on the verge of it all day,” Woohyun explained himself and he rubbed his side where Sunggyu had just hit him. “And I wanted to be there when you did.” And he didn’t state why, but he showed it, scooting in closer until they were shoulder to shoulder. He lifted his arm and wrapped it around Sunggyu, drawing in the old man closer up to his chest.

Sunggyu squirmed, trying to wiggle out of the other’s hold. “I wanted to be alone,” he remarked. It was already embarrassing that he was caught crying, and it only became worse to cry in the other’s arms (no matter how many times it had happened before). Why? Sunggyu felt like he had to be in the strong one in their relationship, in their family, even when he felt anything but.

“Shut up and just let me comfort you,” Woohyun retorted, pulling the elder back in, and Sunggyu gave in, letting himself fall apart again. Woohyun planted a kiss on the other’s head, before resting his cheek on Sunggyu’s head. And a few seconds later, Sunggyu felt his hair grow wet, seeping down to his scalp.

“Hyunnie, are you crying?” Sunggyu asked with a corner of his mouth picking up, but still crying. He then felt Woohyun’s head moving against his own in a nod.

“I was sick of crying alone,” the younger responded in a small voice, which Sunggyu could just barely pick up, while tapping his fingers along the other’s back, as if he was playing on the elder’s heart strings.

Sunggyu let out a short laugh and wrapped his arms around the other, squeezing him closer, closer. _He needs this more than I do_. _He always does_.

* * *

“I hate that song,” Woohyun grumbled as the wedding march blasted through the air once more. At the other side of the garden, another bride was walking down the aisle to her groom.

“Me too,” Sunggyu concurred, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned back into the bench. The both of them had finished their ‘moment’ awhile ago, but neither of them felt like moving yet, because moving meant going home and it wasn’t going to feel like ‘home’ without their little girl, which probably meant more crying (on Woohyun’s part...maybe). _Maybe we should pick up some more wine before going home. That might help_.

“You know, we’ve never really gotten married,” Woohyun suddenly brought up. Sunggyu swung his head to look at the other. _What is he getting at?_ “And we’re here. It would be easy to…”

“No,” Sunggyu quickly shot him down, laughing. “We’re not getting married on our daughter’s wedding day.”

“Come on,” Woohyun tried to prod the other, leaning against him. “It could be cute. We could have the same anniversary. Oh! We could celebrate it together every year,” he spoke as if it was the best idea ever.

But it wasn’t. Sunggyu rolled his eyes. “I’m _sure_ that they would like that,” he remarked sarcastically.

“They would hate it,” the younger agreed, now laughing himself. He shook his head. “She’s definitely your daughter. She hates sharing.”

“We share just fine,” Sunggyu snapped back. “We just don’t like sharing the important things,” he clarified. “Besides I like our anniversary. It falls during a time of the year when there’s a lull. I actually look forward to it.”

“Really?” Woohyun asked incredulously, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead. “Because I can’t remember how many times you’ve forgotten it.”

“Can’t be more than five,” Sunggyu guessed. He then shrugged, acting like his past offenses were no big deal (and they weren’t. He already served out his punishment and made up for them). “Five out of thirty? That’s not so bad.”

“Oh my god,” Woohyun muttered below his breath, closing his eyes tightly. “It’s thirty this year.”

“And you said _I_ forget,” Sunggyu teased.

Woohyun shook his head. “No, I remembered. I just didn’t realize it,” he replied. Then he turned to the other, waiting for Sunggyu to meet his gaze before continuing, “Hyung, I’ve been with you for most of my life.”

Sunggyu chuckled. There was a lot of things that Woohyun hadn’t _fully_ realized. “It’s been like that for a while,” the elder pointed out. “Now I’ve known you for longer than I haven’t known you.”

“Really?!” Woohyun exclaimed. Then a proud smile spread across his face, as if he accomplished something impressive, and considering their age gap, it probably was.

“Really,” Sunggyu repeated, replicating the other’s smile and feeling just as proud. Woohyun wasn’t Sunggyu’s first love, but he was determined in making Woohyun his last, and he was succeeding. Staying in love for so long was far more gratifying than falling in love all of those years ago.

“That’s a long time,” Woohyun said as he snuggled up against the other. “That’s a _very_ long time. That’s an _incredibly_ long time.”

“Stop,” Sunggyu commanded, covering the younger’s lips with his hands. “Can we be done talking about how old we are?” he begged as he removed his hand down from the other’s mouth. And as he did so, a sly smile was revealed on the younger’s face. “What?”

“We aren’t talking about how old we are,” Woohyun argued. “We’re talking about how long we’ve _loved_ each other.”

Sunggyu frowned. “Loved?” he picked out.

“Still love?” Woohyun quickly amended. He clung onto the other’s arm. “I love you, hyung,” he said sweetly. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. You can stop pretending to be mad now,” he saw through the other’s fake grudge and was poking at the corner of the other’s mouth until Sunggyu finally gave in and smiled.

“You didn’t buy it?” Sunggyu asked.

“Hyung, I haven’t believed your fake sulking in years,” the younger admitted. “Why do you always want to fight? Why can’t we just _love_? Hm?” There was a slight whine in his voice as he tried to ask cute to the elder.

But aegyo didn’t quite suit a guy in his fifties (Woohyun though _might_ be the other exception). “Because you say things like that,” Sunggyu retorted.

“I say it because you like it,” Woohyun argued. “Look at us right now.” And Sunggyu did as he was asked, looking down at them. They were leaning against each other, with the younger’s arms wrapped around his and Sunggyu’s leg was hooked around Woohyun’s. They were twisted up in each other, and in public but too old and depressed to really even care. They _both_ needed this comfort. “If you were really mad, you wouldn’t let me do this,” Woohyun said as he lifted his head from the other and raised one of his arms up, his hand inching closer to Sunggyu’s face. The elder shut his eyes, knowing what was about to happen and was bracing himself, holding his breath. He let out that breath when Woohyun gingerly detached the hearing aid, plunging Sunggyu in a world of silence. Sunggyu opened his eyes, watching the younger with his tongue peeking out of his mouth as he held the device carefully. Then Woohyun’s gaze fell down to the other’s.

“I hate it when you do that,” Sunggyu spoke, feeling his voice leave his throat but didn’t hear it come out. He hated this feeling. He always had.

“But you still let me,” he read Woohyun’s lips, but the younger wasn’t looking back at him. He was too busy trying to reconnect the hearing aid. Once he had it in, Woohyun spoke lowly and happily, “There we go.” Their gazes then met again and Woohyun grinned.

Sunggyu, however, wasn’t. “I let you do it because I’m too tired to fight you,” he reasoned.

“You must’ve been tired since you were 35,” Woohyun teased.

“Eung,” Sunggyu grunted back without any qualms. “You wear me out.”

“Speaking of being tired,” Woohyun began but was interrupted by a yawn ripping through his throat. He peeled himself away from the other and stood up. “I think it’s time for us to go home.” He then offered his hand to the other. “Let’s go.”

Sunggyu kept his arms tightly across his chest. “No, I don’t want to,” he whined.

Woohyun laughed and snuck his hand around the other’s forearm, tugging at it. “Come on, hyung. Let’s go.”

Sunggyu let himself be pulled up reluctantly, but he wasn’t going to give up the fight. “Hey, Hyunnie, let’s not go home and spend the night at one of the hotels nearby, hm? We could go to that one we went to a few years ago for our anniversary and order room service. Sounds nice, right?” he tried to suade the other.

Woohyun looked tempted but still rejected the offer, shaking his head. “Can’t. We have to go home. Eunsoo is coming early tomorrow morning for breakfast. It’s our last chance to see her before she takes off for her honeymoon,” he reminded the elder.

“Right,” Sunggyu finally conceded and walked with the other towards their car to go home. “So Eunsoo finally put her foot down and said you couldn’t go on their honeymoon with them?”

Woohyun opened up the car door. “It’s crazy! I can’t believe that she doesn’t want her dad to go on her honeymoon with her,” he joked.

“Right? Who wouldn’t want that?” Sunggyu played along as they both slid into the car.

“Hyung?” Woohyun called to the other cautiously as he settled into his seat.

“What?”

“It would be wrong to get married the same day as our daughter, but would it be wrong if we went on a honeymoon when she did?” Woohyun asked. Sunggyu opened up his mouth, about to argue, but Woohyun continued before he could, “We’d go somewhere else, of course. But I think that we both could use an escape.” He then glanced over at the other. “What do you think?”

Sunggyu closed his mouth, pulling it up into a smile. “That sounds perfect.”

* * *

“We need a new bed,” Woohyun said as he flopped down onto the bed, and the bed had creaked loudly.

“I was thinking that this morning. Here take this,” Sunggyu confessed and offered too full wine glass to the younger, which Woohyun took after sitting back up.

“Thank you,” he murmured and then set the glass down on his night table. Sunggyu stared at the younger curiously as he took a long sip from his own glass. Woohyun looked like he had something to say, and sure enough, he did. He turned back towards to the other and patted to spot next to him. He waited for the elder to sit down before he began again, “Do you know what I was thinking of this morning?”

“Nope,” Sunggyu answered honestly and he took another drink. He then set the glass aside as well. “What were you thinking of?”

“Remember when I went to your talk for the first time?” Woohyun asked, and Sunggyu nodded, grinning as he recalled Woohyun’s reactions to his lecture, the mix of amazement and sadness. It was cute. “I keep thinking about the song that you sang. I’ve had it in my head all day,” he confessed.

“Really?”

“Eung,” Woohyun hummed. “To me of the future, who will be singing this song, I want to tell him thank you. You, who cried back then are making me smile now,” he sang, and Sunggyu also joined in the all too familiar song. “If you could tell your younger self anything, what would you tell him?” Woohyun suddenly asked when he was done. “That’s what I was thinking about all day.”

“Why were you thinking about that?” Sunggyu sputtered as his mind raced, scrambling for an answer.

“Because I’ve been feeling nostalgic all day,” Woohyun replied. “Now just answer the question. What would you tell yourself?”

“Hm,” Sunggyu hummed as he thought. “Not to join that company as a trainee?” he suggested. “Then I would still have my hearing.”

“True, but then we probably wouldn’t have met,” Woohyun pointed out.

“Oh right,” Sunggyu muttered. “Then nothing, I guess,” he changed his answer. “I liked how things turned out. I’m happy.”

“Me too,” Woohyun agreed, leaning on the other again.

“What would you tell yourself, if you could?” Sunggyu asked the other. He had a feeling that Woohyun had an answer, after all the younger had been thinking about the question all day. Sunggyu played with the other’s fingers as he waited for an answer.

Woohyun intertwined their fingers together, and squeezed Sunggyu’s hand tightly. “No matter how hard things get, even though it seems impossible, things always get better,” he replied. “That and we should’ve never let Eunsoo watch that horror movie.”

“Oh gosh right,” Sunggyu readily agreed. “She still carries around salt with her. We scarred her for life.”

Woohyun grunted as he reached over to pick up his glass and once he got it, he rolled back over to Sunggyu’s side. “But I still think that we did a pretty good job with her,” Woohyun remarked.

“Me too,” Sunggyu said as he picked up his own glass and clinked it against the others. Then they both took a drink.

“Hyung, how about we have another?”

“Nope,” Sunggyu shot down the suggestion before it came out of the younger’s mouth entirely.

“Then how about a puppy?” Woohyun bargained.

“Hyung will think about it,” Sunggyu replied, but he knew by saying that, Woohyun would take it as a ‘yes,’ and randomly coming home with a new mutt one day. But Sunggyu might like that mutt. He might welcome that change, some changes were good. Because with change, things do get better.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe like always, the story got away from me. I hope that it makes sense. It's about 10k longer than I originally thought it would be. Hopefully, it's better for it, and didn't drag on and on and on.  
> I hope you enjoyed a bit of domestic, old man woogyu (and of course, I write about them with a daughter AGAIN).  
> As for the songs, the first one is Boohwal's "Love." And if you ask a Sunggyu stan about her/his favorite performance of Gyu's, they'd probably say when he covered Nell's "Time Walking Through Memories."  
> Thank you, thank you once again for reading all of this. I know it took me a looooong time to finish it, but I hope it was worth it.


End file.
